Did I do a good thing by cutting contact

I have been seeing a guy for over a month, I am 26 and he is 31. This is the first guy that I have been incredibly attracted to and genuinely interested in since my big break up 4 months ago. He is an absolute gentleman and it was going great for a while except the fact that he was a little slow when responding to texts (He sometimes works nights) and he kept giving me handshakes after our dates and never tried to lean in for a hug or a kiss, I was getting confused but he has since explained that he did not know what to do because he was afraid that I would reject what ever he tried to do and never speak to him. I suggested that we have sex, he declined saying that he is afraid that we will grow apart if we have sex and that he will lose me. I found this odd. The next day, after work he came to see me and things got heated but he could not get it up and he said that he hadn't had sex in a really long time. We cuddled and I told him that it was okay. Whilst we were cuddling he confided in me about his mother's suicide and how he also tried to commit suicide. I consoled him but our interactions have not been the same since

Recently, he has been very distant, he sometimes responds after 15 hours and he said that these days he is very busy and that he is always tired. I tried to be patient with him but it was getting frustrating waiting around for a text, when he did respond sometimes it would be a string of texts, sometimes just a cold 'How are you'. I do not feel pursued by this guy and I feel like I am wasting my time. He didn't ask me to hang out this weekend and he told me that he was working yesterday but he went on some fishing trip. So as of yesterday, I have stopped responding to his texts. I feel bad because his dog just had surgery and I want to reach out but he is blatantly lying and ignoring me for hours on end.

I'd personally message to say thank you for the time we've spent getting to know each other but I don't think we should continue dating. It's more final in my mind. I don't know why you are questioning your decision, he's not a good prospect - he's not responsive, doesn't want to (or can't) get intimate, was an awkward date, may have some serious underlying mental health issues... And you've identified you believe he lied to you. All this a month in? Why would you waste your time?

He's not a good catch. Let him go

Yes, I would put this one to rest.

He doesn't actually sound like he's romantically interested in you, be that a by-product of his own issues or just a lack of feelings. This is a friendship, not a dating scenario.

Sounds like he may have enjoyed hanging out with you, but not more than on a friendship level.

When you wanted more intimacy, he pulled back. Don't see it as a reflection of you, it just isn't the right fit.

I'd cut contact and move on. Good luck, your prince is out there somewhere :)

He got me gifts on several occasions and for Valentine's day too. He always paid the bill when we went out, opened doors for me and told me he wants to date me long term, so I'm a bit confused maybe he's had a change of heart which explains how he's been MIA and responding hours later.

For some people, it's very hard to open up (intimacy), and when they do - that scares them. His mother's death, his own suicide attempt - some heavy stuff that he probably doesn't share with many people, if any at all. Distance yourself as well. This is not a situation you want to be involved in.

I'm not gonna judge this guy, but if this were me, I would question (and explore within yourself) why a man so distant etc. is literally the first guy you've been so "incredibly attracted to and interested in since your break up four months ago."

There's something going on within you Sarah that draws you to these distant "unavailable" types of men.

Not judging as I experienced the same, after the break up of my LTR two years ago.

You may not be emotionally "ready" for a more emotionally available man.

You may need more time, four months is not very long.

As soon as you brought up having sex he pulled back.

I wonder if he has some kind of condition (E.D., etc.) that makes sex difficult for him.

I doubt you'd be OK with being in a relationship with a man who shakes your hand and only wants to "cuddle". Would you?

katrina1980 I hear you and I'm asking myself that very same thing like why do I find myself with the genre of men who reveal their true nature after a while. With this guy, I feel like I cut contact a little too prematurely.

When I said that he's the first man I've been incredibly attracted to I meant that in the sense that him and I have so much in common, it goes beyond physical attraction, we laugh at the same stupid jokes, he's really passionate about music, he has these qualities I look for in a man but had forgotten because I was in this LTR with a man who wasn't even my type but I had convinced myself that he's the one.

And even though this new guy barely speaks English, I understand him and he is so amazed at how I finish his sentences. Je even told me that he really likes me and asked me not to leave me and it was going great for a while and then I hit that wall, it's actually a bit frustrating but I suppose he has way too much emotional stuff to sort through.

I think he has some kind of ED because when we tried to have sex, he couldn't get it up for over 2 hours and he wasn't shocked or anything because I think he's used to it. He said, I can't understand why it's not working because you're a beautiful girl and since after that incidence he has become increasingly distant. He last sent me a string of 11 messages on Saturday after not responding for hours but I didn't respond to them because I feel like he's not really into this and into me.

That's actually really sad if he does have ED and isn't addressing it, and it's possible he pulled back because of the intimacy he can't seem to provide. But he should be honest. I kinda feel bad for him if that's what's preventing him from pursuing you. But....... he still he lied to you . That's not a good sign. I'm a nurse though so my empathy extends beyond what it should sometimes which makes me want to fix everyone and everything lol.

What did his texts say?

Sorry to be blunt and a bit out there, but sure, he could have ED. He could also be attracted to children, for all you know. I wouldn't say that if this were the only red flag. Fact is, it's not the only red flag. Even people who don't want to have sex can manage kisses and cuddles and affection. This situation is just plain weird IMO, and he's not ready for a relationship or he's not interested in one with you

His texts just said that he's going to work but he uploaded a fishing profile pic later in the day which is why I'm assuming he lied. In the texts he was also updating me on how his dog is doing after the surgery, how couldn't sleep coz he was worried about his dog, he told me to have a nice day and said that he's thankful I show concern. I didn't respond.

A week ago he told me his ex girlfriend cheated on him and he said something along the lines of he hates/is afraid of girls now. So now I don't know if I should reach out, the romantic vibe probably isn't there anymore but as a human I would want to reach out and I feel a little sick because I kinda feel like I just abandoned him.

This man is in no way ready for or even really willing to try a relationship.

You are not his rescuer. He isn't ready for what you want.

I'm no expert, check my track record. But I would definitely give this one a miss, it's not your job to save the world, he isn't ready at all.

Just because he up,laced that pic didn't mean it was from that day.

His texts really didn't warrant further conversation from you. Saying he hates girls is a really bad sign.

Tell him it was nice meeting him, but you don't see this working out and wish him well. Then delete him.

don't ignore him. i would be honest that while you enjoyed the time together, you don't think a relationship would benfit either of you.

one month in, it should be fun and light... he is not fun or light. he has issues that have nothing to do with you. those issues need to be worked out by him b4 anything can happen with you.

My most recent EX also has some issues and I wish I would have ended it one month in. It just gets harder the longer you are with them & the more you build that attachment.

cut the cord now. Just ignoring his text only prolongs the situation