Should I let it happen or get the pill?

My boyfriend and I are very in love and are talking about getting married. We are both 31 (just turned 31 in the last few months) and very healthy. He came inside me for the first time and for some reason, I prolonged and waited to get plan b pills...I honestly think a part of me feels that I’m 31 and I’m getting older and older and I’ve heard it can be hard to conceive when you do start trying, I really have no idea what the future may hold with that. I worry about it taking a long time anywhere from a year or more and I’ve heard that you really should get all your kids birthed by about 36/maybe 37 at latest to lower risks and such. We talked about it and he said maybe we should leave it and see what happens and let it happen, but that he supports whatever decision I make. We also decided that we probably will need to get the ball rolling with trying to have kids by the end of next year and we wanted to be married first ideally before we start trying to have kids. It’s also just not the most ideal time for this to happen because I may be starting a new job which is a pretty good opportunity.

I guess I really need advice and words of wisdom, if you have experience in such a situation that would help. Here are my main questions:

If I were to get plan b on the 4th day of having sex, would it be somewhat effective to try to prevent a pregnancy? Do you really think plan b can’t effect the development of a baby if I take it after possibly being impregnated already? (I googled and know it claims plan b can’t hurt a baby if you are already pregnant but I’m not very trustworthy of drugs and their claims, sometimes they can find legal loopholes for phrasing something and their way of reassurance says they have no scientific evidence it can harm a baby).

If you were me at my age and in my situation, would you leave it alone and see what happens? I also want to know, what do you think of two people in their early 30’s getting pregnant first before married? (which is something that makes me feel bummed about my situation.)

It is hard to say. If you are both reproductively healthy and planned to be married I see no issue in leaving what will be will be. I had my son at 30 and think it is a great age. :)

Are to sure you accidentally delayed getting PlanB?

No I didn’t. I explained a number of reasons why I prolonged going to get it ^

How does your partner-in-crime feel about it?

Why did he ejaculate inside you with no birth control?

I think you should definitely make a decision and stick to it. It doesn't seem like a good idea to be feeding an embryo, plan b pills.

But if you're both ready to be parents and are planning on getting married, then I see no problem. Make sure you both agree 100% to get pregnant together.

Also,there is never a perfect time to have a baby. It would be ideal to have a big bank account and so on, but there is no perfect time. The only thing you need to be sure of, is that both you and your partner are completely okay with this.

I explained ^ up there that he supports whatever decision and he wants to have kids so he doesn’t mind whatever happens.

I got pregnant at 32 from the pullout method on the first time (later had a miscarriage). Every woman is different when it comes to pregnancy. No one here can tell you if you will or will not get pregnant- wait for a month to take the test.

You should focus on solidifying the relationship first (marriage) before bringing a child into it. Your partner needs to be 120% into it because pregnancy in your 30s is rough. You may be very sick and he will be expected to step up to the responsibilities.

Its not an `ideal' time to get married because you are starting a job? How about going to city hall?

Interesting that it's a challenge to get married, but you are willing to roll the dice with the new life.

Personally, if you can by all means do it. .plan to get pregnant instead of letting it happen to you.

How long have you two been together?

Interesting that it's a challenge to get married, but you are willing to roll the dice with the new life.

Very good point. How come getting married is such a hassle but bringing a new life into your relationship is not? A big wedding is nice and all, but truthfully you could go to city hall and do the paper work if you're seriously considering bringing a baby into this world.

Also,a baby is expensive and there wouldn't be much time for a new job on your part, assuming that you'd be the one who would stay home with the baby.

To your question, the Plan B pills are effective up to 5 days, but on Day 4, you're about 70% to 80% effective. To the question on fertility, yes, your fertility is dropping. At age 30, your chance of conceiving each month is about 20%. After age 35, your fertility starts falling more rapidly. At age 40 it’s around 5%.

If you want a baby, I would advise you to think about the consequences. Does your boyfriend want a baby? Will he marry you and support you during and after your pregnancy? Why not get married now if you've agreed on it? Will you make a home somewhere together? Or are you going to be a single parent struggling to support yourself and your baby? So think about that. Every baby needs loving parents.

I also wouldn't play around with Plan B and I'm glad your boyfriend is supportive. What have you two talked about as far as child care? I also agree that if you're ready to be parents and you're committed and have talked marriage it's better to be married before the baby comes. So my back story - we started dating when we were in our late 30s, we knew we wanted marriage and kids. At almost 41 we started trying to conceive - not rolling the dice- actually trying. I got pregnant about a year later, naturally and we got married (small wedding - 10 people for lunch - loved my wedding!!) a few months before our son arrived. We'd known each other in the past so that helped. We've been married almost 10 years. It worked well for us to do it this way especially given my biological clock. I do think all else equal it's better to give birth in your 30s rather than 40s. Good luck!

No I think they misunderstood. I feel like no one is reading my entire post because I keep having to correct everyone. I said that having a baby would not be an ideal time because I may be starting a new job. Getting married we can do for sure sometime soon, we’re on board.

I did ask why he chose to ejaculate inside of you without using any birth control. Are you actively trying for a baby? Because that's the only reason I can think of to do that.

I would book an appointment with a doctor. And if you want questions answered about plan b as of today ( since you are still thinking of taking it), I'd go to a pharmacy and talk to a pharmacist about that. Be very honest with them. You will have more accurate information and someone to talk to about your situation right away. I would not take anything without talking to someone .

I would act as though I am pregnant as of now. That's me, better to err on the side of caution and give baby the best chance just in case right? If you aren't pregnant, it's a trial run since you are wanting to be in the very near future and it will also clarify some of your feelings and where you stand real quick as you behave as though a pregnancy is happening.

