I’m a logical person but why do I feel like I’m in love after one night with a stranger

Hey guys,

I was out on the town and was sitting at a kebab shop with my guy friends when a guy came in. As soon as I saw him I was like “wow, he’s gorgeous”. My mate being drunk bought him a kebab and he ended up sitting with us. From the word go, we clicked. Like I’ve never ever had a connection like this with another person apart from a girl (non romantic) whom I immediately could feel myself with, 100% walls down and literally talk about anything.

We went our seperate ways exchanged numbers, I sat in my taxi and looked back at him thinking.. I just can’t let him go, I wish he could just hop in this taxi randomly and see where this night went. And ya know what? He did. He literally jumped out of his taxi and jumped into mine (with my three guy mates) and literally told me “sorry but I can’t let you go just yet”. Safe to say I was mind blown.

We went back to mine, I made it clear I wasn’t going to sleep with him. He didn’t care about that, we literally talked all hours of the night, he was holding me, in that one night I’ve told him things I would absolutely never tell a stranger. Things like my abortion that caused me major depression. It wasn’t one sided, he told me has been close to the verge in his past too. He’s from South Africa and got held at gun point and robbed, his father shot and killed the robber.

We talked about Life, of God, our previous relationships. We talked about how scary it is that we both feel this unreal connection. We both admitted it was scary as f*ck.

Look, I’ve dated men, lots of men. I’ve had bad and good relationships. I’ve been in love, fallen out of love. I’ve been infactuated before and know that chemical feeling Rush of the honey moon stage. Usually I’m quite outgoing but I don’t let people know the real me untill I can trust them completely.

I just can’t explain this, I feel like this man has literally reached inside my soul, and I his. And this is the first f*cking night. . How is it possible to feel the way I feel with a complete stranger. Again .. .

We woke up at around 11am and talked till 4pm and it was just like the night before. When he kissed me, it was like I was being kissed for the first time. This is some crazy guys and I sorry for the rambling but I gotta ask has anyone expierenced this?? I told him unshamedly that I like him, want to get to know him, and that I’ve never met a man like him before. I wouldn’t usually say that because I don’t belivs in putting your cards on the table all at once, I usually make men do the chasing and I’m not so upfront. But I’ve literally told this man I want to be with him, and he said exactly the same thing back and said he’s so glad we restrained from sleeping together because our conversation was so much better then any sex he’s ever had.

I dropped him home but haven’t msged him (I have his number but he doesn’t have mine). I’m thinking I don’t wanna screw this up. The fear is kicking in and because I had my walls down I’m starting to doubt if I was overly intense. We were both intense too be fair. I’m thinking of giving it time to process it for me and him.

But man, what a connection. Its scary as hell.

Any one ever felt like this? Advice pls?

Interesting. I am curious how this will end up.

I have had this "connection" with girls I just met in the past (it's really rare) but I never jumped out of my taxi. I guess you could arrange a coffee or something to get to know each other properly?

Apparently you aren't as logical as you thought.

Look, I’ve dated men, lots of men. I’ve had bad and good relationships. I’ve been in love, fallen out of love. I’ve been infactuated before and know that chemical feeling Rush of the honey moon stage.

I'm still voting for infatuation/hormones. Even if you've dated many guys, you haven't dated all the guys or had every relationship. There are countless dimensions to infatuation. Life is pretty vast. But if you discover it's something else, let us know.

It's not about being illogical or not logical -when you're excited about a new person it's hard to keep your feet on the ground. I think it's worth it to balance -head in the clouds/feet on the ground - for a variety of reasons -while still enjoying the excitement and thrill of someone new.

I love what Alain De Boton writes on infatuation/love, etc -check out his work if you're interested.

Anyway, enjoy, and if you think there is potential for the long term then instead of short term gratification consider pacing yourself a bit and getting to know him over a much longer period of time instead of proceeding at the speed of light. All else equal that usually decreases the risk of a quick burnout.

You feel this way because it was an exciting and fun encounter, but you don't actually know him at all yet. Your perception of him is based on very little, at this point.

You know information about him, yes. You know you're attracted. But you don't know him as a person. You know what he has told you, but you have no actual way of knowing (yet) if it's true or what his flaws are (as we all have them) He might be totally awesome. Or he might be hiding a debilitating addiction to clown porn that he watches when he's not snorting up Xanax tablets that his girlfriend bought him off his other baby mama. I exaggerate for effect, but you get my point. Anyone can say anything to a total stranger.

