Issues with grandparents.

Hey guys....

So, my grandfather has cancer on his liver and he is going to be starting chemo soon. I am really struggling with this, the past two years really drove a wedge between my grandparents and I, I used to visit them once a week and call them twice a week, but a few years ago they really hurt me.

My grandparents made my sister feel unwelcome at Thanksgiving, so for the first time in 26 years, we had Thanksgiving at my parents house and my grandparents wouldn't apologize for what they did. I made a post on Facebook that day that talked about how upset and disappointed I was because my feelings were hurt, there was no need for my sister to call me on Thanksgiving, crying because she wasn't welcome to come to Thanksgiving with my grandparents.

My grandparents became very angry about the post I made on Facebook, so angry that they took it out on my parents for about 3 months, not even answering their phone calls and ignoring them. When I went home for my birthday, I drove over to my grandparents house with my sister and I apologized to them...it was my mom's idea. I literally had to apologize for my feelings being hurt, and my apology wasn't even accepted. My sister and I both told my grandparents how they made us feel, and they didn't even care because their feelings were hurt.

I graduated college and didn't even want to march because I didnt want people to just come to my graduation simply to save face, or I didnt want to look out at the crowd to see that not everyone was attending. I pretended to be sick on Thanksgiving so I didn't have to go see my grandparents, I didn't even want to see them on Christmas. I had even stopped answering my grandmother's texts.

My grandparents meant the world to me, but they basically showed me that I was expendable to them and treated me like I didnt matter...they made my parents pay for what I had done and tried turning the rest of the family against us....my grandmother even came to Christmas with the intent to start drama, which my mom asked her not to do and she did anyways when my mom wasn't in the room.

My mom tells me that its time to let bygones be bygones, but I can't....they hurt me, they hurt my sister and were willing to just cut us out like we didn't even exist...they dont see anything wrong with their actions.

But for some reason, I am expected to forgive one of the people who willingly hurt me and treated my family like crap because he was mad at me simply because I said something when I was hurt.

I had always told people "If my grandparents don't approve of a girl that I am dating, then i wont see the girl anymore." they meant so much to me, they were my whole world at one point....

My grandfather could die, and well....I dont even feel sad, I dont feel anything when I think about it.

I know I should be sad, and I have been trying to make myself sad, but I can't.....

As I am typing this, I couldn't help but wonder if I am not sad about it because in my mind, I already lost both of them two years ago when they ignored my family.

You will feel sad guarantee it. And you will regret it. My father’s parents were not the world to me and sold me down the river for their Paedophile son . ( their son raped me and I was black sheeped in the entire extended family and they stayed silent ) I cried like a baby when my grandparents died .

So .... realize that the end is forever and you don’t get to take back anything and you don’t get to talk to them again .

I'm sorry. I really wish your grandparents had accepted your apology and smoothed things over. Not all family is really wonderful and easy to love. Don't feel bad that you're not feeling bad enough right now. You've been hurt a lot. Personally, there are strangers I like more than some members of my family.

My sister and I both told my grandparents how they made us feel, and they didn't even care because their feelings were hurt.

I would not accept an apology if someone based it on how bad it made them feel versus owning up to their ACTIONS and apologizing for those.

SO you feel bad because you posted negative things about them on Facebook and shared dirty laundry and faked sick on thanksgiving.

You didn't explain what your sister did at Thanksgiving to hurt them. you seem to focus more on that your sister was upset versus what she did to be uwelcome to at least understand what happened. Maybe your sister was in the wrong and it would have eventually been mended, had you not publicly got involved. And just because your grandparents were not ready to forgive the action did not mean they were going to cut you off forever.

On top of it, your grandparents DID try to reach out to you, but you pretended to be sick at holidays and blew off your grandmother's texts.

I think its a shame that you don't feel anything about your grandfather dying and i think you should suck it up and text grandma and ask if you can visit.

My sister and I both told my grandparents how they made us feel, and they didn't even care because their feelings were hurt.

I would not accept an apology if someone based it on how bad it made them feel versus owning up to their ACTIONS and apologizing for those.

SO you feel bad because you posted negative things about them on Facebook and shared dirty laundry and faked sick on thanksgiving.

You didn't explain what your sister did at Thanksgiving to hurt them. you seem to focus more on that your sister was upset versus what she did to be uwelcome to at least understand what happened. Maybe your sister was in the wrong and it would have eventually been mended, had you not publicly got involved. And just because your grandparents were not ready to forgive the action did not mean they were going to cut you off forever.

 

On top of it, your grandparents DID try to reach out to you, but you pretended to be sick at holidays and blew off your grandmother's texts.

 

I think its a shame that you don't feel anything about your grandfather dying and i think you should suck it up and text grandma and ask if you can visit.