Does a womans track history change things?

So I met a wonderful woman this past Saturday. Beautiful and smart, we talked for a few days before meeting we sent each other a ton of pics (Normal ones) and added each other on Facebook. Before hand we chatted a lot and even more so now. We have gotten to know each other a lot and meeting again this week. Mind you I think that she is so HOT and 8 years younger then me. She has a good job and her life in order. I would tend to think this is a great fit someone to get to know more and hope for a Long term thing. the only issue I see is that her longest relationship has only been 2 years. We are not in our 20's she's mid 30s and I am mid 40's. that worries me that her track history. BUT maybe they just where not the right ones and who knows what the future brings.

I was honestly shocked I am by far not a ugly guy I figure myself pretty good looking, but she is like Hollywood beautiful in fact when I first saw her picture I thought that she was 25 if that. then when we chatted we like almost everything the same including our political views and have the same passions. Shoot she even fishes, has her own guns and a carry permit. To me that is even more attractive then her looks. I have never been one to date for looks only, inside has always meant more for me so I was shocked on how she is as a total package.

She knows that I just moved out of my Exes a few weeks ago even if we broke up in September. we are going slow at this, but I want to avoid the friend zone LOL damn black hole that is.

I have only been in 3 relationships in 25 years, I am a LTR guy not casual. She dated Casual for a few years been single for over a year and longest was 2 years. Should I be concerned with the lack of LTR? I also noticed that she has like over 1000 people on Facebook and a lot of random guys that every time she posts something they jump on saying things like Hi sexy etc.

I got as far as her own guns and cc permit. She’s a keeper

Word of advice- make sure she’s not shooting a high point. That’s a deal breaker.

Glock, S&W - long term dating material

Kimber, CZ - marry that woman

And I always thought that it's always women who are worried about a partner's longest relationship as if indicates something. Agree with Capttrae, she is a keeper.

Word of advice- make sure she’s not shooting a high point. That’s a deal breaker.

Glock, S&W - long term dating material

Kimber, CZ - marry that woman

And this. Hahaha

Sorry, the opposite. I got to the gun and cc permit part, and I'd be walking away. But then, I aint 'Merican.

From the relationship perspective. Perhaps she is finally looking to settle down after being single or casual for a long time. Not all people have to conform to the get in a long relationship attitude. It might be a period of adjustment needed if that is what she wants, but why the issue? Is this not like a woman's attitude to a man that has been single for a long time?

You've just met. You're getting way too far ahead of yourself.

From your fawning description it sounds like you're thinking with your little head, not your big head.

A person's track record matters. How much is dependant on many things, there is no quick answer. Get to know her better and you'll have more information to make a decision.

You've just met. You're getting way too far ahead of yourself.

 

From your fawning description it sounds like you're thinking with your little head, not your big head.

 

A person's track record matters. How much is dependant on many things, there is no quick answer. Get to know her better and you'll have more information to make a decision.

You are right, that is true. I do get ahead of myself. But like I said I don't know how to casual date.

Of course you know how to date someone casually. You just choose not to and that's ok. I think it's fine that her longest relationship has been two years. When I was dating my concern was a guy who'd had a messy divorce especially recently or a guy who was in his 30s and never had a serious relationship - that type of history likely wouldn't have been compatible with mine. I would take it one date at a time.

Of course you know how to date someone casually. You just choose not to and that's ok. I think it's fine that her longest relationship has been two years. When I was dating my concern was a guy who'd had a messy divorce especially recently or a guy who was in his 30s and never had a serious relationship - that type of history likely wouldn't have been compatible with mine. I would take it one date at a time.

So with your logic someone like me who did an engineering degree extremely committed, worked all around the globe for 6 years almost burning out then needing a year to get myself in shape,

having not had much time for dating and therefore not much serious long relationships, would have something wrong and be undateable in his 30s ! Maybe think about life choices and circumstances

before making such gratuitous assumptions don't you think !?

Strangely I would mostly with my last 5 years relationship experience, say just the opposite with women, I've met too many burned and damaged women that had long crappy relationships, so you

see assuming just because of the length of a relationship is absolutely stupid, assessing people's character and honesty is better.

What is most relevant to me at the risk of passing as an outdated sexist, is actually if a woman had casual sex for 5-10 years, doing it a while why not but the serial casuals, mostly without much

serious stories you know to explore their sexuality... that to me is a huge Red Flag, because in my views having a different sexual partner every weekend isn't showing respect to yourself. I would

say exactly the same about the playboys that want to f*** as much women as their poor ego needs !

