I have my answer from my ex and I wanted to kill myself

My whole story is on my page read it if you want the whole back story.

I am still very much in love with my ex gf. 3 weeks ago we tried meeting up and hanging out. I got very mixed signals from her, It seemed like she was testing me if I was with someone (I had been on a date with someone since the break up which was 9 months ago but I wasnt with anyone). Like usual I fell in love with her again. I wanted to know if it was worth trying to take that step again. Mutual friends of ours told me things that seemed it could be possible. I eventually asked a mutual friend to give it to me straight. She told me my ex spoke to her saying that when she was with me recently she felt nothing toward me. I then learned something that shattered me... that my ex has been having one night stands.

This is someone that you would never have imagined being this way, doing these things (we were each others firsts). It kills me. It is killing me. I became suicidal within minutes of hearing this, rushed to hospital and in a mental health clinic. I called my ex despite my rage and anger I told her the truth that I missed her and wished to get to know her again. Her response was "Is this everything you have to say". She then said we need more time apart and told me she had to go. Then the next day I had another suicidal episode and rushed back to the hospital.

I have been through everything, absolutely everything to show her how much she means to me, to prove to her that I can be that person in her life. I dont know what to do or what to think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am currently emotional writing this. I just dont understand, and PLEASE ANYBODY reading this please help me understand!!! How can she be doing this??? How can she prefer sleeping with strangers, having one night stands that must make her feel hollow and empty.... when there is someone she loved not too long ago right there. Telling her they still love her and that they will be there for her every single day of their lives because they love her! How can she do that???????

OP, we can't give you the answers you are looking for, my friend. You won't be able to understand her, because you're in a completely different frame of mind. You are personalizing her behaviour, something that has nothing to do with you in the end.

You need to go and take care of your emotional health now. Do you have good friends and family around you? You need to speak to someone (not your ex) about what is going through your mind, and you need a good professional who can work with you through this. Do take care of yourself.

Your reaction to this is based in Attachment Trauma, Rejection and Abandonment. These are deeply ingrained in us and your reaction is totally understandable.

Do some googling on those and look up Alan Robarge on YouTube.

Unfortunately no words any of us can say can take that pain away but make sure you have at least one or two people you can ask to keep an eye on you.

You don't need to do much right now except sleep, eat and breathe. Try to exercise. Even just walking.

I know the dark place you are in. Keep writing your thoughts out here. Seek counseling if you can.

Carus*

Ryan,

Very sorry you are feeling like this.

Try to use this update as a positive, to be able to switch the mindset and move forward.

I get that you are hurting.. we all are, well, nearly all, but people will ALWAYS be capable of surprising like this.

Never give someone this much power over your life and well-being.

Please contact the professionals, who's job is it to help in these circumstances.

..and instead of ever contacting the ex, come on here instead. Agreed?

Stay strong.

Please read my previous post. I need answers! I need to stop my brain from going in circles. Please help me I dont think Im in the right head space and Im scared I might hurt myself

I will... Thank you so much Carus. Its just a loop in my head and it wont switch off.

Thank you Sputnik 123. I am trying to keep going but I cant stop thinking about it. Her being with someone else in a petty pathetic act.

Im crying thinking about it now. I want her to tell me talk to me anything.

We are all here for you Ryan.

One of the most pertinent statements seen on the forum is "the cause of the pain cannot be the solution to ease the pain".

Please keep that in mind.

Try to breathe, Ryan. I know it all feels very surreal right now, like it is not happening to you, like it could never have happened to you in a million years, that you KNEW this person inside and out, and they could never be capable of doing something like this.

But you must understand she is not doing this TO YOU, this is not a reflection of you as a person or as a partner. It is a concept extremely difficult to understand when you are in a heavy emotional state like this. But try to seek and find some clarity. Just try, breathe, try to loosen/relax your muscles, go for a walk and fresh air.

A little over 6 weeks ago I had plans to buy a house with someone and get married, and it all got shattered overnight after 5 years ( we were already engaged).

