Why has she shut me out?

First of all, thank you to anyone who reads my post and takes the time to consider the problem.

I think my girlfriend may be pushing me away due to stress. Just as a note, we’ve been a couple for about 18 months.

Currently, we’re apart due to our work schedule. I know she is under huge pressure at the moment, it’s probably the most busy time of the year for her and I should imagine she is overwhelmed.

The matter of concern is that I haven’t heard from her in over a week. I have sent the odd message now and then, which she reads but doesn’t reply to. I will be very honest: this worried me deeply to begin with, because the ceasing of communication was sudden and without warning. I entertained lots of scary ideas - I’m not too embarrassed to admit that unfaithfulness crossed my mind.

I think it’s undeniable she is under a lot of pressure and for some reason I’m being shut out, or at least I’m not on her mind. Last year I was with her during one of these periods and she actually broke up with me, only later to return and apologise. Could she be worried about doing the same thing again if she lets me too close right now?

I want to be supportive and I don’t want to make this situation worse. I love her dearly, and yet this being shut out is painful. I don’t want to bombard her with messages, but I hope she knows I’m there for her.

Can anyone help? Should I just let her be? And more broadly, is this kind of thing common among people under stress? Or do I in fact have good cause to worry about the state of our relationship?

Thank you.

Glad you tried talking. The lack of response makes things clear.

Sounds like it's done, and since she's dumped you before, it's probably for the best.

That said, I don't for a second believe that "too busy" alone would make someone who is serious about you leave you, especially when they know it's a temporary/seasonal situation, as you say it is in her case. there's other reasons at play here.

I had this happen to me, except the other way around. I had two weeks of 80+ hour work weeks and I told my girlfriend she wasn't going to hear from me from those two weeks. The second to last day of work I get home and get this phone call where my girlfriend is crying that I've broken up with her because she hasn't heard from me in two weeks. I reminded her that I had told her I had over 160 hours of work, no days off, making a huge amount of money, coming home only to go to bed and wake up at 5:30 the next morning to go out and we would go out in a couple of days after finishing work and having one day off.

So the moral of the story is, don't freak out when a girlfriend or a boyfriend is going through a busy period at work. They're already under immense strain and may be working overtime hours, and they really don't need a crisis in their relationship at the same time they're under pressure at work.

Get a grip on yourself, stop whining, and wait for her to slow down. Don't be so insecure that you need constant reassurance. Because I can tell you that it would be easier to break up with you than to have to also deal with a clingy, needy boyfriend. And she's proven this in the past when you did the same thing before.

So keep yourself busy during this time, go out with friends, go to movies, visit family, take up a hobby, read a book, and just simply wait until she's able to raise her head about it all.

I have had weeks of working 18 hour day after day, whilst also more depressed and physically ill than i'd have cared to let on. WorkSleepWork felt like my limit. That said, had anyone dropped a line, I would've responded with something, anything.

Something needs to be seriously wrong, or seriously painful to not even reply with "still busy! Talk friday!" or whatever.

I don't think an odd text here and there makes you insecure OP. Had you not tried to hear from her, it'd look like a different ballgame,,, this way, it's just plain ignoring.

Methinks you might want to let her know if she wants to talk there's a time limit on it before you treat this as a breakup.

Who the heck goes over a week without even a scant reply to their SO? I mean if she ain't dead or in a coma something between you two isn't right.

Unfortunately, if we let a dumper come back they usually do the same thing again.

Its very easy to reply to a message with today's technology. Not communicating for a whole week means she doesn't want to communicate and most probably will repeat what she did last time. Why even bother with the anxiety when she's dumped you before? How rude of her to not make a slightest bit of effort to communicate in an adult fashion.

Best thing would be to end it.

Based on your past history and present behavior, your gf doesn't have proper coping skills when it comes to dealing with high workload and stress. No, her behavior is not normal or healthy.

The question you should be asking isn't how she feels about you, but rather do you want to be with someone who will behave this way and treat you this way every single time life gets difficult. Can you imagine what it would be like to deal with the stress of having a newborn with a woman who will shut down and shut you out or start breaking down and demanding divorce in response to the stress? If the answer is no, that's not your cup of tea, then probably best that you end things with her and move on.

No one does that to someone they love. I don't care how much pressure they are under or how busy they are.

You are right to think something is up, and you deserve better treatment than this. Don't accept it.

It takes two seconds to reply to a text. Or can call and talk for a quick minute.

Her reading your texts and ignoring is rude. She didn't ask for space or a break, but I'd give her one. A permanent one.