My girlfriend of 2 years just decided she didnt want it anymore - Im lost for words

Hi all,

I've came here for some advice and also a place to rant.

Ive been with my girl for 2 years and the other day she text me to say she didnt want it anymore.

We have had issues in the past where we broke up for a while due to issues with both of our insecurities etc but we got past that and have been seriously happy since then. Until say the last 2 weeks. She met some new girl friends and started seeing them during the week and at weekends (i dont have a problem with this and was happy she had made new friends) but it started to get frustrating when i asked her if i was seeing her and she would always be busy. So i said to her listen i dont mind you being busy etc but it would be nice for you to tell me in advance and organise something with me for another day instead of me always asking and getting told no basically.

She got a bit p*ssed and didnt seem too happy, so the past 2 weeks has been a bit crappy we've argued over random crap. For example last year she said i want to book a holiday for this year (2018) i said to her due to our issues not long before i dont think its a great idea to book a big holiday yet but i will do a week away to my grandparents holiday home as a compromise. She said that was fine etc etc. Then friday night we went for food and on the way home she started saying about the holiday how she feels like i dont care anymore and how Im "boring" now. Some context around the boring part - last year i had agreed with my parents I'd start saving for a house, I told my girlfriend this and she was happy for me and she said that was okay, but now all of a sudden she thinks we're on different paths.

So on friday when she started listing these things i sat and reassured her and said listen if you have problems tell me and we'll sort them. Her words were " I love you so much and I want to be with you more than anything but i just feel weird about us now, i dont know whats wrong it could be a blip". I said dont worry lets try and get through this blah blah and i dropped her home. Saturday she never text me at all until night time when she said " im sorry i just dont think we should be together anymore, its for the best" - i dont understand how before any of this happened we were SO happy , im not just saying that from my point of view she literally sat and said it to me. How can she just randomly decide she doesnt want it. She promised me when we got back last year she would never walk away like she did again, she said she would always tell me whats on her mind and work things out, but she refuses to meet up to talk over things and has completely blocked me out. No reasoning, nothing. Im truly devastated beyond words can describe, the bond we have together is out of this world, the bond i have with her family and she has with mine. Im totally broken. When we split last year I constantly sat wondering what use i am in the world I was genuinely distraught, I started to feel slightly better about 2 months into our break then we spoke again and we sorted it, we have been amazing since, it was like a new release of life. Until now, its all gone to sh*t again and I dont know what to do. All i want to do is talk to her but she just wont have it, she is refusing completely, completely given up on us.

Im not sure what to do now. Ive not said anything to my parents because it took them so long to get back into it after we first split and since then they grew a much stronger bond with her. They know somethings up but i dont want to say anything because i keep thinking "what if" we sort it.

Im lost i genuinely am, we talked about our future all the time, houses, kids, dogs, marriage and shes just walked away.

I really need some advice here, i dont know what to do

This sucks, to me you did nothing that bad, so don't torture yourself we've all been there and you need to take care of yourself now !

Now I'm going to point out just facts I see from this story, then you decide what you make of these facts and hopefully it'll help you !

- She broke up over text, no explanation after a 2 year relationship.

- She doesn't reply to your logistics issues and doesn't respect you have a schedule too.

- She agreed with you on the vacation issue but then when she was angry lately, used this to against you.

Of course there is hardly a 100% fault on one side in relationships, but ask yourself about these 3 points, does this seems a) respectful b) sustainable in the future !? You might brush this off

as small problems, but to me this shows the relationship is too one sided, in these 3 examples she had absolutely no respected for you after 2 years together... do you honestly want that kind

of relationship, because you seem to want to bend over backwards for her !?

If someone can't have the courtesy to take some time face to face, to explain to you they want to breakup I dare say you are better without them, some women might argue its uncomfortable

and she didn't have the courage to do so, okay, but I'm sorry as uncomfortable as it might be, it's not a mature way to end a 2 year relationship, regardless of gender !

