Advice about past love

I had a relationship with a man I loved very much (2 years ago). We talked about marriage, traveled the world and said we loved each other. Our breakup was very traumatic. I cannot go into specifics, but trust was broken. No cheating. He broke up with me and immediately dated someone new. This broke my heart. A year later he ended that relationship and since has been in contact with me again. We have talked and met up (usually every month). I still have my anger and resentment because I felt abandoned (via breakup). However, I want to forgive him completely.

The problem I am now facing is that I still have feelings for him. I have asked him if reconciliation is possible and his feelings. His response (over a month ago) was “I’m in a confused state right now and I honestly don’t know what I want.” This deeply upset me due to the frequency of our communication, it just sent mixed signals. We still have chemistry and some strange connection. Our interactions are not always friendly (sexual chemistry). You might say he’s just using you as a back up or wants to see what else is out there. Which yes, could be true. However he has always known that I loved him and still agrees to meet up. Wouldn’t a person not interested feel awkward or say no? He also said he is not currently dating and asked if I was/how dating was going.

My question now is do I push him for a real answer, yes if he wants to try again or no. After knowing him for years I think I deserve an honest response. Or should I cut contact? I am so confused and upset about the back and forth. Is he really not sure? Stringing me along? The thoughts that stress me out. How do I proceed?

Thank you in advance for the advice!

What would he say no to meeting up with you from time to time? He knows you love him, so he knows you’ll have sex with him whenever he wants, yet he gets the out of saying he doesn’t know what he wants.

You’re creating the perfect scenario for him. And because he’s verbalized it, and he is very clear, it’s super easy for him.

Sex without commitment. Every guy’s dream.

We haven’t had sex and he hasn’t tried to. That’s what is confusing. Flirting yes, but it’s always conversation. I would never agree to sex only and knows that. I feel like it’s a scenario that makes it easy for him to come and go (true) but I just don’t understand his motive. There’s no sex, I have feelings and I we hangout.

You've made your intentions clear, and for all intents and purposes, any answer other than a yes is probably a no. I would proceed as if he's not interested and start dating other people. And should he change his mind after he finds out you're seeing someone else, I would be cautious about getting back with him. It sounds like he's keeping you warm just in case he needs to be bailed out.

He knows you love him! For him, he keeps you in mind in case nothing else works out.

He dated another, it ended, he contacted you. Him not committing means he's free to still look around and date while

talking to and seeing you sometimes. It's perfect for him. Not for you because you want him back.

If you want to earn his respect, don't let him put you in the friend zone where you are so available to him.

Thank you both for the advice! We are supposed to meet up next weekend but I think I should cancel. Tell him he knows how I feel and that’s where it stands. No contact. It just sucks how good people get taken for granted :(

Thank you all for the advice

I just found myself in the same situation. Do not hang out with him. You'll be crushed when he tells you he's met someone and moving on. If you had no feelings for him, it would be fine. If he was even clear on his intent, it would be fine. But right now, it's no so very fine lol. Look out for yourself, because you are the only one who can protect yourself from unnecessary hurt. I don't initiate with my ex, he still contacts me. I do not hang out with him at all. I expect him to fade away when he meets someone he's interested in, so I keep my guard up and it's actually helped me to not want him anymore lol. Respect yourself, they will respect you. Simple as that. Good luck, I hope you find happiness and peace with this. You have to do what's right for you, not for them. Don't forget it :)

Thank you!! I hope I find peace as well. This has been going on for years and it did some damage to me, my self esteem big time. Very hard for me to move on, thought he was the one. I guess time and loving myself is the answer :)

You have been his back up. Not fair for you at all. His inaction is your answer.

Time to move on to find someone who appreciates you, and wants to be with you.

Tell him it's done, then block.

Thank you both for the advice! We are supposed to meet up next weekend but I think I should cancel. Tell him he knows how I feel and that’s where it stands. No contact. It just sucks how good people get taken for granted :(

Don't allow people to string you along. It will save you much pain.

I had a relationship with a man I loved very much (2 years ago). We talked about marriage, traveled the world and said we loved each other. Our breakup was very traumatic. I cannot go into specifics, but trust was broken. No cheating. He broke up with me and immediately dated someone new. This broke my heart. A year later he ended that relationship and since has been in contact with me again. We have talked and met up (usually every month). I still have my anger and resentment because I felt abandoned (via breakup). However, I want to forgive him completely.

 

The problem I am now facing is that I still have feelings for him. I have asked him if reconciliation is possible and his feelings. His response (over a month ago) was “I’m in a confused state right now and I honestly don’t know what I want.” This deeply upset me due to the frequency of our communication, it just sent mixed signals. We still have chemistry and some strange connection. Our interactions are not always friendly (sexual chemistry). You might say he’s just using you as a back up or wants to see what else is out there. Which yes, could be true. However he has always known that I loved him and still agrees to meet up. Wouldn’t a person not interested feel awkward or say no? He also said he is not currently dating and asked if I was/how dating was going.

 

My question now is do I push him for a real answer, yes if he wants to try again or no. After knowing him for years I think I deserve an honest response. Or should I cut contact? I am so confused and upset about the back and forth. Is he really not sure? Stringing me along? The thoughts that stress me out. How do I proceed?

 

Thank you in advance for the advice!