Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Alcoholic and abusive bf/his dependent mother, ect!!

  1. #1

    Alcoholic and abusive bf/his dependent mother, ect!!

    So this may be a crazy long story so I'll try my best to keep it short. My bfs mom was abusive to him when he was young and got him hooked on drugs. Now she is constantly around telling him his new habit(drinking) is okay. (Not saying the drugs aren't a problem but the alcohol is wrecking his life and everyones around him) I try over and over again to convince him to stop because from the time he wakes up til the time he falls asleep he is drunk. He started doing this months ago and it's getting worse and worse. He's abusive when he drinks. His mother lives with us and she sees this and still backs him up when he says "it calms him down" he will start drinking, everyday he is more drunk, then he starts to hit me. He will stop because of it and slowly say things like "well if I just drank slower this time" and "your the only one who has a problem with it" (because I'm the only one getting abused). His mom has him to the point where anything he does that involves his nasty behavior(drinking, hitting, spending too much money, ect.) Is a good thing. They are completely dependent on eachother too. Anytime we argue she joins in and gangs up on me, they talk about me loudly when I leave the room. I guess I'm not asking what to do, but how to cope with these people until I can get the hell out. His mom is a theif as well. Has tried to steal up to 1000$ from us. Also my daughter is involved. Luckily she is not part of the violence But I had to have someone pick my daughter up while I was at work because he had passed out drunk. Which again, me and his mother almost got in a physical fight when she tried to grab me, because when I saw her the next day she said I didn't care about my daughter because I should have came home. And she said nothing to her son. At all. The problem was, I had a bad feeling and had a family member check on them and low and behold when they had gotten there he was passed out and they took her for the night. I told them I would come back and meet them and they said it was okay that she stayed the night. But instead, with them knowing that COMPLETELY reasonable story, she loses it and cusses me out. That's just a few examples. I'm a very patient person (clearly) and I'm not violent or rude and obnoxious like they are. Somebody please throw me some life changing advice. And please no judgment, I am 100% aware of where me and my daughter are and have no where else to go. Simply needing coping advice.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    63
    Posts
    4,747
    Gender
    Male
    I'm not really sure what kind of coping advice I can give you. You're being physically and emotionally abused and your daughter is living in this environment and it may affect the way she is when she's an adult. You need to get out. If you have some money, you can look for a roommate situation on Craigslist and literally be sharing an apartment in a day or so. There are also battered women's shelters and public and non-profit agencies that can work with you to get you into a motel temporarily and then permanently into an apartment.

    If you really can't get out, the only thing you can do is not fight with them, don't argue, just agree with everything they say. Don't believe it, but agree with it. Say, yes, you're right I'm a bad girlfriend. Stop telling him to stop drinking. Let him drink all he wants. Just be careful and make a plan to get the heck out of there as soon as you can.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,414
    You don't have any friends or family?

    This situation is sick and dangerous. Are you supporting these two? Do you have enough income to get out?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,087
    This is extremely damaging to your daughter.

    Please get out now before the damage is permanent.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,948
    Gender
    Male
    You go to social services and domestic violence agencies who will help you with housing, employment and/or training. childcare, food and medical services for you and your child and counseling and support for you, including any substance use issues you may have developed.
    Originally Posted by NicoleJones
    I am 100% aware of where me and my daughter are and have no where else to go.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Birdie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    635
    Gender
    Female
    Are there any shelters in your area? Most towns or cities have locations specific for women and children.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,343
    You are no better than them if you are staying to allow and contribute to your child growing up like this. There is zero excuse for it. Zero. Stop making excuses for why you stay.

    The amount of resources out there to help mothers is astounding. Be a mother and do what is right for your child.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,414
    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    You are no better than them if you are staying to allow and contribute to your child growing up like this. There is zero excuse for it. Zero. Stop making excuses for why you stay.

    The amount of resources out there to help mothers is astounding. Be a mother and do what is right for your child.
    Totally agree!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,094
    Gender
    Female
    Stop being an enabler and leave.

    I hope the daughter is yours with another man and not him.

    Walk out the door for the sake of your child. No child should be subjected to seeing someone passed out drunk or their mother being pushed or shoved. Your child watches and is learning that its acceptable to be in a deadend relationship with a past out drunk and to make excuses for him. That is what she knows and will see as acceptable when she comes of age.

    Stop getting into the mother being wrong and this and that and get away

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,094
    Gender
    Female
    please no judgment, I am 100% aware of where me and my daughter are and have no where else to go.

    You go to a shelter for mothers and kids.
    You get an apartment or go to a motel.
    What about any family? You must have someone somewhere?
    Or what about looking for another single mom to move in with?

    If you work, you can use your paystubs to qualify for a small apartment.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •