Like a ton of bricks

I passed 7 days NC today and was feeling proud of myself. And getting things done then all of a sudden it hit me that I'm going to spend St. Patrick's Day alone. Which isn't a huge holiday for me although I have Irish heritage. But it was just that feeling of it's truly over and I'm truly alone right now. I feel unlovable and just want to hear from her so I don't feel that way.

I know this breakup was for the best. It was extremely hot and cold. The hot was amazing because she got the tiny references no one else ever has and was really sweet and caring. The cold was awful and she would be distant or downright mean. So I'm mourning only losing half of the relationship. But it still hurts. Really bad. And tonight it just feels like all is lost.

Was St. Patrick's day something big for you and your ex? Or are you just kind of latching onto it because it's allegedly a holiday?

Are any of your buddies interested in meeting up somewhere?

Roughpatch,

Its early, and it hurts. Its okay to mourn what was lost, and its right to be proud of yourself for moving forward. One step in front of the other my friend! You know deep down you are not truly unlovable. You deserve more than half a relationship, and so does she; and ultimately, the road to being whole isn't through someone else. Platitudes maybe, but it doesn't mean they aren't true.

You're never truly alone; you have a friendly ear here. Go on and grow, learn, change. It's St. Patrick's Day, so let's quote George Bernard Shaw:

“The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.”

Now, I suggest you honour your ancestors and get out there and raise a handle for Ireland!

Good luck,

T

Anyone who commits to no contact with an ex for the purpose of moving on and reaching emotional comfort / happiness while being single is automatically attractive and lovable. It shows emotional maturity, self-awareness, loads of discipline, and a good forward-thinking mindset for taking healthy paths and reaching healthy endpoints. Likewise, seeking community support and being open about your emotions is another attractive trait.

Simply being here, posting here, and utilizing this avenue for healing makes you a pretty attractive person. You should feel good about yourself -- you'll be happy some day and make someone a great partner.

Go out to a St. Patrick's Day Parade and meet some girls. You can be quite popular if you buy a girl a drink or a green derby. Go have some fun and forget your ex.

I passed 7 days NC today and was feeling proud of myself. And getting things done then all of a sudden it hit me that I'm going to spend St. Patrick's Day alone. [...] And tonight it just feels like all is lost.

Recognize that grief is natural, even from a breakup that was for the best. The first year of milestones--holidays and private celebrations such as birthdays or anniversaries--are likely to be tough, BUT they are your opportunity to reclaim them as your own and to create new traditions for them. So if you're accustomed to spending certain holidays with people, line up friends or family to spend them with you. However, this should not be done in the spirit of getting support, but rather of gifting great memories for those who will share time with you while you're not in the frame of mind to enjoy much yourself.

You can apply this to daily life during your grief as well, and you'll be surprised at how this deepens your bonds with those you may have neglected during your relationship. When you can make your time about them, not yourself, you'll feel a sense of generosity that will build you UP in ways that need to be experienced rather than imagined. We can never imagine how gifting our time to loved ones will impact us, and that's why it's important to just show up rather than contemplate it.

Head high, you can do this.

Hang in there brother, I feel you and understand how hard it is. You basically described my ex and I to a T. We actually had a recent encounter and it was amazing, but now she has gone cold again and its like none of the sweet things she said that night meant anything. I need to go back NC, just like you are doing. You will be alright, follow the good advice people give on here, I haven't followed the advice and have reopened my wounds like 3 different times since the initial breakup. Its not really worth it, to keep feeling the pain is not healthy. I feel for you and hope you get through this well, time will make it all better, just do your thing and remember you are awesome. :) thanks for listening :)

Two weeks NC. Still hurts, but a little less.

@boltnrun it wasn't a special holiday, but we both have Irish heritage and planned some silly things to do together throughout the day.

@waywardkiwi I did raise a handle to my heritage and your wise words. I want to visit your beautiful islands someday. It is a goal of mine.

@11moreweeks this is true. Hard to remember in the moment. Really hard, but very true.

@danzee didn't meet girls that day just low key with friends, but I found out 3 of my longtime female friends find me date material (as in "we should go on a date!" or "I was pretty sad when I saw you were in a relationship.") which boosted ego. They know me pretty well.

@catfeeder thank you! That was helpful. And I love the signature. I forget that. A lot. This one was mostly her overreacting to something small in mean ways, but I didn't help things by trying the old tried and true failure tactic of "If I talk about it enough she will see the light..." It just dug it deeper and led to her true colors showing. A blessing maybe, but damn it hurt.

@MrRedTech33 I am bracing for what happens if that opportunity presents itself ever. I am an adult. I am strong, but I really, really liked this one. The good was spectacular. The bad was really cut to the bone insults bad. I need to remember the bad.