Questions After First Date Last Night

Hey guys, I'm a 24 Male, and went out with a 24 Female last night.

This was a girl I met online, and honestly didn't even talk for a long time. She really quickly wanted to go out with me on the spot yesterday, like we were texting in the morning and she's just like "id love to go out today" so I went to see her, which is a little bit of a far drive.

So we went out for a night on the city, this was the first time seeing her... I picked her up AT her place, and went bowling, walked around the city for a bit, then spent a while at a really nice restaurant. The date started I'd say around 6pm, and ended at about 11:30pm, which to me is a pretty long first date.

So I've went on a lot of dates, some that I knew afterwards just wasn't the best, but this one was probably my best date ever. We just seemed to connect so much, talk about similar things, we were really into each other's interests and talking about personal matters and things like that. We just never really had a single dry moment, lots of eye contact, touching each other as in arms around each other, holding hands etc. We never ran out of things to talk about, we both laughed a ton. There just seemed to be such a strong connection that lasted so long.

All throughout the date, almost after everything we had an interest in doing at some point in the future, she'd even hint and say "we can definitely do that another time" or "that's something we can do next time" or "that's something that we have to add to the list" as if I'll be seeing her again i guess.

Now I took her home, it was very late for a sunday (11:30 PM), and today being monday we LEGITIMATELY had to get up and I lived a decent time away. Both of us were tired, definitely from having fun, and had to get going.

***** To end it, we hugged eachother for a little while, she kissed me on the cheek first, then i kissed her on the cheek. The fact that that exchange of kissing on the cheek happened pretty quickly and she did it first before she headed off and said "Text me when u get home" kind of thing, made me think there wouldn't be kissing on the lips. Again, this is a thing ive seen and not seen on dates, alot of the girls kissed me on the lips first date and then nothing happened after the first date, others, like this one, seemed like it's not her thing.

*** Important note, this girl literally just went through a divorce, or sort of still going through a divorce. She was married for 3 years and said she was a mess over the divorce for a while but is okay now.

Now I've been texting her today, and she's been kind of slow responding, still texting me back and everything, but maybe that's cause she was busy today or something, so trying to not make a big deal that she doesn't seem super quick responding like she was prior. We talked briefly about the date, we both had a really great time and let each other know that, and i asked her generally about going out again, towards the end of the week when we're both off. she responded with "Yeah sure! I'm not sure when im free yet but definitely soon"

So after all of that, what is everyone's views of this? Between the "girl" kissing you first on the cheek, how quickly she wanted to go out with me before really knowing her and picking her up at her house, and what the texting is like after our first date, and what generally texting is like after a first date.

Thank you so much for the help!

It sounds like you had a nice first date.

However, if she's truly interested, she will make time for a second date.

It sounds like you had a nice first date.

 

However, if she's truly interested, she will make time for a second date.

Appreciate it. Do you think people usually text a ton after a first date throughout the week or do people usually lay low? Idk whether to text her now or wait a day or something. Basically the last thing she sent me a few hours ago was a picture of her new haircut she got today, i told her how great it looked, and nothing after that

I would message her on Wednesday to see if she's available for a date on the weekend.

Kissing on a first date is not everyone's cup of tea. Kissing on the cheek to say goodbye is common amongst some cultures such as Latin American or French.

this girl literally just went through a divorce, or sort of still going through a divorce

That is a potential red flag. Questions to ask here would be: How long has she been separated/divorced? How long was she with her ex-husband (including time before marriage)?

Whilst she might be ready to date, is she ready to be in a long-term relationship?

I would message her on Wednesday to see if she's available for a date on the weekend.

Thank you! Yeah so basically she texted back a few hours ago and said "thanks!!" , which i was hoping for a little more from her than just that, and then i said something like "you're welcome! just heading home from work now" and then nothing after that. Some people were saying send her a message tomorrow just asking her how her day was and everything. Again, this afternoon when i asked about going out again, she said "Yeah sure, I'm not sure when i'm free yet but definitely soon" whatever that ment

First off, relax and slow down. Don’t over analyze the date. The two off you had a great time. This is fantastic.

Don’t be needy by having to have her respond instantly to your texts. She is probably busy.

