Thinking about letting my hair go grey

I am a middle-aged woman. For years I have been dying the roots of my hair to keep them the same color as my natural hair color, which is pretty much jet black. Since my hair grows quickly, I have visible grey roots in less than a week. Which, in order to keep it looking decent and not so obvious, means I have to dye my roots every two weeks.

First of all, this is a pain in the butt. It adds an extra 45 minutes to my getting ready routine. It also gets a bit expensive...since I use store bought box dye it only costs about $7 a box, but that's $14 per month-ish. And I have a hormonal condition that causes my hair to fall out a lot more than average, so I worry that excessive dying will cause my hair to fall out even faster. I won't go to a salon since that would be even more expensive...one of my friends pays $125 a session! I know there are less expensive salons but again, that's a lot of money.

So, I'm thinking about just letting nature take its course and allowing my hair to go grey. Currently I have about 1/3" of an inch of grey roots showing. Normally I'd be dying my hair today (even have a box of dye in my bathroom), but frankly, I'm getting tired of all the effort it takes to do this.

I do realize that allowing my hair to go grey will most likely affect my dating options. I'm not currently dating but am hoping to start. My face and figure look early to mid 40s (according to both friends and strangers), but the grey hair could possibly take me out of the running with a lot of men who prefer a woman who at least LOOKS younger than she is.

I'm not trying to date younger. I prefer men in the late 40s to late 50s age range, but I wonder how many of them would be willing to date a woman who looks middle-aged rather than an early 40s-ish looking woman.

Honestly, though, I'm leaning toward just letting it go. I'd actually like to have the entire thing be grey but I'm afraid of the effects that the chemicals would have on the rest of my hair (it would require my natural color to be stripped and the grey color to be added). I don't want the rest falling out lol!

Has anyone done this? If so, how did you feel about it? And men, would grey hair affect your attraction to a woman if she is otherwise in good shape and takes care of her face and figure?

Thanks for any help and suggestions.

Grey is actually super stylish. You can color it with violet undertones or silver color and then be on a regular coloring schedule since your roots won’t be so noticeable. [ATTACH]11497[/ATTACH][ATTACH]11498[/ATTACH][ATTACH]11499[/ATTACH]

Grey is actually super stylish. You can color it with violet undertones or silver color and then be on a regular coloring schedule since your roots won’t be so noticeable. [ATTACH]11497[/ATTACH][ATTACH]11498[/ATTACH][ATTACH]11499[/ATTACH]

That looks expensive. Do you know approximately how much something like that would cost? And how frequently would it need to be redone since my natural color is jet black?

Currently I'm hesitating even doing my roots due to cost and maintenance, so I'm looking to do less.

They sell this stuff called hair mascara, it's literally like a tube of mascara, to cover grey roots.

No dye, it washes out of course, but it doesn't do any damage.

They sell this stuff called hair mascara, it's literally like a tube of mascara, to cover grey roots.

No dye, it washes out of course, but it doesn't do any damage.

Yeah, I have some of that.

So you think going grey would be a bad idea? If so, may I ask why that is?

You could do like a grey to black ombré to allow it to grow out and use the hair mascara until it’s long enough to really ombré.

I really like Arctic Fox hair color. They have silver you can use over the top of your hair and then add in some colorful pastels. Their hair dye is generally inexpensive, vegan, cruelty free, and non damaging. It’ll let you still be super trendy without all the work you’re putting in now. Kim Kardashian just went grey!

https://www.instagram.com/arcticfoxhaircolor[ATTACH]11501[/ATTACH]

You could do like a grey to black ombré to allow it to grow out and use the hair mascara until it’s long enough to really ombré.

 

I really like Arctic Fox hair color. They have silver you can use over the top of your hair and then add in some colorful pastels. Their hair dye is generally inexpensive, vegan, cruelty free, and non damaging. It’ll let you still be super trendy without all the work you’re putting in now. Kim Kardashian just went grey!

 

https://www.instagram.com/arcticfoxhaircolor[ATTACH]11501[/ATTACH]

This note is on their website:

"*PLEASE NOTE:

Your hair must be a very light blonde (a level 10 and above, see chart below) to achieve the Sterling silver color. Applying Sterling to a darker shade will not produce an accurate Sterling shade."

I do like the grey color they have but I wonder what color I'd actually get since my hair is naturally jet black.

Any cosmetologists out there that have ideas?

