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Thread: Relationship Break

  1. #11
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    OP it's perfectly normal to miss your partner after a "relationship break" or breakup, that doesn't mean you are right for each other and should try again.

    It would "abnormal" if you didn't miss each other! Especially after four years together.

    It's a mistake many couples make, they break up, miss each other, try again, rinse repeat.

    From everything you wrote, this sounds done.

    As you said "spark" is gone, you grew apart, whatever, let it go and move on.

    When/if she contacts you, suggest she do the same.

  2. #12
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    Bump.

    Looks like I'll be back here for a while. So when a few girls on here told me that NC wasn't the correct thing to do here I contacted her instantly. Long story short, we got back together for two months. Felt great for a while. Then old failings cropped up every now and then. I messed up on a couple of counts. We broke up last Wednesday, mutually. Thursday morning was the first time I'd ever officially lost her and I panicked. I pushed for a second chance. Met her tonight. Told her that I wanted another chance, that all bets were now off. She declined, saying that last Wednesday was the last chance to convince her. She mentioned also, not for the first time, that the two months of no contact had devastated her and changed her as a person whilst I hadn't really changed at all. Looks like that really did the damage. I'll start my two months NC again now, I've blocked her on all mediums. This time, it's to move on myself as a person and get over her, not to get her back. When she broke it off with me last week I wanted her the next day like nothing ever before. When I met her tonight the conversation was flowing in a way that made me think we'd get back together and I felt less engaged. When she declined my offer I wanted her back again. I didn't beg or plead, just begrudgingly accepted it. I suppose I just want something I can't have then when I have it, it doesn't seem so great...

    A great girl gone from my life, hard to imagine meeting another like her. I just didn't show her often enough how much I cared. No more than I deserve.
    Last edited by jimdandy; 06-11-2018 at 05:32 PM.

  3. 06-11-2018, 06:01 PM

  4. #13
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    yep, in fairness you called it from the start so who am I to argue with the expert. I emailed her today for some closure and she replied. She was nice but clinical - this is 100% over. When we had the crisis meeting last week she was in bits, almost begging me to make the emotional effort to save things. I played it cool, partly because I kinda felt it was the right thing to do, partly because I kinda liked having some control. When she left my car last week I was a bit numb/blank. It was only the following morning it actually hit me. So the meeting yesterday was me panicking to save it and get her back but it was too late. What the **** is wrong with me? I've well and truly blown the only good thing in my life. I will have no problem in going NC for as long as it takes to get my life back in order but deep down I'll always wonder where she is and want her back. She was so unsure last week, could have tossed a coin to decide on it. Yesterday, as cold as ice. She's been indecisive as a person throughout our relationship - maybe there's a small chance she'll come back to me? People are going to tell me there's no point in her coming back as the same thing will probably happen again - they'd probably be right - but right now I could do with deluding myself that somewhere down the line the best girl I'd ever have might reach out to me for one more shot. Can anyone placate me and tell me there's a chance?

  5. 06-12-2018, 02:17 PM

  6. #14
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    Originally Posted by jimdandy

    I suppose I just want something I can't have then when I have it, it doesn't seem so great...

    I just didn't show her often enough how much I cared.
    jimdandy, I'm sorry it's over, but I really think it would be in your best interests to explore further what you wrote above. Because it sounds like when you're "there", in the relationship, you actually don't care that much.

    It's only when she leaves, when it's over for good, that you realize you care.

    Time to dig deep, introspect, you may have some commitment issues you're not aware of because your thinking and behavior are very typical of someone with such issues. Just a thought.

    Seems to be a pattern at least within this RL, has it happened in other RLs as well?

    Anyway, if you don't get a handle on it, you will self-sabotage all your future relationships, just like you did with this girl.

    Best of luck as you sort this out.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-12-2018 at 08:59 PM.

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  8. #15
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    Thank you both for your replies.

