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I'm literally losing my mind. I need Help.


Lauren0020

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Guys,

 

This is my second thread. I'm not doing so well. I had to leave work today, I'm a mess. I have no one to talk to, I dont feel good about myself, I can't speak to my therapist until next week. It feel so hard to even breathe. I dont know if I should go to a hospital or what. I havent even received a hug from anyone. I'm dealing with this on my own and physically and emotionally it's too much for me. I think I'm going to break NC. I don't care anymore. I'm not strong. I havent even eaten.

 

Help.

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Hi Lauren0020, just read your other thread as fast as I could so I can respond and tell you, that yes, you are not alone. Most of us has gone through something similar and it DOES get better. This guy doesn't seem to be worth your attention. Every time you think of the good times, try to focus on the bad.

 

You are strong and you will get through this, one day at a time. Please make a snack and tell me, what do you want to talk about?

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Guys,

 

This is my second thread. I'm not doing so well. I had to leave work today, I'm a mess. I have no one to talk to, I dont feel good about myself, I can't speak to my therapist until next week. It feel so hard to even breathe. I dont know if I should go to a hospital or what. I havent even received a hug from anyone. I'm dealing with this on my own and physically and emotionally it's too much for me. I think I'm going to break NC. I don't care anymore. I'm not strong. I havent even eaten.

 

Help.

 

Aww i feel sorry for you. Big hug. We're the same. I'm on the same situation and I know exactly what you feel. I felt sick everyday, tears won't stop dripping every time I thought about us and what we've wasted.

BUT things happens for a reason. I haven't ready your first post and I don't know your situation but one thing is for sure is that you are hurting.

Stay NC! You can do this!! If you break it off, it's only gonna be harder.

 

My situation is different maybe worst (I have posted my own struggle in here) I so wanted to get back with him and don't want to go anywhere but he chose not be with me. I pushed myself to NC, week later, he was messaging me, just friendly text, i replied but was cold. Point is, i showed "I am okay" with him not to be with me and I got his reaction.

 

Depends what you like, if you want him back. Step back and think about yourself. It will be the best time to think about why it's not working or why you're relationship isn't a happy one. Maybe when you get his attention, you've come to realization whether you'd want him back or not.

 

Apologies if my advise maybe not a good one, as I said I haven't read your other post. But stay NC!! Don't let him think that you're a psycho (as we are all are when we're hurt) you'll push him away if you contact him.

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Thanks Cope, I have a confession. I broke NC. I called from a block number and left a voicemail, maybe a bad thing. Maybe not. But I cant harvest that crap inside. I needed to get some things off my chest and I said what I had to say. He might not call back and that's fine. I needed to do that for me. Life isn't a game, it's ok to react it's ok to tell the person how they've hurt u so, at the point if breakup I didn't because the bastard hung up on me and blocked me but I need to work on myself and start loving myself. I thought I did but apparently I dont if I've thought some of the terrible things that I've thought and even thought of harming myself or what's my purpose in being here if people hurt me and dont love me. I know I'll get over this, I've gotten over worst relationships for a longer period of time and those exs whom I thought was EVERYTHING mean literally nothing to me now, not even a spec of a thought.

 

Im getting some food now then I'm going to try and read a book for a little and get some rest. I just got my nails done so that made me feel better. Its time to put the focus back on me. I'll have my moments I'm sure but I cant lose myself. I'm smarter than that and worth more than what my past is making me feel like I'm worth.

 

Thank You Cope. So much. And Yes my family and friends don't get it telling me to just get over it. I'm not even going to speak to them about it anymore.

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Hello Airlee. Welp guess I'm a psycho lol I broke NC. I had to get what I had to say off my chest, it was eating me inside then not really having anyone to talk to. I cant jump back in NC. Its been 6 days since the breakup. I can start it over. I might even change my number so there's no way we can communicate but that's a hassle in itself too many people have my number.

 

What is the update on your situation? Are u still NC? How are you holding up?

 

Thanks again for your response.

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Thank You Gumbo, I dont want to resort or feel dependent on medicine to deal or even a drink feel better. I did however have a glass of wine yesterday and I felt relaxed. Even laughed a bit.

