Daughter won't visit overnight, unless

I move out of Grandma's house. She doesn't like her attitude. So now I have to push the moving plan up and my savings won't likely happen. I'm on day visits now, she is starting to want to see my brother and his family but really doesn't want to see my mom, though she's going to at the concert. All my mom is thinking about is the lectures she wants to give her when she sees her again. And my daughter isn't up for it. She liked me better when I had my own my apartment, so did I, but it takes time to get situated enough to move, especially now that i have less stuff.

Well there is little information here and I am not quiet sure if this is a vent or a question.

But I have several family members who like to try to lecture me on things. Those memebers of my family don't see me and my wife or our children because they don't know how to keep their mouth shut.

If she has the ability to not see you (not sure on age) because she doesn't want to deal with that I totally understand.

Why does your mother want to "lecture" your daughter? What does she think your daughter is doing that warrants a "lecture"?

And how about asking your mother to can it during the visit? That your daughter doesn't want to come if she insists on "lecturing" her?

Ughhhh, that drives me insane. You are her mother, any lecture is your right, not your mothers.

Grandmas should be loving and fun and not acting in a parental role. Unless their grandchild is doing something that's harmful then by all means they can speak up. I had the best gramma in the world. I talked to her about everything, she listened, was supportive, and non judgmental. So I trusted her fully. Can't you tell your mother to zip it for the sake of your visits with your daughter? Or can you stay somewhere else with her on an overnight? If that's allowed.

I'd stick with the day visits and let daughter and grandma duke it out themselves. This isn't about you, so inserting yourself into the problem will only amplify the problem and make everyone mad at you. Your daughter is capable of dealing with grandma and asserting her own boundaries if she chooses, and causing yourself another financial disaster to cater to daughter's wish to avoid that isn't wise--or helpful to anyone.

I'd stick with the day visits and let daughter and grandma duke it out themselves. This isn't about you, so inserting yourself into the problem will only amplify the problem and make everyone mad at you. Your daughter is capable of dealing with grandma and asserting her own boundaries if she chooses, and causing yourself another financial disaster to cater to daughter's wish to avoid that isn't wise--or helpful to anyone.

The daughter did establish a boundary, just one the OP doesn't like.

It is just "I am not going to be around that woman unless she learns to "

Honestly that is a pretty healthy boundary in my opinion, one I have with many family members.

Based on your history -- then if daughter doesn't want to spend the night, she doesn't spend the night. YOu are in no position to get an apartment yet. Or you parent-up and lay down the law with your daughter - she is spending the night. Maybe you choose a night when Grandma is doing an outing or you take time to do something with your daughter yourself. Either way, the answer is NOT getting an apartment. You have too much debt, and you are in danger of running into another man's arms the minute you move out to spite your mother. Or if you think the daughter has a reasonable boundary, you save up and go on a little overnight with her somewhere.

I think that is what the OP is complaining about.

 

The daughter did establish a boundary, just one the OP doesn't like.

 

It is just "I am not going to be around that woman unless she learns to "

 

Honestly that is a pretty healthy boundary in my opinion, one I have with many family members.

Yep. That's why I'd stay out of it. Grandma is fully capable of working out her own problems with granddaughter, and visa versa. There's no reason why day visits present a problem.

Well I'm looking into August as move out date. Mom is selling the house may move in with a guy, so that's likely about the time I need to move by. Until then I'll use free hotel stays for overnight visits.