She asked me if I’m hanging out or “taking out” other girls

I told her the truth and told her I haven’t taken out any girls the last 5 months and I asked “why?” And she said “just curious.”

I asked her “is there a guy you want to hangout with?”

And she said “no, not at all.”

So now I’m not sure if I should reassure her to make her feel completely good, or to let go of the convo.

Why would she ask that if you're officially dating?

If you guys haven't confirmed what you are exactly, as in if you're just seeing eachother or you're actually together, then this may have been an indirect way to ask?

If you've discussed and agreed that you're official, then she may be feeling insecure and want some reassurance?

Per your previous thread, are you seeing her more than once a week now?

If not, that may be why she asked. She's probably wondering what you do the rest of the week.

Once you get into an actual relationship (which you said you were in), you don't need to be so "mysterious" anymore; you can starting opening up and letting her into your world. Sharing more of yourself.

If she's insecure, that might help.

You said before that you two are officially in a relationship. So why would she ask you that?

We started seeing each other 2-3 times a week and definitely felt like a relationship. One of my friends asked “so you guys are together now?” while her and I were cuddling on the couch and she smiled and I said obviously.

But this past week I’ve been super busy and couldn’t even see her once.

She asked me this out of the blue today. I felt bad and reassured her by telling her that I want her to always ask me those questions and to never hold things in.

I told her that I used to always feel unsure about whether or not she was seeing other guys and she told me she never went out with a guy since she went out with me 5 months ago.

At this point I’d feel weird to say “want to be my gf.” Seems kind of obvious?

Per your previous thread, are you seeing her more than once a week now?

 

If not, that may be why she asked. She's probably wondering what you do the rest of the week.

 

Once you get into an actual relationship (which you said you were in), you don't need to be so "mysterious" anymore; you can starting opening up and letting her into your world. Sharing more of yourself.

 

If she's insecure, that might help.

Thanks! Yeah I realized I shouldn’t be mysterious since obvious she’s already emotionally invested. I plan on keeping her happy and would hate to make her feel unsure or insecure. She told me she’s very insecure.

Rozhni, in your previous thread you mentioned you were struggling with maintaining your feelings for her and that you needed "space" so you could miss her, so you only saw her once a week. You asked if feeling this way was normal.

Now that you have kicked it up to 2-3 times a week, how are you feeling now?

Is spending this amount of time together comfortable for you?

Is this why you were so "busy" this week, in an effort to get some space?

I am not judging you at all, but between this thread and your others I get the sense you are struggling a bit being in this relationship, as you've never been in one before, or not in a very long time, and spending so much time together is a bit suffocating for you.

Again, not judging you, I have my own share of issues, but we can't help you if you're not totally honest with us.

You had a thread recently titled "We are officially dating". So what does "officially dating" mean to you? To her?

You started seeing each other 2-3 times a week, but you're previous thread about only wanting to see her once a week was little over a week ago so that means you only did that for one week yet, seeing her more......

I'm sorry but you're threads and timelines don't add up....

But maybe that explains her insecurity.

You guys need the actual talk so that everything is clear!

Well it’s obvious that we are officially in a relationship since we aren’t just dating now. She comes over, met everyone I know,, definitely feels more than dating. Not everyone does the whole “will you be my gf”.. it can be implied.

I love her. I’ve already ignored 2 women for her.

I’m just extremely busy with my business. I wake up at 530am and have to be in the office until 6pm. When I get home I usually just eat, go to the gym, shower, and relax until I fall asleep.

Once or twice a week is basically the most I can do. I don’t see that as a bad thing and I don’t think she does either given that we used to only see each other once or twice a month..

You guys know how crazy I am about her. I’m lucky to have her possibly be just as into me since she is now acting a lot more loving. She even buys me gifts now.

I do plan on living with her one day far from now, but until then once a week is fine with me.. Idk how much more of a sacrifice I need to make.. I hardly even see my friends. I have a ton. But I put her first now.

You started seeing each other 2-3 times a week, but you're previous thread about only wanting to see her once a week was little over a week ago so that means you only did that for one week yet, seeing her more......

I'm sorry but you're threads and timelines don't add up....

But maybe that explains her insecurity.

You guys need the actual talk so that everything is clear!

We saw each other 3 times one wee and 2 times the following week and then it’s been once a week.. last week I was out of town and haven’t seen her for 10 days now.. it’s not my fault I was out of town.

Is there any particular reason why you're choosing to ignore my questions in post number 8?

