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Is it strange to want to raise another family?


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lately I have been doing allot of soul searching on what I want for my future. In 2014 I got divorced we was together for 14 years she couldn’t have kids it was something that I wanted. Then after that got into a relationship with someone who had a hysterectomy so no kids there was together for 4 years. I had 2 kids very young they are grown now in fact my daughter has 2 kids so ya I am a grandpa at 44. I still have that feeling that I want to have more kids. Which in then turns means I need to date a much younger woman. Now I have old school ways and beliefs but I don’t look my age at all more like mid 30’s and I am stable been a Cost Accountant for 20 years. Now don’t picture a regular accountant because that is not me I have tattoos, a Harley Davidson, I love the outdoors and fishing and hunting etc. Not the typical geek accountant.

 

I do go to therapy to deal with some issues and have talked with my therapist about this. She don’t feel that it is an issue as one of the things I was really good at was being a father. I have also read that huge age gaps tend to not work percentage wise and throw in the fact I work with percentages daily it worries me.

 

So the question is am I dumb for wanting a family at 44 and pretty much means dating someone up to 15 years younger? I rather mid 30’s a bit more grown up but we will see what the dice brings.

 

I was talking to someone 36 but turns out my morals and what I feel is right and or wrong is pretty common now a days. Let’s just hope some old soul like myself is out there.

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All you can do is set up a good profile and pics on dating apps, including words like 'family oriented', etc. See what shakes out.

 

I was trying to avoid using the dating Ap's. I tend to go to events like Meet up in activities that I like to do this way you know have at least that in common. And or single mingles type of outings. Because in a AP its all fake, touched up pics, guys saying anything just to get some. Its a sea of singles on those APS I tend to find in person meeting you get to actually know the person. but who knows gonna give it a try.

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You are not dumb but just realize this will come at a cost . Your second family will be going into college when you hit retirement. You might not end up grandpa to their kids due to age etc. Even my husband who is very very active has notice the engery beginning to wane in his late 40’s and he used to run marathons and he is military so he is no slouch. I am 51 and the energy drain has definitely hit me.

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I take it you are no where near New York, where it's pretty common for ladies who don't have kids to still have them in their late 30's/early 40's. I popped my 2nd kid out at 37. So truth be told, I am a part of a bunch of mom facebook groups, and one of the most common questions is should I have a third or 4th kid, and you know what, they only ask, because they really want to. Never hurts to put yourself out there, and share your goals. Young could be like 37, 38, even 39!

 

My first kid's neighbors/friends are quads and their mom had them at 40.

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I take it you are no where near New York, where it's pretty common for ladies who don't have kids to still have them in their late 30's/early 40's. I popped my 2nd kid out at 37. So truth be told, I am a part of a bunch of mom facebook groups, and one of the most common questions is should I have a third or 4th kid, and you know what, they only ask, because they really want to. Never hurts to put yourself out there, and share your goals. Young could be like 37, 38, even 39!

 

My first kid's neighbors/friends are quads and their mom had them at 40.

 

Actually in New England that's cool.

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Based on your title, I thought you were gonna ask if it's weird to adopt a family, like having a mom, dad, and kids move in with you. You could also offer to babysit your grandkids more, take them on trips, so afterwards, you can send them back! My in-laws keep offering to take our eldest for a week. Can't wait! Ha!

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I am surprised by how much I actually love being a dad.

 

If something happened and I was single and around your age I could definately see myself feeling just like you.

 

Not that it helps inform you of anything but just wanted to let you know I don't find it weird at all.

 

Thank you, I think being a Dad is about the most rewarding thing I have ever done

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Based on your title, I thought you were gonna ask if it's weird to adopt a family, like having a mom, dad, and kids move in with you. You could also offer to babysit your grandkids more, take them on trips, so afterwards, you can send them back! My in-laws keep offering to take our eldest for a week. Can't wait! Ha!

 

I do see them and spend time with them. it is different raising some vs visiting, I respect my Daughter and her Husband on how they want to raise their children and would never go against their wishes. But I have different beliefs More activity less video games and TV. My kids didn't get gaming consoles until they got part time jobs and bought their own. I support actual social interactions, playing sports, getting outside.

 

LOL adopt a instant family lol, But on that topic I am not against being a step Dad, I have never felt that is a burden and love being a role model.

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So the question is am I dumb for wanting a family at 44 and pretty much means dating someone up to 15 years younger? I rather mid 30’s a bit more grown up but we will see what the dice brings.

