I don't want to be in a relationship anymore, but I feel too guilty to break it off.

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for about 1year and 2 months and 6-7 months of that time were long distance (I am the one that left). There were good times and bad times, but I mostly struggled with the fact that I feel that our goals in life are too different. I have studied for most of my life, in fact I am in my 1st year of a 2 year postgraduate degree, while she hasn't and because of this I would like to travel and work for big companies in order to have a good future while she would rather stay in our home country and have a simple life. In fact we once even had an argument because I told her that I would like a job were I can travel for 1-2 weeks once or twice a year, and she told me that it would not be fair on the wife (referring to herself) because I would leave her alone with the children for 2-4 weeks a year (this is just one example of what I mean with different goals). I decided to move away because I felt that there were more opportunities abroad and also because I was bored of were I lived. She always said that she does not want to move abroad, and in fact for the most part of our LDR she kept insisting on this, but suddenly she's "changed her mind". I feel uncomfortable with this because she once asked me whether I would be willing to leave the place I've moved to and go back to my home country if she felt home sick here, to which I replied that I don't want to move back unless I want to. I made it very clear to her before I left our home country that I am moving to this new place because I intend to study and work here for some time (and I don't know for how long). I feel that she does not really want to move here and that eventually she will want to go back and I will be forced to go back too.

These problems kept increasing, because since she has not studied, it is difficult for her to move here as her salary would be very low and she would not afford to live properly. I hope I am not sounding like some guy who thinks too much of himself because I have and am studying, I am simply trying to say that in this country I have moved too we will lead very different lives and she has already admitted that she does not like what she would have here. But, like I said there were good times and bad times but I always kept trying, because she is a good person and we enjoy each other's company (when we're together) and I also care for her. Also, when I felt that I couldn't take it anymore I always felt guilty about the thought of leaving because she hasn't done anything bad to me per se and she's always telling me how much she loves me. But now it has reached a point that I do not want her to come here because even she herself has admitted that it will be difficult for her to live here and I still have another year of my masters degree ahead of me and do not wish to lose focus. Lately I've been feeling sad all the time, I hardly eat, and I think I'm becoming depressed. Yes, yes, I know that some of you might say that I should have broken it off before or maybe you feel that I am stringing her along but I haven't broken up because there are moments were I feel that I should and moments were I felt that it was worth fighting for. But now I don't feel this way anymore, I just feel sad and looking back I feel that I have not been so happy for the past few months because of these reasons.

Now here comes another issue, she booked a ticket to see her favorite artists here where I live in 3 months from now (she booked them in a split second so there wasn't any chance to talk), and just told me that she booked off days to come here. I feel even more guilty now because if I break up with her she will not only have spent money for no reason but I will keep her from seeing this artists (which she is super excited about) and I will also hurt her because of the breakup. At the same time I feel that it is not fair on her or me to simply stay with her not to hurt her feelings. The reasons being that: A) I feel like it would be very dishonest of me to stay with her even though I don't feel the same way anymore. B) I shouldn't be unhappy just to keep someone else happy.

But knowing all this, I still feel too guilty to leave, it feels like a vicious cycle that is affecting me badly. She knows of my unhappiness (but not to the extent that she thinks I want to end it), she is also unhappy at times but keeps insisting that we try. Finally, all of these emotions have now brought me to a point were I just want to move on and see other people and I also feel that right now a relationship is not right for me because I need to focus on my studies and career. I've discussed my concerns so many times with her that if I bring them up now she won't accept them as a good enough reason for me wanting to break up, but if I tell her that I want to move on and see other people it would hurt her too much.

I need advice about this. If you feel that I've done some wrong things here I understand that you will point them out, but please believe me it is not my intention to hurt her or anything of the sort.

Unfortunately, you're not compatible but she hasn't gotten the memo from you. Sooner or later you need to end it. For some reason she's talking marriage, kids, home town,etc so she thinks this is going somewhere. You seem to know that you don't want that lifestyle or to settle down with her.

The only thing you've done wrong is not breaking up with her. You don't want to be with her. You two have different goals in the near and far future. Staying with her at this point is unkind. She doesn't have to agree with the break up for it to happen. Breaking up is almost always a one person choice. You are avoiding doing the right thing because you want to do the easy thing (not hurt her) but all you are doing is hurting her more and making yourself unhappy.

You can't stay in a relationship just to avoid hurting someone. You can't stay in a relationship simply because the other person hasn't done anything "wrong". You are not a good match. You don't have a future together. It's to bad you've waited this long. Break up with her now. There will always be something with timing that makes a break up worse. If you stay with her for this concert then it'll be to close to her birthday... or your anniversary... or some other trip to visit you... You just have to bite the bullet and do it. It's going to suck. But it really is the kindest thing you can do.

The only thing you've done wrong is not breaking up with her. You don't want to be with her. You two have different goals in the near and far future. Staying with her at this point is unkind. She doesn't have to agree with the break up for it to happen. Breaking up is almost always a one person choice. You are avoiding doing the right thing because you want to do the easy thing (not hurt her) but all you are doing is hurting her more and making yourself unhappy.

 

You can't stay in a relationship just to avoid hurting someone. You can't stay in a relationship simply because the other person hasn't done anything "wrong". You are not a good match. You don't have a future together. It's to bad you've waited this long. Break up with her now. There will always be something with timing that makes a break up worse. If you stay with her for this concert then it'll be to close to her birthday... or your anniversary... or some other trip to visit you... You just have to bite the bullet and do it. It's going to suck. But it really is the kindest thing you can do.

This is such AMAZING advice! I'm somewhat in the same place he's in now, except I feel bad because my LD boyfriend has a health issue.