Question for the ladies on On line Dating

So I have been single for 4+ years now and I am pretty sure I am going to try OLD again.

My question is how many pictures do you feel is enough?

I am a guy and don't take selfies or have a lot of pictures of myself because that really isn't who I am.

When I browse profiles of women and I only see one picture I think she is hiding something (not fair I know) and if I see 20 pictures I think she is all into herself and vain (once again not fair I know)

So if you are or have experience with OLD what was a good number of pictures you would like to see.

As a note I am in pretty good shape(flat stomach but no 6-pack, average looking or maybe a little better, all my hair and teeth and have been told I look great for my age so I have nothing to hide nor would I want to.

I know most of the "Don'ts" like posing with dead fish, shirtless pics, drunk pics, 10 year old pics....

Lost

Personally, I don't make judgments about number of pics posted. All I really appreciate is that the guy posted at least two pics where I can clearly see his face and another that's a full body shot and preferably he is smiling in both and looks happy. The only thing I'm looking for is that his general appearance isn't an immediate no for me. I also realize that some people are incredibly photogenic and look great in pics but not quite so in person, while others aren't photogenic and look like crud in pics, but then are fantastic in person. So pics aren't the be all end all of anything other than the most basic evaluation of potential.

Otherwise when using OLD I'm really careful not to prejudge and give people an open clean slate and let them show me who they are as I meet them in real life. In terms of weeding out liars, those who are misrepresenting themselves - that's what coffee meet ups are for. They posted 10 year old pics, you take your coffee to go, tell them why you are leaving and leave. No skin off your back and no need to get bitter or start accusing strangers of lying or being whatever before you know the truth.

4-5 is a safe number; being willing to take random ones as you get to know people is good, too.

One selfie is usually good. A lot of people will skip if there's not a full-body pic. (I know, I know.) Others should ideally be you doing things - do you say you love to kayak in your profile? Share a photo of you doing exactly that. Don't have any? Get out there and kayak! (And take some!) Don't steal stock photos for adventuring (or even worse, other peoples.) Only share your own stuff.

Pics of you should be recent. (~6 months or more recent.)

I think 3 or 4 is sufficient. A close up face shot of course. But a couple full body shots are important.

As others have mentioned, if you don't include those we tend to think you are hiding something.

We can all find that fabulous once in lifetime photo of ourselves but when the rest don't compare, it's hardly an honest representation.

I shake my head when I see pictures without people in it, but of their toys, motorcycles, sunsets and did you know that 50% of men have a picture of themselves holding a fish?!

Funny you mentioned the fish.

I peruse profiles mumbling to myself 'wait for it, wait for it' And there it is - The gratuitous fish picture. lol - Don't do that.

But I already know you are smarter than that.

Good luck. I hope you'll share your adventures with us :)

Thank you

I can do 4 or 5 no problem.

Yes I kayak frequently and have some good pics doing that. I actually spend a lot of time in the mountains and being active and volunteering but I was thinking I should stick to pictures of just me.

Reading horror stories on here I have taken notes of what genuine women find attractive and unattractive. Fish, cars, guns, endless toys are a no no. What about my dog? I see a lot of women post pics of themselves with their dog.

Lost

Thank you

 

What about my dog? I see a lot of women post pics of themselves with their dog.

 

Lost

As long as you are in the picture with your dog.

If not and if you must, as long as there are enough pictures of you to make up for it.

Well....everyone is different. I will totally go fishing, love outdoors, so I like to see those pics. It's kind of "proof" that the guy actually has a life and does what he claims. On the other hand, I don't like the blatantly gratuitous pandering "aaawww isn't he just the sweetest" type pics, aka pics with dogs, cats, or children. Regardless, just because I don't care for a particular choice of pics, doesn't mean I won't go on a date assuming all else is fine. You can't please everyone and if someone will refuse to meet you because you have a pic type they don't care for.....you are dodging a bullet.....

That said, whatever hobbies you choose to post, like you kayaking or hiking, make sure that it's something you are actually currently doing and not something you used to do at some point but...... Those kinds of pics tend to create certain expectations that you are active and currently doing those things. If it turns out later on that you aren't it will certainly create an impression that you aren't being very honest about where you are in life at this moment and that's not good.

It's not so much quantity as quality of the pics. By quality, I mean accurately presenting yourself as you are today and as your life is today. It's almost better to slightly under do the pics and have your date be pleasantly surprised that you are even better in real life than have your date disappointed that you don't live up to your profile image.

