It's finally over b/w my dad and I

We tried to reconcile after 5 years of no contact. I went to his house after an invite and he said he could talk about things.

I went over there and it started off pretty awkward. Not much of a greeting other than hello. And then my stepmom started talking about how much she works out and how sore she is. This is a typical jab from her, the only thing she has on me is she's skinny, I am not. And she uses that as much as she can.

And then it was the typical making fun of ppl in the family, mainly my sister and BIL. My sister is not perfect, but she is a damn good mom and her son is a straight A student who is also extremely athletic for his age 11 and he's always getting trophies and gold metals. My stepmom said she believes he only gets good grades and trophies because he feels as if he has to please his dad. . And then she went on to say how this past January , my nephew (11) rubbed them (dad n step) the wrong way because he said he was "bored" at their farm house. She was like "that didn't sit well with us, there is a ton of things to do at the farm" - umm, not really unless you like hiking and hunting. So now they aren't going to call him anymore. I then started bragging about his 4 bedroom walls being filled with trophies from top to bottom. My stepmom said "well anyone would have that many trophies if they had games every weekend for the past 8 years"

If I brought up good things about my life, they didn't want to hear it. She also looked and acted extremely jealous when I showed them pictures of my new bedroom outfit.

But what hurts me the most is my dad is best friends with a guy 5 years older than me. They became besties a few years ago. When I was a teen, I went to a party at his house one time with my then best friend. We both got drunk and were taken advantage by 2 other guys there and Jim (my dad's bestie) knew about it. Jim is now married and his wife is a nurse where I recently had to have a physical. She didn't know that I knew who she was. She tried to humiliate me by asking me inappropriate questions. My blood pressure shot up and I went off on her. Another nurse came in and she agreed that the questions were not appropriate and encouraged me to file a complaint. I was going to file the following week, but I saw in the paper that her mother died 2 days after my physical, so I decided not to file.

My dad also never once invited me to his annual 4th of July parties. Or never told me about any of the family reunions. My sister said at the last 4th of July party, some girl said aloud to Courtney (the nurse)... "Who is THAT", referring to my sister. Courtney said "oh that's one of Kenny's daughters and his grandson". The girl said "what, Kenny has kids...since when, no way. I've known Kenny for 10 years and never knew he had kids". My sister turned around and was about to go shake her hand, but Courtney was whispering in her ear at that point.

Anyway. I sent my dad a long email explaining how I'm truly happier without him in my life. I told him that I hope his legacy of "friends first, daughters last" works out for him. No response, not that I expected one . I'm sad but at the same time, happy.

Sorry to hear that. It's hard to reconnect with your dad when your stepmom is around. If you want him to be a part of your life, I suggest meeting him one-on-one only, for lunch in a restaurant or for a walk in the park. He should be the wiser adult here, but he's not. If you wish to try again, I suggest that instead of criticizing him for what he's not doing, ask him for what you do want. People do better with concrete specifics, i.e., I'd like to be invited to your parties. I'd like you to ask me to do stuff with you one-on-one once a month. I'd like you to call me once a week to ask how I'm doing.

With reasonable requests, if a person cares, he will come through for you. If he doesn't, it's your choice to continue to try or to permanently walk away. It's okay to cut ties with blood relatives if they are toxic or don't put forth any effort. Take care.

Hello and thanks for responding.

1:1 with my dad isn't possible. He'll always want her to be included. I don't think she would be very happy if he wanted to go somewhere with me and didn't ask her, and he knows it wouldn't sit well with her. In fact, if she leaves the room, he won't talk. Thanks for the advice tho.

Good God! How old are these people? How awful for you and your sister!

I am confused about the nurse. Did she know who you were and what was she asking?

You did the right thing. The bit about your nephew was really sad. Shame on them!

They are 67 and 65. But they hangout with ppl my age, some I even went to HS with. They are big drinkers and party animals and those are the type of ppl they attract and are attracted to. I'm not an angel, but I am not much of a drinker and I very much am definetely a believer in God, Jesus, Heaven/He'll. They do not believe and have at times make jabs about my beliefs.

Yes, the nurse absolutely knew who I was. My full name was right in front of her and I have my dad's last name. Secondly, my sister and I look like twins. She has met my sister a couple of times. In fact, she was also very snotty to my sister during the 2 times that my sister has interacted with her. This is how I know who she is, my sister was venting to me once about how snobby she was to her at my own dad's house. I looked her up on FB and somewhat stalked her off and on. She had a picture up of my dad and their daughter as her cover photo for several months. This was hurtful to me since her daughter is the same age as my nephew and dad never laughs and mingles with him like he was with this girl. Oh well.

I can't believe that still live like that.

I know it hurts, but you are better off.

Is your mother still alive?

Yeah she's alive and we are very close. I'm 40 now and my stepmom has been my SM since I was 3. My mom said my dad used to think the world of my sister and I and he was always such a doting father. My memories of him have always been of them having parties, going to parties or having friends over for the weekend with the house full of marijuana odor. And of him and her being very short tempered. I was 4 when I witnessed him beating the dog, that dog was then killed after running in the street and getting hit. These things I'll never forget. But at our last "visit" last week, my SM said she doesn't think my sister and nephew are good dog owners because he doesn't go for a walk everyday. Lol. Maybe not a daily walk, but they have a fenced in backyard.

ETA: my mom has always been opposite of my SM. My mom is conservative and religious. My SM is opposite. My mom is prolife, my stepmom is very pro choice, etc.

Bumping instead of starting a new thread:

So right now I'm traveling for work, I'm a travel nurse. In the future, I may end up permaneteky moving far away from my hometown, dad, etc. But I'm extremely close to my mom and I have reservations about leaving her as she enters old age. The thing is, if I work at one of the local hospitals, I'll see my dad's best friend a lot and I may need to interact with him since he works as the deputy coroner. This guy is my age, we went to HS together, and yes, he and my dad have been besties for around 8 years. What makes it even more strange is this guy was a bully to me back then. He could very well be the reason for my dad not inviting me to any parties. Anyway, I don't want to interact with this guy, he is very gossipy and somewhat malicious. I'm worried that he'll complain about me and somehow get me introuble at work.