Advice needed for long distance relationship!

Hello everyone,

I'm going to try and make the this as short and sweet as possible. My boyfriend (30 yo) and I (24 yo) have been together for a year and four months. We're in a long distance relationship, but we see each other at least 3-4 times per year, for an average of 7 days per each visit. We love and respect each other very much. We call/text throughout the day at random times.. I've met his family and he's met mine and things are going well. My main problem started when he told me that one of his good friends, a female, had been going around and telling people they were dating or "keeping things open" as he put it. So of course, when he first told me this, I was thinking if he had something to hide, he wouldn't have told me this. Plus it would have been easy to hide since we live several states apart.

However, after we had finished talking about it, I started to think about what he had said and something started to bother me. When he was telling me about his friend going around and telling people that they were dating, he stated "One: I have a girlfriend. Two: Even if I did (keep things open with her) why would she put my business out there?"

The second statement hurt me because it sounded like he would consider seeing other people.

I brought the topic up again some days later because it bothered me. I asked him how often they were hanging out for people to start asking if the two were together. He told me they only hung out when he was hosting a game night, which is usually attended my other friends. Or they hung out when they would go out to dinner. I also asked how they met, he told me they met at a co-workers place when this coworker was hosting a dinner. Likewise, I wanted to know his point of view as to why he thinks she would say that. He told me he couldn't give me a valid reason as to why since he never gave her any impression of wanting to be with her. He told me she had low self-esteem and was suicidal. Likewise, she has a history of dating dead beat boyfriends who don't do any good for her.

There was a time where this friend had a birthday party and didn't invite my boyfriend and because of this, their mutual friend, another female, didn't go because he wasn't invited. It seems silly to me... but why would their relationship have any affect on my boyfriend.

By the way, he's no longer friends with her. She went and deleted him and this friend off of Facebook.

My question is have any of you experienced this problem?

I trust my boyfriend and at times when I felt like I shouldn't trust what he's saying, something has come up to prove he was being honest. There are days however, when I feel like I can't trust him on this particular situation. I can't help but feel like there's more to the story than he's willing to tell me. If he's not telling the whole truth, how do I distinguish between insecurities and intuition? And if he's being honest, how do I get past my ego and see things the right way? And any tips on remaining patient and trusting your partner? Your advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Where there is smoke there is usually a fire.

Why would people not invite each other unless there was something to be uncomfortable about. And what would that be?

It may very well be true, but saying the girl is just crazy is a typical lazy go-to.

In the absence of any thing else to go on, you just give this one some time.

Do you ever talk about closing the distance or moving the relationship forward? That should be a deciding factor as to whether to continue or not. In another thread you mentioned he has a lot of female friends that he hangs out with and goes out with.

My boyfriend (30 yo) and I (24 yo) have been together for a year and four months. We're in a long distance relationship, but we see each other at least 3-4 times per year, for an average of 7 days per each visit. By the way, he's no longer friends with her. She went and deleted him and this friend off of Facebook.

. One of his female "best friends," lets call her Alex, was going around telling people that the two were "keeping things open." When I asked him how long the two were hanging out for people to start asking questions, he told me it was when she would post on Snapchat and social media or when they went out as a group with friends to eat out. Or when he would host game nights at his house and she would post it on Snapchat. I kept questioning him and he told me she was "crazy" and that he couldn't give me an answer to rationalize what she did

This is a been going on since January and still not resolved. I think you should listen to your gut.

Especially seeing you went into this relationship and we wasn't honest about a time line in the previous one.

Is there a good reason why should trust what he tells you now?

Yeah, a 30-year old guy hanging out with a bunch of women friends, he's fooling around. And you've only been with him for two weeks out of the past year? He's leading you on.

You basically only have an Internet relationship, You don't know what he's doing. But he's sent you a lot of hints.

Look, find someone who lives nearby, someone closer to your age, and have a real relationship. Drop this loser.

We talk about getting engaged and then eventually getting married after I'm done with school. Yes there are several females in the group of friends that he has. He's told me about them and who they are. And when he's hanging out with them he tells me. I've noticed he usually hangs out with these people when there are other male friends, so it's not to say he's the type of guy to only hang around females all the time by himself.

We talk about getting engaged and then getting married after I'm done with school. Yes, there are several female friends in the group of friends that he has. He's told me about them, what they do and how they met, etc. And usually when he hangs out with them, there are other males in the group. I'm not worried about these female friends as I was before; however, ever since this incident I cant help but feel like something is amiss.

. One of his female "best friends," lets call her Alex, was going around telling people that the two were "keeping things open." When I asked him how long the two were hanging out for people to start asking questions, he told me it was when she would post on Snapchat and social media or when they went out as a group with friends to eat out. Or when he would host game nights at his house and she would post it on Snapchat. I kept questioning him and he told me she was "crazy" and that he couldn't give me an answer to rationalize what she did

 

This is a been going on since January and still not resolved. I think you should listen to your gut.

Especially seeing you went into this relationship and we wasn't honest about a time line in the previous one.

Is there a good reason why should trust what he tells you now?

This has been bothering me for quite some time, and I wasn't sure if it's my insecurities or something real. I trust him because in the past I have questioned some things but I soon came to find out he was telling the truth. But this particular incident does bother me up to this day. I want to talk to him about it but I will get the same results as last time and we'll get nowhere. I have nothing to go by except my gut feeling....

You basically have a vacation partner who lives a life of his own beyond that. He may have helped you to create fantasies about him, but what does that buy you except for a life on hold?