I would say to contact him in a little bit. Temper your expectations and remember that it's better to err on the side of caution when you have no clue who the person truly is. You're lusting after the idea of him at his point. Get to know the real him before deciding this guy is it.

I am a firm believer that connections like this one do exist, for reasons that cannot be explained. There is no way to tell whether it's a "false alarm" or the real deal, the only thing you can do is get to know him and see where it goes. Don't try to explain it, just enjoy the ride. I would definitely hold back on sex until you have a better grasp on who he is, but other than that just be grateful for the wonderful connection you just experienced and go with the flow, as you normally would.

Don't wait too long to message him. Give both of you the rest of the day to rest, then shoot him a text tomorrow so at least he has your number.

And again, enjoy and remember things like this do happen, and there doesn't have to be a logical explanation for it.

Apparently you aren't as logical as you thought.

No she's not but "falling in love" is never logical so.......

And yes I absolutely believe in instantaneous connections like this.

It's two separate "energies" connecting in a very intense way, and it's VERY real.

Way beyond anything superficial like looks, job, social status, etc.

Doesn't mean it will turn into a LTR, but it sure is an exciting start!

Attraction isn't logical.

What you're feeling is a chemical reaction. Your brain is being flooded with lots of cool and wonderful things. It's not bad. Just proceed with caution. Don't believe for a minute it's love at first site. It may turn out well, just pace yourself.

I believe in instant connections but I also believe you should take it slow. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Lisa

Hey guys,

So I’ve texted him, just kept it short and sweet - something on the lines of “thanks for an incredible night”.

Haven’t herd back, but it’s cool.

Look, if I don’t hear back from him then whatever, I’m greatful for the random, beautiful night we had regardless.

Apart of me doubts the intensity of that night. We both were like open books, maybe it was too intense.

Yeah I don’t know the guy, maybe he just was hoping to get laid after all.

Just so weird to feel so close and comfortable to someone instantly after meeting them once in a kebab shop.

The only similar connection I can relate this too is a chick I met once at a party. I’m not a lesbian, but we just really, really, really clicked. Never saw her again as she moved away the next day and she i forgot her last name. But even to this day I’ll never forget her.

Hey guys,

 

So I’ve texted him, just kept it short and sweet - something on the lines of “thanks for an incredible night”.

Haven’t herd back, but it’s cool.

 

Look, if I don’t hear back from him then whatever, I’m greatful for the random, beautiful night we had regardless.

Apart of me doubts the intensity of that night. We both were like open books, maybe it was too intense.

 

Yeah I don’t know the guy, maybe he just was hoping to get laid after all.

Just so weird to feel so close and comfortable to someone instantly after meeting them once in a kebab shop.

 

The only similar connection I can relate this too is a chick I met once at a party. I’m not a lesbian, but we just really, really, really clicked. Never saw her again as she moved away the next day and she i forgot her last name. But even to this day I’ll never forget her.

Good attitude to have -if you weren't just looking to get laid he may not have been either. And it doesn't mean he's interested in seeing you again and/or available to date -at the moment his intention may have been to see you again, etc and then on reflection he changed his mind and likely for no personal reasons. The other thing is since you showed him you were interested when you saw him the text was a bit disingenuous - you'd already "thanked" him so maybe next time if you're going to reach out be up front about why and ask the person to meet up again for a date or whatever. You've already had sex and been intense/personal so I'm not sure it makes a difference if he is the one to ask you out. I wouldn't text again though.

Edited to add that I saw that you wrote you did not have sex "But I’ve literally told this man I want to be with him, and he said exactly the same thing back and said he’s so glad we restrained from sleeping together because our conversation was so much better then any sex he’s ever had."

So since you told him you want to be with him he knows you're really into him -that is why I would have dispensed with the "texting you thank you so you'll be prompted to get back to me/ask me out" and simply asked him out on a date. Not a huge deal if you want to text again and do that although I would probably wait so as not to overwhelm him with too many texts at once.

you texted him and just wait.

it was a great night. get it together girl. even if he is your next big love, you still gotta be normal

fun! fun! fun! keep it going...

Hey guys,

 

So I’ve texted him, just kept it short and sweet - something on the lines of “thanks for an incredible night”.

Haven’t herd back, but it’s cool.

