Boyfriend making comments about what I eat

My boyfriend has started to make comments about what I eat. It can range from a whole host of things but things came to a head yesterday when we went out for food. I usually have a pretty balanced diet and gym around 3 times per week. We were on holiday and went out to eat and we ordered a pizza and some fish and chips to share between us. I also had a craving for some mozzarella sticks so thought what the hell and ordered those too (we were on holiday!). When I was too stuffed to finish the mozzarella sticks my boyfriend made a comment about how i "always" order too much food and how it's a waste and I need to stop ordering more then I can eat. "Remember I am bigger than you and we've basically eaten the same amount this holiday". The next night when we went out too eat I realised I was hiding food on my plate that I couldn't finish (under salad leaves) for fear of him getting annoyed!

He's made comments before about how i eat "quite a lot for a girl". I feel as though he is shaming me into ordering and eating less. I told him that his diet isn't great all the time either and he said "but I go to the gym every night and you don't". I got really upset in the restaurant and told him what I put in my body is up to me and none of his business. He then said he had "an invested interest" in what I eat So that's why he tries to guide me towards eating better.

This is controlling right? How do I get him to stop? He is 35 and I am 32.

How long have you been dating. Is he paying? Don't even argue with this controlling nonsense. You told him the right thing. Are there other subtle controlling behaviors? He sounds neurotic.

my boyfriend made a comment about how i "always" order too much food and how it's a waste and I need to stop ordering more then I can eat. He's made comments before about how i eat "quite a lot for a girl". told him what I put in my body is up to me and none of his business.

Rather then defend yourself, tell him how it makes you feel.

Tell him he doesn't get to be the 'food police' with you.

Your boyfriend sounds like a huge d*ck.

Honestly that would be enough of a red flag to end it right there.

Can you imagine how much worse it is going to get?

That is a crazy level of control he thinks he has the right too.

You have to HIDE your food?

He sounds a bit controlling.

I mean, the only way I could even vaguely sympathize with him is if you were gaining weight or have gained weight and he's doing a pretty **** job at trying to soften the blow by making it about the habits rather than the appearance. I'd like to give him some credit for not liking to see food wasted, but honestly not getting the vibe he truly means it that way when he says it.

Regardless, I have to say that food policing is one of my biggest pet peeves, and if it became a theme like it seems to have here, I'd have no qualms about stating outright, "Look, I appreciate your concern, but I don't police your diet and it'd be great if you extended me the same respect and courtesy," and quite simply not entertaining the discussion even an inch beyond that.

Are there other aspects of your relationship he's come off as particularly critical or controlling?

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I don't police your diet and it'd be great if you extended me the same respect and courtesy,"

Perfect response.

Usually if I leave something he basically keeps encouraging me to finish it "come on one more bite" "now just one more" even if I'm really full. He said he hates waste and just makes me feel bad if I don't finish it. Like oh i told you that you shouldn't have eaten that bag of crisps earlier or "why did you order a starter?"

I probably have put on a bit of relationship weight in the past vouple of years but nothing major. I am still at a healthy bmi and a size 10 UK size. I could understand more if I was overweight but even so I still don't believe that would give him the right to comment.

Can I also ask-- is he the one typically paying for these meals? Again, I'm just grasping at straws to at least get him out of Disney villain territory, but I could vaguely see the offense if he's fronting the bill for unfinished plates.

This is a difficult one IMO. I may be wrong here but I also hate food waste. One or two occasions is understandable if it's just incidental, but if it were a consistent habit of someone I was dating I would probably feel a little affronted. Honestly, try leaving uneaten food in front of a person who grew up in a third world country or has lived below the poverty line and you'll probably get a similar reaction. That part just comes down to personal values

In terms of saying you eat too much, I can see why that is unfair and would make you self-conscious. Having known men in relationships who have made similar mistakes though, I'm going to ask: Have you gained weight? Is it possible that your diet has changed lately and will lead to weight gain if you're not careful? (And hence he is checking you on it because he shares similar health values?)

Are there other issues that the food you eat is causing, such as indigestion/gas? I know that seems ridiculous to ask, but I have to wonder how this affects him that he felt he had a 'right' to say something.

If none of the above (or any valid concern whatsoever), I would probably tell him if he has a problem with it he can leave. But I'd also try and manage my food intake better so that I wasn't wasting food... That's just me

I'm definitely not leaving half a plate of food. I'm literally talking one potato or a leftover carrot for example or in this case 2 small size mozzarella sticks. Sometimes he pays. In this particular occasion we were going halves and i even offered to pay for the sticks! He said no but that beer you ordered probably filled you up too. It just feels like I'm being constantly monitored!

How often do you leave food uneaten? I agree he sounds controlling, but does he have a point?

When I was too stuffed to finish the mozzarella sticks my boyfriend made a comment about how i "always" order too much food and how it's a waste and I need to stop ordering more then I can eat.

Well, is that true? How often do you leave food on the table?

Restaurant food is typically significantly more expensive than home cooked food. So, even if you take it home, the extra expense can add up, particularly if it is frequent.

