I don't know if i should trust him!

I'm a big believer of go with my gut.

So i did. I snooped through my partners phone on three occasions....

On the first occasion, i found he was lying about how much debt he was in. After being so peed off....i didnt look any further. We discussed this and all is resolved over the debt.

That wasnt what i was looking for though! A few months ago, he became very paranoid of what i was doing on my phone.

(Was he accussing me to hide something?)

I looked again and delved a little deeper...he has added several men and women. In this time....something i am comfortable with.

What im not comfortable with is his capability to tell one girl a stupid lie of "i can speak another language".

The third time. All the messages to women have been deleted, the mens are still there?

What should i do? Am i being unfair/unreasonable? Am i just being paranoid?

Please let me know which direction to take this!

Unless you something more to go on, then leave this alone.

Has he given you any reason not to trust him? If not this is unfair.

I am sure you can make something out of nothing if you really want to.

This is exactly why I don't check. No doubt if I am looking for something unusual I can probably find it.

But without the context and the benefit of an explanation, what are you going to with this information? Ask him?

It's not enough to go on so just leave it alone and stop checking.

How do you know the women's messages are deleted? Maybe he only communicates with men

Nothing good ever comes from snooping in my experience. A lot of times we see things and project our own issues, assumptions, etc. without really knowing what the story is.

He may be lying because he just wants to avoid confrontation. It doesn't make it okay to lie, but it also doesn't mean he is up to other shady things. How do you usually react when he tells you the truth?

What happened in your past to make your "gut" make you so paranoid to the point that you've turned into the Nancy Drew of snooping?

Thanks for the replies.

I know messages have been deleted on the second snoop i checked since there was at least ten girls to three me that he messaged.

I've been cheated on before, i've read the signs of a man hiding his phone.

Do i wait and see if it goes further?

I'm fine with him chatting to anyone he wants, and he knows it...i just dont understand why there should be ten new female friends to three male friends.

The second snooping of the phone came about when he told me he is working away and it going to meet two managers...one named tom and another name he neglected to mention.( "Natalie".) Ive never heard of this natalie before...shes not been mentioned since.

I know he cheated on his babys mum with a colleagues wife...its not exactly trusting to know he can do that to someone.

Do i ignore my gut instinct for a while? See if it goes away?

All of this has flared up my anxiety and is really starting to effect me day to day.

Am i in the wrong for snooping though and not trusting him?

He knows i did the first time as the major concern of loans that he hid showed up.

But the fact that conversations with girls are being deleted doesn't feel enough to me....it feels like a catch 22 situation.

How long have you been together? Do you live together? It seems he's living a double life in order to keep a roof over his head.

I i found he was lying about how much debt he was in. What im not comfortable with is his capability to tell one girl a stupid lie of "i can speak another language".

We've been together for a year and a half...we lived at his flat for a couple of months then i bought a house and he moved in with me. That has crossed my mind tbh 😕