But book that doctors appointment. You'll need to do that anyways, in preparation for conceiving - or if you are pregnant now, you will need him/her.

No I think they misunderstood. I feel like no one is reading my entire post because I keep having to correct everyone. I said that having a baby would not be an ideal time because I may be starting a new job. Getting married we can do for sure sometime soon, we’re on board.

So what have you two discussed about child care arrangements -sounds like you would want to work outside the home after having the baby?

If you want a baby, I would advise you to think about the consequences. Does your boyfriend want a baby? Will he marry you and support you during and after your pregnancy?

So much this.

I came down with HG during my current pregnancy. Think morning sickness, but magnified to 10x. I was vomiting 4-5 times a day and seriously felt I was dying. Massive food aversion to the point I couldn't cook or even eat. I had to take off from work for a month and a half and be in bed rest- I used up all my sick leave and missed two full paychecks. I was at the point I couldn't drive my own car because I'd black out from dehydration- my husband had to drive me to the hospital and doctors. I was hospitalized 5 times during my first trimester and nearly had a feeding tube.

The s*** didn't go away until last week. I'm 20 weeks pregnant now. I don't know how in the hell single mothers or military wives can go through pregnancy if they ever have complications like I did. I could not manage it without my husband- him driving me, getting stuff at the store, being at doctor appointments (I fainted at one appointment and had to be taken to the car in a wheelchair), house chores, even walking out energetic dog. I've been through hell and do not feel intimate at all around my husband (I am really hoping this will change!), but I really appreciate everything he's done. He doesn't expect anything in return as long as I'm healthy.

So does your boyfriend have the willpower to help you if you have similar pregnancy complications? Can he financially support you and a baby if you have to be out from work? Will he complain if he doesn't get any sex or expect anything in return?

Pregnancy is not F'ing fun. It's a nightmare if you aren't ready. You and your partner both have to be on the same page or it will be incredibly stressful.

I had an uncomplicated pregnancy at 42 years old and my boyfriend, then fiancee, then husband were long distance for most of that time. I was more tired than usual which affected my work productivity somewhat but I just worked a little less crazy hours. After I had a very serious post-birth complication and my husband was supportive but within a week or so he had to commute long distance for work. And I had very little family support. But, I didn't work outside the home -I simply could not have between the newborn and my complication. Had I had to return to work i'm just not sure how we would have managed. We planned in advance that I would be the full time parent so the complication made life more challenging but not impossible. Just consider those kind of arrangements well in advance.

No I think they misunderstood. I feel like no one is reading my entire post because I keep having to correct everyone. I said that having a baby would not be an ideal time because I may be starting a new job. Getting married we can do for sure sometime soon, we’re on board.

No, I don’t think you’re explaining yourself very well.

My post above was implying that I think you’re trying to get pregnant. Nothing about your post feels accidental. It feels like you’re intentionally trying to get pregnant. Which is fine. I just wanted to clarify your mindset.

If everyone is misreading it, it’s not a reading problem but a post problem. So please clarify: what question do you have?

No I think they misunderstood. I feel like no one is reading my entire post because I keep having to correct everyone. I said that having a baby would not be an ideal time because I may be starting a new job. Getting married we can do for sure sometime soon, we’re on board.

I used to teach literature for years. I agree with mustlovedogs that you seem to be misphrasing your concerns. Your post did not indicate any accident. Sure you sound indecisive, but you inferred many times that you were trying to get pregnant. Read the bolded:

I prolonged and waited to get plan b pills...I honestly think a part of me feels that I’m 31 and I’m getting older and older and I’ve heard it can be hard to conceive when you do start trying, I really have no idea what the future may hold with that. I worry about it taking a long time anywhere from a year or more and I’ve heard that you really should get all your kids birthed by about 36/maybe 37 at latest to lower risks and such. We talked about it and he said maybe we should leave it and see what happens and let it happen,

If you truly didn't want to get pregnant, you would of used birth control or grabbed the plan b, not wait it out. Your boyfriend won't be the one dealing with changes in your health or is carrying the child. It's your body and your responsibility. It was consensual for him to ejaculate inside you... or that should of been discussed before having sex.

BTW, the age is 35 for low risks.

I did ask why he chose to ejaculate inside of you without using any birth control. Are you actively trying for a baby? Because that's the only reason I can think of to do that.

I do wonder why my question is going unanswered.

Is it because you don't think it's any of my business or because the answer is something you don't want to reveal?

I believe that the refusal to acknowledge or answer a question means the answer is the key to the situation. And that it's being avoided for a very strong reason.

I used to teach literature for years. Your post did not indicate any accident. Sure you sound indecisive, but you inferred many times that you were trying to get pregnant. Read the bolded:

 

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If you truly didn't want to get pregnant, you would of used birth control or grabbed the plan b, not wait it out. It was consensual for him to ejaculate inside you... or that should of been discussed before having sex.

 

BTW, the age is 35 for low risks.

So when I was around your age I had a serious boyfriend. I was on the pill but there was a point where we stopped using condoms as a back up method (meaning double protection if the pill failed) - we both decided that we'd be willing to risk pregnancy and that we would get married and have the baby (because we loved each other, not just "for the baby"). So if I'd gotten pregnant I would not have viewed it as an accident at all but I also wouldn't have described what we were doing as "trying". However had I not been on the pill and didn't use any protection, that would have been "trying" - in my opinion having unprotected sex is trying to have a baby. And a little irresponsible of you to see it as "well it's not the best time" -- you're both well into adulthood. Own what you did.

^^^

That's a really good point.

Hopefully you aren't pregnant. Unfortunately there is no telling if you are or not until at least a month. Good luck!

OP may have thought at that time she was ready if she did get pregnant but is now scared ?

Things can get real very fast and yes, it can be scary . She might be having a wake up call moment.