How to Get Over Someone You Broke Up With

Hello everyone. This is a very twisted story about my last relationship. When we met in 2011, I had been out of my last relationship about 6 months. This new guy is very handsome, no children and we had a lot of common friends. We grew up going to rival high schools and everyone that knew him in high school had nothing but good to say. The more I was around him and his social group, I realized they all drank a lot. I'm more of a social drinker and have a child, so I've always tried to drink responsibly. I was so enamored by his looks and he seemed crazy about me. He was very hard to get to know. It was like he was hiding something and was embarrassed about his life. So fast forward, a lot of things he told me about himself weren't true (i.e. college graduate, lived with a friend, etc.) Everyone said he was just embarrassed and felt bad for him. We dated for over 3 years and usually he would screw up with his drinking or let me down on something he was supposed to do because he couldn't wake up, etc. He went through five jobs, all without benefits. Some were under the table construction type work. He also had a problem lying about things that didn't matter. All I can figure out is that he had an inferiority complex because he was disappointed in himself. He is a very attractive guy that played sports in high school and then didn't turn out so well. I know it bothered him. Then I found out he had been smoking pot behind my back the entire relationship. He would deny things and just lie unless he was backed against the wall with concrete evidence.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him. I literally could not stand the sight of him any longer. For two years he would text me periodically telling me how much he loved me and that no one would ever love me like he did. I've always usually been cheated on and that's one good thing I can say about him. He was very loyal. I would never reply...until last year. I went through a really bad time with my health and his mother and I were still Facebook friends. She shared with him what I was going through. She kept in touch with me periodically to check on me and had told me he had moved in with them. They are 2 hours away in another state. He lived with his dad while we dated (he's 50 now) and was now living with her trying to make a new start. When he found out about my illness, he started blowing me up again begging me to please talk to him. I finally told him I was fine and thanked him for his concern. That led to more texting and he asked me to please speak with him on the phone. I agreed last Memorial weekend. He begged me to take baby steps, he had changed, he still loved me, etc. However, he was dating a new girl. He said he was lonely and needed companionship and I wasn't talking to him. So I agreed to drive down and talk to him. Just to see if we could finally get closure of if there was something still there. We met. He was nervous and I had my guard up. He asked me how long it would be up and I told him he would have to prove to me that he had grown up and gotten his life together. I will be 50 this year and although I am independent and take care of myself, I want a partner to meet me halfway or more.

We had been talking for a month and he told me he had ended it with the girl he was seeing. I went down to see his mom's play and on the way back I got a message request from the girl he had been seeing. She started sending me all these text messages between the two of them. He had completely lied to her and told her he was a baseball scout (he had gotten a certificate to become one, but nothing came of it and he was working at a golf shop) and he told her that he was having to move to California with work instead of telling her about me. He had lied to her about his whole life. I was in shock and disgusted. It was like a bad Lifetime movie. Aren't they all bad though? So I confront him with this when we get to his room and he is denying most of it and trying to say she rigged her messages. I told him to hand the phone over and he had nothing to say. I left early the next morning and the girl asked if she could contact me. I agreed. I couldn't believe what he did to her. He told me he didn't want her knowing about his life and that he was still trying to make the scout thing work. He told me they had never had sex and they had, etc. before I found everything out. So after crying and talking to his mom (we are close) and sorting through why he did what he did, I STILL tried to give it a shot because he had not stopped loving me. While we were dating again, he still was telling me he was getting full time and giving me dates it should happen. It never happened. His mother would tell me how he just came home from work and would go sit in her garage and drink beer and smoke. It appeared to me that nothing was going to change and once he felt me pulling away he got desperate and that really pushed me away. I ended it.

That was back in September and I just knew I was over him. He continued to text me. I had to block him in January for texting me at 3 a.m. and sometime 1:00 a.m. Then I unblocked him in February and he texted me at 2 a.m. I blocked him again and told his mother why I had to do so. He was sending me music videos and telling me how he was fighting for us. He was going to be full time soon with benefits, etc. So here we are in March and he has apparently started seeing a new girl. This is where it gets twisted. The girl he lied to so badly somehow has a connection with this new girl and she got in touch with her and told her everything he did. The new girl has six children and she wanted to warn her. He of course makes her to be crazy and so I get pulled into it and the new girl texts me. I briefly told her what happened and that I was uncomfortable talking to her and for her to trust her gut. I'm the rational one right? So why is it now bothering me that he has moved on?!! I feel like I've lost my mind. Maybe in the back of my mind I hoped he would get it together finally and we could start over? I do still love him, but worried about his lying and what else he would hide from me since I did find out about him smoking weed. He swears he has changed and doesn't do that anymore. I'm just baffled at how this man was still pining for me a little over 3 weeks ago, but now he's saying this girl is who he is loyal to and even took her to meet his mom last week. His mother thinks he has lost his mind.