Ask if she has time to talk one evening. I actually hate texting, I enjoy hearing a voice instead.

Then send her when you are off for the weekend around Wednesday afternoon. Don’t go into self destruction if she can’t make it this weekend. Her time might be limited and that might be why this past weekend was a spare of the moment thing. Just say you understand and go from there. She has gone through hell it sounds like with the divorce. Be kind and understanding but don’t be a puppy at her feet begging for attention.

Thank you! Yeah so basically she texted back a few hours ago and said "thanks!!" , which i was hoping for a little more from her than just that, and then i said something like "you're welcome! just heading home from work now" and then nothing after that. Some people were saying send her a message tomorrow just asking her how her day was and everything. Again, this afternoon when i asked about going out again, she said "Yeah sure, I'm not sure when i'm free yet but definitely soon" whatever that ment

Text her (I wouldn't call) on Wednesday evening and see if she's interested in heading to dinner on Saturday.

Something along the lines of, "Hey (whatever her name is), hope your week is going well. I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me this Saturday? I know a great restauratant called (fill in the blank). Great food, nice atmosphere. I think you'd like it".

See how she responds.

Don't bombard her with texts.

First off, relax and slow down. Don’t over analyze the date. The two off you had a great time. This is fantastic.

 

Don’t be needy by having to have her respond instantly to your texts. She is probably busy.

 

Ask if she has time to talk one evening. I actually hate texting, I enjoy hearing a voice instead.

 

Then send her when you are off for the weekend around Wednesday afternoon. Don’t go into self destruction if she can’t make it this weekend. Her time might be limited and that might be why this past weekend was a spare of the moment thing. Just say you understand and go from there. She has gone through hell it sounds like with the divorce. Be kind and understanding but don’t be a puppy at her feet begging for attention.

You made very good points! My initial thought also when she mentioned she was going through divorce, is that she doesn't want to kiss me right away and get super attached and all of that, she is super defensive is what i thought afterwards. She probably learned from going so quickly into it with the last guy, so quick that she got married without even "living" with him for long enough to see what he does, and now she wants to really sort of "slow it down" by not getting attached to me right away. That's my thought of it.

So I have most people saying "ask her how her day was tomorrow evening if she doesn't text you tomorrow" and a few are saying "let her cooldown and organize her thoughts. wait a few days to a week"

I don't want to do that and have her thinking i dont care and not interested.

Also someone said i was "too general" when i asked her to go out this weekend, i needed to specify a date, time, and what to do or something, and if she can't, she will counter-offer a date. But I'm like , how can i expect her to say yes or not, and to counter-offer when I don't even know if i have anything important to do a certain day this weekend.

I know I'm probably over analyzing because I'm like that with literally everything, but i just dont want to mess this up like i have in the past. So I'm not being pushy or anything

Text her (I wouldn't call) on Wednesday evening and see if she's interested in heading to dinner on Saturday.

 

Something along the lines of, "Hey (whatever her name is), hope your week is going well. I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me this Saturday? I know a great restauratant called (fill in the blank). Great food, nice atmosphere. I think you'd like it".

 

See how she responds.

 

Don't bombard her with texts.

So if she doesn't send me anything tomorrow, you'd suggest messaging her wednesday evening about the weekend? I appreciate the idea you gave me too haha! I'm not bombarding her, i've probably done that in the past and messed that up with other people

So if she doesn't send me anything tomorrow, you'd suggest messaging her wednesday evening about the weekend? I appreciate the idea you gave me too haha! I'm not bombarding her, i've probably done that in the past and messed that up with other people

Yes, I would.

I'm suggesting you wait until Wednesday to message to give her time to think of you and not take your messages for granted.

However, if she messages you tomorrow, respond. Don't wait it out and play games.

I wouldn't be too quick with the replies either. You should have a life and not be stuck to your phone!

I'm suggesting you wait until Wednesday to message to give her time to think of you and not take your messages for granted.

 

However, if she messages you tomorrow, respond. Don't wait it out and play games.

 

I wouldn't be too quick with the replies either. You should have a life and not be stuck to your phone!