Well....everyone is different. I will totally go fishing, love outdoors, so I like to see those pics. It's kind of "proof" that the guy actually has a life and does what he claims. .

When I mention those type of pictures I see in profiles, the guy is nowhere in them.

They might put one or two photos of themselves and the rest, scenery or an unmanned motorcycle.

When someone fills their profile with scenery pictures I immediately think he has something to hide, because why wouldn't he be posting pictures of himself instead?

I can flip through a magazine to look a sunsets as well as go outside and find one myself.

But I am online to get sense of who you are. So post me pictures of yourself and then tell me about the things you like to do.

It's a bonus if you are on the bike or in the sunset. Not on the other side of the lens.

Good point.

I want to appeal to the general population that may view my profile. I certainly do all the things I list pretty frequently and would never mislead anyone. I never have understood why people do that. They will find out sooner or later and how uncomfortable is that to deal with.

Thanks

Well....everyone is different. I will totally go fishing, love outdoors, so I like to see those pics. It's kind of "proof" that the guy actually has a life and does what he claims. On the other hand, I don't like the blatantly gratuitous pandering "aaawww isn't he just the sweetest" type pics, aka pics with dogs, cats, or children. Regardless, just because I don't care for a particular choice of pics, doesn't mean I won't go on a date assuming all else is fine. You can't please everyone and if someone will refuse to meet you because you have a pic type they don't care for.....you are dodging a bullet.....

 

That said, whatever hobbies you choose to post, like you kayaking or hiking, make sure that it's something you are actually currently doing and not something you used to do at some point but...... Those kinds of pics tend to create certain expectations that you are active and currently doing those things. If it turns out later on that you aren't it will certainly create an impression that you aren't being very honest about where you are in life at this moment and that's not good.

 

It's not so much quantity as quality of the pics. By quality, I mean accurately presenting yourself as you are today and as your life is today. It's almost better to slightly under do the pics and have your date be pleasantly surprised that you are even better in real life than have your date disappointed that you don't live up to your profile image.

I heard some suggest to go have some professional pictures taken. To me that sounds and will look artificial. Sure it will be me but with the best lighting and back drop. I am not opposed to it if it came across okay, what do you all think?

I certainly could use a few more quality pictures of myself.

Lost

@reinvent that's crazy and I can't say that I've come across just pics of scenery or dead fish. I think the couple of sites that I used actually required that you must be in the photo or else they will disallow and remove the pics. Maybe they've changed those policies, or just different sites, different rules.

@lost I've seen guys with professional pics but again it all depends. Like if he has one professional photo that he used for work or something and the rest are candid pics, that's fine. If all photos look like he was working with a photographer....I mean....it can come across as either trying too hard or too desperate or does he not have friends and hobbies for a couple of candid pics? It's not like you need to post a ton of them. One decent face shot (and that's where I've seen quite a few use the professional work pic), one full body shot of some kind and maybe a couple more candid pics doing something. Done.

Don't sweat the pics that much and make sure the rest of your profile is good. Women will look at your pics, but will really scrutinize what you wrote.

I'm a fan of 1 (MAX 2) photos that don't contain you - IF (and only if) they have a good story to go with them, and you can caption them with something useful. It's a good way to pique interest and invite questions, or encourage "me too!" conversations.

I have many thoughts on this topic due to lots and lots of time spent on OLD. I would do three or four max. One or two close ups, one full body, and one candid. I would highly suggest not using selfies or any professional shots, I feel these are just too contrived.

Good Luck Lost! I hope you find someone wonderful!

Hey Lost! Great to see you getting back in the game. A lot of great advice from the ladies. Now go get ‘em Tiger! 😄

I think you will do fine lost! The right girl will notice whatever pictures you chose to put up and like them. Be true to you and not overthink it. Just put up photos that depict you and your hobbies and likes.

Good luck!

Lisa

Thanks Jeff,

I don't know about get em Tiger but I have a lot more knowledge than I did when I last did OLD. Time will tell how it goes I guess.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Lost

Hey Lost! Great to see you getting back in the game. A lot of great advice from the ladies. Now go get ‘em Tiger! 😄

I'm like you, actually, I don't take selfies and when I'm out, I'm usually not at gatherings where random picture taking is happening.

I know I'm in the minority with this, but I consider a photo, like DancingFool said, basically a snapshot of "is this someone that's an instant no", and if not, I don't need to see proof of him doing all sorts of things. If he's not doing all the things he says he's doing in the pictures, if they aren't current, and he's hiding something about his physical body, well, I'll find out soon enough. As you say, anyone who tries to hook someone with a short-term misrepresentation isn't doing themselves a favor, so I go more on gross features and giving the benefit of the doubt.

