Is it best to end things now?

If I'm looking for a relationship and he isn't ready...."can't say when" he will be, it's best to walk away now, right? And look for someone who wants the same?

Been dating for coming up to 1.5 months. I know it's not long but although we're currently exclusive, do all the things couples do, he says he isn't looking for a relationship.

I am....so best to shut things down now, right?

Yes! Men say what they mean. So although he enjoys your company, he's not looking at you as long term.

Don't settle for anyone who doesn't want what you want.

If you are ok with the way things are, then by all means, stick around. But if you want a relationship and he doesn't, then yes, it's best to move on without him.

Don’t wait around for him or waste your time. I have been there

You need to break it off, he'll waste your your time and break your heart in the process if this situation progresses.

So I spoke to him, in person. Said that I'm beginning to develop feelings and would have liked this to turn into a relationship. But as he isn't looking for the same thing, it's best to cool things off now.

He said he didn't want things to end between us, that he really likes me but just isn't there. We went back and forth with the conversation. Tried to come up with alternatives so things don't end.

He said he has a lot of stresses in his life at the moment (not us) and asked me to give him 2 weeks to think about things. He also asked we remain exclusive in this period until we talk.

I agreed to give him the time.and not date...but now starting to question whether I even want to be with someone who needs 2 weeks to think about wanting a relationship with me?

I think "can't say when" is a good and fair indication you have differing goals. He is being upfront and saying he doesn't want a relationship. The biggest mistake some people make in this situation is thinking that somehow the person is going to magically change their mind. Rarely they do. I think it would be wise to move on.

I think "can't say when" is a good and fair indication you have differing goals. He is being upfront and saying he doesn't want a relationship. The biggest mistake some people make in this situation is thinking that somehow the person is going to magically change their mind. Rarely they do. I think it would be wise to move on.

What do you think of the two week space to think? Recon the outcome will be the same?

Just curious, but let's say he did agree to be in a "relationship"?

What would be different than what you have now?

I mean you are exclusive, act like a couple for all intents and purposes, so what would change?

I think some men hesitate to agree to it because in their minds it means there is no way out.

That it means they've agreed to some heavy long term commitment, which is not what it means at all!

I hate to break it to him but his (and your) actions reflect you are already in a "relationship."

I think many men freak themselves out about the label, because again they liken it to some heavy commitment that they're locked into for life or something.

I've talked to men who think this way!!

It's only been 1.5 months, you are exclusive, I say relax, enjoy the process (and each other) and give it more time.

It's still *very* early stages, stop pushing.

It's good you confronted him. He's sidestepping this. Unfortunately he wants to continue this fwb/casual dating/no strings sex situation so he's telling you to wait around while he finds a backup. He was very clear about not wanting more but is stringing you along with the "stress"/"time out"excuse. If you want more than casual dating he's not the guy.

He said he didn't want things to end between us, that he really likes me but just isn't there.

He said he has a lot of stresses in his life at the moment and asked me to give him 2 weeks to think about things.

turn the tables on him and break it off.

you deserve better.... when people start with the I have stress and a lot going on Etc, that's a really big red flag. Because let's face it life is always stressful and there's always a lot going on. I learned this lesson and I'm never going to listen to that again.

Poor baby your life is so stressful and you're so much going on you can't handle a relationship. Think about that. Would you say to one of your friends I can't handle a friendship right now? No! Because people and relationships are what makes life worth living.

I think guys and girls too use this I'm so stressed and I'm so deep you can't even understand what I'm going through excuse because then you can't be mad at them. They're having a hard time. BS!

It's not like someone died. They are just telling you flat-out you and what you offer is not a priority to me.

>>Would you say to one of your friends I can't handle a friendship right now?

LOL, would you even ask your friend if they are ready for a "friendship"?

No because both your actions would reflect that you are.

In this situation, they are exclusive, act like a couple, it's only been 1.5 months, very early stages,

relax for heaven's sake!

Not sure why the rush to "define" things and push at all this early on.

Doing this will push many men away even if they saw you as someone with long term potential.

Which is actually what I envision happening here.

Darlington, honestly if could learn to relax, and not be so focused on the "label" or "where this is going" and instead let things play out gradually and naturally, no pushing, HE might (and probably would) be the one pushing for more in a couple of months!

Speaking from experience.

Thank you all for your input.

I'm not rushing to get a lable, but at the same time want to make sure we want the same things for this partnership. I've been strung along before by someone who never wanted a relationship with me, the only problem was that I never asked.

He also mentioned yesterday that his last relationship a year ago left him emotionless and not seeking relationships. Based on our conversation yesterday I don't know whether he's truelly over what happened between them.

@Katrina re being exclusive and doing coupely things and what the difference is with being in a relationship: I asked him the same question (as he was the one to ask for exclusivity) and he said he wasn't ready for a full on commitment. I guess for me the difference is that... although things are great and I could go along with it.. it's his how he sees me that makes it different. Knowing the guy I'm dating doesn't desire me as his "girlfriend" does not sit well with me, regardless of how great everything else is.

turn the tables on him and break it off.

 

you deserve better.... when people start with the I have stress and a lot going on Etc, that's a really big red flag. Because let's face it life is always stressful and there's always a lot going on. I learned this lesson and I'm never going to listen to that again.

 

Poor baby your life is so stressful and you're so much going on you can't handle a relationship. Think about that. Would you say to one of your friends I can't handle a friendship right now? No! Because people and relationships are what makes life worth living.

 

I think guys and girls too use this I'm so stressed and I'm so deep you can't even understand what I'm going through excuse because then you can't be mad at them. They're having a hard time. BS!

 

It's not like someone died. They are just telling you flat-out you and what you offer is not a priority to me.