Appreciate it! Some people were saying just send a light message asking about her tomorrow evening. Others are saying wait till wednesday night! If she messages me ill be at work so my response definitely wont be instant but i will respond when i can!

Sounds like a great first date, but it seems she talked about her pending divorce a lot. Expect her to run hot and cold like this.

sort of still going through a divorce. She was married for 3 years and said she was a mess over the divorce

If her divorce isn't even final yet, you're dating a married woman, even though they aren't physically together, or as far as you know. Most likely, she's not ready to date, and after a 3 year marriage, and probably being together 4 or 5 years total, she would need a good year alone before being ready to date.

If you're that into her, you can give it a go, but if she starts asking to take it slow because she hasn't fully processed the end of her marriage, don't agree to that nonsense. If someone isn't ready for the normal pace of dating, they are a poor risk for your heart. The normal thing to do would be to ask her out for the weekend. If she's actually busy and into you, she will give you an alternate date that she is available. If she doesn't do that, don't waste any more time on her.

Make sure you have your own independent life besides a gf, with hobbies/interests, and time spent with friends and family. You always want to be fulfilled so that if a relationship ends, it's upsetting but not the end of the world, and being happy with other outlets makes you a more attractive person, versus a clingy/needy person who makes one person the sole center of their existence. Good luck.

If her divorce isn't even final yet, you're dating a married woman, even though they aren't physically together, or as far as you know. Most likely, she's not ready to date, and after a 3 year marriage, and probably being together 4 or 5 years total, she would need a good year alone before being ready to date.

 

If you're that into her, you can give it a go, but if she starts asking to take it slow because she hasn't fully processed the end of her marriage, don't agree to that nonsense. If someone isn't ready for the normal pace of dating, they are a poor risk for your heart. The normal thing to do would be to ask her out for the weekend. If she's actually busy and into you, she will give you an alternate date that she is available. If she doesn't do that, don't waste any more time on her.

 

Make sure you have your own independent life besides a gf, with hobbies/interests, and time spent with friends and family. You always want to be fulfilled so that if a relationship ends, it's upsetting but not the end of the world, and being happy with other outlets makes you a more attractive person, versus a clingy/needy person who makes one person the sole center of their existence. Good luck.

I didnt want to make the date weird and upset her, it was literally a brief minute, she just wanted to "mention" that she was basically divorced she told me, but didnt bother her asking for more details about it. It was in my mind as well that i might just be there for comfort, but the way that date went, she seems pretty real to me! Ive been dating for years and shes the first girl i can genuinely say "wow" about, like matches me so well.

I will ask her out like tomorrow evening (wednesday) and see how she reacts to a specific date and time for this upcoming weekend. She seemed eager at least!

Thats my problem, in my life, im 24. Ive ignored women and dating my entire life, through high school, and didnt actually go out and find a date till i was 21. Im at a point in my life, since i ignored all the drama and distractions at my young teen ages, that i almost have my Masters Degree, a great job, and ive been able to get anything i want and need. I feel like i have absolutely everything, yet just missing that 1 girl. It kills me and it kills everything ive worked so hard for. Its been years of dating and just could not find a girl like this, and now im afraid if i lose her it will be more years. You know?

Sounds like you had a great date night.

The bad news: the woman is not ready to date. You will be a rebound. Find a girl who is emotionally available, and not married.

Over-texting is a relationship/dating killer.

Limit it to setting dates.

Talk on the phone.

You’ve been on one date. Relax.

Don’t worry about the divorce stuff. Just go on some fun dates, develop a bond and see where it goes.

I would normally advise to stop texting conversation unless its a text to ask her out again. But because she is a married woman, I think you should not contact her. She may have just wanted to go out to tell herself that she will be okay after the divorce/she still has it. She kissed you on the cheek and not the mouth probably because she still IS married and would not feel good about jumping into anything physical. I would tell her "i really enjoyed our date. Call me after your divorce is final. i'd love to go out with you again." And in the meantime, go out with other people. If she calls you in a few months or a year when her divorce is actually final and you aren't in a relationship, then go from there.

Over-texting is a relationship/dating killer.

 

Limit it to setting dates.

Talk on the phone.

 

You’ve been on one date. Relax.

