Moving on.... keeping positive

I suppose my thread from earlier in the break up section would have been better in this section of the site.

I'm really pushing myself back into my hobbies, plus work has helped. The next three weeks were always going to be challenging as I'm off work for Easter. I've really thrown myself into photography, and I'm lucky to live in one of the most beautiful parts of the UK.

I've gradually been losing weight, and after she finished with me...I really pushed myself (she never had issues with my weight, her ex husband was bigger than me).... but I've found myself losing focus on that. So I'm pushing myself hill walking again, and looking to get back to the gym this next week.

I'm trying to not focus on relationships, or meeting someone....not until I feel ready. I've got to feel happy on my own first.

Hello Dalesboy,

Seems like you are on track and doing the right things..

Which part of UK are you from? I'll guess at Lake District? ;)

Hello Dalesboy,

 

Seems like you are on track and doing the right things..

 

Which part of UK are you from? I'll guess at Lake District? ;)

Last week was tough.... essentially I'm at that point where enough time has settled that I don't overly get upset, but I find I can keep thinking about her and our experiences....and I really don't want to keep going over it. Plus I think the real issue has been that for two years I cared for my terminally ill dad, then I met her and could see us being like a family.....and now I'm at a point where I feel like I've no purpose in life.

However I'm keeping myself busy and enjoying life, and if I get myself feeling comfortable and good about myself, I think someone else will find that attractive in me.

You are close sputnik123, Not the Lake District, the Yorkshire Dales.

Excellent. You're doing fine and will continue to get better.

now I'm at a point where I feel like I've no purpose in life.

This is the worst feeling. You know it isn't true deep down, but the brain just keeps saying it and missing them.

You are doing the right things though. It is a slog to get back to feeling good again, but each day a little less sloggy.

This is the worst feeling. You know it isn't true deep down, but the brain just keeps saying it and missing them.

 

You are doing the right things though. It is a slog to get back to feeling good again, but each day a little less sloggy.

Thanks Roughpatchsw.

Really good walk tonight, about 4 miles in total over the tops of the fells, as we call them (big hills/mountains). Helped clear my mind....she hardly came back into my mind other than on the way back....had a few conversations with myself, then put it aside....and none of it made me feel down or anything.

Morning all!

Had a great night sleep, slept right through until 7am, and then as it's a bank holiday I went back to sleep. Second sleep I think she crept into a dream, but I can't really remember so that's good.

We had a light dusting of snow this morning! All gone now though.

She creeps in to my thoughts occasionally, every so often. I now try and shut it down rather than letting myself linger........ hopefully not tempting fate by saying this, but the relationship is beginning to feel somewhat distant now. Which is good!

Probably going to head out again shortly, same walk as yesterday but taking the camera with me.... just seems to do me so good getting out into the open. It's overcast but dry at least!

Didn't get my walk in last night, started raining. Todays not much better so got a good hike planned tomorrow.

I really feel I'm making progress now. She comes into my mind, and I quickly shut it down. Major step forward in the last few days is I've started watching action movies again, in this case Marvel (Iron Man). She was really into the same type of movies as me....and since we split I've found it hard to watch these type of movies..... I feel the old me is coming back which is great!

Off to the gym tonight, need to push getting my weight down again..... slimmer me, means a more confident and self assured me!

Well done Dalesboy, sounds good!

Me and my boy just watched Spiderman 2 ;)

Keep it moving forward...

Well done Dalesboy, sounds good!

 

Me and my boy just watched Spiderman 2 ;)

 

Keep it moving forward...

Good film, had a friend staying over in 2004 when Spiderman 2 came out. Really liked her and I'm sure if I'd let it something would have happened, but I didn't have the guts. Took her to see it at the cinema.

Just had a good work out for 50 minutes at the gym..... Keeping active helps!

Now watching 'The Avengers Assemble'

Things were going nicely.....

Really good night sleep, but just before I woke up....I dreamt about her! Nothing massive, just a weird conversation that made no sense over Facebook Messenger (we never did use social media....however yesterday it crossed my mind if she wanted to contact she could via FB). Really annoyed because it's meant she's been lingering in my thoughts this morning.

Going out walking in the next couple of hours to help clear my mind.

Didn't get my walk in last night, started raining. Todays not much better so got a good hike planned tomorrow.

 

I really feel I'm making progress now. She comes into my mind, and I quickly shut it down. Major step forward in the last few days is I've started watching action movies again, in this case Marvel (Iron Man). She was really into the same type of movies as me....and since we split I've found it hard to watch these type of movies..... I feel the old me is coming back which is great!

 

Off to the gym tonight, need to push getting my weight down again..... slimmer me, means a more confident and self assured me!

you are an inspiration Dalesboy!

ps... i love those movies too

you are an inspiration Dalesboy!

 

ps... i love those movies too

That's kind of you to say so, but I really don't feel I am. Did 5 miles today, end of it my mind turned to her...and I had a conversation with myself, sort of reinforcing everything that didn't work, and how ultimately I miss having a girl friend, it's not her I miss. Stopped myself getting emotional and it was all fine.

About to watch Iron Man 2

That's kind of you to say so, but I really don't feel I am. Did 5 miles today, end of it my mind turned to her...and I had a conversation with myself, sort of reinforcing everything that didn't work, and how ultimately I miss having a girl friend, it's not her I miss. Stopped myself getting emotional and it was all fine.

 

About to watch Iron Man 2

i have those convos with myself about the ex all the time. its maddening.

i have those convos with myself about the ex all the time. its maddening.

It is, because for a long time I kept going over the same thing 'How can she say there was no romantic feelings when she was clearly into me'.... but in the end I had to try and let it go, because I was never going to get an answer....other than if I tried to get in touch....which the thought of which turns my stomach, plus it would only create more pain.

