When did you decide to commit?

My on-line long distance romance is asking me to commit. I like him a lot, I've realized I'm not really into other guys I've been chatting with. Yet I'm unsure about committing to a ghost really. I haven't met him, he one sided video chats meaning his side is muted and mine is open. He says no webcam on his computer. He asked for my number today. Perhaps he'll call, but I don't want to be committed and catfished. I asked him to take a picture with the current date and him holding it to prove to me he is really who he says. He hasn't done it yet but said he will today. One of my other on-line guys did the picture right away but I decided he's not the right guy for me really and decided to end the relationship.

You are asking when people choose to commit to someone they have never met in person who is even showing red flags before you've even met him. So I don't think your question has anything to do with the timing of committing in the context of a romantic relationship. It's when a person would commit to someone she has never met and where she is not at all sure he is who she says he is. That's an easy one. Never.

Agreed, never. You have the right strategy by asking for a picture, and asking to hear them on the phone. You should extend that rule to meeting them in person first.

I would never commit to someone long distance that I barely know, ever.

I literally wouldn't speak to someone for one minute who wouldn't show me his face, let alone commit.

Please, do yourself a favor and cut this one loose.

Good I'm not committing, just asking a question. I am weeding out people though. I did shut down one dating profile, I do have a date this Saturday. My therapist says stay local. But I'm attracted to this guy, so I'll see where it goes. My ex contacted me last night, his fling didn't work out into a relationship. Because I'm dating it's making me less available to him, which is a good thing. And I'm not sure I want to try and work through our problems, still deciding.

Jetta, you've got to take a break. Putting it as nicely as I possibly can, you simply are not going to attract a healthy man in your current state. There's no chance of it. There's so much for you to focus on without complicating it further with men who will only have their own issues to add to the pile.

Please please listen to your therapist and drop this LDR stuff. Hate to say this, but you can't like someone you've never seen before who is playing weird games and you've got red flags slapping you in the face already. For your own sake and sanity, get away from this nonsense and stay away from your ex too. Take advice you are paying for. It's good.

This is coming from someone who isn't against LDR's and I've had successful LDR's and so have my friends. Here is the difference - the LDR wasn't formed electronically. We met and were able to meet in person and spend regular real life time together on a consistent basis. It wasn't fantasy land relationship.

Are you kidding me? Your ex just broke up with you, what are you doing online dating? You need a serious break from men and get your life together first. You've been told that here over and over and over but it seems to fall on deaf ears......

But you're asking a question about committing in a romantic relationship in real life. Your situation has nothing at all to do with a romantic relationship in real life. That's one of several things that concerns me about your inquiry.

Jetta, you've got to take a break. Putting it as nicely as I possibly can, you simply are not going to attract a healthy man in your current state. There's no chance of it. There's so much for you to focus on without complicating it further with men who will only have their own issues to add to the pile.

Please, please, please listen to him. He beat me to it, but I clicked on your thread to say exactly this.

For the love of God's green earth where did this man pop out from? Jetta -- In the last thread you were concerned about your daughter not spending the night and now :poof: the relationship with your daughter is not important because committing to another possibly unstable dude on the internet is suddenly your concern. You need to face reality === you cannot just meet a guy and move in with him to get away from mom. You say that mom's a nag, but i think she is Saint at this point- she keeps taking you back after every failed romance and you tell us again how she nags you, nags your daughter. Maybe she is not really nagging, but demanding for you to be responsible for once. What happened to doing the Dave Ramsey thing and getting your finances in order? What happened to increasing your skills and your mental health? Honestly, if you think this way mom has to be in charge here.

Didn't you literally just break up with your real life boyfriend about 3 weeks ago? Where did this online guy come from?

Why on Earth are you focusing ONCE AGAIN on getting a man? Shouldn't saving up for your own apartment so you can have your daughter with you full time be your focus?

I am seriously baffled here...

Yeah I'm just as baffled..... and there was another online contact that you call relationship? yeah sorry but this shouldn't be your focus at all! Why do you feel you need a man so bad?

I completely agree with the two posters above me! Focus on your health, your daughter, getting your own place in time and stop focusing on or looking for men for the love of all that is holy!

Step away from the internet, OP.

You don't know how to use it carefully and with good judgment, based on your previous threads.

Focus on your health, your daughter, getting your own place in time

the first two. If mom doesn't provide checks and balances, she finds another man because she feels she can't live alone. The place should be way down the road when she no longer feels she has to have a man

Which is why i said in time..... not a priority now but one step above finding some new man to latch onto...... sometimes i wonder if this is even all for real, i can't believe what I'm reading most of the times!

Good I'm not committing, just asking a question. I am weeding out people though. I did shut down one dating profile, I do have a date this Saturday. My therapist says stay local. But I'm attracted to this guy, so I'll see where it goes. My ex contacted me last night, his fling didn't work out into a relationship. Because I'm dating it's making me less available to him, which is a good thing. And I'm not sure I want to try and work through our problems, still deciding.

Good that you aren't committing, I recommend you don't and that you date someone near you. I dated a guy long distance after meeting him online and meeting him in person. I regret not continuing to date after we started vid chatting cause I really liked him. Even though he committed to me when we met up the 2nd time, he was extremely lazy. Could barely message me once a day and he ended up dumping me cause he had to "figure life out". Find someone near you, trust me its heck of a lot better.

Don't go back to your ex, start fresh.

Which is why i said in time..... not a priority now but one step above finding some new man to latch onto...... sometimes i wonder if this is even all for real, i can't believe what I'm reading most of the times!

Same here!

Good that you aren't committing, I recommend you don't and that you date someone near you. I dated a guy long distance after meeting him online and meeting him in person. I regret not continuing to date after we started vid chatting cause I really liked him. Even though he committed to me when we met up the 2nd time, he was extremely lazy. Could barely message me once a day and he ended up dumping me cause he had to "figure life out". Find someone near you, trust me its heck of a lot better.

 

Don't go back to your ex, start fresh.

I recommend that you don't date at all right now. No phone calls, emails, or coffee dates either.