Now, I know you're not a kid, so don't take this the wrong way. Sometimes my younger children want to order off the adult menu. Sometimes I let them, but I will take note if they don't finish their food. I don't like food waste, especially if it is animal product.

He sounds annoying and controlling.

Food policing is my pet peeve too, I find it offensive actually, almost like another form of body shaming. If I am paying for it with my own money, and for whatever reason can't finish, that's my decision! And restaurants these days pile SO MUCH food on your plate it is literally impossible to finish most of the time unless you are absolutely starving.

"Remember I am bigger than you and we've basically eaten the same amount this holiday".

This isn't just about food waste. This is controlling food policing.

If a guy I was dating made a comment like the above, I'd walk out of the restaurant and let him eat all the food he wants......alone.

Hmmm does he have a point? Do you do this often.

He shouldn't control you but the way he's said it suggests maybe that you do this on a regular basis. Ordering too much is unnecessary imo?

This isn't just about food waste. This is controlling food policing.

 

If a guy I was dating made a comment like the above, I'd walk out of the restaurant and let him eat all the food he wants......alone.

LOL. Good answer.

It is difficult for some couples who aren’t on the same diet. You could have a better metabolism and he just can’t eat all the same foods or have a beer. It could be financial. Eating out can be expensive for some people. Regardless of his reason I still find it inexcusable! He should just discuss what the specific issue is like an adult. While I was married I was working real hard at losing some excess weight. I would cook healthy meals for dinner for the family. One night my now ex said I am sick of eating your stupid diet food. It wasn’t diet food just healthy food (chicken, fish, more veggies). Nonetheless it was very hurtful. You want to feel supported by your partner not controlled.

Usually if I leave something he basically keeps encouraging me to finish it "come on one more bite" "now just one more" even if I'm really full. He said he hates waste and just makes me feel bad if I don't finish it. Like oh i told you that you shouldn't have eaten that bag of crisps earlier or "why did you order a starter?"

This part and him saying he has an 'invested interest' in what you eat is very weird, and he contradicts himself, it does seem controlling to me.

My biggest issue with food and people of all time is those who take more than they need and just waste it. Actually I can't stand when people do that with anything- it's a core values thing. Having said that, it seems so wrong to encourage someone to force food down their throats when they are full - in any circumstance. To do it when already having critizing them for being wasteful and/or gluttonous , that just seems like a sick way to try and punish the person for how you feel they've done wrong. Very weird and dark!

I mean, there are options like taking food home or having a conversation about things like perceived wastefulness. Etc.

This is just a power trip thing on his part.

This part and him saying he has an 'invested interest' in what you eat is very weird, and he contradicts himself, it does seem controlling to me.

 

My biggest issue with food and people of all time is those who take more than they need and just waste it. Actually I can't stand when people do that with anything- it's a core values thing. Having said that, it seems so wrong to encourage someone to force food down their throats when they are full - in any circumstance. To do it when already having critizing them for being wasteful and/or gluttonous , that just seems like a sick way to try and punish the person for how you feel they've done wrong. Very weird and dark!

I mean, there are options like taking food home or having a conversation about things like perceived wastefulness. Etc.

This is just a power trip thing on his part.

I agree it is a power trip and sick after you just told the person they ate too much . My in-laws used to force my husband to eat seconds and thirds and even worse until food was gone because they didn’t want to put it back in the fridge . Finally as an adult one day he yelled at them and told them to leave him alone he was full and he wasn’t eating another bite and knock it off .

Tell him if he so concerned about waste he should eat it . At the same time though I try never to order more than I can possibly eat. I have been starved in my life and know what it’s like to be hungry and I have had relatives grow up in times of rationing and depression . Watching food go to the trash breaks my heart.

Maybe there is a middle ground. Can you look past his rudeness and consider whether you do over-order and whether you might want to change that? I have a small appetite so even if I just order a typical entree there is no way I'm finishing it but I'm also not going to forego ordering an entree (and just ordering an appetizer or side dish) if that means my choices will be very limited. I am a big believer in not eating past the point you are full and I do my utmost not to say this to my son (I might tell him that if he's too full to eat more of his meal then he's too full for dessert/treats and then it's his choice).

I have had 2 GFs in the past with food disorders you could say, one was extremely skinny scared to be fat and affraid to choke on vegetables peels, she wasn't very healthy so I pushed her to eat better

but that's because I cared about her health, I would say that's the only case where someone could make remarks on a diet. Oh and she couldn't cook I cooked for her so also makes a big difference !

Your BF seems more like a guy that wants you to be thinner, but hides this behind this "I don't like to waste food" line, because the "invested interest" doesn't scream I love you for who you are, more I

like you but you would be better if you were thinner.

It seems he's obsessed with money/food. Does he come from a very poor family/poor country? It seems you're obsessed with weight and food. Do you complain about your weight or ask for reassurances? Did you ever have an eating disorder? This is bizarre, petty bickering. It seems there are no boundaries and crazy power struggles.

It just feels like I'm being constantly monitored!