So a couple of pictures is fine with me -- one full body shot in a setting, one closer up with the face, and I'm good to go. The 4-6 range is icing on the cake, and any more than that does look kind of "into myself."

I also am not picky on what the setting is. To me, the substance of what the guy is saying is far and away more important to me (and how he's answered personality/preferences/values questionnaires). The picture is just a gist (in real life, so many variables will affect how I see him, physically, so I can't put too much into still shots), so I'd say you're in the clear if you're doing nothing special and as long as the pics are not out of focus, and you're not doing anything out of character, it's more or less ideal for my purposes. I like the modesty of "here I am" without lots of poses and antics. Your profile pic (here) plus a face shot would be quite enough in my book. So you may not need to put any more work into this! You're all set, ha.

I agree with the poster who said that professional shots would look too contrived. That would be the one thing I would NOT do, because it looks like you had to go out of your way to get something to look decent. Not a message you want to send, imo. I also am not crazy about selfies, but if you're not in a dimly-lit room with florescent lighting in your bathroom/bedroom, but have some kind of environment in the periphery that's well-lit and pleasing, it's fine.

I have actually contacted guys with only one picture (and in fact no picture -- on the presumption I would get a picture on request, and if not, no deal), if I really liked their write-up. So I'm willing to give a guy a shot on very little if he's got things in his write-up that resonate, then take it from there.

I think the biggest "don't's" for me have to do with how the guy is relating to the camera. If he is wearing shades, he'd better not put it in his main shot, and make up for it with other clear face shots hiding nothing. Eye contact with the camera is good. And yes, pics of scenery without him being involved in it somehow turn me off. I want to see that he's someone who is direct, and not evasive -- there's confidence in showing up in your pictures and looking intentional!

Don't sweat it, it sounds like you already have this! :)

I want to appeal to the general population that may view my profile.

Why? Are you selling soap?

Hah! Skip mass appeal and shoot for 2 or 3 photos YOU like best. Isn't the idea to click with someone who 'gets' you? Save the fishing expeditions for actual fishing, and focus your dating scope to those who are willing to meet based on a couple of nice shots and a personality profile that fits well with yours. Your goal isn't to build online fantasy, but to actually MEET women and screen from there. If someone is superficial enough to need a photo album before meeting, is she your girl?

I heard some suggest to go have some professional pictures taken. To me that sounds and will look artificial.

I agree. It's trying too hard. Lost, you're a great looking guy from what I remember, and you don't need to over deliver. Set up a bunch of quick meets for coffee that you can pick up after work, and see who shows and how well you click. Neither should ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward with an invite. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and of not, no response is necessary. That takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table, while meeting quickly allows you to screen freely without letting down anyone after big pre-meet buildups.

Hopefully soon we'll be hearing news from you that you're changing your screen name to 'Found'.

Fingers crossed for you,

Cat

Personally, I don't make judgments about number of pics posted. All I really appreciate is that the guy posted at least two pics where I can clearly see his face and another that's a full body shot and preferably he is smiling in both and looks happy. The only thing I'm looking for is that his general appearance isn't an immediate no for me. I also realize that some people are incredibly photogenic and look great in pics but not quite so in person, while others aren't photogenic and look like crud in pics, but then are fantastic in person. So pics aren't the be all end all of anything other than the most basic evaluation of potential.

 

Otherwise when using OLD I'm really careful not to prejudge and give people an open clean slate and let them show me who they are as I meet them in real life. In terms of weeding out liars, those who are misrepresenting themselves - that's what coffee meet ups are for. They posted 10 year old pics, you take your coffee to go, tell them why you are leaving and leave. No skin off your back and no need to get bitter or start accusing strangers of lying or being whatever before you know the truth.

^^My sentiments exactly!

Just posted this on a different thread, but don't give too much credence to what's on an on line profile. I gave my reasons on that thread.

As far as pics, well as DF said they could be old, he's not photogenic, or very photogenic, so take it all with a pinch of salt.

I actually give more credence to his first message to me, how he chooses to engage (ask questions) and how "we" interact generally.

IF I feel a "pull" I will meet him.

If he turns out to be fake, or just not for me, it's 30 minutes to an hour of my time, tops, not a huge deal. For me.

I just started OLDing and have met three guys so far, clicked with one and we have our third date this weekend.

The first guy I met seemed to only want sex, and the third guy I simply did not feel that "click" with in person.

I really like the second guy though!

Make sure the pictures are clear, that the light is good, that you have some smiling and showing full face and full body in natural poses. I am not obsessed with looks / six pack, but I will ignore profiles where the pictures are dark, blurry, or there are no full face or body shots.

And yes in some OLD sites you can post scenery pics, I don't know why people do that I always ignore them lol

Hmm, selling soap while searching for the right woman for me isn't a bad idea. I wonder what I could sell lavender soap for...

Seriously I do way better in person than online so if I appeal to more women at first glance it feels like I will have a better shot at getting a conversation going.

The ladies on here are not the norm online that is for sure.

I guess I am looking for an edge, there are thousands of guys from youngsters to grandpas trying to get the attention of the women I am.

Why? Are you selling soap?

 

Hah! Skip mass appeal and shoot for 2 or 3 photos YOU like best. Isn't the idea to click with someone who 'gets' you? Save the fishing expeditions for actual fishing, and focus your dating scope to those who are willing to meet based on a couple of nice shots and a personality profile that fits well with yours. Your goal isn't to build online fantasy, but to actually MEET women and screen from there. If someone is superficial enough to need a photo album before meeting, is she your girl?

 

 

 

I agree. It's trying too hard. Lost, you're a great looking guy from what I remember, and you don't need to over deliver. Set up a bunch of quick meets for coffee that you can pick up after work, and see who shows and how well you click. Neither should ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward with an invite. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and of not, no response is necessary. That takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table, while meeting quickly allows you to screen freely without letting down anyone after big pre-meet buildups.

 

Hopefully soon we'll be hearing news from you that you're changing your screen name to 'Found'.

 

Fingers crossed for you,

Cat

I guess I am looking for an edge, there are thousands of guys from youngsters to grandpas trying to get the attention of the women I am.

You're not competing with grandpas and youngsters. Trust that you'll appeal to those to whom you are best suited to appeal, and if anyone falls through the cracks, she'll either find you appealing when the time is right, or she's not your woman.

Go for it, and don't stress it. Sometimes the biggest barriers are ourselves standing in our own way.

Ah, Catfeeder beat me to it, about you competing with youngsters and grandpas.

What age range are you looking for?

Generally speaking, if you're looking for women in your age range (so you're more likely to be at the same life stage/maturity level), women are not interested in men their son's age. If they are, what would that say about them? As for grandpas stepping over each other, even though women are generally more flexible than men when it comes to older candidates, increased age tends not to have the "edge."

You've got to remember, women are bombarded by quantity -- and yet, it's about quality. So if a woman is right for you, she will be considering quality (and being a bit choosy). Based on personal experience with OLD and my continued quest, that's actually the few and far in between. That's your edge, and you just have to be you and let that emerge naturally.

(Just don't start a conversation saying, "Hi, how are you tonight?" or "Hi, what are you doing this weekend?" Lead in with something about her profile, something in common, a little humor, make a little online conversation before broaching a meeting. Proposing a meeting should come after there is enough banter to spark a little excitement and anticipation, and give her a basic sense that you're sane and stable, not just be a cold invite.)

Hey lost, good to see you.

I have had good success with about eight to ten pics. As long as they are varied. I usually have a head and shoulder semi-formal portrait. At least one full body image. Mostly outdoors and doing things I enjoy, playing guitar, running. Make sure they are clear/focused and recent. One pro shot looks O.K. I think too many pro shots look suspicious. Easy on the PhotoShop.

You're not competing with grandpas and youngsters. Trust that you'll appeal to those to whom you are best suited to appeal, and if anyone falls through the cracks, she'll either find you appealing when the time is right, or she's not your woman.

 

Go for it, and don't stress it. Sometimes the biggest barriers are ourselves standing in our own way.

Actually yes many men compete with youngsters and old men. They may not be serious contenders but they are a big distraction to be sure. It is just the way things are these days unfortunately. Say there is a 47 year old woman and has 25 new messages in her inbox, 15 could easily be from guys that are 15 to 20 years younger than she is that are just looking for the milf experience with another 4 to 7 from pretty old guys looking for new arm candy. Then there are the rest of us... I have personally seen it on several friends online accounts. It is a real thing.

I have actually read a lot of profiles where women have specifically stated they are not interested in being a cougar or dating someone close to the age of their children so yes you are correct that there are genuine women interested in guys like me.

I certainly will not stress over anything that is for sure. I am in no rush or under any pressure to meet someone, if it happens great but if it doesn't I am only out some money for the subscription and a few meets.

Thanks for the encouragement

Lost