Now the might be controversial part of the answer, it seems to me very likely that she knew she was going to dump you for a while, she met new friends and started dismissing doing stuff with

you, while your demand seemed pretty normal and adult, maybe there was a guy within these friends and she wants to jump ships. I might be wrong and she is just immature because it seems

the only 2 ways this can be, sorry man but take her down from the pedestal, no one deserves a breakup text realize this and if she does this once she can do this again if you let her !

WHile you seem to think this was something random, it is not. She has been feeling this way for a while and it is just now that she has brought it up with you. While you have been happy, she obviously has not.

And she, you talked about the future, houses, marriage, blah blah. EVERYONE does and that does not stop breakups or divorces.

So, this has happened, it is probably for the best, start moving on and don't look back. She will probably try to come back again, but it will just happen again, with all the same promises. Break the cycle and go find someone new.

If she's broken up with you before, you two haven't been on solid ground for quite a while.

Talk is cheap, unfortunately. It sounds to me like she's been on the fence a long time and was looking for reasons to end it. This isn't someone who was anywhere near as invested as she seemed.

Hi there ast Gentleman,

I really appreciate the reply, it means alot.

I agree with basically everything you have said, I think I just have to tell myself that it is over and its never going to be fixed.

Im not sure if i had said in the first post but I had said to her if you do not want to sort this in anyway then please block me from social media etc so I cannot message you or constantly check up on you. She then proceeded to block my number and twitter but left instagram and snapchat (weird right?) Then i went onto twitter the other night and saw that she had unblocked me? In less that half a day? Its rather confusing.

So I spoke to my father about this and he said be clear with her. So i dropped her a message on instagram (which she has "seen" as it tells you) and I said basically in short : You know how much you and this relationship means to me, i think the way you have went about this with little or no discussion is very rash towards our relationship and you know yourself the pain it caused last time. What Im asking is in a couple of days (preferably) this week Id like to meet up to talk about things, wether you change your mind or not i feel as if i am due some closure. If you do not want to talk, then dont message me this week, i will take it as 100% that you just do not want to be with me. And i promise you now i will not chase you, i will not try to fix this relationship. It cant keep going on like this, it hurts me, you and our families.

I hope i hear from you but if i do not I wish you all the best.

So we will see what happens, she may reply she may not.

Hey, thanks for the reply.

It seems that way doesn't it. I'm not sure what she wants from life or a relationship but I think she is too immature to know the difference between social media perfect relationships and real life. She said to me "it feels like a routine seeing you now" - im not sure what she expects a relationship to be? Life is a routine, marriage is a routine, work is a routine. Its these silly excuses she either makes to cover the real truth OR she genuinely doesnt know what she wants.

But as said to others, I do not think it will be sorted and I dont even think its wise to get back if she wants to.

hey buddy,

I get where your coming from but its just confusing she genuinely told me she was so happy 3 weeks ago. I know words can mean sh*t but at the same time it felt very very genuine.

You are right though and not the first person to say this to me that if we do get back, it probably will happen again.

Thanks for the advice.

Hi, I've had similar experiences where my partner seemed really happy but suddenly broke up without warning. I would later find out that it's because they were seeing someone else and couldn't tell me or live with the guilt anymore. While you are wasting your time, energy and love on someone who hasn't earned it, you could be in a better relationship. Sometimes curses can be blessings in disguise.

I think you are like I was 5 years ago, pedestalizing all women as angelic beings incapable of doing ill... you have to realize women can be just as bad as men and I would even say

most bad women are much better at deception and hiding feelings, bad men are better at demeaning women breaking their self worth.

That is really a common story the she said she was happy, kissed me etc, then suddenly leaving you a note, or text that she left without much explanation, all you got to make from

this is she is selfish, or was hiding another guy that she was seeing, so good riddance !

This is a very widespread epidemic nowadays, relationships require work and butterflies can't last forever, even scientists have studied this extensively. Someone not being able to

understand this is not mature, let them have relationships with other "appearance addicts".