So why is this bothering me and made me cry the last few days when I broke up with him? I don't want him to be happy with someone else now, when I couldn't have cared less before. I am wondering if I am still in love with him. Maybe I am, but knew I couldn't live with him how he was at the time. Now he has full time employment and benefits AND a new girl in his life that he seems to be crazy about. His mother told me she was an escape and it wouldn't last. Why do I care? Why is this getting to me now? Please help!:(

Wow! The guy is a pathological liar and is mentally ill. I'm surprised that you can still care for this guy. I'm sure most of the things he has told you are lies, and it sounds to me like he was even carrying on other relationships when he was dating you. He never had sex with his previous girlfriend. Yeah, right! And you know he won't be able to hang onto his job or the girlfriend. This guy just brings chaos to whoever he meets. I'm sure he tells all his girlfriends he loves only them and incessantly bothers them with texts and Facebook messages. This guy is insane and other than being handsome, he's a one-man wrecking crew of people's lives. Stay away from this guy. Block him. Don't contact him. Find ANYBODY else!

Zebras don't change their stripes. What you see is what you get.

This guy is a manipulator and honestly sounds like you are describing a 20 year old, not 50.

Cry, grieve, then heal! I hope it's not his mom that's the reason you keep trying to give chances.

It's time to pull back a bit from her also until you feel better. You'll tie your life up and get nowhere with this guy.

This reminds me of the lyrics of a Republica song -

"I know my ex-boyfriend lies

Oh he does it every time

It's just his permanent disguise

Yeah yeah but he's drop dead gorgeous"

Don't give this guy another chance. He has an illness. No amount of handsome is worth that.

He is a loser, pathological liar, and a manipulator. What was appealing about this guy?

I do not understand why you would date this guy, again, after you had spoken to the gf? You knew who he was. Why would you put yourself in this position?

Block him! You may want to consider therapy to understand why you would consider someone of such low caliber. He is really bottom of the barrel.

I have reached out to a therapist. I've never gone to counseling, but this blindsided me. His issues when he lived here was insecurity and low self-esteem. He would always feel inferior around others and we talked about it a lot. People don't care who you were in high school...it's what you are today. He just couldn't get away from the circles that were pulling him down. He comes from a good home and everyone was baffled as to why he had let himself get to the place he was. So when I broke up with him in 2015, I was done. He loved my son and would still come to the football games and wrestling matches. That was his junior year. When I saw him at the football jamboree his senior year I sent him a text and asked him to please not come to his sporting events his senior year. He obliged. For two years he would text me at holidays or periodically to tell me he still loved me. He moved and actually has seemed to get his act together with a secure job. When he lived here, he would rely on his friends to give him contractual work for them and worked at in a golf shop too. He didn't finish college to get married and everyone said after his divorce he plummeted. I ignored his texts until he found out I was really sick and when I agreed to talk to him on the phone I absolutely broke down. I had so much resentment inside me and my walls crumbled. I realized I still cared about him. His mother told me he was making great strides and was doing so much better away from the environment he was in. So that's why I agreed to take baby steps. Then the girl he was seeing started blowing me up. She really had it bad for him. I told him he needed therapy and didn't talk to him for a while. He came to see me a few times and was trying so hard to be a good boyfriend (i.e. mowing my yard, doing yard work, etc.) and trying to help me any way he could. He is 2 1/2 hours away and would do this on his days off. I was still mad at him and couldn't get passed what had just happened. That was last summer. Now here we are and he has started seeing someone again, but because I blocked him he is saying it's my fault and I abandoned him. He told me he still loves me. I had been more emotional over this this past week more than I ever have. I realize I still love him. He and I did have a deep relationship with one another and he was great with my son. My son's dad isn't involved. He does have his good points, but because of his issues I don't think I can be with him unless he got some counseling. I'm just tired of this hurt leaving and coming back. I feel like the grave of our relationship was exhumed last week and I was having to stare at all the bones again. It's very hurtful and I shouldn't give a crap at all, but for some reason I still do. His mother said his drinking has almost stopped and he is winning awards at work for top sales. I'm happy he is finally doing well and away from the people that were bringing him down here. Trust me, I don't understand it at all and that's why I want to go talk with someone. I normally have my stuff together. Again, this blindsided me. I'm on here for crying out loud talking to strangers about it. I appreciate all who have responded. It really helps. :)