OP, I don't see much problems here be happy a woman takes it slow and wants to connect and not push you !

You are putting the cart ahead of the horse. Slow down and get to know her.

So with your logic someone like me who did an engineering degree extremely committed, worked all around the globe for 6 years almost burning out then needing a year to get myself in shape,

having not had much time for dating and therefore not much serious long relationships, would have something wrong and be undateable in his 30s ! Maybe think about life choices and circumstances

before making such gratuitous assumptions don't you think !?

 

Strangely I would mostly with my last 5 years relationship experience, say just the opposite with women, I've met too many burned and damaged women that had long crappy relationships, so you

see assuming just because of the length of a relationship is absolutely stupid, assessing people's character and honesty is better.

 

What is most relevant to me at the risk of passing as an outdated sexist, is actually if a woman had casual sex for 5-10 years, doing it a while why not but the serial casuals, mostly without much

serious stories you know to explore their sexuality... that to me is a huge Red Flag, because in my views having a different sexual partner every weekend isn't showing respect to yourself. I would

say exactly the same about the playboys that want to f*** as much women as their poor ego needs !

 

OP, I don't see much problems here be happy a woman takes it slow and wants to connect and not push you !

I like this thank you for posting.

@sera - excellent point. And I agree with that (and your avatar... we're expecting another foot or so tomorrow... ugh. enough already!)

@OP- If you tend to worry and overanalyze things, than heed to Sera's advice. However, if your gut is instructing you... then I'd listen to it.

Good luck.

First thing I have to mention is in reference to the gun permit etc. Again, not being an American, this would have me running a mile!!

There's nothing "wrong" wih someone who doesn't have a long term relationship in their past. Alternatively, to some, two years is a long term relationship. Not really something you should be getting to hung up on at this early stage, or at all really. Her past is exactly that. We all have them, skeletons, the lot!

In comparisson, I've entered a relationship as of September '17. Bit of an age gap, I've just turned 40 and she will be 48 this year. My last relationship ended last year after 12 years. She had been single for around two years, had a fling or two, dated a few guys in between, but has also been married twice and has two grown up kids and a teenager. She ended a previous relationship as she felt he wasn't "the one".

It's not always healthy to judge someone on their past track record. As the person they were at that moment in time may not be who they are now.

You are putting the cart ahead of the horse. Slow down and get to know her.

Yes!!

In addition, I would take a look at the 2-year max relationship from another perspective: I am sure you know many people who are in long term relationships who should have called it quits years ago. IMHO, it's better to walk away from a bad relationship than it is to stay in it for additional years due to fear of being alone. Or.... maybe she was committed to the 2-year relationship and the guy walked out on her when he met someone else? There are so many variables there, that I wouldn't see a lack of 5+ year relationship as a red flag.

See how the dating goes. Hard to predict or gauge things after one date. She may think of this as more 'casual dating', given your history.

She knows that I just moved out of my Exes a few weeks ago even if we broke up in September.

^^^ Yeah, that would be a huge red flag to me, if a guy just moved out a few weeks ago. I might try to proceed cautiously, but chances are that he's not ready for another serious relationship at this point.

So with your logic someone like me who did an engineering degree extremely committed, worked all around the globe for 6 years almost burning out then needing a year to get myself in shape,

having not had much time for dating and therefore not much serious long relationships, would have something wrong and be undateable in his 30s ! Maybe think about life choices and circumstances

before making such gratuitous assumptions don't you think !?

 

Strangely I would mostly with my last 5 years relationship experience, say just the opposite with women, I've met too many burned and damaged women that had long crappy relationships, so you

see assuming just because of the length of a relationship is absolutely stupid, assessing people's character and honesty is better.

 

What is most relevant to me at the risk of passing as an outdated sexist, is actually if a woman had casual sex for 5-10 years, doing it a while why not but the serial casuals, mostly without much

serious stories you know to explore their sexuality... that to me is a huge Red Flag, because in my views having a different sexual partner every weekend isn't showing respect to yourself. I would

say exactly the same about the playboys that want to f*** as much women as their poor ego needs !

 

OP, I don't see much problems here be happy a woman takes it slow and wants to connect and not push you !

Nope, not my opinion at all. That person simply would likely not have been compatible with me. Nothing to do with other people or anyone else, without regard to gender. For me I would not have dated a man in his 30s who had never had a long term relationship even if he'd been focusing on his career (as I did in grad school and in my intense, more than full time career from ages 25-42). I also would not have dated a man who only had casual sex partners or who had serious relationships but felt it was appropriate to have many casual sex partners. I made two exceptions with respect to the latter and basically regretted both for different reasons.