I do think she won't ever reply to you judging her behavior, erase her yourself there is no point keeping immature people in your circles.

Hi, I've had similar experiences where my partner seemed really happy but suddenly broke up without warning. I would later find out that it's because they were seeing someone else and couldn't tell me or live with the guilt anymore. While you are wasting your time, energy and love on someone who hasn't earned it, you could be in a better relationship. Sometimes curses can be blessings in disguise.

Im pretty certain there is nobody else, she has never been disloyal to me and i dont think she would be now.

I could be wrong but I know her and her family very well and its not in her nature.

I think you are like I was 5 years ago, pedestalizing all women as angelic beings incapable of doing ill... you have to realize women can be just as bad as men and I would even say

most bad women are much better at deception and hiding feelings, bad men are better at demeaning women breaking their self worth.

That is really a common story the she said she was happy, kissed me etc, then suddenly leaving you a note, or text that she left without much explanation, all you got to make from

this is she is selfish, or was hiding another guy that she was seeing, so good riddance !

 

This is a very widespread epidemic nowadays, relationships require work and butterflies can't last forever, even scientists have studied this extensively. Someone not being able to

understand this is not mature, let them have relationships with other "appearance addicts".

 

I do think she won't ever reply to you judging her behavior, erase her yourself there is no point keeping immature people in your circles.

I agree with this appearance addict part. She is very much all about how our relationship looks to others. Very odd.

Im pretty certain there is nobody else, she has never been disloyal to me and i dont think she would be now.

 

I could be wrong but I know her and her family very well and its not in her nature.

As I said I think you pedestalize women a bit, there is nothing wrong in seeing the good in people but everyone has a shadow side, it's just more comfortable to dismiss

that then to acknowledge it, but don't fool yourself I know many so called good women who under some circumstances, did horrendous things and when confronted they

had so excuses to rationalize their behaviors. Heck many men are as guilty of that as well.

Lookup Carl Yung's papers on the shadow self, it helps you becoming a better person and not "acting" like one.

Many of my GFs when I worshipped women, I was certain could never do wrong, still some of them one or two weeks after breaking up were with another guy... this is

hardly every coincidence or luck !

So today i have not messaged her at all or anything and go on instagram on my lunch break and shes blocked me? Its so random? So mu numbers blocked, twitter was blocked then unblocked but hasnt followed me or anything. Its so random

So today i have not messaged her at all or anything and go on instagram on my lunch break and shes blocked me? Its so random? So mu numbers blocked, twitter was blocked then unblocked but hasnt followed me or anything. Its so random

She is messing with your head, no one blocks and unblocks people by error or something, I'm telling you don't contact her for at least a week, I would bet she will not text you because

she super "busy" and suddenly blame you for not caring anymore making drama, to try and make you chase her... do yourself a favor and avoid her !

She is messing with your head, no one blocks and unblocks people by error or something, I'm telling you don't contact her for at least a week, I would bet she will not text you because

she super "busy" and suddenly blame you for not caring anymore making drama, to try and make you chase her... do yourself a favor and avoid her !

She messaged me. She was very clear and said that she will not speak to me about it. She said she is done and its for good. She told me she is going to focus on her own happiness and im to stop being selfish trying to fix it....dont understand how im being selfish.

She mentioned again how she doesnt think im "fun" enough because we dont go clubbing etc (She has never ONCE asked me to go, im not just gona randomly ask to go out with her and her girlfriends). She said "its obviously going to hurt but this is whats happening, you just need to accept that there are problems between us and thats it"

What a load of sh*t. Ive never once not accepted there are problems ive said numerous times there clearly are. I said to her i understand how you feel and respect that but I feel after 2 years together i deserve you to say this to my face. No reply.

Its over and im bloody gutted. I feel so disrespected that the girl i though loved me so much has ended our 2 YEAR relationship via text. Lost for words.

She messaged me. She was very clear and said that she will not speak to me about it. She said she is done and its for good. She told me she is going to focus on her own happiness and im to stop being selfish trying to fix it....dont understand how im being selfish.