The dream last night knocked me back a bit today, but not too much. Iron Man 3 is on and I'm enjoying having the sofa to myself (well almost....I'm having to share it with the dog!)

It is, because for a long time I kept going over the same thing 'How can she say there was no romantic feelings when she was clearly into me'.... but in the end I had to try and let it go, because I was never going to get an answer....other than if I tried to get in touch....which the thought of which turns my stomach, plus it would only create more pain.

 

The dream last night knocked me back a bit today, but not too much. Iron Man 3 is on and I'm enjoying having the sofa to myself (well almost....I'm having to share it with the dog!)

i am right there with you... to reach out is such a foreign thought to me. i can't imagine doing that at all. its like sticking my hand in fire.

I'm trying to let go to. the only real comfort i have is that he has no idea how I'm doing. and I'm gonna keep it that way at least until i can see that i truly did let it go!

I'm watching star wars. lol

i am right there with you... to reach out is such a foreign thought to me. i can't imagine doing that at all. its like sticking my hand in fire.

 

I'm trying to let go to. the only real comfort i have is that he has no idea how I'm doing. and I'm gonna keep it that way at least until i can see that i truly did let it go!

 

I'm watching star wars. lol

Star Wars a biggish passion of mine. Ex quite liked it too, which has effected my interest.

Just finished Iron Man 3... god I love Tony Stark!

Not a bad day today..... met up with friends at one of my hobbies who'd I'd not seen for a good year. Helped keep me positive, occasionally I thought of the ex as I saw families around.....but I pushed those thoughts aside.... it wasn't meant to be, and I know that deep down.

Evening all!

Quite a positive day, actually very positive in that I've kept myself so busy, I've thought about the ex for the least amount of time. The only thing I hate, is that when I do think about her, I feel my stomach turn..... but I suppose that is a good thing, it means when I do think of her, it's not happy thoughts.

This is the worst feeling. You know it isn't true deep down, but the brain just keeps saying it and missing them.

 

You are doing the right things though. It is a slog to get back to feeling good again, but each day a little less sloggy.

So true. It's hard not to wallow in it.

Evening Dalesboy,

Glad it's looking positive!

Yes, those thought's are similar to mine.. so it's perfectly normal (I think!)

Keep moving it forward.

Evening Dalesboy,

 

Glad it's looking positive!

 

Yes, those thought's are similar to mine.. so it's perfectly normal (I think!)

 

Keep moving it forward.

Thanks Sputnik123, apologies in not replying sooner.

I have another week left of my Easter Holiday, and overall I'm really enjoying it! It was always my worry that with so much time on my own with no work (I live on my own now Dad's gone, well I say alone, I've my border collie!) however I'm really doing ok at the moment.

She crosses my mind several times a day, but I'm doing good at pushing those thoughts aside. Weirdly I had a dream the other night about my ex before (from 12 years ago).. and last night I dreamt about someone I liked when I was in my teens. It's interesting these things are floating around in my subconscious now.....any idea what this means.

I watched Thor Ragnock the other night, hadn't seen it....and had been put off seeing it as I know the ex had seen it and really liked it. This is a real step forward for me that I'm able to start enjoying things I like, no matter if she liked it too.

I think what I'm finding difficult, is that I'm keeping myself active and it's good. But when she comes into my thoughts still, I feel a sense of dread, my stomach turns......the thought of seeing her again really hits me like a train...and hurts...not like it did, but it's not a nice feeling. I still look on the online dating sites, (where I met her)....but I feel very little when I look on there, she's still me default setting if that makes sense....and it makes me worry that I'm never going to move past that, I'm still going to have thoughts about her.

I know that's probably silly, but It's a worry that I'm only covering up my feelings by keeping my mind active...and deep down those emotions are all still there. I'm still taking comfort in the fact I'm watching the marvel films again, something I couldn't have done two months ago.

I've not posted since the 4th April....and it's now the 19th, which I think I can look at as something positive.

I've been doing well....best I've been in a long time. Back at work now which keeps me occupied, plus I'm throwing myself into my hobbies. I'm currently watching 'Marvel's Agents of Shield' which was the kind of thing she was into, this is such big step for me.

There have been some personal family stuff this week, which has knocked me a bit, and in some ways 'missed' having that person to talk too. However I've reminded myself of the latter days of the relationship, when she began to stop replying to messages days after Christmas.... how that made me feel, and how she literally went so quiet I had to ask her 'do you like me'.

As I said in my post a few weeks ago, the thought of seeing her again makes me feel physically sick....and it's that which in some weird way brings me comfort if that makes sense.

Apologies if I keep going on....and compared to others on here I know I'm very lucky.

However I find this forum a great sense of comfort for when my mind does wander on to her.

Heading out to work now. Have a great day everyone :)

This section of the forum is called 'Healing' and I honestly think I am beginning to now. As I've documented (and probably bored a lot), I've found myself not thinking about her as much, although I would occasionally havel longing thoughts towards her....and I'd go over things in my head.

Two days ago on my drive home it suddenly hit me, that she had treated me pretty crap. After being into me....she then went into going quieter on the texts....to the point 3 days after christmas (a crap time for any dumping) I had to actually ask her if she still liked me.

In that period I felt so low, I kept second guessing what was going on, felt insecure, anxiety..... she even admitted she'd been backing off.....it's then that it hit me, I didn't deserve to be treated like that....I deserve better and why would I want to be with someone like that.

It's like a light switch has come on. Yes she still comes into my thoughts, but I'm now thinking I had a lucky escape.

I'm not saying it's all over, and that I'm fine. I have moments of loneliness, but I'm now beginning to feel (and possibly look forward) that there is someone else for me out there.