Is he being selfish?

My boyfriend is staying in my place for the weekend. Due to work we wouldnt have much weekends where we spend quailty time alone so i was looking forward to it. Ever since he got here all hes done is sit there and put the tv on and pick somthing he wants to watch without even asking me my opinion. Today he had to go and run some errands and Ive been asking him all weekend can we bring the dogs on a walk to the park to get out of the house but he keeps saying no. When he called me I asked again could we walk them and he snapped at me and said "I've no interest in walking the dogs.. how about you walk the dogs by yourself and ill go home". He spoke in a horrible rude tone so i told him not to bother coming back and that he wasnt doing me any favours by sitting there watching tv then i hung up.

 

Im furious. Its the aggressive manner he spoke to me in. I didnt ask him in a nagging way i said hey its a nice day maybe we could go for a walk? I just dont wanna sit in the house all day looking at him watch tv.

To me this feels like he isnt making an much effort... even if he didnt paticularly want to go for a walk he couldve just went for 30 mins to make me happy? Not going to kill him. Or even suggest we do somthing else if he REALLY dosnt want to do that.

 

He dosnt even think theres anything wrong with the way he spoke to me. He showed up to my place anyway after i asked him not to come back. Im not anwsering the door. Now hes been knocking out there for 20 minutes. But honestly cant bare to look at him right now because im so angry

So I think he was rude in how he spoke to you and how he behaved. But, in a way you were asking him to help you with an errand- walking the dog. For you it might be enjoyable and for him it's a favor to you. What plans did you suggest in advance while he was at your house and what plans did he suggest. And if there were no advance plans what is it that you define as quality time -hanging out in the house and chatting is great but it also depends what you each like to do.

 

Again he handled this in a rude way, just suggesting you look at what you might have done differently. I hope you're ok.

Wow. He made himself right at home, didn't he? He's already treating you like he's married.

 

I think you just saw the real side of him. What an unromantic, uncaring oaf! He's all about himself and he doesn't care about you. Toss his stuff outside and tell him to get lost!

Thanks for the reply. I just wanted to get out of the house and atleast if we were walking we'd be talking one to one instead of him being zoned out watching somthing im not interested in on the tv. He's very moody and snappy with me and its driving me mad. Ever since he got here ive been trying to make things nice for him. Making him breakfast in bed, cleaning up after the mess he keeps making and asking him what he'd like me to cook him for dinner. Im getting no thanks for it. The way he said "you walk thw dogs on your own and ill go home". As of hes doing me a huge favour by being here.

I would have responded the same way. He was disrespectful. I would go bananas if I had to stay in all day and watch TV. How boring!

 

I would assume that this is not the first time?

 

Also, stop playing the maid.

I would have responded the same way. I would go bananas if I had to stay in all day and watch TV. How boring!

 

Also, stop playing the maid.

 

Do you often act like that - trying to make things nice to that level, tiptoeing around him?

 

I'm sorry he acted like such a jerk,

This has just made me realise that i don't actually enjoy the time we spend together anymore. He's selfish and I've had enough. I'd much rather spend my weekend with friends. It seems like he's just too comfortable now?

 

After I wouldnt open the door he tried to call a few times and text saying "open the door" followed by "fine". Then he eventually gave up. But no apology.

Do not take him back! The least he could have done was say he's sorry. Who would turn down a chance to go walking with your best girl and a couple of dog out in the sun?

He sounds like a jerk.

His responce for why he spoke to me like that was "i spoke to you like that cause you were trying to make me do somthing I dont wanna do and going on to say how dramatic im being.

I would be more than happy to take my partner's dogs out for a walk while they were at work. I would not have to be asked. The fact that you wanted to make it an activity, would be all the more fun.

 

Lose the slug of a bf.

I thought you lived with your parents?

I do live with them but they are gone away for a couple of weeks

I don't know where you are on the globe, but it's barely into Saturday here in NA. I don't think it's the most terrible crime if he chose to initially unwind by vegging out. And if dude doesn't want to go for a walk, he doesn't wanna go for a walk. Personally, I'm not a big "walker." If I'm gonna be on my feet outside, there's typically gotta be a commute or a ball involved. You say you didn't nag him or anything, but I'd suspect your attitude of preferring he do something he doesn't enjoy for the sake of your own happiness is a little more transparent than you think. I've been with my lady for 4.5 years and not once have I ever asked or even wanted her to go out and do something she didn't want to do.

 

And to tell him not to come back and refuse to let him in over it? Talk about some petty ****. I'm assuming if he's meant to stay the weekend, he's at least brought some things he should be able to take home if you're really that bent on sending him on his way, which, to be fair, is technically within your rights.

 

I mean, obviously there's a whole other level of stink going on in the relationship if something this baby gets escalated to this level, so I can't comment on the guy being a saint. And if you're finding you don't enjoy his company, by all means cut the cord. That alone is reason enough. But, my Lord, some people really owe it to themselves to get some actual real problems.