You keep saying naturally jet black but if your roots are grey then your color is grey is it not?

Yeah, I have some of that.

 

So you think going grey would be a bad idea? If so, may I ask why that is?

Not at all, it's just that you voiced concern over dating in the future, and what men may think, and that you don't want to keep dying your roots. I love silver/grey hair, I'm very attracted to older men with it lol. It looks distinguished to me. And that's on women as well. What I don't like(and I'm guilty of it) is letting roots grow when there's drastic color difference. I have naturally dark brown hair, with lots of blonde highlights, and when my dark roots show, it annoys me. But highlighting really can stress hair do I don't keep up with it like I should. Sometimes I think just to go all dark again, but I like the blonde highlights because it brightens my skin tone and my eyes, and my dark circles aren't as noticeable. It's hard being female lol :)

You keep saying naturally jet black but if your roots are grey then your color is grey is it not?

The roots are not 100% grey. Some grow in grey, some grow in black.

I wish it was all grey, that would make this much easier!

I'm just not as willing to put in the effort anymore. I suppose it's me getting lazy in my middle years.

Maybe that's my answer...just let nature take its course and if no one wants to date me I'm used to not dating considering I haven't in a while!

I'm just not as willing to put in the effort anymore. I suppose it's me getting lazy in my middle years.

 

Maybe that's my answer...just let nature take its course and if no one wants to date me I'm used to not dating considering I haven't in a while!

Lol :) men will date you, good men because the ones who are into looks only are a waste of time anyway. Plus, the age range you date in will most likely be grey themselves. My last ex had some grey, I found it sexy :)

That looks expensive. Do you know approximately how much something like that would cost? And how frequently would it need to be redone since my natural color is jet black?

 

Currently I'm hesitating even doing my roots due to cost and maintenance, so I'm looking to do less.

That color application is called a balayage. It's really nice when you don't want to constantly be touching up highlights. It is applied in sort of a triangular or wedge pattern, less on top and more liberally at the ends. When it grows out, the transition between colored hair and uncolored hair is very subtle, and you can wait even 12 to 18 weeks to touch it up. Or you can let it grow all the way out that way.

A balayage can be expensive. When my hair was a couple inches above shoulder-length, it cost me $200. Plus tips for the stylist and the shampoo person, it's $225. And that's not including the cut. But everything's expensive here.

Yeah, those men who "suggest" I dye my hair are those I wouldn't want to date anyway, right?

I wonder what the men on this forum think. I would ask my brother but he tends to choose women for their looks so I think I know how that conversation would go lol!

Yeah, those men who "suggest" I dye my hair are those I wouldn't want to date anyway, right?

 

I wonder what the men on this forum think. I would ask my brother but he tends to choose women for their looks so I think I know how that conversation would go lol!

I'm curious as to what the men here think also.

I think you should do what makes you happy and what you're comfortable with. After dating men that would notice if I had so much as a chip in my nail polish, I don't even get my nails now lol. I do them if I'm going out, otherwise not bothering.

Too many years of trying to be perfect, hell no. I'm happy with less self maintenance.

I feel that I have accepted I am getting older. No, I don't plan to let myself go so to speak, but if I can stay reasonably fit and continue caring for my skin and keep my hair neat, clean and styled in a nice way I believe I can make do. And I do make an effort to dress stylishly and in a way that flatters me, and I definitely do dress "age-appropriate" at the same time. No skin-tight spandex mini-dresses or belly shirts lol!

But I am curious to know if men see a woman with grey roots/hair and automatically "next" her. Would it be viewed as a sign of laziness, not taking care of herself, or anything else negative?

I’m a big fan of gray hair. I’m early 40’s and not a gray hair yet, but I definitely plan to embrace my gray once it comes in. I say...go for it!

The way I see it, you’ve earned it. There are a lot of people in this world that don’t ever make it to gray hair; getting the opportunity to grow old is a privilege.

And of course, you know this already...but any man who wouldn’t date you because you have gray hair is not a man that is worthy of a date or relationship...

I think gray hair looks quite elegant. I vote to embrace it, and wear it proudly. :)

Incidentally...I’ve seen your name plenty of times (you’re a regular poster, I’m a regular lurker) and for some odd reason, I’m surprised to learn your hair is naturally jet black. You know how you can develop an image of someone without ever seeing them? I imagined you with a medium shade of brown hair. I have no idea why!