Would you rather be with someone that drags out a relationship when it's no longer working, and stays long after it's done? Or someone who knows what they want? The longest relationship I had ever been in before getting married was 1.5 years as well, and I'm married with kids. Now if she's never been in a relationship before, or anything that hasn't lasting more than a few months, red flag. I think having one that was two years is strange to get hung up on. You can date someone for a decade, and it does not mean it was a good relationship. In fact, you aren't with them anymore, so duration is not a good factor.

Yes!!

 

In addition, I would take a look at the 2-year max relationship from another perspective: I am sure you know many people who are in long term relationships who should have called it quits years ago. IMHO, it's better to walk away from a bad relationship than it is to stay in it for additional years due to fear of being alone. Or.... maybe she was committed to the 2-year relationship and the guy walked out on her when he met someone else? There are so many variables there, that I wouldn't see a lack of 5+ year relationship as a red flag.

Exactly, all these judgments are ridiculous I'm sure people saying that, wouldn't like being on the receiving end !

Last year 3 friends got out of 7 years relationships, and out of the 2 women one broke up because a problem allready present at the beginning, went party crazy getting massively drunk every weekends, the second women same thing

problem allready present in the beginning, hopped on the carousel bringing a different man home every weekend for months. The guy having being lazy for years and not listening to his GF went into depression, then made his Tinder

profile going on a sex rampage to show his GF he could get women...

They are my friends but really, I see more red flags here than some people having 2 months relationships, so just hear what people have to say before judging gratuitously !

Exactly, all these judgments are ridiculous I'm sure people saying that, wouldn't like being on the receiving end !

I don't think it's about judgments -it's about dating to find a long term relationship and that requires compatibility. We all have to make judgments when it comes to that. I didn't judge someone because he didn't want children, or hadn't gone to college, or could not support himself financially -but it meant that we wouldn't be a good match for a potentially serious relationship. It's different from judging someone in general as whether that person is a good or bad person for example.

As you get to know her, I'd ask the reasons why all the relationships didn't go past two years. Good reasons would be that the guy cheated, or was a workaholic, or was a narcotics user or emotionally/physically abusive. Okay reasons also include a period of maturing and growing apart in the twenties.

Bad reasons? She cheated. She grows bored easily. She's not into LTRs. She's too picky about must-haves. You can find this out during discussions, in general, about past relationship history, because yes, it is important to consider a person's relationship history. Also, make sure you have the same relationship goals.

It's wise to consider if she will be the type to welcome flirtations and sexy messages from a harem of men on Facebook, even if she's exclusive with a guy. That would bother me if my partner didn't have boundaries, once exclusive.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Another vote for take it easy and just get to know her. I admit I've got some preferences, but there's way too much nuance between everyone's relationships to assume someone who made it 10 years in a relationship knows what it takes to make one last happily for that many years, or that someone whose longest relationship lasted 2 years means they themselves have the wisdom to end it sooner than later.

Have fun and exercise interpersonal common sense and awareness. You'll know when you see something you don't like.

If the woman is as attractive as you say, with all her Facebook fans, etc., then she draws a lot of guys. And a lot of those guys are probably the wrong kind of guys. They may look good at first, but it takes some dates before she gets to know them to find out their problems. And then when she finds out that they're shallow or chauvinistic, she dumps them. I'm guessing she's been through a lot of guys drawn to her because of her beauty. So I wouldn't be afraid of a woman like this who did not have many long-term relationships. I would just worry about whether you two hit it off and have a rapport. And I'm guessing at her age, she may be ready to settle down. So be on your best behavior and I hope she continues to smile on you.

I don't think it's about judgments -it's about dating to find a long term relationship and that requires compatibility. We all have to make judgments when it comes to that. I didn't judge someone because he didn't want children, or hadn't gone to college, or could not support himself financially -but it meant that we wouldn't be a good match for a potentially serious relationship. It's different from judging someone in general as whether that person is a good or bad person for example.

The gripe I have with your thinking is yes I can "judge" someone according to their behavior, which is either good or bad that's quite clear, I can also know with their goals and preferances (lifestyle, kids, education) if they align with mine or not.

But the duration of a relationship doesn't fit in these 2 categories, because you are not alone in a relationship so you don't know who ended it, why they ended it and if there were bad stuff or not, assessing one person in this relationship to be for you, okay

or not okay just by it's timing regardless off these details, is dismissing people on arbitrary reason or facts not all dependant on them ! I'm sorry I just don't find that fair or very smart, I'm not going to make the allready small dating pool for me, even smaller

without hearing what people have to say about that.