 

Look, if I don’t hear back from him then whatever, I’m greatful for the random, beautiful night we had regardless.

Apart of me doubts the intensity of that night. We both were like open books, maybe it was too intense.

 

Yeah I don’t know the guy, maybe he just was hoping to get laid after all.

Just so weird to feel so close and comfortable to someone instantly after meeting them once in a kebab shop.

 

The only similar connection I can relate this too is a chick I met once at a party. I’m not a lesbian, but we just really, really, really clicked. Never saw her again as she moved away the next day and she i forgot her last name. But even to this day I’ll never forget her.

Please don't start over-thinking and making assumptions like "maybe he was just looking to get laid after all."

Maybe this, maybe that, get rid of "maybe's" they will drive you crazy!

If you're gonna think about anything, go with what you said "I'm grateful for the random beautiful night we had together."

Connections like that are so rare and if one isn't "prepared" (emotionally) if can really throw them into a loop. Myself included!

Give it time. He got caught up in the moment, and is now letting it all marinate in his head and deciding where he wants "it" to go from here.

The “maybe’s” is a self defence mechanism on my part.

Self doubt, fear of rejection etc. let’s face it, some of us have those thoughts.

I can say with certainty I’m not thinking about him, like obsessively.

Yeah he still pops up in my mind through out the day. But I’m taking it for what that night was, a beautiful night with a stranger.

I’m going to let it as an above poster mention “marinate” in his mind for a bit.

One thing he did say that I kinda want some insight on is when I dropped him off home, he said to me “please don’t hurt me”.

For me - I didn’t quite know how to take that or what he meant. It was the one sentance he formed since our meeting that I didn’t quite fully get.

One thing he did say that I kinda want some insight on is when I dropped him off home, he said to me “please don’t hurt me”.

For me - I didn’t quite know how to take that or what he meant. It was the one sentance he formed since our meeting that I didn’t quite fully get.

Ummm...honestly that sounds a bit hokey and "player-ish" to me. I have to wonder if he's used that line on other women. Sounds a bit practiced.

Anyway, I don't see the harm in asking to meet up for coffee. Why not? If he ends up being a cheesy player you can just delete his number.

Yeah it was a weird one. Lol

O well time tells all!

Ummm...honestly that sounds a bit hokey and "player-ish" to me. I have to wonder if he's used that line on other women. Sounds a bit practiced.

Anyway, I don't see the harm in asking to meet up for coffee. Why not? If he ends up being a cheesy player you can just delete his number.

I was thinking the same thing. I have heard that from guys who turned out to be biggest doosh canoes ever.

Him - “Hello S*****, as you know I’m uncertain if I can stay in NZ and everything relies on this talent visa. I’m sorry it’s taken awhile for me to reply. You threw me off guard. I was not expecting you to appear suddenly in my life. I meant everything I said...... but please don’t take this as personal I don’t feel like I can offer you what you need. I have trouble finding a job apart from coaching golf and that is not a stable income for me at the moment. Understand you would be the end for me and I’m unsure if I’m ready for that just yet. You are unlike any woman I’ve ever met. Woman in South Africa are not like you. You are beautiful in soul and physical but I’m sorry don’t know what else to say... I wish I could keep you but I don’t think I can.”

Me - “that’s cool, no regrets. I’m thankful to have met you. Just one question, what exactly do you mean by the end? Thank you for your honesty - it’s appreciated”

Him - “the end means for me you would be the end of other woman for me and would change my lifestyle completely. I’m really sorry but like I mentioned I am unsure if I can remain in NZ.”

Me - no reply.

It was a beautiful night with a stranger, a special connection I’m going to leave it at that. I could go down the road by thinking I was being fed bs the whole time, but honestly I’d rather not. Moving on folks :)

Yes, definitely best to move on. Tuck it away as a fun memory.

It was a beautiful night with a stranger, a special connection I’m going to leave it at that. I could go down the road by thinking I was being fed bs the whole time, but honestly I’d rather not. Moving on folks :)

I wouldn't want to believe that either. You had a connection that was real to you and according to him real to him. Keep that happy feeling with you. The worlds gonna beat you up enough, allow yourself to think back at your expiereince with a smile. We all have that one guy or girl that 'got away'.

I wouldn't want to believe that either. You had a connection that was real to you and according to him real to him. Keep that happy feeling with you.

Seconded..