She mentioned again how she doesnt think im "fun" enough because we dont go clubbing etc (She has never ONCE asked me to go, im not just gona randomly ask to go out with her and her girlfriends). She said "its obviously going to hurt but this is whats happening, you just need to accept that there are problems between us and thats it"

 

What a load of sh*t. Ive never once not accepted there are problems ive said numerous times there clearly are. I said to her i understand how you feel and respect that but I feel after 2 years together i deserve you to say this to my face. No reply.

 

Its over and im bloody gutted. I feel so disrespected that the girl i though loved me so much has ended our 2 YEAR relationship via text. Lost for words.

So you should have read her mind because she didn't voice concerns and then blames you yay ! She's an entitled selfish girl, you will now know next time to get out before this happens,

because it always ends up like this, told you in the previous message she will blame you, that's how these women pretend to be flawless and all faults are always on the other.

Now what I would do in your place, before cutting her off all your circles/apps is text her "Yes the problem is you for having no decency by ending a 2 year relationship by text, blaming

everything on me while trying to act like the victim in the story, well I don't need immature people like you in my life, don't ever contact me again we are done.

You never know sometimes they are so crazy, they suddenly try to get you back years later or friendzone you, so such text tells her she has no hold on you anymore, just don't be bitter or

angry especially if you cross her that would fuel her tank, be happy to be rid of her sooner than later even after 2 years, that's the best for you !

This whole situation is driving me nuts. She keeps acting like she doesnt want this but wont speak to me? Ive been completely reasonable and asked to talk to her or i want her to block me, she wont do either. It sounds stupid I know. But i find it so hard to just walk away from someone, im a real fixer, i like to sort things.

Why is she reading my messages but not speaking to me, and not just blocking me if she wants me out her life that badly?

This whole situation is driving me nuts. She keeps acting like she doesnt want this but wont speak to me? Ive been completely reasonable and asked to talk to her or i want her to block me, she wont do either. It sounds stupid I know. But i find it so hard to just walk away from someone, im a real fixer, i like to sort things.

 

Why is she reading my messages but not speaking to me, and not just blocking me if she wants me out her life that badly?

Well, her actions are consistent with her words now: she doesn't want to and isn't going to talk about it. She probably will block you if you continue messaging her. It doesn't seem fair, but you can't force anyone to talk to you. I know you want to fix this and sort things out, but you can't if she's not willing to meet you half-way. Sometimes we just don't get the answers we're looking for.

She is done, OP. Yes, I would agree that she is being immature about this; but given that this has happened before, it's time you acknowledge that she isn't the one for you. A girl who is really in love with you doesn't break up with you twice, and certainly not over a text message. She seemed committed, but really, your relationship's foundation was badly cracked the first time you broke up. You will move on to find a girl who loves you more than this one did.

Well, her actions are consistent with her words now: she doesn't want to and isn't going to talk about it. She probably will block you if you continue messaging her. It doesn't seem fair, but you can't force anyone to talk to you. I know you want to fix this and sort things out, but you can't if she's not willing to meet you half-way. Sometimes we just don't get the answers we're looking for.

 

She is done, OP. Yes, I would agree that she is being immature about this; but given that this has happened before, it's time you acknowledge that she isn't the one for you. A girl who is really in love with you doesn't break up with you twice, and certainly not over a text message. She seemed committed, but really, your relationship's foundation was badly cracked the first time you broke up. You will move on to find a girl who loves you more than this one did.