 

I will update you guys. Right now I'm getting some food because I havent eaten nearly all day and I feel weak. Want to stay hydrated. I'm going to maybe journal before bed and I bought a new book today so I'll probably read a few pages then get some rest. Back to work tomorrow. I left today but I have to go in tomorrow. Cant let this guy stop my money.

 

Thanks again Gumbo

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@Lauren0020

 

Don't feel bad about breaking no contact . I believe no contact is for u not for him. If u felt the need to tell him stuff I understand I did that . After we first broke up. I felt like I couldn't breath if I didn't tell him how I felt . So i understand what ur going thru. There is still a urge sometimes to call him but I stop myself better now but still hurts . If u want to talk I am here

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I felt a little better after I had something to eat and I didn't really unload like go off it was me talking in a whisper very calm tone about the way things ended and how I wish it didn't Happen like that, we didn't sit down and have a talk and mutually agreed be blew off and hung up so I was left with my mouth wide open in disbelief unsure of what had just happened. I did feel better after I said what I said. He might not contact me but he definitely got my voicemail and I'm sure listened to it. We'll see what today brings. Thank You much.

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@melancholy123 I felt a little better after I had something to eat and I didn't really unload like go off it was me talking in a whisper very calm tone about the way things ended and how I wish it didn't Happen like that, we didn't sit down and have a talk and mutually agreed be blew off and hung up so I was left with my mouth wide open in disbelief unsure of what had just happened. I did feel better after I said what I said. He might not contact me but he definitely got my voicemail and I'm sure listened to it. We'll see what today brings. Thank You much.

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I'm so glad you're feeling better! Don't worry about breaking NC, it happens and yes sometimes it even helps us as it probably did for you. Just don't think it will help you again. But you know this, you said you've been through this before. Why don't you start therapy and figure out why you feel like this after some (or maybe every?) break up. It's the best journey you'll ever be on!

 

You do have us! Feel free to even rant on the forum! Keep us posted! Hug!

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@Cope Thank You. I'm at work now keeping busy and I bought my book in to read. I have a meeting scheduled with my therapist next week so I'm really looking forward to that! I'll try to keep my mind clear as much as I can and off that guy and when he does pop in my mind I'll try and think about the negatives, it's so many things and honestly I use to just settle so I wouldn't be alone. I knew I deserved better. I always feel so low after a breakup, my self esteem goes to crap and I don't feel like too much of anything like right now but when I'm happy I'm at an all time high, daydreaming, blushing literally on cloud 9. I appreciate you checking in.

 

*tight hug*

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The day is moving along, even tho I broke NC and faking like I dont care If he responds. I actually do. At least he does at some point. So far no response from him. I know he got my voicemail. I won't be breaking it again, that's for sure. And my vmail was so sincere why not respond?! Gotta be a real insensitive jerk to ignore what I said

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Hes avoiding the drama. Guys hate drama. You did what you needed to, and I hope it made you feel better.

Don't let whether you'll hear from him or not consume your thoughts though. You have to say goodbye to him

in your mind and then let your heart catch up. I'm really sorry you're so hurt.

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Sweetgirl! Yea it made me feel better I guess I'm just still expecting, like I was expecting this relationship to be the greatest. I cant wait until I'm fully healed. I'm going to celebrate being "clean" lol but this is definitely like being on drugs. I'm working on it saying goodbye, every time he pops in my head I think about something bad about how he treated me that helps.

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Hello Airlee. Welp guess I'm a psycho lol I broke NC. I had to get what I had to say off my chest, it was eating me inside then not really having anyone to talk to. I cant jump back in NC. Its been 6 days since the breakup. I can start it over. I might even change my number so there's no way we can communicate but that's a hassle in itself too many people have my number.

 

What is the update on your situation? Are u still NC? How are you holding up?

 

Thanks again for your response.

