My EX is hiding from me

Hi All,

I caught my ex cheating about two months ago.

When I asked about what I found he ran out of my house, I haven't seen him since. We lived together at the time and he REFUSED to gather his belongings. After a month of begging him to get his things, I had them delivered. I blocked him for a month in an effort to give him and I much needed space. I talked to him and he seems remorseful. However, he is avoiding seeing me. There was a situation where we were in the same place at the same time and he hid. LITERALLY HID from me. We were together five years and things ended very badly and abrupt. He knows I seek closure and he is withholding it. When we talked he said he loved me and missed me and he wanted to focus on "positive" things, it was obvious that this was an effort to avoid what was actually happening in our lives. Will guilt make a person hide? Is there any hope for honesty? It seems as though he is waiting for me to get over it, so he can return and pretend everything is fine. When I bring up anything related to his cheating, he yells and blames me. My hope is that one day he will face me and at-least acknowledge this hurt. Because it makes things worse when you give someone 5 years of your life and they refuse to give you 5 minutes of their time... unless that 5 minutes includes talking about literally anything else.

Sorry this happened. The closure comes from you and you deleting him from your life in all aspects, not talking further about anything. His avoidant nature is very apparent from these actions:

I caught my ex cheating about two months ago.When I asked about what I found he ran out of my house, I haven't seen him since. We lived together at the time and he REFUSED to gather his belongings.

You give yourself closure, he doesnt give it to you. You need to stop communicating with this guy and get on with your life without him. He's a cheater and a huge coward. You dont need someone like this in your life.

It's more typical than not that people will avoid conflict. Seeing that the nature of this one is pretty volatile, he doesn't want to deal with it.

You don't really have a choice in this so it's best that you find some comfort within yourself and support from family and friends.

I personally wouldn't want anything to do with him and nothing he could say would make it any better anyway.

I have to say when rereading what you have written, it seems like you aren't really after closure.

You seem to want him to say something that makes it all better. If he told you exactly what you wanted to hear, would you reconcile?

No. I am hurting and it seems as though he gets to ignore the hurt. I know people do it every day but it... just seems like he wronged me and there is no retribution. Its like he got to on me and never own it.... I dont know. I just think knowing that he feels the weight of would he did would make me less hurt...because I wouldnt feel like all of this was a massive lie.

Move on just need to know its over not why. You think it will feel better knowing why but rarely does. it is just a way to hold onto the feelings. Its over his stuff is gone focus on you and heal

Kicking this cheater out of your house and life is the best retribution you can get. So is slowly getting out there again and being free to meet better men in the future

No. I am hurting and it seems as though he gets to ignore the hurt. I know people do it every day but it... just seems like he wronged me and there is no retribution. Its like he got to on me and never own it.... I dont know. I just think knowing that he feels the weight of would he did would make me less hurt...because I wouldnt feel like all of this was a massive lie.

My wife of 14 years had an affair with another married man for 2.5 years. She still hasn't ever admitted it. if the Guy she was cheating with didn't get video taped throwing the affair in his wife's face I would not have known how long. 14 years together 17 years been divorced for 4 NOT 1 word on why, or even confirming it. It took sometime but it no longer matters on why but the fact it happened.

No. I am hurting and it seems as though he gets to ignore the hurt. I know people do it every day but it... just seems like he wronged me and there is no retribution. Its like he got to on me and never own it.... I dont know. I just think knowing that he feels the weight of would he did would make me less hurt...because I wouldnt feel like all of this was a massive lie.

Living well is the best revenge. Think about that.

There's a saying that applies here. "Do not seek comfort from the very thing that hurt you"

You closure came when he cheated on you, and ran away. Awful!

His actions demonstrate that he does not love you. What's even worse, is that you are blamed. He does not regret his actions.

Hi All,

 

I caught my ex cheating about two months ago.

When I asked about what I found he ran out of my house, I haven't seen him since. We lived together at the time and he REFUSED to gather his belongings. After a month of begging him to get his things, I had them delivered. I blocked him for a month in an effort to give him and I much needed space. I talked to him and he seems remorseful. However, he is avoiding seeing me. There was a situation where we were in the same place at the same time and he hid. LITERALLY HID from me. We were together five years and things ended very badly and abrupt. He knows I seek closure and he is withholding it. When we talked he said he loved me and missed me and he wanted to focus on "positive" things, it was obvious that this was an effort to avoid what was actually happening in our lives. Will guilt make a person hide? Is there any hope for honesty? It seems as though he is waiting for me to get over it, so he can return and pretend everything is fine. When I bring up anything related to his cheating, he yells and blames me. My hope is that one day he will face me and at-least acknowledge this hurt. Because it makes things worse when you give someone 5 years of your life and they refuse to give you 5 minutes of their time... unless that 5 minutes includes talking about literally anything else.

I don't think he knows what you want out of him. Heck I read this and I don't know what you want. Do you want him to say he screwed up and that's it? I mean it makes sense he's avoiding you as there's an explosion waiting to happen. Even if he were to walk up to you and say, "Great weather we're having right? Yeah, sorry I cheated." You're going to get out your rage that you felt then right? You're not going to say, "Weather's great, you're forgiven."

How does he yell and blame you? For what?