Well it’s obvious that we are officially in a relationship since we aren’t just dating now. She comes over, met everyone I know,, definitely feels more than dating. Not everyone does the whole “will you be my gf”.. it can be implied.

I love her. I’ve already ignored 2 women for her.

I’m just extremely busy with my business. I wake up at 530am and have to be in the office until 6pm. When I get home I usually just eat, go to the gym, shower, and relax until I fall asleep.

Once or twice a week is basically the most I can do. I don’t see that as a bad thing and I don’t think she does either given that we used to only see each other once or twice a month..

You guys know how crazy I am about her. I’m lucky to have her possibly be just as into me since she is now acting a lot more loving. She even buys me gifts now.

I do plan on living with her one day far from now, but until then once a week is fine with me.. Idk how much more of a sacrifice I need to make.. I hardly even see my friends. I have a ton. But I put her first now.

You say it's obvious. Well, maybe it is to you, because if it was a given to her she wouldn't be asking you if you were still dating, right?

You say we know you are crazy about her. . but does she know? You are seeing her less and less. It makes sense that she's looking for reassurance.

You list all the things she does for you and in turn you use the words that you don't know how much you can sacrifice.

Look. . I get the schedule. I am the same way and it's not easy to find someone who wants to date you on limited terms. Relationships are about compromise.

Just know that she may not feel seeing you on your terms works for her at some point.

We started seeing each other 2-3 times a week and definitely felt like a relationship. One of my friends asked “so you guys are together now?” while her and I were cuddling on the couch and she smiled and I said obviously.

Just curious. Why did you start out by seeing her 2 to 3 times a week, when in reality one night a week is what you were ultimately after?

Because it appears that you knew that's what you needed to do to solidify the relationship and now that she clearly likes you, you are changing the conditions.

Rozhni, in your previous thread you mentioned you were struggling with maintaining your feelings for her and that you needed "space" so you could miss her, so you only saw her once a week. You asked if feeling this way was normal.

 

Now that you have kicked it up to 2-3 times a week, how are you feeling now?

 

Is spending this amount of time together comfortable for you?

 

Is this why you were so "busy" this week, in an effort to get some space?

 

I am not judging you at all, but between this thread and your others I get the sense you are struggling a bit being in this relationship, as you've never been in one before, or not in a very long time, and spending so much time together is a bit suffocating for you.

 

Again, not judging you, I have my own share of issues, but we can't help you if you're not totally honest with us.

I used to see her once or twice a month for 4 months. Then she suddenly wanted to see me more. One of the weeks we saw each other 3 times.. this made me feel like it was too much becaus it was such a jump.. I have a lot going on and really need to have a day or two to myself. the next week I saw her twice.. (this was doable) the following week I saw her once.. this last week I didn’t see her at all.. but now she asked me if I was seeing other girls which I’m not. I’m just very busy. Once or twice a week is good for me now.

It was just too much too fast. I didn’t realize I wanted less time with her until after I saw her 3 times in one week. Everything is going back to how it was though. (Once or twice a week.)

Just curious. Why did you start out by seeing her 2 to 3 times a week, when in reality one night a week is what you were ultimately after?

Because it appears that you knew that's what you needed to do to solidify the relationship and now that she clearly likes you, you are changing the conditions.

We would go out once or twice a month for 4 whole months before SHE finally started wanting to see me more.. I used to go on here complaining about that. I wanted to see her once a week but she always had something going on with work or something so out of 4 times a month I’d ask, she would only accept once or twice..

We would go out once or twice a month for 4 whole months before SHE finally started wanting to see me more.. I used to go on here complaining about that. I wanted to see her once a week but she always had something going on with work or something so out of 4 times a month I’d ask, she would only accept once or twice..

I dunno, call me crazy but comparing how you used to talk about her versus how you talk about her now, I am getting the distinct impression you are not quite as enthralled with her (or this RL) as you were previously when she was not as available (or available at all), now that it has all come to fruition after months of chasing her, literally.

I mean seriously, you used to go on and on about her, how you've loved her since high school, she's the love of your life, how she's your "soulmate," she's this, she's that, and NOW all you go on about is how busy you are, can only see her once a week, three times is too much, you need to miss her; something's not jiving here, doesn't sound quite right.

You will deny no doubt but it won't stop me from having this feeling; your posts are very transparent.

But until you're ready to be honest with us (and yourself) about what you're feeling, no one will be able to sort this out, including yourself.

Good luck though.