We just had a phone call, i was calm and i told her i would love to speak to her about everything. She said ive given my reasons, im honestly done. We dont work together and you're in denial. I told her i may be but i still feel as if we should talk, she was acting so bravado and like it didnt mean f*ck all to her. She was like "obviously this hurts me too but it has to be done" - she always jokes about how she could easily get guys etc etc and she is full of herself, yes she is a beautiful looking girl and i aint just saying that but i feel as if she just thinks oh well its done i can find someone better

Im honestly so lost for words, i have pains in my chest. I put EVERYTHING back into this relationship i swear i gave her the world last time we were together, she didnt make me feel like i was her boyfriend, she never posted about me or showed me off and it led me to being insecure but i still provided the world for her, everyone always told me how lucky she was even her own parents. She dropped me like she has this time and Ive never felt so low in my life, it knocked my confidence and everything. We got back and still to this day i was getting over what had happened, she doesn't realize this. And now its happened again, its just gone in a flash. I feel like i wasted so much time again, a year together then we broke up for 2 months then another 10 months together of putting everything back into it and its gone.

Im honestly speechless Im sitting in work with a lump in my throat, pains in my chest and tears in my eyes. This girl meant the absolute world to me, people will not understand how after the way she has treated me but to me i always see the good in the bad. I was happy. Im totally devastated. It actually feels worse than before.

She hung up on the phone because i said so do you just not love me anymore? And she said no its not that, I do. I said cut the bull people in love would resolve their problems and not break up. She hung up. She knows I am right. So I sent her one last message telling her I am hurt and disgraced that someone i thought loved me has broken up with me like this via text. I said I dont feel you are telling me the full truth but I guess I'll never know. I said, you want me out of your well this is your choice and remember that. I said it wont go like last year where we split for 2 months and get back, if this is what you really want then im done. And i blocked her on everything.

Sorry for the long reply just need to speak to someone :( UGH totally gutted

So you should have read her mind because she didn't voice concerns and then blames you yay ! She's an entitled selfish girl, you will now know next time to get out before this happens,

because it always ends up like this, told you in the previous message she will blame you, that's how these women pretend to be flawless and all faults are always on the other.

 

Now what I would do in your place, before cutting her off all your circles/apps is text her "Yes the problem is you for having no decency by ending a 2 year relationship by text, blaming

everything on me while trying to act like the victim in the story, well I don't need immature people like you in my life, don't ever contact me again we are done.

 

You never know sometimes they are so crazy, they suddenly try to get you back years later or friendzone you, so such text tells her she has no hold on you anymore, just don't be bitter or

angry especially if you cross her that would fuel her tank, be happy to be rid of her sooner than later even after 2 years, that's the best for you !

Totally agree. You need to send this text, for your own sake, and hers. She has been very cowardly and behaved badly. You cannot even begin to seek closure and move forward until you make this move. But you haven't followed this advice because you know it is like switching off the machine and making it final. But it is over. It is the worse feeling in the world and we have all been there, but you will get over this I promise. They are not years wasted. you had good times for big parts of it and the hurt, well you will take lessons from that which will help shape and direct future relationships in a more positive and meaningful direction. Even destructive relationships can be valuable life learning experiences, I know this for myself. Look after yourself physically, force yourself to go out with friends, even if you don't want to, start a new hobby or club and soon you will wake up one day and realise you feel good, then you'll have a day and realise you haven't thought about her. My bf ran off with my best friend once, and like you, I didn't even know anything was wrong. I was totally shocked devastated, hadn't even noticed signs, and to make it worse there was no apology and they both tried to blame me! But my friends came round all the time, forced me to watch funny films etc and before long I was dusted off and moving on. She hasn't even tried to apologize for hurting you. She is a speck on the bottom of your shoe and you are worth so, so much more. Be strong now and keep looking forward. All the very best.

Totally agree. You need to send this text, for your own sake, and hers. She has been very cowardly and behaved badly. You cannot even begin to seek closure and move forward until you make this move. But you haven't followed this advice because you know it is like switching off the machine and making it final. But it is over. It is the worse feeling in the world and we have all been there, but you will get over this I promise. They are not years wasted. you had good times for big parts of it and the hurt, well you will take lessons from that which will help shape and direct future relationships in a more positive and meaningful direction. Even destructive relationships can be valuable life learning experiences, I know this for myself. Look after yourself physically, force yourself to go out with friends, even if you don't want to, start a new hobby or club and soon you will wake up one day and realise you feel good, then you'll have a day and realise you haven't thought about her. My bf ran off with my best friend once, and like you, I didn't even know anything was wrong. I was totally shocked devastated, hadn't even noticed signs, and to make it worse there was no apology and they both tried to blame me! But my friends came round all the time, forced me to watch funny films etc and before long I was dusted off and moving on. She hasn't even tried to apologize for hurting you. She is a speck on the bottom of your shoe and you are worth so, so much more. Be strong now and keep looking forward. All the very best.