 

I am miserable! Honestly! It's painful! But he doesn't know! He MUSTN'T know! I know that's it's okay to speak up and let it all out but I thought if I get everything off my chest, will it change everything? Will he cares? Will I feel better tomorrow? Will I forget everything? Will he wakes up one day and realize he made a mistake for not treating me well? Will he apologize? Will he come back to me? If he will, will he change? Will I be happy? Is he gonna start respecting/acknowledging me? Is he gonna spend more time with me? Will he value me? Will he want me? Will he love me? Will he realized I have been a good/loving girlfriend and that he made a mistake for letting me go? Is he gonna start prioritizing me? Will he call me one day to tell me he's realized his mistakes that he's an for being a self centered-stubborn-short tempered boyfriend? Will he even admit his mistakes and realize how he had hurt me so bad?

Answer is NO! I know it will be a big fat NO. He's not gonna give a damn about me let alone my frustrations. He's not gonna be interested. If anything, he would think that I am a psycho dramatic queen. So why would I bother if he isn't bothered about me? I better keep everything for myself and let him realized that "I am not bothered of him being not with me and that I can live without him though truth is I am struggling especially that I don't have many friends unlike him. I literally don't have anyone to come spend time with and be fed up of hearing my drama over and over again. I don't have any. All are busy. Funny thing with these people as well, when they are down I'm all ears and Always around .. but when it's me.. I feel like I am begging for them to come cheer me up. I do have few good genuine friends but they are abroad at least the overseas calls helps. Anyway, as I said. IT CANNOT Change anything regardless. Men just cannot deal with dramas and most of them are just to narrow minded to even give a Damn with whatever it is that's upsetting us. In their eyes, they haven't done anything bad. They would say to their friends "we are just two different people with different perspectives" which is bull because we did our best to understand their perspective but too stubborn to consider our own opinions/frustrations. The only opinion/ perspectives that matters to them are their own. No slight chance that they will come to a realization.

 

Like you, I also want to say a lot of things to him. I've literally gave everything to this man. I even got a flat for myself so he could visit me without any hassle (I used to live in a shared flat to for years because of the cost) it's very expensive having own place in central London plus the transportation but I loved him dearly that I am willing to take the risk of the possibility that I might be financially struggling every end of the month but was optimistic that I can work it out (just have to be wise with my expenses) because having him in my own little place would mean the world to me. I was all excited with the whole idea that I'll be able to cook for him, enjoy time with him, laugh loud or watch crappy Netflix without being awkward and considering other people. I was very excited and took all his advise on why should I get place of my own, I even gave up the luxury of having to walk to work as I hate tube and traveling. I have to leave west London and get a place close to his so he won't struggle coming to me AND we broke up on the day I've moved in?! He got stressed out just because I was asking for help to pack my things as I have to move in within 5 days after securing the place, I was all stressed with the whole rush by the agency, money and work so I thought I could rely on him even just for packing to make it a little easier for me. He cannot give me a straight yes/no answer so I got the impression that he wasn't willing to help me and told him not to come as it was late, then he calls me I was being unfair and that was start of the argument to break up. Just that! He gave up on me easily when I didn't give up on him.

 

I even let go that event that him and his girl best friend snogged in front of me on my freaking birthday because they were too drunk!!

When I reacted I was being called an I idiot, stupid and dilutional just because they couldn't remember anything.

 

Sorry a bit long but I'll end this by saying "think about yourself" were you happy the whole time you were with him? There is a reason why your relationship didn't work figure that out and do not ever blame yourself. It takes two to tango after all. I've figured mine (thanks to the person that commented on my post) I wanted more of the relationship, I wanted him to make me feel wanted and love like he promise , I wanted him to include me in his life, I wanted him to respect me and I wanted him to be serious as I am. It's because I haven't seen those, my action of frustrations speaks louder than the smile that I put on my face. The resentment build up and I cannot hide what has been upsetting me, he's obviously noticed it and instead of doing something to make it work, he's made it worst by stepping back because he can't handle or do what a loving/ honest man should do because he doesn't love me the way I love him.

 

So yeah don't beat up yourself with the whole situation, I don't know your situation but you've got to consider yourself. Sorry sounds hash but you've got to control yourself if you respect yourself. They boy chose to not to be with you. Respect that. You don't want be someone who doesn't want you do you? Keep NC. Silence is the best way to tell everything.