A bit further into reflection during these days (in the moments of clarity I am able to get when I’m not in a highly emotional state like you are now, bawling my eyes out, and screaming inside why?! and how?!), I realize it wasn’t overnight. I had signals, I had experience of past behaviors that were indicative enough, subtle sometimes, but enough. I had intuition and instincts. I decided to ignore those, or rather tell myself that if we worked through them... well. The key word would be “we”. When you are alone working and giving, it just doesn’t work.

I know there isnt a lot we can say to make you feel better friend, just know you are not alone in your pain. Most people here, trust me when I say we are as bewildered at and as crushed by our different love and relationship experiences gone wrong, sometimes awfully wrong. This is not the end of you or your life story by any means, please know that.

It will get better, you will get better. Just be prepared for the ups and downs, it is a process, the healing does not happen overnight but it will happen. Attend to your health first.

Call the Suicide hotline in your area, dont wait for replies.

I will... Thank you so much Carus. Its just a loop in my head and it wont switch off.

Here's a video to help you Ryan:

We're gonna have to draw on several resources to get you through this....

This is also something you'll need to read through: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

Learn a couple of quick meditation tricks too to help soothe your anxiety....Anxiety makes us do crazy stuff!

Stay Strong Brother*

Carus*

You still out there Ryan? I hope you get the help you desperately need. Understand you want the pain to stop, but suicide is not the answer. I hope you checked yourself back in. Saying prayers for you...........

Let us know you're okay. Be strong.

Its just a loop in my head and it wont switch off.

I have this with my ex so, so much. I am doing cognitive behavioral therapy (I was in it before the breakup) and it is helping a lot. There is a lot to it so much so I can't cover it here, but the most basic technique anyone can use. When you think a negative thought immediately try and counter it with a positive one about yourself. At first this is fake it until you make it, but after awhile it becomes habit.

In your case (as in mine) when you think "Why did they do this to me?" immediately try and think "This is something everyone likes about Ryan, I..." then fill in what you know people like about you. And it feels fake and false and that no one can possibly see you that way. I still feel that, but I also think it right after a negative so it stops the cycle somewhat because next thought I think that again...

Here's a video to help you Ryan:

 

We're gonna have to draw on several resources to get you through this....

 

This is also something you'll need to read through: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Learn a couple of quick meditation tricks too to help soothe your anxiety....Anxiety makes us do crazy stuff!

Stay Strong Brother*

 

Carus*

Ok this right here. This guy gets it. Watch/listen to this video when you can Ryan (and everybody). The loop you are talking about, in your mind, is that endless movie he is referring to in the video. It is very hard to switch off, to turn off, but it is doable!!! First we have to understand where our pain is coming from, and to understand ourselves, then (or simultaneously as possible) try to empower ourselves and dig ourselves out of this sh&$ hole. With time and consciousness, I believe we will all make it through friend, just stay with us and stay hopeful for YOUR life. It is all you have and it is yours. As someone once said, we dont get to decide how much time we are given or have to live on this Earth but we CAN decide what to do with the time we are given and how to live our lives. You control your mind and emotions, you have the power.

We are all here for you Ryan.

 

One of the most pertinent statements seen on the forum is "the cause of the pain cannot be the solution to ease the pain".

 

Please keep that in mind.

This too. Don’t go back to the source of pain.

Threads have been merged.

Less than a year ago, my best friend ("L")of nearly 20 years committed suicide. She killed herself over a F**ing guy.

She gassed herself. My other best friend ("D") (we were all the "Three Musketeers") husband was the first person who saw the paramedics trying to revive her body. THEY could of died because the gas is toxic after a few inhales. She was beyond gone when they arrived. The paramedics told him that she "passed away peacefully." HUGE ASS LIE (unfortunately it's not uncommon for paramedics to LIE to family/friends about someone's death at the scene). Gassing yourself is excruciating and painful. She died a very painful death... over a stupid F**ing guy.

D was visiting her family overseas when it went down. Husband only told L's family and didn't want to tell D until she got back a few days later. Try being in her husband's shoe of holding onto the news of a friend's death and dealing with grief alone... it eats you alive. Then I got the call. D and I had to be the ones to spread the news to friends about L's suicide. Never have I had to have a painful, awkward conversation with so many people.