Thanks for the message, not sure if you have seen the one i just replied to MissCanuck. Im honestly so gutted i cant explain it. Its the fact our last words to each other in person were "i love you" gave each other a kiss and said we'd see each other the next day and then all of a sudden this. I just cant get my head round it.

Lost for words. Heartbroken.

Thanks for the message, not sure if you have seen the one i just replied to MissCanuck. Im honestly so gutted i cant explain it. Its the fact our last words to each other in person were "i love you" gave each other a kiss and said we'd see each other the next day and then all of a sudden this. I just cant get my head round it.

 

Lost for words. Heartbroken.

I just read it, OP.

I am so very sorry. I know it feels horrible. All I can say is that it does get better. You will see that with time, and you will see you deserve a girl who adores you as much as you do her.

It's lovely that you bent over backward to make her happy, but you can't exist in a one-sided relationship. It needs to be reciprocal.

I just read it, OP.

 

I am so very sorry. I know it feels horrible. All I can say is that it does get better. You will see that with time, and you will see you deserve a girl who adores you as much as you do her.

 

It's lovely that you bent over backward to make her happy, but you can't exist in a one-sided relationship. It needs to be reciprocal.

Literally the pain i feel right now is completely indescribable. Its worse because she lives so close to me, i live in a small city where you can always bump into each other, everyone knows each others business. And I just know it will be the exact same as last year, she'll go out partying and probably speak to someone new. Oh yeah she did that last year too, 3 weeks after we split i found out she was going on walks and cinema dates with some guy, she actually posted a pic of this place they went a walk yet she never did that with me lol. Why did i get back with her honestly?! Its gona go the same way, she'll find someone new straight away. I feel sick to the stomach, my confidence has been shattered well and truly.

Literally the pain i feel right now is completely indescribable. Its worse because she lives so close to me, i live in a small city where you can always bump into each other, everyone knows each others business. And I just know it will be the exact same as last year, she'll go out partying and probably speak to someone new. Oh yeah she did that last year too, 3 weeks after we split i found out she was going on walks and cinema dates with some guy, she actually posted a pic of this place they went a walk yet she never did that with me lol. Why did i get back with her honestly?! Its gona go the same way, she'll find someone new straight away. I feel sick to the stomach, my confidence has been shattered well and truly.

That's a good question - why did you?

Thanks for the message, not sure if you have seen the one i just replied to MissCanuck. Im honestly so gutted i cant explain it. Its the fact our last words to each other in person were "i love you" gave each other a kiss and said we'd see each other the next day and then all of a sudden this. I just cant get my head round it.

 

Lost for words. Heartbroken.

Sorry no I missed that. I have read it now. You have done the right thing. Whatever you do, don't be tempted to unblock her to have a sneak peek at what she is up to. It will lead to nothing but more hurt. I feel so sorry for you, I really do. I think the reason she said I love you is because you probably said it first and she didn't have the guts not to say it back. She is a spineless coward. I think everyone understands how you feel and your feelings towards her, regardless of how she has treated you. Love is what it is, even if we can see no sense in it. You mentioned earlier that you have not told your family, does this include your friends too? If so, tell them now. Let them help and support you. Do you have some friends out of town you could go and visit and socialise with to avoid bumping in to her? If not, just try your hardest to avoid any places you think she might go, not just to avoid bumping in to her but places that remind you also. Stay strong, don't listen to sad songs or watch sad films that will compound your feelings. And remember that everyone on here has posted because they know how you feel, they have all been there and we all want you to get better. You are never alone.