Telling this guy how I feel?

So I [18/f] have been talking with this guy [18/m] ever since we met over our college's freshman year FB page a few months before move-in. We spent half of the summer talking and learning about each other and thought he was really cool.

Fast forward to the semester starting, we coincidentally lived in the same dorm. We continued texting throughout. Eventually, he asked me to lunch and I agreed. He was just as charming and talkative as he was over text, and I knew I was starting to like him. We got lunch a few more times before one day he invited me to a party with his friends. He spent the entire time with me and we ended up hooking up. After this encounter, our relationship was a mishmash of getting meals, hooking up, Snapchatting, and that's it. He told me twice that he really liked me but in hindsight, I don't know if this was just him trying to put out.

In November, he suddenly stopped talking to me. According to a mutual friend, he got a girlfriend. I was confused and hurt, but I just let it happen and eventually (sort of) got over it. Then in December, he reached out, but I refused to give him the time of day. He did this again two more times before I finally gave him a chance in February. I called him out for not speaking to me, he apologized and said he wanted to change that. We ended up getting lunch together again and things seemed okay. We continued talking for about three weeks before we ended up hooking up again. I didn't see him in person again until a random Saturday night when I ended up losing my virginity to him (lol). The same thing happened this week after we went to the same party. Now our only form of communication is through Snapchat unless we're texting about our plans, and the only time we hang out is if we're going to hook up.

I still kind of like this guy, and I'm not sure if he still likes me (as he said prior) and thinks that a casual relationship is what I want because I haven't said otherwise, or if he's just using me for sex.

Do I tell him how I feel, let things naturally progress (be it something more happening or things just dying out), or put an end to this now so I don't let him use and disappoint me?

He's not using you. You agree to only communicate/hang out for the purpose of hookups. If you want to date him stop responding to hookups and suggest going out on dates. It's unclear why you are letting him decide what you want.

Now our only form of communication is through Snapchat unless we're texting about our plans, and the only time we hang out is if we're going to hook up. I still kind of like this guy, and I'm not sure if he still likes me and thinks that a casual relationship is what I want because I haven't said otherwise

I think it stems from my fear of being of being rejected by him, so I assume if he's not suggesting anything other than hookups than he doesn't want anything else and I'd just embarrass myself by asking. Maybe irrational but.

It's fine to hook up for the fun of it, but if you want more you need to shift to a dating situation. Being afraid to rock the boat is not a good reason to hook up.

So I should try to change things gradually instead of just letting him know how I'm feeling?

Yes actions speak louder than words so how you conduct yourself and apply your standard speaks volumes compared to talks.

So I should try to change things gradually instead of just letting him know how I'm feeling?

I see your point, thank you for your input!

So I should try to change things gradually instead of just letting him know how I'm feeling?

He has a girlfriend, so don't see him anymore. The next guy you meet - have coffee and go on real dates. If you are his meal partner and offer sex - he only has to want sex to be interested in that.

Sorry I should've clarified that he isn't dating that girl anymore lol

Sorry I should've clarified that he isn't dating that girl anymore lol

It doesn't matter. He dropped you like a hot rock the minute someone caught his interest, even though you were sleeping with him. Don't go back to lunch and hookups with him.

Decide whether or not you identify yourself as relationship material. If not, then here you are--without a relationship. If so, then in order to find the right match, you'll need to be brave enough to state that up front with every guy, AND you'll need to preserve that potential by not treating sex as casual.

This means you may end up needing to pass on guys who you find attractive but who want casual sex--because trying to manipulate such a guy into a relationship commitment won't 'work' beyond whatever empty platitudes will work for him to get sex from you.

This isn't some moralistic finger wag, it's practical. The messages you send with casual sex to a potential partner are, 1) you're okay with being treated as a fling, and 2) you're capable of compartmentalizing sex as casual, so you don't value it as the kind of bonding experience that reserves sex for someone you love.

You've already sent these messages to this guy, so he's fine with regarding you as casual, and you've demo'd that you're willing to put up with that. Talking about 'feelings' now positions you for an all or nothing deal. Either you're willing to continue being treated casually and won't risk rocking the boat to get whatever booty calls that this guy is willing to offer, or you're willing to consider your own desires for a relationship as more important--even if that means that this guy will walk away.

There is no surefire way to manipulate what you want from this guy. He either views you both as relationship material together, or he does not. You're afraid that he does not. So are you willing to give up the casual sex to move toward what you really want to have with someone someday?

maria, I'd move on from this guy. He clearly sees you as a hook up. Some guys categorize girls as sex object vs. girlfriend material. Other guys see all women as human beings. I promise. Go for a guy that sees you as a human being.

Yes, it just sounds as though this guy sees you as a hookup when he's got nothing better to do. If that's all you want from him, then fine. If he wanted a relationship he'd have asked you by now.

I find it's best to politely decline sex until you're a couple of months into a relationship. It eliminates all the players and gives you a chance to get to know someone.

Incidentally, if I meet someone I like, and it looks as though it might be more than a platonic friendship then I make it clear that I don't do casual sex. Again, it eliminates all the players.