Should I date this guy?

So I met this nice guy at a party and we hit it off and we had sex that night, honestly we both were drunk so I expected nothing after. He contacted me and we went on a date few days later and he said he wants a relationship not just a hookup.

The problem is, he just got out of a super intense relationship and breakup 6 weeks ago. He said it wasn’t easy on him and he was bawling his eyes out for days after. (He didn’t flat out offer this information but I kind of probed him.) he only dated her for 8-9 months so I thought it wasn’t that serious.

He says he’s over it and actually wants us to go skiing for a week soon. He even asked if I want kids one day (not with him, just in general.)

He says he’s over the breakup and wants a relationship, should I believe him? He’s so charming and flirty and doesn’t seem sad honestly. I know him and his ex still randomly text and talk on the phone but I’m not sure how often and about what.

Also he didn’t mention her at all until I asked about his last relationship, almost like he was pretending it wasn’t there.

Any tips?

I'm understanding that you are exploring this as a possibility, is that right? Do you need some time to work that out?

Yes you should believe he is being honest, because he's trying to convince himself of that and thinks he is telling you the truth.

But, he may be wrong. Moving very fast into a new relationship is a sign of a rebound. The talking to the ex is not necessarily a red flag - unless he tries to keep it or the content a secret.

Think about slowing it down for a while, e.g. 6 weeks (just see him a couple of times a week or whatever, and allow your emotional support to supplant the ex's) and honestly communicate why you are not going skiing* with him too soon.

[*I wouldn't necessarily say - "you went skiing with your ex, and now you want to use me as the replacement", just say you want to ease into this and know that its not a rebound].

If he values you properly he'll understand it, and may even appreciate it.

I wouldn't tell him that you don't like him talking frequently to the ex just yet - but in about 6 weeks, if you two are moving forward together, you probably need to discuss that with him.

Too soon. He's feeling in lust with you though, so he wants to proceed quickly. You'll only crash and burn this if you allow it. You already had sex, so idk, you might end up being his f buddy until he decides to break it off because he isn't healed. Why is he in contact with the ex? Did she break up with him? He's rebounding, do you want to be that girl? You can see him and have fun, but I wouldn't go developing feelings for this guy any time soon.

Too soon. He's feeling in lust with you though, so he wants to proceed quickly. You'll only crash and burn this if you allow it. You already had sex, so idk, you might end up being his f buddy until he decides to break it off because he isn't healed. Why is he in contact with the ex? Did she break up with him? He's rebounding, do you want to be that girl? You can see him and have fun, but I wouldn't go developing feelings for this guy any time soon.

From what I understood is that he really hurt her and he had regrets for how he handled things with her... I think he’s talking to her for closure but that she still has strong feelings for him and they were actually talking about meeting again, but I’m not sure if that will happen. He doesn’t really want to talk about it though, he only told me this much cause he was drinking.

He says and acts like he’s ready, is he just imagining it?

I'm understanding that you are exploring this as a possibility, is that right? Do you need some time to work that out?

 

Yes you should believe he is being honest, because he's trying to convince himself of that and thinks he is telling you the truth.

 

But, he may be wrong. Moving very fast into a new relationship is a sign of a rebound. The talking to the ex is not necessarily a red flag - unless he tries to keep it or the content a secret.

 

Think about slowing it down for a while, e.g. 6 weeks (just see him a couple of times a week or whatever, and allow your emotional support to supplant the ex's) and honestly communicate why you are not going skiing* with him too soon.

 

[*I wouldn't necessarily say - "you went skiing with your ex, and now you want to use me as the replacement", just say you want to ease into this and know that its not a rebound].

 

If he values you properly he'll understand it, and may even appreciate it.

 

I wouldn't tell him that you don't like him talking frequently to the ex just yet - but in about 6 weeks, if you two are moving forward together, you probably need to discuss that with him.

Is going together on a get away too soon you mean?

From what I understood is that he really hurt her and he had regrets for how he handled things with her... I think he’s talking to her for closure but that she still has strong feelings for him and they were actually talking about meeting again, but I’m not sure if that will happen. He doesn’t really want to talk about it though, he only told me this much cause he was drinking.