Hahaha I love the friendship analogy...no you wouldn't say that. Nor would you breakup with someone at the first sight of stress/drama.

Hahaha I love the friendship analogy...no you wouldn't say that. Nor would you breakup with someone at the first sight of stress/drama.

basically, i give as good as i get. if u give me the space talk, i back off! let them figure it out.

if they are sleeping around or dating someone else, I'm out.

you have to be strong. you get what you settle for. sticking around while they figure it, putting up with bad behavior, or even making yourself an option. its settling.

don't waste your precious time on people that don't genuinely care. don't be afraid to say: "look, i get where you are coming from but it's not for me" period. the end. call me when you are a real man or woman.

real men and real women are not wishy washy. this whole world is full of selfish baby children. I'm not... i know what i want and if you can't give it to me... then bye. your loss. SOMEONE ELSE WILL!

i am a let it flow kind of person.... they do not have to tell me we are exclusive but their actions should. i look at it like this- you can do whatever you want, but you better be prepared for my reaction.

 

basically, i give as good as i get. if u give me the space talk, i back off! let them figure it out.

 

if they are sleeping around or dating someone else, I'm out.

 

you have to be strong. you get what you settle for. sticking around while they figure it, putting up with bad behavior, or even making yourself an option. its settling.

 

don't waste your precious time on people that don't genuinely care. don't be afraid to say: "look, i get where you are coming from but it's not for me" period. the end. call me when you are a real man or woman.

 

real men and real women are not wishy washy. this whole world is full of selfish baby children. I'm not... i know what i want and if you can't give it to me... then bye. your loss. SOMEONE ELSE WILL!

In all fairness, he's treated me with nothing but respect and care. This is what makes it difficult. To walk away from a good guy who doesn't want the same thing. But waiting around (in a position I'm not comfortable with) for a potential relationship that's not guaranteed isn't a good place to be.

I agreed to the two week "thinking time" but the more I've had time to think about it...the more I think it's pointless. But then again I don't know if it's my the emotions talking as its all happened today.

Sounds like he still has baggage from his past. Of course he wants to keep you around!! But does he deserve You? Is he treating you right and wants the same thing as You? That's up to you to decide. Does he actually have feelings at all for you or are you just a f buddy to him?

Let your head do the talking this time, it seems to be telling you something.

I agreed to the two week "thinking time" but the more I've had time to think about it...the more I think it's pointless. But then again I don't know if it's my the emotions talking as its all happened today.

He also asked we remain exclusive in this period until we talk.

This is very hard, I have been there... like literally this exact scenario, maybe we were dating the same guy lol

In all seriousness, if he says he doesn't want one he means it, and you waiting won't change his mind. The 2 week period won't change his mind. Waiting until the 90 day "probation period" is up won't change his mind.

The only thing that will POSSIBLY change his mind is if you decide to be "high value" and let him know that you support his decision and will be moving on to find someone that IS ready to be in a relationship. That can shock an ambivalent dude into deciding to lock you down... but it can also mean you end up not having this person in your life anymore.

In my case, it ended with me not having that person in my life anymore. He told me everything I wanted to hear... "I really like you, I don't want to lose you, I love our time together, you are an amazing woman" etc. but his actions didn't match his words, and his lack of willingness to commit meant I felt constant anxiety, sadness, and discouragement.

I want to be with someone that shares the same values as me, and is on the same page in life as me. Sometimes I wonder if they exist lol but I am willing to wait to find out.

Sounds like he still has baggage from his past. Of course he wants to keep you around!! But does he deserve You? Is he treating you right and wants the same thing as You? That's up to you to decide. Does he actually have feelings at all for you or are you just a f buddy to him?

He treats me wonderfully (the best I've ever been treated by any guy). He is kind, generous and all his actions tell me he has feeling for me. He's also told me this morning and many times previously that he "really likes" me.

Only red flag is that he isn't "ready for a full commitment".

How did that conversation even arise after only 6 weeks of dating?

Only red flag is that he isn't "ready for a full commitment".

How did that conversation even arise after only 6 weeks of dating?

He asked about a week ago where did I see this going. At the time I said I was enjoying getting to know him etc etc, but didn't mention I was interested in a relationship. Yesterday I told him what I was looking for.

 

@Katrina re being exclusive and doing coupely things and what the difference is with being in a relationship: I asked him the same question (as he was the one to ask for exclusivity) and he said he wasn't ready for a full on commitment.

I had a suspicion that is what he thinks a "relationship" is. Many men do unfortunately and the notion freaks them out.

As well it should after only 1.5 months!

A "full on commitment" takes months to establish, lots of time spent, intimacy shared, etc etc etc.

Like six months to a year at least. You DO realize this don't you?

I understand your insecurities, but seriously 1.5 months is very early stages. way WAY too soon for a "full on commitment."

You say you get on well, he treats you better than any man you've ever been with, you are exclusive which HE asked for, it all sounds good to me!

Especially given this early stage.

I dunno, of course you need to do what you feel is best for you, but I think you're jumping the gun a bit and could possibly lose a man who may be very right you, and vice versa.

What I have learned through all my dating and relationship experiences is that there are never any guarantees when it comes to love, dating, relationships, commitment.

Never ever.

Even if he did agree to a full on commitment (which would actually freak ME out after 1.5 months), that could all change tomorrow.

If you're not in a committed relationship he could also date and sleep with others (as could you).

Maybe he doesn't want to commit because, although he may not be seeing and sleeping with others now, he wants that option to be available to him.( Of course, I would presume he wants you to be one of them).

If he was dating and sleeping with others would you stop seeing him? If he said he wanted to would you continue?