That's so funny Cyhiraeth! Yep, black hair (with grey roots lol) and olive skin. And middle aged.

Thank you for your input, you made me smile :)

I prefer men in the late 40s to late 50s age range, but I wonder how many of them would be willing to date a woman who looks middle-aged rather than an early 40s-ish looking woman.

How many men do you want to date? ;-)

When I saw your post, boltnrun, I thought of a good friend and former colleague of mine. Actually, she called herself my work mom. Lol

Prior to her hair going grey, she was a brunette. Once she started going grey, every three weeks she'd go to the salon to get a root touch-up.

Eventually she got frustrated with the upkeep and decided to embrace her grey. It was a process, since the salon had to bleach her hair out. I don't know how long it took exactly, but I know she had to go back to the salon a few times before they achieved the goal they wanted.

So initially they bleached her out to a blond (to protect her hair and prevent damage). You should have seen the double takes at the office! Lol

She's now full on grey, and she's always had this super cute Halle Barry like haircut (short and frames her face).

The thing is, she has that beautiful white grey colour, so anytime she wears a bright colour, the contrast looks amazing with her hair and skin colour (she is olive toned).

It really does suit her and she gets tons of compliments. She's 62 now and it's great because it's low maintamce (she's all about showering and just being able to run out the door without any fuss).

Initially her husband had a hard time accepting it because he said it didn't look like her. But, ever since he had known her, she was a brunette, so it was outside of his comfort zone. He grew accustomed to it, though.

A couple of the women commented that they believed she looked younger with the dyed hair, despite the grey suiting her.

I'd be interested in hearing what the men would have to say as well in terms if their preference.

And if by chance they preferred dyed hair, would that impact your decision at all?

Have you ever thought about going blonde? The grey wouldn't show as much and it would be less maintenance as a result.

Just putting these thoughts/stories out there for consideration.

At the end of the day, it's important that you feel happy, comfortable and confident.

Here is a long thread discussing this from a few years back, and a few guys chimed in: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=473553&highlight=gray%2Bhair

Here is a long thread discussing this from a few years back, and a few guys chimed in: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=473553&highlight=gray%2Bhair

So that thread was pretty long so I only made it to page 8. But thank you for posting it.

I definitely won't go blond because I'm Hispanic and olive-skinned, so blond would look ridiculous and obviously fake on me.

I have considered continuing on with the root dying until the rest of my hair turns grey. More and more of it is turning grey, so whenever it catches up with my roots I could stop then.

One thing for sure, I won't drop several hundred dollars at a salon to have my hair stripped and dyed grey. I just won't spend that kind of money.

So, I could dye my roots a few more times and hope the grey that is appearing on the length just eventually takes over and I can stop then. But still...I'm tired of doing it! Urgh.

And just to clarify, I am not and never will try to look younger than my age. I never hide my real age, in fact I'm proud to have made it this far with my milieu of health issues (had a priest attempt to perform the "last rites" on me one time because the doctors were sure I was going to go), plus I have the good fortune to have had slender parents so weight is not an issue (other than about 10-12 pounds that come and go based on how badly I'm eating). And my Hispanic heritage has given me smooth skin. But that being said, I'm middle aged and not ashamed of it, darn it!

I'm just curious what the men have to say. I've never changed anything about myself based on what a man wanted, but still, I'd like some input so I might know what to expect!

Thanks everyone!

I'm glad journeynow found my thread -- saves me the trouble of hunting for it! I don't come here often, as I used to, but just saw your thread, OP. I'm grateful that I got so much feedback on my thread back then, and from men as well. A couple of the posters who really stood out to me were a young man in his 20's, who said that I should let my hair go grey, as his mom did this and she was always beautiful; and another who said that greyed hair with other youthful features (which I had and still have, for my age) would create an interesting contrast. This was also a male poster.

Since I wrote that thread, I've considered and re-considered using henna on my hair, to darken it to my original brunette shade, but more out of curiosity to see how much younger it would make me look and to condition it (which natural henna does -- it's actually really good for the hair) than to create an impression for the purposes of dating. And yes, I was single when I wrote that thread and am still single now (though having had a few prospects come and go).

