Should I stay or should I go?🤔😪

I met my current partner when I was 16, and I was doing my GCSE's my life was boring before I met this man who I found out was 23. The first time we met he took my virginity, I planned it by the way. After this I decided not to speak to him ever again but then he was quite emotional about our little communication. So I decided to see him regularly and we would satisfy each other's sexual needs. This carried on until it go to the point where I started to sneak out to meet him and I used to sneak him in when my parents were asleep. From this point I started to have feelings for him because he told me that he wanted me to be his wife when I'm a little older and we could have children when we're financially stable. So this carried on all the way until a few months before my 18th birthday. The only person who knew about the relationship was my older cousin who I trusted. I made them meet and she told me that he was flirting with her and touching her but when I confronted him about it he was so confused and he even asked her and she said that I was crazy, making it out like I made it up.

(This would all make sense soon) So as I was saying a few months before my birthday I found out that I was pregnant and I was scared to tell my parents because I knew they'd be disappointed and plus I'm the 'good' girl in the family so I knew it would be a great shock to their system. So I decided to tell my cousin because I wanted a termination (I was on the pill so it wasn't planned). I told my boyfriend and he was so happy that I was pregnant but I just couldn't keep it, we wasn't ready yet. My cousin advised me to tell my aunt so that she could come with me because my boyfriend couldn't get time off of work so I went ahead and made my cousin tell her. It turned out my cousin was jealous of me and tried to destroy my life by exaggerating my relationship calling him a rapist and a pedophile. It got to the point where my aunt had to phone my mum immediately and told her what my cousin had said. This was how my parents found out. I also had to go to the police station. So they ended up coming with me to my termination (awkward). At this point I was so upset, I wanted my baby, I wanted my boyfriend around me but everything was just falling apart. A few months after my birthday I was going to tell my parents about him as well but my cousins lies ruined everything.

So after my termination my boyfriends parents showed up because he was worried about me as I didn't answer my phone and he knew I was pregnant. He didn't know anything about the termination already been done or the police. I felt so bad. Anyway after everything was explained my cousins lies unfolded and everyone in the family saw her true colours. My mother went to my boyfriends house to get his side of the story of our relationship and the situation with him and my cousin and she really liked him. However she thought he wasn't man enough for me (whatever that means). My father hates him because of what 'he' put me through with the termination experience because I found it hard. But it wasn't anyone's fault. My family still have this bad impression of him because he's 7 years older than me but my mother knows that he is my first love and doesn't mind if I date him in the future as long as my career isn't being effected. I'm not sure if my family (including my dad) would be happy if I date him and stick to our original plans of having a family at the right time. My cousin just ruined everything with her jealousy and I will never forgive her because I think she's evil.

My boyfriend told my mum that it's up to me to carry this on but my mum is mad that he's still considering it. But she's also seeing what I see, he fights for me all the time no matter what. His own father locked him off as well because he heard about the termination experience. I don't know if I should stay or leave. The whole thing is confusing me. Deep down inside I know I love him even though we experienced this I still think we could battle through life together. I'm just confused because my mum is giving me mixed opinions and plus both of our parents get along. What do you guys think?

Well, if he was man enough, he would have gone with you to get the abortion and you wouldn't have had all this drama. I don't buy the excuse he couldn't get off from work for this. Also, he hasn't proposed to marry you. Apparently, he just wants to continue to have sex with you with no responsibility. I think he's just been telling you what you want to hear about being married and having kids. You're not in love, you have an emotional dependency on him. You're afraid he's going to abandon you. So I think this is a toxic relationship. I don't think you're mature enough to handle all of this. You weren't able to tell them about your relationship and you hid your pregnancy from them. The bottom line is you need to keep away from this guy until you're mature enough to handle a real relationship.

Tough situation sorry that this happened to you, you're not even 18 so why would you think you want to already lock yourself in such a relationship, that's a good recipe for disaster because you don't have enough

relationship experiences. This guy might be great, or you might not realize that he's playing you, who knows but you surely aren't in love or have decent experience in the matter, so go away grow and maybe you'll

see this guy later in life, or find better men anyway !

It seems your parents and his parents care about you and are all concerned about a teen with an unplanned pregnancy. Your aunt did the right thing informing your mother. This whole thing has nothing to do with your cousin, you are using her for a scapegoat for your anger and hurt all this and your bf caused. Clearly because he's older and acted irresponsibly with a teen, both dads are more upset with him than with you. Calm down and finish school. Wait until you have jobs, a place and get engaged/married/are committed before you talk babies with a guy.

I used to sneak him in when my parents were asleep. both of our parents get along.

Thank you for your advice, I didn't tell my parents yet because I wanted to wait until I was sure about him. The pregnancy I was not expecting so I wanted to handle it by myself but I just needed someone for reassurance. This is the thing that confuses me as well because I never mentioned kids or marriage it was always him that's why I feel bad to leave him. I tried to leave him on many occasions but he always found a way to contact me and he used the classic guilt tripping thing he does so I'm not scared to lose him. I don't think it's my maturity either if anything I'm more mature than him believe it or not. This is why I'm finding it hard to leave him we both guided each other for different things. To be honest I agree with the toxic relationship part because I haven't been myself for the past two years, I've also isolated myself from my friends because I just feel so out of place now. I wouldn't describe the love I have for him as the love one would feel for their significant other. Maybe I used the wrong word but I also agree that I have a emotional dependency on him as well because I use him like a drug (if that makes sense).

Last Gentleman: Thank you. This is what I was thinking but I always feel like I can make things positive when something negative happens but I'll see. I need a break from all of this anyway I think, I'm starting to realise that this is just a dumb mistake I made this only happened out of curiosity. But I learned the hard way. Again thank you so much.

I understand what you mean however I'm a very fair person. I adored my cousin because we grew up together however ever since she dropped out of high school and came out of the closet the family have been on her case. Also because I'm younger than her and my career is looking good she has always tried to find a way to sabotage me, her father (my uncle) is also the same they always put me down. I'm currently doing an accounting course so my school work is fine, I don't mix my school life with my outside life. I'm not angry this happened either I believe that things happen for a reason. The only reason I'm mad at my cousin is because after she told everyone lies, I forgave her, I also thanked her for trying to 'help' me. However, afterwards she had the audacity to tell my friends and my aunts and uncles who live abroad trying to slander my name to make herself look better but what people fail to realise that this was all an emotional experience for me I live with guilt now knowing that I took the life of my first baby. I still thank her for what she did because she knew I couldn't handle it, the balance I have with school and my relationship was starting to imbalance so I'm glad she helped. But there was no need for her to do what she did, she also disrespected my mother because my mum forgave me and was making sure I was ok with my schooling, she doesn't want me to succeed. Also I never brought up the topic of marriage and children it was all him but he had me questioning it. I have no problem with my aunt telling my parents either I'm just relieved that my parents now know I didn't know how to tell them because as I said everyone thought I was just a nerd that likes prince and watches weird Elizabethan movies and that goes nowhere so I knew it would have shocked them. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be I'm just not going to get caught up in something like this again. If I continue to date him, I will make sure my parents know and also there will be no intercourse.