Receiving the suicide note was the absolute worst pain she had inflicted on us. It explained why she did what she did, left instructions of her funeral arrangements (which we aren't in charge of because we're not family), and which friends get what of her possessions. Completely planned. D and I still cannot comprehend to this day why the F she didn't reach out to us, yet made more time to type such notes and instructions. All because of a F**ing guy.

I was at her viewing and funeral. I witnessed so many family members in pain, crying in anguish or staring at her coffin with numbed stillness. I watched L's brother, uncle, and father, and D's husband carry her coffin out of the church. I watched L's mother cry over her coffin before it was lowered in the ground. Her daughter was gone forever and she can no longer hold her. Everything she did as her loving mother -- putting her through therapy and supporting her in anyway she could -- was in vain. All because a F**ing guy.

Parties with friends aren't the same anymore because L isn't around. I have skipped 3 social events because L will no longer be there. I hate big crowds and most people, and L was always with me to keep me company. L and I did so much crazy stuff growing up and within our adulthood that I wish I can re-live those moments again with her. I will never have those back. I was so busy with work and I was eager to spend my summer with her since I live in a beach community. Nope, she is gone before those plans could start. I'm about to give birth to my first child and would of wanted her to be the one of the first people to hold her first.

So really.... if you kill yourself now, you leave pain behind on your family and friends. Those awesome people who always had your back no matter what. That pain never diminishes. They will have to live with that pain. They don't deserve it because your ex is a W*. Please don't do that to them. I am still trying to pick up the pieces after L did it and am failing miserably.

If this girl is driving you that much to hurt yourself, she ain't worth it. Your life is worth way more than hers. Heartbreaks suck. Rejection sucks. But please don't think it is the end of the world. There are plenty of people who (or will) love you. Please call the hotline:

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Snny, , I'm sorry, that's heartbreaking. I lost a BF to suicide and I can vividly see the wake and funeral as if it were today when I think of him. The pain in his dad's eyes who wouldn't even look at me because I was the gf, I was supposed to make him happy and he'd forget his ex. That's what he said. That was brutal. His mom adored me and didn't blame me, but his dad, he never spoke to me again. He could not handle the fact his ex got engaged. And the heartbreak of everyone, it's something that leaves a permanent impact for sure. No guy or girl is worth a life. No one. This is one of those times that everyone wishes time would pass quickly, or that there was a magic pill to take, to take their pain away. Those who contemplate and/ or follow through, they say they just want the pain to end. For some, it does. But not for those left behind :(

Ryan, please tell us where you live and your full name. We need to be able to get you help if you're serious about these feelings.

Please let us know that you're seeking help, or please post that information and let us help you.

Ryan, please tell us where you live and your full name. We need to be able to get you help if you're serious about these feelings.

 

Please let us know that you're seeking help, or please post that information and let us help you.

Posters are not allowed to disclose their personal contact info.

He needs to be truthful with his family when he has feelings of despair that are strong enough for him to contemplate suicide so they can get him help.

Ugh it's just so frustrating to see someone that needs help urgently and not be able to do anything about it

Hello RyanJ64,

I read your old posts and I feel sorry that you are in pain. It is very evident that you can’t get her out of your head. Have you thought that you may have been wearing your heart on your sleeve too much? Some women don’t like that. And the more she finds you like this, in most cases, the more a woman will not like you. I don’t mean to offend but most of the time they are attracted to stable, confident and not too emotional guys. If you are suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. The advice all the people gave you are great. It’s time to pick up yourself and get something done. I suggest that you forget about her even temporarily, take care of your physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual health. Go out and enjoy life. Travel a bit even if you are alone and just enjoy all the good things that you have. If you are happy to be around with and have a positive view, people are drawn to you. And who knows, maybe even a new girl and a better relationship. Or even your ex after meeting a better Ryan who is confident, happy and fun to be with.

Hoping to find a post here from Ryan saying he's okay :(

Ryan I hope you are okay. You did not deserve this treatment. You will be okay just take it one minute at a time. Throw yourself into school or work, whatever you have in front of you should be your only thoughts.

A therapist told me once that "you just need to be a robot right now and concentrate on the task at hand."

Do not trust the depressive thoughts in your head. We have a way of convincing ourselves of anything when we are depressed. These thoughts are not true. You are a great person and deserve so much better.

Mitch