Hour commute

Hi ENA,

I am in the process of moving 1000 miles away. In looking for a new job, I applied to a job 25 miles from my new home. I have an interview scheduled in a few weeks. I think I have a good shot at this opportunity. I used google maps and apparently its an hour drive. How many people have an hour commute? Is this doable?

Studies show the odds of divorce increase significantly with any commute over 45 minutes.

I wouldn’t do it.

If you’re in the process of moving, can’t you just pick somewhere closer?

Two hours total commute per day is two hours away from your child.

I've done it, but it's not ideal. I hated the time away from my kids. But the job paid well and in my case I needed the money.

I know you have said you are independently wealthy; why would it be necessary to have such a long commute? Wouldn't it be more ideal to take a part time job close to home? That way you'd still have lots of time with your son.

I commuted an hour each way for various jobs, etc but only by public transportation which gives you time to read, relax, get work done, etc.

I wouldn't have done it as a parent or if I had to drive, especially in traffic.

Studies show the odds of divorce increase significantly with any commute over 45 minutes.

 

I wouldn’t do it.

Two hours total commute per day is two hours away from your child.

I'm not sure if these are entirely true.

My dad was a firefighter in a different state and worked at fire stations that were 1 hour or an hour and 15 mins away from home, 3-4 days a week, 24 hour shifts. He's been traveling that distance to his job for 35 years and is now retired. His job did not affect his marriage or his family (and sometimes, space was good). He brought in excellent money and benefits to support the four of us.

My husband and I work opposite shifts (day and night). My commute is 55 mins away from my job (no traffic, haha). His is 40 mins (an hour with traffic). We have the weekends together to unwind. It will be a bonus after I deliver my baby and won't have to pay for childcare since there will always be a parent at home.

But the OP's boyfriend is not the child's father.

I'm not sure if they have discussed the boyfriend taking the reins of looking after the son while the OP is at work. Maybe they have discussed and the boyfriend is OK with this.

I was a so-called "latch key" kid years ago. It wasn't that bad, but Mom sure did come home stressed and tired. And feeling guilty about us being left alone for hours.

It's something to consider anyway.

Two hours total commute per day is two hours away from your child.

 

I've done it, but it's not ideal. I hated the time away from my kids. But the job paid well and in my case I needed the money.

 

I know you have said you are independently wealthy; why would it be necessary to have such a long commute? Wouldn't it be more ideal to take a part time job close to home? That way you'd still have lots of time with your son.

Great points here and I drive 90 min's each way but I am single and my kids are grown. I need the money and they pay me well. If any of the 4 were different I wouldn't be doing it. It's grueling. I feels like I have full time job and a part time job at the same time.

It's cranky Friday so it colors my response somewhat. Gotta go, freeway is calling me :)

I'm not sure if these are entirely true.

 

My dad was a firefighter in a different state and worked at fire stations that were 1 hour or an hour and 15 mins away from home, 3-4 days a week, 24 hour shifts. He's been traveling that distance to his job for 35 years and is now retired. His job did not affect his marriage or his family (and sometimes, space was good). He brought in excellent money and benefits to support the four of us.

 

My husband and I work opposite shifts (day and night). My commute is 55 mins away from my job (no traffic, haha). His is 40 mins (an hour with traffic). We have the weekends together to unwind. It will be a bonus after I deliver my baby and won't have to pay for childcare since there will always be a parent at home.

One example doesn’t mean it isn’t true for many others.

And 55 minutes with no traffic is a LOT different than 55 minutes with traffic.

Hi ENA,

 

I am in the process of moving 1000 miles away. In looking for a new job, I applied to a job 25 miles from my new home. I have an interview scheduled in a few weeks. I think I have a good shot at this opportunity. I used google maps and apparently its an hour drive. How many people have an hour commute? Is this doable?

I would surely pursue it and play it through. If you're offered the job without a stunning competing offer, then accept and understand that the usual probation period is also about you learning whether the job is for you, or not.

The only way 25 measly miles equals one full hour is traffic. Well, is this temporary construction? Might your hours be flexible 'around' rush hours, and how many days can you work from home? Think of all the people who make hour long commutes into NYC every day--I did it for years.

LEARN first, decide later. And congrats on your new home. Remember: You can check out of Jersey any time you want, but you can never afford to come back!

My commute is over an hour.

You're moving in with someone that you have been dating 2.5 months with your 12 year-old son?

I work at home so no commute for me. If I worked for someone else i'd lose my mind if I had an hour drive each way. Why not get a place closer to where you may work?

You're moving in with someone that you have been dating 2.5 months with your 12 year-old son?

Ah, I remember this thread chain.

Let’s sum up major life stressors.

Moving.

Moving in together.

Starting a new job. (X2!!)