Thanks for the reply. I just wanted to get out of the house and atleast if we were walking we'd be talking one to one instead of him being zoned out watching somthing im not interested in on the tv. He's very moody and snappy with me and its driving me mad. Ever since he got here ive been trying to make things nice for him. Making him breakfast in bed, cleaning up after the mess he keeps making and asking him what he'd like me to cook him for dinner. Im getting no thanks for it. The way he said "you walk thw dogs on your own and ill go home". As of hes doing me a huge favour by being here.

 

So what's so wonderful about this guy? I dont see any redeeming qualities.

It may just be that you two don't have enough in common to keep the relationship going.

 

How old are you two? And how long have you been together?

 

The fact that you're doing all of these things for him without a 'thank you' or some sign of appreciation is an issue unto itself. He sounds unappreciative and that he could be taking your acts of kindness for granted. Guy needs to work on this.

 

I also think that when it comes to relationships, compromises do have to be made every now and then for the sake of the relationship (I.e. - accompanying an SO to a work function/family function, and even doing something with our SO during our quality time that may not really excite us, but will appease them).

 

However, at the end of the day, you should be enjoying your quality time together - not dreading it or acknowledging that you'd rather be spending time with friends. If this is the case, it may mean you're not a match and that the relationship has run its course.

@j.man, based on her post I would venture to guess they're not in North America and it is well into the weekend.

 

Sitting on his a** all day, running errands, her asking him all weekend if they can walk the dogs.

 

And while its one thing for him to not want to walk the dogs, it's another thing altogether in how he chose to relay that to her -- "you go walk the dogs and I'll go home." While he sits on his a** watching the tele.

 

And it's not like she demanded it, she simply asked, after she'd been making things comfortable and nice for him all weekend.

 

OP, I usually don't like to disparage men but the guy is a lazy insensitive ass.

 

Get rid.

Stop giving husband privelages to a guy who is just a boyfriend. Boyfriend's don't get breakfast in bed and dinner made for them and a lady cleaning up after them. Those are things he can look forward to when he gets married. If you treat him more like a boyfriend, maybe he'll Start dating you like a girlfriend. And if not, he's a boy and needs a few years to grow up.

@j.man, based on her post I would venture to guess they're not in North America and it is well into the weekend.

 

Sitting on his a** all day, running errands, her asking him all weekend if they can walk the dogs.

 

And while its one thing for him to not want to walk the dogs, it's another thing altogether in how he chose to relay that to her -- "you go walk the dogs and I'll go home." While he sits on his a** watching the tele.

 

And it's not like she demanded it, she simply asked, after she'd been making things comfortable and nice for him all weekend.

 

OP, I usually don't like to disparage men but the guy is a lazy insensitive ass.

 

Get rid.

Right. She asked "all weekend." It gets to the point where it's interrogative in punctuation only. Apparently all the nice "nos" weren't sinking in, so he delivered the message in a way she'd receive it. And, to disclaim, I just as well can't personally relate to snapping at someone over something so ridiculous. I'm perfectly content to hit back every time with a monosyllabic "no" if someone wants to invest their breath into asking the same question over and over again. But I'm guessing this likewise is the pinnacle of his day-to-day struggle, so far be it from me to suggest he waste the opportunity to make a tragedy of it.

 

The whole thing's eye-roll worthy. The issue isn't whether she was within her rights to be upset or to reflect on this weekend and realize, "Wow, this guy really isn't enjoyable... maybe I should consider finding another guy who maybe throws out a lil' 'thanks' when I bring him pancakes." It's to the extent she fostered conditions to get to the point of "omg dont come back" and lock him out that's pretty amazing. Anyone who can't read a situation for what it is and insists on investing into it, expecting what they feel should be the proper return, is probably in their own way deserving of a lazy and unappreciative man (or woman).

Why'd you post this twice?

The dude can pull his behind off the sofa and go for a walk. He sounds like a lazy, rude SOB.

 

OP, bottomline, you do not sound compatible. You are not a hotel and he should be helping and acting more agreeable.

Maybe there's something else going on bothering him? You should ask. Also, I'd suggest letting him in now if he's still there knocking, lol

Is this behavior a pattern?

I think it boils down to being incompatible.

 

It sounds like he wants to stay in and have his own way of doing things and the OP wants to get out more and feel appreciated.

 

I don't think either is at fault I just think it was an eye opener for you OP that you two live completely different lifestyles and think about things differently.

 

I do think him not being appreciative or being snippy is uncalled for but it sounds like this relationship has run its course.

 

OP you said you want a different guy then go find someone who will be more agreeable to your lifestyle.

 

Wish this guy the best and then give him back his belongings. Don't end on a bad note.

"Ive been asking him all weekend can we bring the dogs on a walk to the park to get out of the house but he keeps saying no. When he called me I asked again could we walk them"

 

I can say that if I've already said "no" to something multiple times, I won't react well to being asked yet again.

 

And yeah, I might blow up because I am not being heard. I tell people, no means no. It doesn't mean "keep asking me".

 

And the last straw would be locking me out because I already said no to something, you kept asking and I lost patience.

 

I have to say, if this went down like you describe I can't go with "he's a jerk" because he tried to tell you more than once.

 

Now, if he's the "stay in and watch TV all day" type and you're the "let's go outside and do something" type, and a compromise cannot be reached, I would conclude you two are incompatible.