I dunno, call me crazy but comparing how you used to talk about her versus how you talk about her now, I am getting the distinct impression you are not quite as enthralled with her (or this RL) as you were previously when she was not as available (or available at all), now that it has all come to fruition after months of chasing her, literally.

 

I mean seriously, you used to go on and on about her, how you've loved her since high school, she's the love of your life, how she's your "soulmate," she's this, she's that, and NOW all you go on about is how busy you are, can only see her once a week, three times is too much, you need to miss her; something's not jiving here, doesn't sound quite right.

 

You will deny no doubt but it won't stop me from having this feeling; your posts are very transparent.

 

But until you're ready to be honest with us (and yourself) about what you're feeling, no one will be able to sort this out, including yourself.

 

Good luck though.

Somewhere in those 5 months I slowly gave up and basically went cold.. I still want to be with her but no where near as much as I did 5 months ago.. I just feel completely different about dating now. It’s too risky. No reason to attach yourself to someone. You’ll get screwed over.

You have no idea the stresses and anxiety I went through when I wasn’t sure how much she liked me.

A woman can lose feelings for a man at any moment in time and drop him..

I’m just casual about everything and it’s whatever to me now. No reason for me to start stressing over her and all that again.

It was incredibly unhealthy for me.

>> I just feel completely differently about dating now.

^Yeah, now that you've "got" her after months of chasing.

>>I'm just casual about everything and it's whatever now.

^Spoken like a true "commitment phobe."

But hey at least you're finally being honest, I'll give you that.

Not judging, but it is what it is, I have issues too.

Best of luck.

Somewhere in those 5 months I slowly gave up and basically went cold.. I still want to be with her but no where near as much as I did 5 months ago.. I just feel completely different about dating now. It’s too risky. No reason to attach yourself to someone. You’ll get screwed over.

You have no idea the stresses and anxiety I went through when I wasn’t sure how much she liked me.

A woman can lose feelings for a man at any moment in time and drop him..

I’m just casual about everything and it’s whatever to me now. No reason for me to start stressing over her and all that again.

It was incredibly unhealthy for me.

And by you trying to stay detached in an effort to not feel the pain of a breakup is the very thing that will snuff out this relationship.

You need to put yourself all in if you want a successful outcome. . and yes, it means you might get hurt if it ended.

But by going about this way you are likely to lose the very thing you think you want. . .

The goal here is to get right with yourself. You need to know that you are strong enough to be vulnerable and not matter what happens you'll be ok.

Playing it safe with one foot out the door never works.

I agree, you were totally into her until you "got" her. Now you "need space".

The thrill of the chase is over and you're losing interest.

I kind of feel bad for her. I mean, you pursued her like crazy, she saw that and finally responded, now you're pulling back.

No wonder she's asking questions.

BTW, I had this happen to me. A guy pursued me for MONTHS. Kept popping up wherever I was, called me at work, the whole 9. Then I decided "This guy hasn't given up even though I keep rebuffing him. He must be sincere. Maybe I should give him a chance". So I did.

Two months after we started dating, he "lost interest" and "wasn't 'feeling it'". And I had fallen for him by then and was thinking "What the heck just happened??" when he started pulling away. It was very upsetting and very confusing. So I can relate to this girl. She's wondering where that ardently pursuing guy went.

I agree, you were totally into her until you "got" her. Now you "need space".

 

The thrill of the chase is over and you're losing interest.

 

I kind of feel bad for her. I mean, you pursued her like crazy, she saw that and finally responded, now you're pulling back.

 

No wonder she's asking questions.

 

BTW, I had this happen to me. A guy pursued me for MONTHS. Kept popping up wherever I was, called me at work, the whole 9. Then I decided "This guy hasn't given up even though I keep rebuffing him. He must be sincere. Maybe I should give him a chance". So I did.

 

Two months after we started dating, he "lost interest" and "wasn't 'feeling it'". And I had fallen for him by then and was thinking "What the heck just happened??" when he started pulling away. It was very upsetting and very confusing. So I can relate to this girl. She's wondering where that ardently pursuing guy went.

Not my fault I realized I deserve better before she finally turned around and acknowledged me.

She took me in a week after I already realized I wasn’t happy chasing.

Not my fault I realized I deserve better before she finally turned around and acknowledged me.

She took me in a week after I already realized I wasn’t happy chasing.

so. . what exactly is it you want?

Not my fault I realized I deserve better before she finally turned around and acknowledged me.

She took me in a week after I already realized I wasn’t happy chasing.

Not your fault.

So, have you in fact lost interest?