I do believe that the grey, which has increased since then, adds years to my look. But since my face and body still look somewhat younger and I'm slender with the right curves, I feel that men by and large are able to look past greying and it becomes more peripheral. Also, as someone pointed out, men in this age range are also starting to go grey. There is something of a double-standard with that, in that men's silver hair tends to be considered a flattering trait, and in women, it's something to hide. But if you're keeping fit and healthy, cut your hair in a flattering style, and most importantly, express an inner radiance with your energy and a sparkle in your eye, it really does feel as if you're owning something you earned.

One thing I've found is that wearing more silver/grey/white jewelry and things in my wardrobe, especially tops, allows the hair grey and silvers to become an elegant accent. I'm still in the "salt-and-pepper", not fully white stage, so it's still a little in-betweeny, but I find when I wear these "colors", it makes the grey look more deliberate.

But the most important thing I've determined about this is that as far as men's reactions go, I actually think of the hair as a bit of a filter. I'm not going out of my way to test men, but I also think that if a man is looking for someone who looks younger than I am and for that reason finds my hair an obstacle -- next! A man who is naturally going with the flow of maturity in appearance is at a level of maturity that I'm looking for. If a man is looking for someone in his age range, grey is part of that equation, it comes with the territory. And I also prefer men who have a more "natural" style and orientation anyway, so this usually isn't an issue. I generally get with and go for men who appreciate the many ways a woman can be feminine, without having to artificialize their bodies. A lot depends on what type of man you're looking to date. Men who are comfortable with their own aging and bodies, who are open-minded and non-conformist will have zero problems with your hair color. And these are qualities I'm looking for in a partner anyway.

So I would encourage you to let your hair go grey, and stop worrying about all the little tricks to try to maintain color. It's such a pain, and no, I don't need to spend all my time (and money) that way. (And dark hair dyes are extremely toxic, too, so I wouldn't do that any day -- not having cancer is more important than not going grey.) All the women who went grey and didn't look back say they were always complimented by other women for looking so confident and good.

I haven't dyed my hair once since that thread, and unless I want to treat myself to a splurge for fun and hair conditioning with henna, I plan to keep going this way.

(By the way, in the last 5 years, I've had a very hot 26-year-old and a 33-year-old man hitting on me, the former being classically model-esque, so clearly the hair wasn't determining.)

It is true that grey does add years to a look. But a woman who can rock that look just has this certain appeal about her. I think it has a lot to do with the confidence behind it and if you are happy in your own skin.

If you are worried about what people think, then don't do it. But there has to be some point where you say f*** 'em, I'm okay with how I look and I don't care what others think, then rock it!

As a middle aged man who is mostly grey, I've been okay with it for a few years. Sure, I am a male and it is more socially acceptable to be grey, but that doesn't mean it was easy to make that decision. I dyed out the grey for a couple of years but I am thinning a lot on top as well, so tend to just keep my hair very short which defeats the point of dyeing.

Now I am taking steps to deal with presbyopia. I'm resisting those glasses.

It is true that grey does add years to a look. But a woman who can rock that look just has this certain appeal about her. I think it has a lot to do with the confidence behind it and if you are happy in your own skin.

I totally agree with this. I wanna give my opinion on this subject, take it or leave it. I'm 28 years old and already have graying on the side of my head! Started when I was 25. Honestly, I own it (and I'm just happy to have a full hair of hair, unlike my bald dad). If I went completely gray, I'm not sure how I would feel about that, but I like it as a subtle look on the sides.

I think gray hair, it's a really subjective thing, from person to person. Men, take celebs like Clooney, Affleck, and Matt Leblanc for a few examples... they pull it off. Women, it's a little weirder. Some women own the hell out of it, Jamie Lee Curtis and Helen Mirren. They're both up their in age, but they have a sex appeal about them because there is a strong, confident women honing those gray locks. Especially Mirren; she's still a stylish, classy looking woman.

On the other hand, take someone like Susan Surandon. She's kept her dark, red locks all these years. And it works for her, she is a fineee woman for 71, lol. I don't think I could ever picture her with gray hair, and I don't think she would be as attractive if she lost her iconic red hair. I also want to add Carrie Fisher, god rest her soul. I wasn't digging her salt and pepper hair in the new star wars films, in fact, it REALLY bothered me. I wish she just died it all dark brown like her original look. The princess of the rebellion. I wasn't digging the gray hair at all on her.

My 65 year old mother also dies her hair. I don't think she looks good with gray at all, I mean, it ages her significantly. It's just one of those things. Who you are, how well you wear it, etc.