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@airlee Thank you for this post as soon as I saw it I said yayy! I have something to read and respond to on a Friday night lol so thanks. I can't believe he broke up with you over that because u asked for helped packing/moving. Smh. Guys will find any reason any excuse for a way out. U don't deserve that and it doesn't seem like he have any patience either. Its crazy because all those questions u were asking at the beginning of the post is the exact same questions I've been asking myself. How long has it been since your separation? I think he'll come back around at some point.

 

Since I broke NC yesterday and he havent responded I'm beating myself up just a tad bit because he havent responded and now I'm regretting reaching out to him. I also took him off my block list so I could see if he call or text, I dont know if I should put him back on, I mean he isn't calling but I keep looking at my phone in hopes of having a message from him. Today was better than yesterday but today was a little sad. I'm trying to focus on the bad things about him when he pops in my head. I keep thinking about him someone laughing having a good time while I rot. The mind boggling part is you dont know what they're thinking or what they're doing...that's what's getting me. I just wish he would reach out.

 

*sigh*

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If you block him you won't get the urge to see every time your phone alerts you with a text or call to see if it's him.

You won't be let down because you know you have him blocked. Don't regret it, you did what you felt you needed to

and you can't undo it. Let it be your closure. He didn't forget you.

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I had to leave work today, I'm a mess. I have no one to talk to, I dont feel good about myself, I can't speak to my therapist until next week.

 

Consider the therapist to be the person you've chosen to keep you accountable. I find it most helpful during emotional stress times to ask myself whether I want to talk myself forward, OR spin myself into drilling a deeper hole to climb out of. To answer that question, I focus on my next meeting with the people in my life who keep me accountable, and I envision how I will want to report my choice and my behaviors. Will I want to be proud of what I report, or will I try to manipulate that person into a sympathetic position toward my decision to behave in ways that don't make me proud?

 

This keeps me accountable to my SELF. Part of maturity is accepting that none of us have the perfect sounding boards at the ready whenever we need them, so create a plan to manage yourself 'as if' you are reporting your actions as you choose them and play them out.

 

When you can set a goal of developing new skills of resilience, self control and accountability, you will benefit from confidence as a byproduct of learning those skills.

 

Head high, you can do this.

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Hey Sweetgirl! Thank you! I I know I need to try and stop my mind from racing with thoughts of him or if he will text. Like my phone just went off 3 times and it was a text from my good friend and I was slightly disappointed because he would send multiple text back to back and I thought it could be him, but you're absolutely right I'm going to reblock him to avoid the extra disappointment. I had a good day today and guess what?! No tears! I'm relaxing now going to journal because I skipped a day and get some rest. *smile*

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@catfeeder very good philosophy, appreciate that advice. It starts with changing my thought process. I should go to my therapist with a plan of action for self improving myself not just a sob story about the guy with nothing to gain for myself. I think that's what you are saying. Very good! I'll keep that in mind. I also screenshot your last message at the very end to keep in my phone to reread "try backing off....it seems...."

 

I really appreciate all of you all in my thread taking the time out of your busy lives to provide support and advice to a complete stranger. I look forward to speaking to you all more than my own family and friends. And if any and I mean ANY of you all want to talk about anything I'm hear, just talk. I check this forum everyday! I dont even log out. Thanks guys.

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Hey Sweetgirl! Thank you! I I know I need to try and stop my mind from racing with thoughts of him or if he will text. Like my phone just went off 3 times and it was a text from my good friend and I was slightly disappointed because he would send multiple text back to back and I thought it could be him, but you're absolutely right I'm going to reblock him to avoid the extra disappointment. I had a good day today and guess what?! No tears! I'm relaxing now going to journal because I skipped a day and get some rest. *smile*

 

I know that feeling all too well! Mine used to do the same. I don't have him blocked but he's deleted and been quiet for six days. I don't hope anymore, haven't in a few weeks. When I see its him it doesn't phase me now. It's so hard because time is helpful and if we could only fast forward it would be so easy. But unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

 

I hope you many dry eye days ahead ! :)

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