Hello everyone. This is a very twisted story about my last relationship. When we met in 2011, I had been out of my last relationship about 6 months. This new guy is very handsome, no children and we had a lot of common friends. We grew up going to rival high schools and everyone that knew him in high school had nothing but good to say. The more I was around him and his social group, I realized they all drank a lot. I'm more of a social drinker and have a child, so I've always tried to drink responsibly. I was so enamored by his looks and he seemed crazy about me. He was very hard to get to know. It was like he was hiding something and was embarrassed about his life. So fast forward, a lot of things he told me about himself weren't true (i.e. college graduate, lived with a friend, etc.) Everyone said he was just embarrassed and felt bad for him. We dated for over 3 years and usually he would screw up with his drinking or let me down on something he was supposed to do because he couldn't wake up, etc. He went through five jobs, all without benefits. Some were under the table construction type work. He also had a problem lying about things that didn't matter. All I can figure out is that he had an inferiority complex because he was disappointed in himself. He is a very attractive guy that played sports in high school and then didn't turn out so well. I know it bothered him. Then I found out he had been smoking pot behind my back the entire relationship. He would deny things and just lie unless he was backed against the wall with concrete evidence.

 

I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him. I literally could not stand the sight of him any longer. For two years he would text me periodically telling me how much he loved me and that no one would ever love me like he did. I've always usually been cheated on and that's one good thing I can say about him. He was very loyal. I would never reply...until last year. I went through a really bad time with my health and his mother and I were still Facebook friends. She shared with him what I was going through. She kept in touch with me periodically to check on me and had told me he had moved in with them. They are 2 hours away in another state. He lived with his dad while we dated (he's 50 now) and was now living with her trying to make a new start. When he found out about my illness, he started blowing me up again begging me to please talk to him. I finally told him I was fine and thanked him for his concern. That led to more texting and he asked me to please speak with him on the phone. I agreed last Memorial weekend. He begged me to take baby steps, he had changed, he still loved me, etc. However, he was dating a new girl. He said he was lonely and needed companionship and I wasn't talking to him. So I agreed to drive down and talk to him. Just to see if we could finally get closure of if there was something still there. We met. He was nervous and I had my guard up. He asked me how long it would be up and I told him he would have to prove to me that he had grown up and gotten his life together. I will be 50 this year and although I am independent and take care of myself, I want a partner to meet me halfway or more.

 

We had been talking for a month and he told me he had ended it with the girl he was seeing. I went down to see his mom's play and on the way back I got a message request from the girl he had been seeing. She started sending me all these text messages between the two of them. He had completely lied to her and told her he was a baseball scout (he had gotten a certificate to become one, but nothing came of it and he was working at a golf shop) and he told her that he was having to move to California with work instead of telling her about me. He had lied to her about his whole life. I was in shock and disgusted. It was like a bad Lifetime movie. Aren't they all bad though? So I confront him with this when we get to his room and he is denying most of it and trying to say she rigged her messages. I told him to hand the phone over and he had nothing to say. I left early the next morning and the girl asked if she could contact me. I agreed. I couldn't believe what he did to her. He told me he didn't want her knowing about his life and that he was still trying to make the scout thing work. He told me they had never had sex and they had, etc. before I found everything out. So after crying and talking to his mom (we are close) and sorting through why he did what he did, I STILL tried to give it a shot because he had not stopped loving me. While we were dating again, he still was telling me he was getting full time and giving me dates it should happen. It never happened. His mother would tell me how he just came home from work and would go sit in her garage and drink beer and smoke. It appeared to me that nothing was going to change and once he felt me pulling away he got desperate and that really pushed me away. I ended it.

 

That was back in September and I just knew I was over him. He continued to text me. I had to block him in January for texting me at 3 a.m. and sometime 1:00 a.m. Then I unblocked him in February and he texted me at 2 a.m. I blocked him again and told his mother why I had to do so. He was sending me music videos and telling me how he was fighting for us. He was going to be full time soon with benefits, etc. So here we are in March and he has apparently started seeing a new girl. This is where it gets twisted. The girl he lied to so badly somehow has a connection with this new girl and she got in touch with her and told her everything he did. The new girl has six children and she wanted to warn her. He of course makes her to be crazy and so I get pulled into it and the new girl texts me. I briefly told her what happened and that I was uncomfortable talking to her and for her to trust her gut. I'm the rational one right? So why is it now bothering me that he has moved on?!! I feel like I've lost my mind. Maybe in the back of my mind I hoped he would get it together finally and we could start over? I do still love him, but worried about his lying and what else he would hide from me since I did find out about him smoking weed. He swears he has changed and doesn't do that anymore. I'm just baffled at how this man was still pining for me a little over 3 weeks ago, but now he's saying this girl is who he is loyal to and even took her to meet his mom last week. His mother thinks he has lost his mind.

 

So why is this bothering me and made me cry the last few days when I broke up with him? I don't want him to be happy with someone else now, when I couldn't have cared less before. I am wondering if I am still in love with him. Maybe I am, but knew I couldn't live with him how he was at the time. Now he has full time employment and benefits AND a new girl in his life that he seems to be crazy about. His mother told me she was an escape and it wouldn't last. Why do I care? Why is this getting to me now? Please help!:(

I am gonna beat that drum...

