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Thread: Husband staring at the waitress. Am I crazy?

  1. #21
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    I see your point. But not he did not said this at first. When I first confronted him he was very taking up by surprise and try to calm things down. It was when things got bad once we got home that I kept on accusing him that he got pissed and said if I think thatís the kind of man he is I need to think twice on why I even wanna be with him because if he thought that I would wanna go back somewhere just to stare at some guy he would not be with me, thatís when he said I need to leave him if I honestly believe in my heart that he would do something like that specially in front of his wife and his Child. Not defending him at all. Iím the one with the issue here. Just narrowing down how the argument went and what made him say that. Obviously he didnít show he wants me to leave him. He tried to come onto me and make me understand im the only one for him but I kept on rejecting him so yeah after that he got pissed 🤷🏽♀️. Thanks for your advice :)

  2. #22
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    Thankfully I donít think we went trough PPD. Itís the fact that Iím not doing enough for myself. Iíve been 100% invested on my child and my family. But thanks again for your words of advice!

  3. #23
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    I totally appreciate all the hard work stay at home parents do; but it's not for everyone! If you are having major self-esteem issues, it sounds like you need something just for yourself. Whether time at the gym, a part-time job, or going back to work. I find in your scenerio, that when you focus on just the kiddo, and so little to nothing on yourself, you microscope yourself with something; could be looks, could be accomplishments. Even if one day a week, you do something for yourself.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    I'm so glad I was wrong! ( I am getting therapy for my issues lol)

    Sounds like you have a good husband and it's normal what he did and it's also completely normal for you to feel insecure after a baby. I can't even imagine, but I see friends and family go through similar situations. A newborn takes a toll on every relationship and a personal one on each of the people involved. You're right, and wiseman2 and tattoobunnie gave you some great ideas about what to do. Focus on yourself, as much as you can because of the baby. Start your hobbies again if you abandoned them (reasonable) and that will help you gain back your confidence.

    I'm sure you'll get back to your good ol' self fast!

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I think you're worrying for nothing, honestly. He sounds like a good man and it doesn't sound like he meant any disrespect or was staring at this woman.

    It's normal to be insecure after a baby, but it will pass. You've got a good man though, so try not worrying.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    I don't think the OP is being crazy here. Try being a new parent and see how drastically your sex life decreases. Going back to normal after the baby comes out doesn't work that way.
    My wife also has never had an issue with me watching porn. I don't do it often, I just have a bit more of a libido than my wife.

    She asked me to not watch it after the birth of our child because she was insecure and going through PPD (we both did actually).

    I agreed because it isn't that big of a deal and if it helps her I don't care.

    After a few months she told me she was much better and didn't care anymore.

    I'm saying this because I don't know how many other issues you have but you might have some PPD.

    That was a big reason she was so insecure. Because her asking something like that was totally out of character for her, or her accusing me of blatantly checking out a woman.

    I do think that this is pretty common after childbirth.

    Most woman feel a much higher dependence on their SO and that comes out as insecurity and scrutiny sometimes.
    Just to piggyback on this...

    I'm pregnant now. I've been experiencing a difficult pregnancy to the point I was hospitalized a few times and put in bed rest the first two and a half months. Ive noticed the changes in my health have honestly made me feel insecure about my image and how my husband perceives me as his intimate partner. My hormones are so out of whack that at times I'm unable to think straight.

    The OP's situation reminds me of when Hubs recently made a comment about watching porn, and I literally had to stop him because now I feel I can't satisfy him like I was use to. I honestly feel helpless because of my health condition. In the past I didn't care whether or not he watched porn because that was his personal business, but after being so ill and not being able to have any sex due to pregnancy complications (and not going to have any right after delivering the baby) has taken a toll on my intimacy and sense of security. At times I feel like I'm not the super sexy wife he was completely in love with anymore, though that sounds very harsh.

    From talking to women who are recent mothers, it can takes awhile for your body to settle back to normal after childbirth. Your hormones have not fully reset. For some women it takes over a year. I'm agreeing PPD is the cause of your reaction, and your husband's insensitivity isn't helping. Men are going to look (women too), but his behavior at the restaurant was not the appropriate time. Unfortunately most men are not going to understand what goes through women who are experiencing PPD. Please look into temporary therapy to help you overcome this.
    Last edited by Snny; 03-29-2018 at 09:56 PM.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    When I see a beautiful woman I enjoy gazing at her. I'm not even gay.

    Some people are just fascinating to look at. That doesn't take anything away from anyone else, and it's not even something most people are conscious of--which means it's not necessarily sexual.

    I could understand being put off by sexual leering. That's obvious and gross. But following someone with your eyes is not unnatural or disloyal. Try becoming more aware of when YOU do it, and you'll learn the difference between being curious rather than furious.

  9. #28
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    Hi Micah- I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you are feeling better now.
    Glad to know that you already talk to your husband regarding this, I hope it will not happen again.
    Take care of yourself, eat healthy and have some exercise.

    I pray for a happy and beautiful marriage.Keep us posted. Thank you for sharing and God bless.

  10. #29
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    I just feel different since I became a mom. Iím working on being confident again but itís hard when this type of things happen. I wish I could back to old me because heís right.
    Of course you feel different: you're a mother, no longer a maiden, but that doesn't change who you are on the inside. You're still the woman you were before you had this baby.

    Plastic surgery will clear up any body issues you have.

    I'm curious, though: before you had this baby, he never looked at any other women, period, or is it he never made an obvious show of it in front of you (meaning: he was disrespectful about it)?

    His response to you was rather extreme--I'm curious as to why he'd reach for "well divorce me if you think that"? That was an unnecessary non sequitur he used to gaslight you.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Minikimini
    Plastic surgery will clear up any body issues you have.
    .
    Wow, straight away jumping into a recommendation of life risking plastic surgery to a new mother just to make her body look a certain way . I couldnt disagree more . Self love and the healing of body issues comes from rejecting notions of womenís value being in how they look not a surgeons knife

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