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Thread: They always come back...

  1. #1
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    They always come back...

    Hey everyone so I never thought I'd see the day but my ex texted me a few days ago after just under a year of radio silence. I suppose I need some advice on how to proceed.

    Read my previous posts for more context but essentially we were together 6 years and during our relationship he had alchohol/lying/hiding/drug issues and from what I've been told this has not changed. We're both 26.

    Anyway, he text me last week saying "hey I just wondered if you want to catch up sometime? It would be great to see you again and see how you're going"

    So I was pretty shocked but surprisingly had little to no emotion about the whole thing. As I know he's still living his old life I'm relatively sure he's not wanting to get back together so I'm a little confused as to why he'd even want to see me as simply "catching up" does not sound fun to me.
    I replied "hey I don't even know how to respond to that at this point if I'm being honest, I'm going to have to sit on that for a bit" to which he replied "no worries just let me know when you're ready."

    I have no idea whether to meet up with him and risk being hurt further or just leave it and always wonder what he was going to say. I was thinking about questioning him as to the purpose of the catch up because if it's simply a friendly catch up (so bizarre considering all we've been through) I'd have no desire.
    Thoughts, feelings everyone? I wouldn't even consider going back to him unless he had essentially transformed at this point.

  2. #2
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    Don't fall for this old trick. Tell him you've moved on, you're in a good place, and you don't need to reopen old wounds. Just because he's lonely doesn't mean it's up to you to make him feel better. He hasn't changed. He'll just put on an act for a short while before returning to his previous personality. Forget the guy and concentrate on finding a nice guy to love.

  3. #3
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    Meh, don't go back for more.

    It sounds like you broke up for very good reasons. Why would you want to revisit something that didn't work for so long?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    My ex (who broke my heart and over whom I cried for months) wanted to see me years after we broke up.

    He didn't love me or anything. He just was lonely and kind of bored and thought it might be cool to get some sex.

    I only met up with him because I'd been so very in love with him before and I was curious if I would have any kind of reaction to him.

    Well, I didn't. Even though I'd been absolutely devastated when he dumped me, I felt nothing. Not even a twinge.

    I haven't seen him since (although he did ask a few times) and I don't feel at all like I missed out or anything.

    BTW, he also had substance abuse issues. I don't want any part of that, so it was easy to walk away.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Based upon what you have said, I do not think that seeing him will cause you to sudden become under his spell again. And if anything, and like boltnrun found, it can cause you to be happier where you are. That the decision to move on was the right one and that you can fully close that door behind you.

    It's a bit like when you fall off the NC wagon by contacting the ex. You think it throws you back, and it might do a stutter, but it pushes you on with greater resolve.

    So, I think you should do it. But only the once, and to show yourself that you are in a better place.

  7. #6
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    Leave it where it is. Why walk all the way back to a neighborhood you don't live in anymore to pick up trash that doesn't belong to you so you can carry it around again and possibly have to fight to let it go all over....
    Don't meet him.

  8. #7
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    I agree with the others, don't go there.

  9. #8
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    Given the history, keep him out of your life. Are you clean? If you are, you don't revisit the past with drug users.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    Given the history, keep him out of your life. Are you clean? If you are, you don't revisit the past with drug users.
    Yes I'm clean never touched a drug in my life and barely drink. Neither did he until 3 years into our relationship! Thanks.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Dominique
    Leave it where it is. Why walk all the way back to a neighborhood you don't live in anymore to pick up trash that doesn't belong to you so you can carry it around again and possibly have to fight to let it go all over....
    Don't meet him.
    I know - thankuou guess I'm worried that I'll always wonder what he had to say. Ahhh!!!

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