    I know I need to work on all of the outlined issues though I think the shock therapy of this break up may provide me with much of what I need going forward.

    As two ladies who are aware of the situation and what I have done, have you any suggestions for how I might get her back one day? Just let it be? I have a feeling she will be in a new relationship before very long. This is killing me.

  9. 06-13-2018, 06:35 AM

  10. #16
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    Cheers.

    As I went NC during the break which didn't go down too well at the time and I informed her that I would be implementing it in the email yesterday, should I proceed with NC and blocking on all media?

  11. 06-13-2018, 07:37 AM

  12. #17
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    Thanks for your honesty. The reason I was to block her was for NC to help me heal and get over this. Reaching out to her now will only push her away and make me seem weak. I blocked her so I won't have any communication with her and will be able to move on with my life and hopefully eventually get over her as it seems to be over. Is that not exactly what I should be doing?

  13. 06-13-2018, 07:58 AM

  14. #18
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    Ya I advise you get over her. I don't think you can change as a person and be healthy for another relationship unless you do. There's lessons to take away from what happened. Try not to repeat past behavior. Good luck, I hope you find your happiness.
    I agree with SG and think it would be best to move on, take what you've learned (which hopefully you have) and apply to your next RL. In the meantime, reflect and introspect so you don't repeat unhealthy past feelings and behaviors in your future RLs. Continue learning, growing, evolving.

    The reason I say this (that you should move on from this girl) is because you have already jerked her around twice. You admit that while broken up, you missed her desperately and wanted her back, but then once you got back together, and while "in" the RL, you experienced the same feelings of not thinking your RL (or her) were so great (your own words), and not showing her how much your cared, assuming you did care at least on some level (again your own words).

    So sure you miss and crave her NOW that she's gone, but what makes you so sure that if you were to get back together, you wouldn't start feeling the same way again? Thinking it's not so great after all, just like the two previous times?

    Originally Posted by jimdandy
    Bump.

    So when a few girls on here told me that NC wasn't the correct thing to do here I contacted her instantly. Long story short, we got back together for two months. Felt great for a while. Then old failings cropped up every now and then. I messed up on a couple of counts. We broke up last Wednesday, mutually. Thursday morning was the first time I'd ever officially lost her and I panicked. I pushed for a second chance.
    There is a pattern here, and seriously, best if you take some time out, and reflect and introspect, really dig deep in an effort to determine your feelings, behavior and reactions with respect to committed relationships and why you seem to "turn off" once in one. And then once it's over, begin to crave and long for her.

    I realize these are tough issues to navigate, so I wish you the best of luck on this journey!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-13-2018 at 01:44 PM.

  15. #19
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    >>I pushed for a second chance.

    Actually, it would be your third chance.

    I am one who does agree with second chances, but NOT third chances.

    Don't risk jerking her around again JD, take time out and reflect, introspect.

    Again there is a pattern, and you need to figure it out before embarking on any more relationships.

    Maybe casually date for awhile while doing so.

    Good luck!

  16. #20
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    Thanks again for your insights and wisdom. Today is only two days since we last had contact and I'm finding this very difficult - the two months during the break were a relative walk in the park as I still felt that we would give it another shot.

    What keeps getting to me is that when we met last week she was extremely close to giving it another shot with no persuasion from me at all. A week changed everything. She's always been indecisive. A change in her character I noticed after the two months was that she was a lot more snappy than before and a bit more fond of the drink. Partying a lot with work colleagues whereas before it was usually just us. Is there a strong chance she'll jump right into a new relationship? And if so would that work for or against me? Despite the good advice here, I want her back. This is the first time I've officially lost her and the shock has changed my perspective. I won't contact her for now but what would be my best move in getting her back? Again, I'm aware that you believe that I should move on and you're probably right but damn it, I'd love another shot, life's too short.

    I'd like to ask you both what my next move in this regard should be even if you don't agree with it.

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