And you want to add on an hour long commute?

That has failure written all over it.

Putting this as nicely as I can, if you for real just picked your kid up and moved out of state to live with a strange man, commute however long you have to in order to give your kid a decent shot at life despite your parenting decisions once he's out of the home. It's the very least he deserves. The absolute very least.

And, in case that didn't sink in, I'm talking bottom of the barrel very least. That you're concerned about your own inconvenience right now leaves me probably the most dumbfounded I've ever been reading a thread on these forums. And that's saying something. Your kid's almost guaranteed to become a statistic resulting from an unfortunate upbringing and you're worried about traffic congestion. Just wow.

Ah, I remember this thread chain.

 

Let’s sum up major life stressors.

 

Moving.

Moving in together.

Starting a new job. (X2!!)

 

And you want to add on an hour long commute?

 

That has failure written all over it.

Yupper!!!!

Putting this as nicely as I can, if you for real just picked your kid up and moved out of state to live with a strange man, commute however long you have to in order to give your kid a decent shot at life despite your parenting decisions once he's out of the home. It's the very least he deserves. The absolute very least.

 

And, in case that didn't sink in, I'm talking bottom of the barrel very least. That you're concerned about your own inconvenience right now leaves me probably the most dumbfounded I've ever been reading a thread on these forums. And that's saying something. Your kid's almost guaranteed to become a statistic resulting from an unfortunate upbringing and you're worried about traffic congestion. Just wow.

Really something. Zero concern went into the child's well-being. Me. me, me.

OP, why not leave the child with your parents? Then, you will not be turning his life upside down.

You're moving in with someone that you have been dating 2.5 months with your 12 year-old son?

Oh, noooo. Not a good plan. At all.

Well, just responding to the commute question and not to the part about moving in with a guy you've only dated 2.5 months, I'm in Boston. It takes an hour to go anywhere, car or not. Sometimes more. If it's a good paying job, go for it.

Well, just responding to the commute question and not to the part about moving in with a guy you've only dated 2.5 months, I'm in Boston. It takes an hour to go anywhere, car or not. Sometimes more. If it's a good paying job, go for it.

But she said before she is independently wealthy and does not need to work. So I don’t understand why she would choose a job that involves two hours on the road.

But the OP's boyfriend is not the child's father.

 

I'm not sure if they have discussed the boyfriend taking the reins of looking after the son while the OP is at work. Maybe they have discussed and the boyfriend is OK with this.

 

I was a so-called "latch key" kid years ago. It wasn't that bad, but Mom sure did come home stressed and tired. And feeling guilty about us being left alone for hours.

 

It's something to consider anyway.

I was not latch key and what you describe does sound stressful but this situation would be worse. Your mom came home and was stressed/tired but was still "mom" not some new boyfriend of your mom's - I can't imagine a 12 year old boy being in that situation plus far from home, plus knowing mom can't come home if something should go wrong.

EDIT: Nevermind. Carry on.

But she said before she is independently wealthy and does not need to work. So I don’t understand why she would choose a job that involves two hours on the road.

I spent a majority of my money on the house I bought in Florida. Plus I want to work for social reasons. My boyfriend will probably be home a lot earlier so he can pick my son up from school. Yes we have only been dating for 2 and a half months but i have known him since 6th grade.

I’ll try to find something closer but I have applied to at least 50 jobs and this company is the only one that called me for an interview so far and it sounds like something I would really enjoy. Maybe I can work off hours. I will ask.

Well, just responding to the commute question and not to the part about moving in with a guy you've only dated 2.5 months, I'm in Boston. It takes an hour to go anywhere, car or not. Sometimes more. If it's a good paying job, go for it.

Yes unfortunately its that way where im moving. Its an island and to get to the nearest city you have to go over bridges and apparently they have a lot of traffic similar to commuting into Manhattan.

Ah, I remember this thread chain.

 

Let’s sum up major life stressors.

 

Moving.

Moving in together.

Starting a new job. (X2!!)

 

And you want to add on an hour long commute?

 

That has failure written all over it.

I dont want to add an hour long commute. Trying to find something closer. But for most jobs there thats the way it is.

Two hours total commute per day is two hours away from your child.

 

I've done it, but it's not ideal. I hated the time away from my kids. But the job paid well and in my case I needed the money.

 

I know you have said you are independently wealthy; why would it be necessary to have such a long commute? Wouldn't it be more ideal to take a part time job close to home? That way you'd still have lots of time with your son.

Hi bolnrun. I really need health insurance which only comes with full time work. Im really trying to find something closer i just don’t know if its possible. I am a worrier. I haven’t even moved yet and I already have an interview lined up. I will try to not jump at the first offer i get. I will try to hold out for something closer. I know up here many people commute to manhattan for a living. Its a similar situation.