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Not sure if I should move....


jennylove

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I travel for work and I've found a town that I absolutely love and I've made some great friends here. I would eventually like to move here, but I worry about moving so far away for one main reason: my sister.

 

I hope my mom lives forever, but she obviously will not. And when she passes, my sister will have nobody. She is in a emotionally abusive marriage and it's clear that he doesn't give 2 s about her. Her self-esteem and self worth are at -1000. She's almost like a stepford wife. She also has a learning disabity and has never excelled at any job and she barely graduated high school. Her learning disability makes her feel worse. And she is a mother to a straight A boy who recently turned 12, and he isn't very nice to her either. She has no friends and she works from home as a customer service rep, she has been at that job for 20 years and she enjoys working from home. She will never be able to live on her own if she ever separated from him, she can't afford much. We aren't particularly close, but if she ever needed me, I'm there for her. I have actually had nightmares of me living far away and her being in a bad situation without any family/friends to help her. I can't do that to her, but I also have visions of me staying there and her never needing me. So then that means I wasted my dreams for nothing.

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In similar fashion, I had been a Navy wife and left the state where my parents lived and I eventually settled in Florida. As my parents got older, I told them I wasn't moving by them because I didn't like where they lived. I told them if they needed my help during their aging years, that they would need to move close to me, and they eventually did.

 

I'm more than happy to help my parents, but not at the expense of my own happiness of where I live. It's the same for you and your sister. You can tell her about moving to another place that makes you happier, and if she ever wants to try living in that area as well, you'd love to have her close by. Or even that you plan on having an extra room or in-law-suite, whatever your ideas are, so that if she ever wants to try co-habitation with you, that you're there for her.

 

In that way, you've rolled out the welcome mat and still get to live where you want to. You only have one life and shouldn't sacrifice your happiness because of other's supposed dependance on you. If they need you, they will have to meet you halfway. Take care.

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You say that you aren't particularly close and the only thing that's holding you is this idea that if she needs you, you'll help her. So what would stop you from helping her regardless of where you live? I mean it doesn't matter if you are down the road or a plane ride away, you are still there for her if she ever decides to leave her situation. However, from what you are writing, it doesn't seem very likely that she ever would. It may not be your idea of good or bad, yet she has built a life and a family for herself and has maintained a job for 20 some years. She seems to be doing something rights for herself, so perhaps you should just go live your own life and just be clear that you are but a phone call away.

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Life changes in an instant and you can't let `what if's' dictate it.

 

Live your life to the fullest and at some point if things change you make that challenging decision - then.

Not before and not based on what if's.

 

What if* nothing ever changes in her life and 10 yrs from now you find yourself in the same place waiting for something to happen, having never fulfilled your dreams.

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Thank you, everyone. I am jumping ahead too much.. The town that I'd like to move to is around 800 miles from her. I'm not ready to make the transition yet, I still have other plans to fulfill . I'm hardly ever home anymore, in the past 7 years, I've been home for about 30 days per year. I think I'll re-evaluate life in my hometown when I'm done traveling in 18 months. The nice thing about my hometown is that I own my condo, no mortgage. It's nice having that security and it adds another factor into my moving dilemma. Time will tell.

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