 

He says and acts like he’s ready, is he just imagining it?

Yikes. Not a good sign for you. He's rebounding , you're set up for hurt here.

He's not ready. Physically he is, but emotionally, no. And because she still has feelings, he shouldn't even be in contact with her if he truly wants to move on. Maybe he likes the attention from her.

Is going together on a get away too soon you mean?

Yes. If it's for a week.

I agree with sweetgirl. Slow down, if you really actually like him. In fact it could be one of those situations where you need to say - 'you need to lose the baggage - I'll call you in a month and see how you are then'.

If it was an intense relationship then the breakup is just going to be - especially if he was crying his eyes out.

Based on your opening post, he doesn't seem like he is ready to let go of his ex and he's still attached to her. I would reconsider continuing a relationship with this guy.

You will end up a rebound. Reconnect in six months.

8 or 9 months is plenty of time to form a serious attachment. If he was bawling for days after, he was obviously in a lot of emotional upheaval and there’s no way he’s recovered from that in 6 weeks. Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun yourself on a 1-week ski trip if you can stay emotionally unattached.

I have asked him a few times and he said he’s over it and the relationship had hurdles in the way (things outside of their hands.) so it wasn’t going to workout.

I have asked him a few times and he said he’s over it and the relationship had hurdles in the way (things outside of their hands.) so it wasn’t going to workout.

Well, what else would he really say?

His behaviour indicates he's struggled with it. Trying to move things along too quickly with you is a big indication he's rushing to fill a void. I would proceed with extreme caution.

Well, what else would he really say?

 

His behaviour indicates he's struggled with it. Trying to move things along too quickly with you is a big indication he's rushing to fill a void. I would proceed with extreme caution.

You’ve a point. My main worry is his contact with his ex, why would they possibly still be talking?

You’ve a point. My main worry is his contact with his ex, why would they possibly still be talking?

Because one or both of them haven't really let go.

You're instincts seem correct that he's on the rebound is trying to get back with her. They are talking to patch things up not talk about the weather. All the skiing, kids, etc talk is to convince himself, more so than you that he is "moving on". Proceed with caution.

I know him and his ex still randomly text and talk on the phone but I’m not sure how often and about what.

You're instincts seem correct that he's on the rebound is trying to get back with her. They are talking to patch things up not talk about the weather. All the skiing, kids, etc talk is to convince himself, more so than you that he is "moving on". Proceed with caution.

What do I recommend I do? I just hear many stories about guys that end a relationship and soon after find the right relationship for them. I really like that guy too.

What do I recommend I do? I just hear many stories about guys that end a relationship and soon after find the right relationship for them. I really like that guy too.

Those guys aren't usually the ones bawling their eyes out after the break-up and still communicating with their exes though, OP.

Thank you everyone that really helped me. Should I end it, or just proceed with caution?

Thank you everyone that really helped me. Should I end it, or just proceed with caution?

I think its too late for you to proceed with caution, you've already slept with him and you "really like him" yet you don't even know him. Too bad you didn't leave it as a one night stand.

My suggestion is you tell him that he's not ready to be in another relationship and trying to rush things along like he wants to be in a relationship when he's not over his ex is putting your emotional health in jeopardy.

I suspect he'll get back with her sooner rather then later.

I think its too late for you to proceed with caution, you've already slept with him and you "really like him" yet you don't even know him. Too bad you didn't leave it as a one night stand.

 

My suggestion is you tell him that he's not ready to be in another relationship and trying to rush things along like he wants to be in a relationship when he's not over his ex is putting your emotional health in jeopardy.

 

I suspect he'll get back with her sooner rather then later.

I get what you’re saying that he probably isn’t ready.. even though he says he is, but what makes you think he’s going to get back together with her? Don’t relationships end for a reason?

Deleted, wrong thread.

Re posted on new thread.

I get what you’re saying that he probably isn’t ready.. even though he says he is, but what makes you think he’s going to get back together with her? Don’t relationships end for a reason?

Yes but unfortunately, those reasons don't stop some twits from going back regardless of those reasons.

Is going together on a get away too soon you mean?

Yes.

I'm suggesting date for a couple of months and get to know each other first.