 

Don’t worry about the divorce stuff. Just go on some fun dates, develop a bond and see where it goes.

I barely messaged her at all, outside of a few main things that we talked about on the date the night before, and asking how her day was. It's now Tuesday (2 nights after the date) and i will just send her a light message, then set up a date for the weekend, or at least try. I've just been at this dating thing for years now, and I've dated many women. This is the most attracted I've ever been to a woman, and again, I've seen ALOT of them. I'm just worried and dont want to mess up.

Only thing that kind of makes me weird right now is that on her instagram she literally still has in her profile "married" ... then again she barely uses it and the last picture she posted was about a month ago. I'm hoping she just forgot about changing that? lol

You said you've avoided dating you're whole life, yet you don't want to mess this up like you've did before. What did you mess up before and how?

I can see myself in you. I used to over analyse EVERYTHING. When should I text him? He didn't respond yet! It took him 2:03 hours to respond, last time it was less! What should I say?! He used a period!!! Anyway, you get the picture. I asked ALL my close friends for advice for the simplest things; I thought that, by doing that I could see the whole picture and figure out the BEST way to respond. Once I stopped doing that, my dating life and my sanity got waaaaay better. Now i'm just letting my friends know how my date life is going and have some laughs over a drink!

So the question is, what do YOU really want to do? Do it without asking anyone.

Don't get me wrong, please update! Just try not to over analyse for your own sake!

You said you've avoided dating you're whole life, yet you don't want to mess this up like you've did before. What did you mess up before and how?

 

I can see myself in you. I used to over analyse EVERYTHING. When should I text him? He didn't respond yet! It took him 2:03 hours to respond, last time it was less! What should I say?! He used a period!!! Anyway, you get the picture. I asked ALL my close friends for advice for the simplest things; I thought that, by doing that I could see the whole picture and figure out the BEST way to respond. Once I stopped doing that, my dating life and my sanity got waaaaay better. Now i'm just letting my friends know how my date life is going and have some laughs over a drink!

 

So the question is, what do YOU really want to do? Do it without asking anyone.

 

Don't get me wrong, please update! Just try not to over analyse for your own sake!

I ment more like i had nothing to do with any sort of dating or relationships all the way until I was about 21, i started lightly dating. Took about a year off, now that I turned 23-24 I'm now like all about it, and having no luck. It just feels like I'm cursed, I just don't understand how people get into relationships like everyone does. I'm told on a daily basis how good I look, I'm super responsible, I'm a great listener, I'm passionate, I talk things over with the person, I have style, I have a great job with everything that I want, I'm fun when I want to be and serious when I want to be, I have lots of different hobbies and interests, I'm smart, I'm funny, im very laid-back, im understanding, im patient, I'm in-shape and built well, i put 110% into everything and want to be all about the girl that i just cant seem to have...like I don't possibly see where I could be lacking, and for some reason every single girl that crosses by me, SOMETHING, no matter how odd it is, happens. Like I seriously am about to just give up it's such a joke, I'm sick of being hurt time and time again over who knows what. I can go on and on about how ridiculous this has become. I'm not being self-centered at all, just out of pure observation, and what I've been told by others and what I've done in life, I feel like I can be the perfect person for really anybody. Like I have absolutely everything necessary. Yet I just cannot, no matter what, find a girl. Maybe it's cause i just deal with online dating, i have no idea.

The fact that I messaged her tonight and she's not even messaging me back has me worried.

For more successful dating don't chase after impossible women and situations like this one.

on her instagram she literally still has in her profile "married" ... and the last picture she posted was about a month ago.

For more successful dating don't chase after impossible women and situations like this one.

What do you mean? And i had no idea she was getting divorced until half way through the date, i had no way of knowing lol

What do you mean? And i had no idea she was getting divorced until half way through the date, i had no way of knowing lol

That is totally legit. no, you had know way of knowing. But NOW don't chase her no "light contact and then i'll go in for the kill (ask her out again)" But now that you know that she is married, you don't ask her out again -- do like i said "i had a great time. Drop me a line when your divorce is final and we'll do it again" Or something to that effect. Its the best self-care that you can do for yourself.

Now that you know you had a great date, you can have a really nice date with someone else. Head high.