This guy is a """"Narcissist"""""... Go on line and read all about it...

Charm and lies... And drama... And push and pull...

You are one of many of his supplies... And this time he discarded you...

I wont say no more... Please go on line and read about it... :)

Read about when you dump a NARC how they behave... (exactly what he did with you, to keep you in the game) and what do they do when they dump you....Put you in the state that you are in now....

His plan is working....

I have reached out to a therapist. I've never gone to counseling, but this blindsided me. His issues when he lived here was insecurity and low self-esteem. He would always feel inferior around others and we talked about it a lot. People don't care who you were in high school...it's what you are today. He just couldn't get away from the circles that were pulling him down. He comes from a good home and everyone was baffled as to why he had let himself get to the place he was. So when I broke up with him in 2015, I was done. He loved my son and would still come to the football games and wrestling matches. That was his junior year. When I saw him at the football jamboree his senior year I sent him a text and asked him to please not come to his sporting events his senior year. He obliged. For two years he would text me at holidays or periodically to tell me he still loved me. He moved and actually has seemed to get his act together with a secure job. When he lived here, he would rely on his friends to give him contractual work for them and worked at in a golf shop too. He didn't finish college to get married and everyone said after his divorce he plummeted. I ignored his texts until he found out I was really sick and when I agreed to talk to him on the phone I absolutely broke down. I had so much resentment inside me and my walls crumbled. I realized I still cared about him. His mother told me he was making great strides and was doing so much better away from the environment he was in. So that's why I agreed to take baby steps. Then the girl he was seeing started blowing me up. She really had it bad for him. I told him he needed therapy and didn't talk to him for a while. He came to see me a few times and was trying so hard to be a good boyfriend (i.e. mowing my yard, doing yard work, etc.) and trying to help me any way he could. He is 2 1/2 hours away and would do this on his days off. I was still mad at him and couldn't get passed what had just happened. That was last summer. Now here we are and he has started seeing someone again, but because I blocked him he is saying it's my fault and I abandoned him. He told me he still loves me. I had been more emotional over this this past week more than I ever have. I realize I still love him. He and I did have a deep relationship with one another and he was great with my son. My son's dad isn't involved. He does have his good points, but because of his issues I don't think I can be with him unless he got some counseling. I'm just tired of this hurt leaving and coming back. I feel like the grave of our relationship was exhumed last week and I was having to stare at all the bones again. It's very hurtful and I shouldn't give a crap at all, but for some reason I still do. His mother said his drinking has almost stopped and he is winning awards at work for top sales. I'm happy he is finally doing well and away from the people that were bringing him down here. Trust me, I don't understand it at all and that's why I want to go talk with someone. I normally have my stuff together. Again, this blindsided me. I'm on here for crying out loud talking to strangers about it. I appreciate all who have responded. It really helps. :)

His mom was the FLYING MONKEY....Look that up.

He got so many women involved in one setting: Triangulation: Look that up...

Lied about his careers/jobs/things he did (which he never did): look that up...

You told him go away: He did not: Found ways to contact you: Holidays, B-days: Look that up...

All these women, including you: Supply, supply, supply...

He has no empathy... it is all about him...

He uses and abuses...

He sucks off society...

He is 50 and still thinks he is what? 20?

Please look up Narcissistic behaviors and relationships with these types...

There is a lot on line... You will find your closure there... Many articles about people like him, how they manipulate, how they use you, how they suck off their sources... And keep their sources in a vortex...

Agree with Mikey. However his behaviors could be beyond narcissism and into the sociopath range. It's a spectrum. The hallmarks are of both are interpersonal exploitation, selfishness, shallow range of emotion, etc. However sociopaths use superficial charm to maintain a parasitic lifestyle, as you describe.

Instead of trying to figure him out, you need to ask yourself some very serious questions. It's apparent that that's why you are here.

You freely stated that he has some insecurity and self esteem issues, but what does all this say about you?

`water seeks it's own level' & `we are as healthy as the company we keep'

So if you want to measure how healthy of a partner you are, look at your choices. Harsh but true

Why didn't you believe you deserved better, especially when you took him back after the gf called you and blew him out of the water about all of his lies? You knew going into it `no one had anything nice to say about him'

He may very well be a narcissist or a sociopath, but they choose their victims wisely and they target people who they know they can things past.

About being upset now that he's moved on - That's ok. It rocks most people. My exH was an abusive narcissist, but it rattled me to the core when he found my replacement even though I was the one that wanted out. It's just our little egos and those things tend to run the show sometimes . .IF we let them.

Thank his new girlfriend because she might be keeping him off your doorstep.

Block and delete all these dysfunctional nut jobs and focus and having healthy, drama free relationships. .AND work on believing you are worth more.