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Thread: Alcoholic and abusive bf/his dependent mother, ect!!

  1. #11
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    Maybe you can use advice to "cope" but your child can't. All she sees is a passed out man who is supposed to be caring for her and other people having to come pick her up.

    Children should not have to "cope" with this type of situation.

  2. #12
    Thank you everyone for the NONJUDGEMENTAL replies. To the ones who failed to see that, I've asked to not comment on my thread. This is where I decided to seek help. And I'm not LETTING it go along. I barely make enough by myself to make rent. And no he is not working and hasn't for a while with leaves me with little to nothing. Low income is something that ive already looked into and to apply and be put on a waiting list is not quick enough. will definetly look into all of those. The mother and child home sounds like a good place to start. I didn't want to do social services because I was scared that they would make it worse. I want her out of the situation. Not further in it. Again thank you guys for the resources. And for the ones who had nasty comments, find something to do with your time. My guess is people are coming here to talk to people who have been in it and can relate and offer experience based advice. Not some bored judgemental prudes advice, who thinks she knows something, when she has no idea. Don't tell me what kind of person I am. Your here for a reason, I assume.

  3. 03-05-2018, 11:02 PM
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    flaming/disrespectful

  4. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NicoleJones
    Thank you everyone for the NONJUDGEMENTAL replies. To the ones who failed to see that, I've asked to not comment on my thread. This is where I decided to seek help. And I'm not LETTING it go along. I barely make enough by myself to make rent. And no he is not working and hasn't for a while with leaves me with little to nothing. Low income is something that ive already looked into and to apply and be put on a waiting list is not quick enough. will definetly look into all of those. The mother and child home sounds like a good place to start. I didn't want to do social services because I was scared that they would make it worse. I want her out of the situation. Not further in it. Again thank you guys for the resources. And for the ones who had nasty comments, find something to do with your time. My guess is people are coming here to talk to people who have been in it and can relate and offer experience based advice. Not some bored judgemental prudes advice, who thinks she knows something, when she has no idea. Don't tell me what kind of person I am. Your here for a reason, I assume.
    Good advice is not giving you enabling dialogue that keeps you mired in your codependency. You'd do well to get yourself into a codependents anonymous or Alanon meeting near you. At the very least, read Codependent No More by Melody Beatie so that you clue-in on what is going on in you that keeps you with an abusive alcoholic. You see, luv. Any woman that is not codependent would find the resources to quit the dysfunction and get out. There is always a way.

    Here's a link: Please call the number applicable to your area at the bottom of the page and get yourself and your daughter away from him. You owe your daughter a decent, calm, nurturing existence. She needs a positive role model now.

    [Register to see the link]

    Be strong and get out.

  5. #14
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    The forum actually belongs to all those who would like to post, whether it's questions or advice. So no, it's not "your" forum. It IS your thread, however, and I stand by what I wrote...my advice for how to cope is to get you and your daughter out of this dangerous situation.

    I would think if you revealed the situation to your family they'd be happy to help out.

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  7. #15
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    Originally Posted by NicoleJones
    Thank you everyone for the NONJUDGEMENTAL replies. To the ones who failed to see that, I've asked to not comment on my thread. This is where I decided to seek help. And I'm not LETTING it go along. I barely make enough by myself to make rent. And no he is not working and hasn't for a while with leaves me with little to nothing. Low income is something that ive already looked into and to apply and be put on a waiting list is not quick enough. will definetly look into all of those. The mother and child home sounds like a good place to start. I didn't want to do social services because I was scared that they would make it worse. I want her out of the situation. Not further in it. Again thank you guys for the resources. And for the ones who had nasty comments, find something to do with your time. My guess is people are coming here to talk to people who have been in it and can relate and offer experience based advice. Not some bored judgemental prudes advice, who thinks she knows something, when she has no idea. Don't tell me what kind of person I am. Your here for a reason, I assume.
    When my abusive marriage ended, i thought I had nowhere to go. I was worse off than you - I had no paycheck -- i worked for my ex's business basically increased what he was paid with my efforts and the money didn't always trickle down to me. I had less than $10 in my pocket. I managed to make it and you can, too. I know the wait list is long for low income, but you could find a studio apartment and get some bunk beds (lots of people give them away or you can ask on the local swaps for one) and you and your daughter could live that way temporarily or even a one bedroom with daugther in the bedroom and you on the sofa until you get on your feet. It would be cheaper than the 2-3 bedroom place you have now to accommodate him living there, too.

    Talk to the abuse hotline. I received a number of free counseling sessions and the first thing i was asked is "do you have somewhere to live". you can say that you need to find a place and perhaps they will also help you. they would have set me up somewhere - even if i had to share with another woman, etc, temporarily.

    But i think if you can pay rent where you are, downsizing on the extreme -- looking for an ad from a single mom that owns a home (divorce situation - got the house in the divorce, has a child, needs a roomie to help share expenses), or a much smaller apartment you may be able to manage things.

  8. #16
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Stop being an enabler and leave.

    I hope the daughter is yours with another man and not him.
    I said this because if your child is his daughter, he can fight you on taking her out of the home. That is why i wish for your sake she is from a previous relationship.

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