I Let Myself Rush Into Things

So here's my situation: I met a girl online, and we immediately had a lot in common and started texting. Pretty soon, she was telling me she was into me, how I'm her dream guy, and wanted to be labeled as boyfriend/girlfriend. I must emphasize that this was all on day ONE. Less than 24 hours. We have not met, we live about an hour away from each other, have not even talked, and she was already pushing for exclusivity. Because I did genuinely like talking to her, didn't want to hurt her feelings, and was just flat out flattered by what she was saying(relationships have never been my strong suit), I went along with it, and am now thinking that it was a mistake. We're meeting on Saturday. It sounds like this girl has a few red flags for wanting to jump in like this so soon. How do I let her down easy? Do I just tell her I don't feel ready for this?

My other concern here is that there's another girl that I'm friends with that I was hoping to get back into contact with to possibly pursue before all this happened, and I don't want to potentially miss out on that.

She is either a total psycho or a scammer or both. Either way, you tell her the date is off and then immediately block her from all access and contact with you and I do mean immediately. There is no letting down easy, there is only showing her what you didn't show yesterday - that you have boundaries and guts to enforce them. Don't worry about her feelings - she is talking to you and 20 other guys at the same time looking for that one super desperate sucker who will be manipulated. Sane people run away screaming and she knows this and expects it.

I sincerely hope that you didn't share any personal info to where she can track you down, because by going along with the crazy as far as you did, you did show her that you can potentially be pushed and manipulated and that's not good for you. In the future, cut off that kind of stuff faster. Scammers prey on kind souls who just can't say "no!" because they are so afraid to hurt someone's feelings with that. Perfect victims.

Ok, she's definitely not a scammer. Believe me, I know what those look like. We actually have some mutual friends(though I'm not super close with any of them), and have seen each other before, just didn't realize it. Doing some research on this topic, it sounds like she was looking for someone to fill a hole in her life she thought needed to be filled, and when she found me and saw that we have a lot in common, and found me attractive, she decided to jump right in. I don't think she's talking to 20 other guys at the same time, though she does seem to have quite a few close "guy-friends". Either way, she's a real person who, as far as I know, isn't a total psycho, she's probably just not emotionally ready for a long-term committed relationship, but thinks that's what she needs to be happy.

On one hand, I see nothing wrong with her not wanting to multidate, and to state this preference beforehand to ensure that you both are on the same page. I don't do the multi-dating thing, and every single time I met someone I made sure he knew where I stood, and if he was into multi-dating he was free to walk away because it meant we were too different.

Now, if this girl is specifically telling you that she has strong feelings for you and is so into you before you even met, it could definitely be a red flag.

The only thing you can do is meet her in person and see how you get along and what kind of vibe you get from her. If she turns out to be too much too soon, there is nothing wrong with telling her you prefer to take things way slower than that (if you actually like her and wish to pursue something with her), or that upon meeting you didn't feel a spark and wish her the best (if you don't feel anything towards her). Just be honest and upfront, it doesn't have to be complicated.

Meet her and tell her you are not in any rush to do anything other than getting to know each other better and see where things go.

You are in control of your own life and just because she is in a hurry for some unknown reason doesn't mean you should jump onto a speeding train or throw your ticket away all together. Right now you are just speculating so meet her, get to know her and ask her why she is in such a rush.

It is called "dating" not "relationshipping" so you don't owe her anything other than honesty and respect.

If you want to take a swing at some other girl than be brave and contact her, life is short so don't let time slip by waiting.

Lost

Now, if this girl is specifically telling you that she has strong feelings for you and is so into you before you even met, it could definitely be a red flag.

That is EXACTLY what happened

Meet her and tell her you are not in any rush to do anything other than getting to know each other better and see where things go.

 

You are in control of your own life and just because she is in a hurry for some unknown reason doesn't mean you should jump onto a speeding train or throw your ticket away all together. Right now you are just speculating so meet her, get to know her and ask her why she is in such a rush.

 

It is called "dating" not "relationshipping" so you don't owe her anything other than honesty and respect.

 

If you want to take a swing at some other girl than be brave and contact her, life is short so don't let time slip by waiting.

 

Lost

Thanks. I think I will ask her why she was in such a rush. The whole distance thing might also be something too. I've never done that before, and we're both really active in our respective community theatres, so I can see some big complications arising. I just have this gut feeling she won't take it well, and yeah I HATE upsetting people, but this is for our own good.

She might not be a scammer, but she is definitely psycho. Sane people do not act like her. Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck....it's a duck OP. You aren't doing yourself any favors trying to excuse crazy behavior. The fact that you are afraid to even tell her that the date is off says a lot.....

Basically, if you enjoy toxic relationships and drama, carry on. If you want something better and more healthy for yourself, disengage from this asap.

Anyone who expresses desire to be labeled "boyfriend/girlfriend" after chatting less than 24 hours and before meeting in person, I'm sorry is not someone who is right in the head.

And anyone who continues engaging with such person probably has his/her one share of issues as well.

I get connecting on line, but boyfriend/girlfriend? After chatting only one day?

There is a reason why you two are drawn to each other.

It sounds like you are trying to fill a void as well, otherwise this would be a huge turn off for you.

She definitely is not living in reality, but I suppose if you're drawn to her, then meet her in person and keep it REAL.

Her behavior sounds a bit psycho, but some men are drawn to psycho, and if that's the case enjoy and have fun!

I definitely don't enjoy drama and toxic relationships, I've had enough of that in my life, and it's not that I'm afraid to call off the date, it's that instant disengagement/ghosting this girl while she's on Cloud 9 is most definitely not the answer here.

Why not?

Do you think she will die or something? Is she "really" that unstable?

I mean it's been what a few days not to mention you've never even "talked"?

Look, if you're intrigued, flattered, whatever, even a little, then meet her!

But be prepared cause she does sound a bit over the top and "off."

Best of luck.

I just loathe the concept of ghosting. It's happened to me, and it made me feel like garbage. Nobody deserves to be treated like they don't exist, especially without giving reason

I definitely don't enjoy drama and toxic relationships, I've had enough of that in my life, and it's not that I'm afraid to call off the date, it's that instant disengagement/ghosting this girl while she's on Cloud 9 is most definitely not the answer here.

For as long as you keep telling yourself this kind of bs, you will continue to end up with drama and toxic women. She is a grown adult, not a child and is capable of handling her emotions. Nobody is suggesting that you ghost her, but you should let her know that you've changed your mind and that the date is off. That would be the adult thing to do in this case.

I just loathe the concept of ghosting. It's happened to me, and it made me feel like garbage. Nobody deserves to be treated like they don't exist, especially without giving reason

No one said anything about ghosting.

I sure didn't.

Just tell her sorry, you don't think you're a good fit for each other, and wish her well.

You act like this is some LTR or something that you have to end gently.

Fact is you've chatted on line for a few days, you don't wish to continue, she's not a good fit.

Done.

Ah. I wasn't sure what you were referring to in your last reply. The thing I'm worried about is the whole "mutual friends" thing. I just want to make sure I don't do anything that would cause her to possibly bad mouth me to them. She's best friends with one of them. That's why I want to opt to do this in person

I think on some subconscious level, you're intrigued which is why you are hesitant to walk away.

So go meet her.

Keep it real, both feet on the ground.

I find it interesting you're both actors, in theatre.

Sense for the dramatic?

Cause you're turning something that should be quite simple into something very complicated, and more *dramatic* than it should be.

Yeeaaahh that's the other thing. I've tried dating a fellow actor before and that ended HORRIBLY, at least on my end. So yeah, not looking for a repeat. And I'm getting serious deja vu vibes from this girl. But I've seen it work before, so I am for sure going to meet her, but I already know I want to scale things between us way back. I just don't want to treat her the same way I was treated in the past is all, because like I said, nobody deserves that

Prediction;

You're gonna meet, she's gonna pull you in (sounds like she has already), your attraction will blind you and will go along with her agenda, thus begins yet another drama-packed "toxic" relationship.

Patterns tend to repeat when we continue getting involved with the same type of person.

And like I said, there is a reason why you're so drawn to each other.

Not judging, I am drawn to "intense" too but she's on a whole different level.

Good luck!

Haha thank you for your advice. I've kind of been scaling back my texts to her actually (longer gaps between replies, non-specific answers, etc.) to kind of start dropping hints. I am not going to let myself be blinded any further. I just simply don't like the idea of breaking things off in an impersonal way like text. I really do appreciate the advice given here.

Haha thank you for your advice. I've kind of been scaling back my texts to her actually (longer gaps between replies, non-specific answers, etc.) to kind of start dropping hints. I am not going to let myself be blinded any further. I just simply don't like the idea of breaking things off in an impersonal way like text. I really do appreciate the advice given here.

...o...m...g..... you aren't in a relationship....you can't break up when you haven't even met and you have nothing and I do mean nothing. For the love of, man up, tell her that you gave this some more thought and have realized this isn't going to work for you and cancel that date already. Good grief but this isn't complicated. Stop projecting your personal issues to others. No wonder you get involved with toxic drama - you are already full into this and you haven't even met face to face.

I would actually suggest based on all this that you back away from any attempts to date and take care of your personal issues and hang ups before you attempt dating again.

A "few red flags?" You should have blocked her when she said you were her "dream guy."

Something is wrong with her, or she is a catfish. Use better judgement.

She might not be a scammer, but she is definitely psycho. Sane people do not act like her. Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck....it's a duck OP. You aren't doing yourself any favors trying to excuse crazy behavior. The fact that you are afraid to even tell her that the date is off says a lot.....

 

Basically, if you enjoy toxic relationships and drama, carry on. If you want something better and more healthy for yourself, disengage from this asap.

I agree. And, the fact that that you are considering meeting her, demonstrates that your judgement is off, and you seek drama.

Ok fine. I'll end it today, if that's the consensus here. It's not going to be pretty though. And she is not a catfish either, pretty sure of that.

There's nothing to end. She is a stranger. You haven't even met this woman, and you spoke for one day.

Ok fine. I'll end it today, if that's the consensus here. It's not going to be pretty though. And she is not a catfish either, pretty sure of that.

What's with the snarky -- "fine, I'll end it today," dude what are you thinking?

First off, end what, one day of chatting on line? lol

You do realize how utterly ludicrous this sounds, don't you?

And second, we're just objective observers, no need to "end it" on our accounts, what do YOU want to do?

Have some backbone, if you want to meet her then meet her, we're just giving our opinions based on experience and well, basic common sense.

And lastly, the fact you suspect it "won't be pretty" right there speaks volumes about what's to come if you go forward with her.

May I remind you that you've chatted on line a grand total of one day, never talked, and never met?

Anyone who makes things "not pretty" because some stranger she's chatted on line with for one day no longer wants to meet, is like I said in my first post, not right in the head.

All that said, best of luck whatever you choose to do.