Mid 30s would be a little late and risky to start having children. Some women get lucky and have no issues. Unfortunately there are numerous medical studies proving that there are higher risks of pregnancy complications for women who are 35+ (and I am one of these women within the age bracket experiencing that kind of pregnancy as we speak). There’s also an increased risk of children born from late age pregnancies developing severe cognitive disabilities like autism, Down syndrome, etc. from women who give birth after 35. If you have a child with low incidence disabilities, that child will depend on you in your entire lifetime. You can be potentially stuck raising a 5-8 year old in an adult body because getting services for a child after the age of 18 is limited and challenging.

 

For some people this is not a problem, but not everyone has the patience of raising a child with special needs. I work in the mental health field and cannot stress that raising a child with significant disabilities is a lifetime commitment. Are you ready to make that commitment if it does happen, knowing that you are nearing retirement?

 

If you truly enjoy raising children, why not become a foster parent? Adopt?

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You don’t even need to be in a risk bracket to have a special needs child. I was 30 and my husband was 27 when our son was born and he has autism. Most likely he will be with us most of our life . And I had four miscarriages after my son . So I was done having children when I was 30 . I was also deemed high risk due to uterine damage from tumours and constant vomiting which contributed to 45 pound weight loss and my son was laying on my venous return to body so I was constantly passing out. I was on bed rest at 6 months.

 

My mother was 19 when got pregnant with me and 20 when I was born . She actually almost died from that pregnancy . Pregnancy with my brother was much the same so she was done with having children at the age of 23 .

 

However I do know many women who have had happy successful healthy pregnancies and children after the age of 40 . But that is much much harder .

 

To ensure greater ability to have children you might have to pick somebody 30 or younger . But once you enter that generation pretty sure you won’t have the same values . And you have to agree on your methods of child raising or it won’t work .

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But there are studies showing that autism in some part relates to having an older father .

 

So when I was 22 years old and my ex was 23 it was because I was older with my son having a IQ of 76 AND will never live on his own? he was diagnosed with autism at 4.

 

Don't believe everything you read.

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So when I was 22 years old and my ex was 23 it was because I was older with my son having a IQ of 76 AND will never live on his own? he was diagnosed with autism at 4.

 

Don't believe everything you read.

I know that. I have an autistic son also and we not high risk category.

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But older genetic material does generally have greater issues.

 

Calling me old? :D guess I am lol I get it:p. Got tested last year due to wanting to freeze some just in case and I am still all good in that area. Like I stated I am 44 turning 45 but I look and feel as if I am in my 30's I have aged very good. well my body has I think my mind stopped aging at 25 still a bit a Young guy there expect for my beliefs

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My former boss had a teenage daughter when he and his wife divorced.

 

He deliberately dated a bit younger afterward because he was sure he wanted more children.

 

He did end up remarrying and having two more children. When I was working with him he had his daughter in college and two preschool-age boys.

 

So, not too terribly uncommon.

 

PS: He was in his early 40s at the time I worked with him.

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Calling me old? :D guess I am lol I get it:p. Got tested last year due to wanting to freeze some just in case and I am still all good in that area. Like I stated I am 44 turning 45 but I look and feel as if I am in my 30's I have aged very good. well my body has I think my mind stopped aging at 25 still a bit a Young guy there expect for my beliefs

I am not calling you old. I am almost 7 years older than you . However you seem to refuse to believe that sperm ages .

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I am not calling you old. I am almost 7 years older than you . However you seem to refuse to believe that sperm ages .

 

I added the funny faces I was joking.

 

Nope not refuse but when you get tested and have had it frozen. Knowledge is facts verses maybe might or eventually. By grandfather I know TMI knocked up a chick at 60.

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The etiology of disabilities relies on many factors. Some are genetics (why your son was diagnosed with autism), some are the habits pregnant women do, and some are the age of the parents. Women are not designed to have babies past a certain point.

 

Don't believe everything you read.

I don't mean to be snobby, but I hold a master's degree in mental health. I read and met researchers from medical communities who have specialized on studying various disabilities. I have a range of experience working with families of children with disabilities. I also sat in countless meetings with anguished, panicked, frustrated, anxious families who were in tears because their livelihoods have unexpectedly change and were not prepared to raise a child with high needs. Which is why I mentioned about the health risks so that you are aware. Many of the families I work with were not and are going through one heck of an adjustment.

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I added the funny faces I was joking.

 

Nope not refuse but when you get tested and have had it frozen. Knowledge is facts verses maybe might or eventually. By grandfather I know TMI knocked up a chick at 60.

Tru men can have kids until they die. One of our Prime Ministers had a daughter at 70. I am just saying you won’t always be 45. Something to keep in mind.

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