i actually don't love her, and i want to break up and let her find a husbend

i am 23, she is 27. 3 month together. we both know it is a complicated combination, and even more when my salary for the next 3 years is a rent-worth and this is it. a granted, real, nicer salary (X4 in fact) i will have just in 3 years (she will be 30). i am in a long program in the army....

we have been start dating and it was great, but in fact, i know now more than ever- she is not my girl. i am not gonna marry her not now as she would wish if i was 27 like her, and not even in 3 years as she probably plans (i will be 26, and with a nice salary). she sees a pink dream and plans for the long run, willing to wait 3 years until i will get older and be able to marry and to start having a family. that's because she really likes me. she wants me, she sees her future and thinks "he is worth to wait".

i am not gonna marry her. not now and not in the future. she is cute and all, but not my type. the more the relationship goes on, the worse i feel about it with myself. i feel like i am deceving her. lying to her. i feel horrible. i want to send her free to find a man that can be her husband. it is not like she is 19 and has all the time in the world... the clock is ticking you know....

the problem is that we are having a good time. we dont fight, nothing... then how can i break up with her in the middle of a complete peace? what will i tell her? she will be shoked, and so offended and sad! i cant do it!

what should i do? what should i tell her?!

i think i prefer a lie than telling her the painful truth, because telling her the truth will mean than all the smiles and good time and nice things i have said to her 3 month were a lie, and that is the worst.

please- how can i be the best with her?! she doesn't deserve to experience an offensive break up!

She does deserve to hear the truth. Better to hear it now when it is still early in the relationship. Leading her on would be deceitful and in the end, damaging. Yes she will be hurt now, but she will get over it.... could you imagine leading her down a road for years and then deciding you have changed your mind? That would be devastating for both of you.

I have had my share of heartbreak, but I've broken a few hearts, too. I agree with Maew, tell her the truth. When I had to end it with someone I told him he was an amazing person, but in my heart of hearts I knew we weren't a forever match, that I wished we WERE (and I did wish that--because he was the best person ever), and that I was sorry; and for both of us. Most people truly want to find their someone. She may not understand at first; but over time she will--when she meets the right person or can see you two weren't a match. Be kind and truthful. Nobody can ask for more than that. Yes it's easier to make someone hate you to absolve your guilty feelings, but if you could love her properly, you would, right? And you can't. So just be respectful, be kind, tell her with mutual compassion (but not pity) and don't drag it out. That's my two cents

It's only been 3 months! Be honest with her. Tell her it's not working for you. Dont lie to her, dont lead her on. That's cruel and unfair.

Did this girl attach herself to you because she saw you as successful and was looking for a successful man to marry? I agree with the above posts. Just tell her straight out that you don't love her. You don't need to lie about it. Many times lies create more problems than they solve. She might try to beg you that she'll change or do things differently. If you tell her you don't her, there's not much she can argue about.

Thank you all guys! You really helped me. Its not that i simply dont love her at all. I do, she is really cute and wild, and i enjoy my time with her very much. The thing is that nonetheless, i dont see a long time relationship with her, i can see already from now that we will break up when the butterflies will be gone. What should i say to her? She will answer me "All the time we had was great, you enjoyed it and you even admit you did. And you say you do love me in one way or an other. Then why are you breaking up with me? Let the time increase our connection"

Stop using her for sex and stringing her along. End it like a man.

You are being selfish. You need to have a conversation with her ASAP. Tell her what you just wrote. Put yourself in her shoes... wouldn't you want to know?

I think you are being very brave and mature as you really like her but know you can't see a long term future. A lot of people would just carry on but you are being thoughtful of her feelings and her future. But tell her soon, it's so hard breaking up with people, especially when they are really nice but just get it over with, for both your sakes. Don't lie because then she might see hope where there isn't any. Just tell her exactly what you posted.

This^ Tell her the truth. 3 months is nothing, the heartache she'll get now compared to a year from now, is nothing.

Thanks a lot! Im gonna break up hith her and tell her the truth about what i feel and hope that she will understand. Hope she will not be too ofended :( and that i will get over her yo move on asap. Im sad :(((

It won't be easy or fun, but it's the right thing in the long run for her...and you.

Thanks a lot! Im gonna break up hith her and tell her the truth about what i feel and hope that she will understand. Hope she will not be too ofended :( and that i will get over her yo move on asap. Im sad :(((

It doesn't matter if you are the dumper or the dumped: Break ups are never easy and can hurt. However, they can also be empowering. Break up with her will help you both, especially if you don't love her.

You should never, ever settle for less when it comes to relationships. If it isn't working, it's time to put on the breaks.

Dont waste any more of her time. Leave. Its simple. You can have a good time with anyone. If she's looking for something of substance, let her go.