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Thread: Husband staring at the waitress. Am I crazy?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He has some great ideas and seems to be helping a lot to make the transition to being parents, yet keeping the romance alive. Hopefully you are not being resistant to his good ideas. Why aren't you finding places to eat, things to do on date night or arranging babysitters? Your child should have his own room. Becoming paranoid and creating drama about it isn't helping you. Get to some fitness classes and join some mother/child play groups. You need to help yourself improve your situation. Your husband is trying very hard and so should you.
    Originally Posted by MicaDiaz
    He made it clear that we need to get out more. Iím a stay at home mom so heís been working extra for this trip weíre going on. we need to make a schedule and leave the baby with his mom so we can do stuff. And he also wants the baby out of room because it has stopped us from cuddling and just being together in our bed like we used to.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    So the guy's putting in extra hours to pay for a trip, is trying to organize date nights and ways to rekindle the romance after you two have had your hands full with the baby, and his reward is to be accused of dragging you out for his benefit of staring at an attractive waitress? I'm sorry, but that is bordering crazy. Which isn't to say you are crazy, but just how much you should really consider pursuing a therapy session or two if you're at the point of thinking your husband's efforts to revitalize your dating lives with each other is all a ruse to check out Stacy at the bar. I don't necessarily think it was the greatest thing for him to blurt out that last comment, but depending how "weird and psycho" you really were acting, you can only press someone so much before they throw their hands up.

  3. #13
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    Thank you very much for your advice! I think itís forum has made me change my mind a lot and maybe itís all in my head. When I look at the big picture my husband just isnít that guy. And he gows above and beyond to make our family happy. I need to love myself the way I used to so I donít feel insecure about the way that he loves me

  4. #14
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    Lol I swear Iím not a psycho. I guess being so insecure lately has driven me to that point. But your comment and the previous guy comment had made me open my eyes a lot about this situation. I need to work on myself again. Iíve been at home just taking care of the baby and not doing anything to feel good about myself. Thank you.

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  6. #15
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    Wow! Thatís just crazy! And yes I guess you do sound a lot like him. Heís just a serious guy who doesnít have many friends, Iím literally his best friend, heís the Work-home home-work kind of guy. We do literally everything together and never get tired of it. This is exactly why I was so hurt. But I gotta admit that your comment was so on point that I even laughed about it now. I hope he felt the way you did. And I was being paranoid and I need to understand that is my fault if Iím not doing anything to feel better about myself. I appreciate yíall for taking the time to help me since Iím just a stranger. Iím glad I joined.

  7. #16
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    This is the first time heís done this and I wonder if heís starting to find other women attractive and not me anymore.
    You're not a psycho, but to assume your husband is never going to find anyone else but you attractive, and that this automatically means he is not attracted to you, is just plain wrong.

    Finding other people attractive does not end when you put on a wedding ring. It's natural. It's what you do with that attraction that counts. And, lets face it, waitresses get hit on all day. They're used to it. Going after a customer, especially a taken one is just plain dumb. You could potentially lose that customer, and waitresses like to make money. This restaurant is already going to lose some business, due to her mere existence and your insecurities.

    I would probably be a little put out if you went off on me like that (I'd apologize), but I would get over it, and looks like he's placating you by not suggesting you go there again. It sad he has to do that, but cest la vie.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    When do you plan to go back to work?

    Honestly I know I'd start going nuts in a scenario like yours. Dependency on one person like that for an extended amount of time would wear me right down. When you depend on someone to the degree they are providing your livihood for you, it's so easy to hold on too tight ( because what would you do without them?).
    At the very least, I hope you have your own savings .

    It honestly sounds like you lost yourself somewhere along the way. Time to get her back in the saddle and to regain your sense of control over your own life.
    Maybe for you , you can do that without working. But make a way somehow. Don't let your world get so small just cause you had a baby.

  9. #18
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    Totally agree. And Iím aware that this is the problem. The 2 things he liked the most about me when we first met was that I was completely independent and beyond confindeng of myself. And like you said Iíve lost it by being so dependent of him, but at the same time he says he wouldnít be able to do what he goes without everything I do at home and with the baby. Iím going back to work when we both feel weíre ready for our baby to go to daycare. Weíve very protective of him lol. But I think weíve decided heíll go when heís 2. Iím sure that will help a lot. Iím not always insecure I just have my days. And with the situation from yesterday I just lost it. Thanks for your advice.

  10. #19
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I'm glad the advice have helped you but I feel a need to chime in. Yes being new parents is life changing. Men tend to feel left out, neglected because the baby takes up all your attention. What happens, everyone gets short sighted and only think about their own needs, and IMO your husband is not being very sensitive to you. In fact his attitude is terrible. You are not seeing things! he IS staring at the waitress, and I don't think it's very fair for him to talk to you that way about it....threatening to leave or telling you to leave screams guilt. He's busted. I get it, he isn't getting the attention he once had and maybe is feeling a little undesired, but there is not excuse for the way he talked to you. Seeing you upset he should have stepped in and calmed things down, but instead got his back up....not cool.

    Anyways that's the way I see it. Everyone's advises to be more like a couple again and go out more, etc is a good start. Put it behind you and start fresh. I think after this blow out he will be more mindful where his eyes lay.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MicaDiaz
    Wow! Thatís just crazy! And yes I guess you do sound a lot like him. Heís just a serious guy who doesnít have many friends, Iím literally his best friend, heís the Work-home home-work kind of guy. We do literally everything together and never get tired of it. This is exactly why I was so hurt. But I gotta admit that your comment was so on point that I even laughed about it now. I hope he felt the way you did. And I was being paranoid and I need to understand that is my fault if Iím not doing anything to feel better about myself. I appreciate yíall for taking the time to help me since Iím just a stranger. Iím glad I joined.
    Honest he does sound like me.

    I am serious too but I am just very blunt and extremely honest, sometimes a little too much.

    I might be intense but I am also very loyal.

    My wife also has never had an issue with me watching porn. I don't do it often, I just have a bit more of a libido than my wife.

    She asked me to not watch it after the birth of our child because she was insecure and going through PPD (we both did actually).

    I agreed because it isn't that big of a deal and if it helps her I don't care.

    After a few months she told me she was much better and didn't care anymore.

    I'm saying this because I don't know how many other issues you have but you might have some PPD.

    That was a big reason she was so insecure. Because her asking something like that was totally out of character for her, or her accusing me of blatantly checking out a woman.

    I do think that this is pretty common after childbirth.

    Most woman feel a much higher dependence on their SO and that comes out as insecurity and scrutiny sometimes.

    If that is left unchecked it can really undermine a great relationship.

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