Depressed and alone

I feel completely useless. Im empty and alone. I don’t feel like anyone cares or anyone wants me. I’ve been in this black cloud for what It seems like forever. Im fighting so hard to stay alive but for what? Fighting hard for what purpose? Everyone Is so selfish. I’ve given so much to people that I’ve met but not one person does the same in return. Maybe I should be selfish and just be gone from this world and pain I’ve been living in. Sorry I don’t mean to be gloomy just in a dark and painful place. Needed somewhere I can just talk and be real with.

You certainly don't sound like someone who is empty. Based on your post it seems like you are cursed with having a big heart! Just be careful who you choose to share it with and spend your time on. Perhaps giving to people who deserve it. Don't let other ty people change who you are. Tough times don't last, tough people do. Chin up my friend. Take it day by day xo

First off, I'm really sorry for what you're going through. It seems to be very tough. And I can't say I've never been there. I'm going to go through and give you some advice. At some points I might seem blunt or brusque, but my style is tough love.

There is nothing more toxic or pain inducing than the world owes me mindset. The world owes you absolutely nothing; the world is what you make of it. This means that you should not expect a certain behavior, attribute, or other treatment just because you have given that behavior, attribute, or treatment to someone or the world in general.

Next, do you feel that your sadness, loneliness, and uselessness are derived from somewhere? Or are they just there for no discernible reason? Because I would bet money on that there are underlying causes for you feeling that way. If you are willing, I really think it'd be a good idea for you to list what you feel is causing your unhappiness.

Last, you posted in suicide. I really hope that you do not kill yourself or harm yourself in any way. Whether you think it or not, you're more valuable to yourself and this world than you realize.

I think if you are a good person, always giving, you are a good soul. And u should not want to harm yourself or hurt yourself. U should be proud that despite dumb selfish people in your world, u still give and have a big heart. Depression is very common. Almost everyone experiences it time to time. You are not alone. Chin up

I’ve just been through so much. And you’re right I shouldn’t be in the mindset about the world owes me. Though Im just tired of the pain and all the chaos I’ve been through these last couple of years. I feel so lonely as if no one Is there for me as I am for them. I also don’t need people feeling sorry for me but I hvnt had a break to just feel a bit of relief. I’ve been diagnosed with lupus, divorced from someone who ultimately didn’t love me who destroyed me and used me now wants nothing to do with me, my friends or so called best friend only uses me when they please or when they need something. Im tired of giving and giving. Honestly I have a big heart but I hate It! I have had thoughts of suicide for a while, I go to therapy I’ve spent so much money trying to be happy and pills but Im at my end. I believe this world Is better without me. Im tired.

No ones just there to hangout or take a break and go away for a while. I want to disappear

I’ve just been through so much. And you’re right I shouldn’t be in the mindset about the world owes me. Though Im just tired of the pain and all the chaos I’ve been through these last couple of years. I feel so lonely as if no one Is there for me as I am for them. I also don’t need people feeling sorry for me but I hvnt had a break to just feel a bit of relief. I’ve been diagnosed with lupus, divorced from someone who ultimately didn’t love me who destroyed me and used me now wants nothing to do with me, my friends or so called best friend only uses me when they please or when they need something. Im tired of giving and giving. Honestly I have a big heart but I hate It! I have had thoughts of suicide for a while, I go to therapy I’ve spent so much money trying to be happy and pills but Im at my end. I believe this world Is better without me. Im tired.

What have you done to better your situation post-divorce? If nothing, what can you do to better your situation post-divorce? Have you resolved any problems that may have led or added to the divorce? If not, what can you do to resolve those problems?

Why do you still have that best friend in your life? Can you branch out and make new friends? What are some hobbies you enjoy?

No one requires you to give anything to the world. That is your prerogative. Don't get mad when other people choose not to give, because that is their prerogative. These next several weeks and months need to be about you, and so you need to get out of the "giving" (by that I don't mean charity, do any charity etc., but STOP draining yourself for parasitic people).

Hi. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way again. I want to let you know that you are not alone. Of course that is the point of this site, but I personally know a dozen or so people who struggle daily with depression. Some in therapy. Some rejecting therapy or meds. Please check in with a therapist if it’s an unbearable weight or call 911 if you’re making suicidal plans. You might not be able to see it right now—but once you start helping yourself and letting prifesdionals help you the way you’re feeling will shift for the better. I also believe that helping others will improve your thought process(think—a charity—for example). I’ve seen someone very close to me move from totally disfunctional to returning to work and fairly normal social interactions with therapy, meds, and a ROUTINE. Write down a routine and stick to it. Wake, coffee, eat, shower, read, take a walk, call someone (leave a message if no answer) etc etc until a set bedtime. Do this strictly every day until improvement. On top of everything else consume good nutrition and avoid recreational drugs & drinking.

I know when I’m passing through a few weeks of depression, I need to avoid alcohol.

Good luck. Keep posting here. We want you to be here.

No ones just there to hangout or take a break and go away for a while. I want to disappear

I just read a post that appeared while I was typing. OP—so many people experience depression from the things you are dealing with. It is not unusual that you feel this way. Consider that it would be more odd if you were upbeat about a bad “friend”, divorce, illness.

I agree with another person who commented—-make these next few months or a year all about you. Do, read, eat, things that make you happy. See if your area has meet up groups to do activities. Change up what you have been doing, and give yourself the chance to meet a few new people.

Im on a routine on pills on therapy. Nothing seems to work. I don’t see a way out. My mind and thoughts are a constant battle field. I am not satisfied with life. I do things that used to make me happy and if anything makes me feel worse. The only thing that’s helping Is my medic school. I hvnt done any alcohol or drugs so I won’t go that way. I’ve been trying to fix myself but I just feel so inadequate. How much longer do I have to fight to just feel something decent. I get It maybe Im pathetic to think like this and the way I view my standing point isn’t the best. Im constantly wearing a mask and feel wrecked inside.

Im sorry for complaining and wasting your time. I’ll suck It up. Thanks for listening

I feel like behind your screen name is a very close friend of mine.....So “he” has told me that he recognizes that these loss of value in life thoughts are going to be a part of his existence. I know that he’s been having these thoughts for years, or his entire life, actually.. I see though too—he has recently built new things into his life and sees some avenues of opportunity. It’s going to take work and a little luck and love from people.

Think about if you have been isolating. You know you cannot do that. Reaching out here is a good first step.

But reach back to people you know who aren’t harmful to you. Drop the user friend. At least for now, until you’re stronger and have a couple people in your life.

So tonight—-for starters, you need to write down your schedule or checklist of things to get done for tomorrow and set a bedtime for tonight and follow it.

Im sorry for complaining and wasting your time. I’ll suck It up. Thanks for listening

I would suggest consulting with your GP or psychiatrist about the medication. I have tried medication (SSRI) before and had a fairly bad experience, so I stopped - maybe your GP/psychiatrist would be able to advise you on whether continuing or switching is the right move for you.

Im on a routine on pills on therapy. Nothing seems to work. I don’t see a way out. My mind and thoughts are a constant battle field. I am not satisfied with life. I do things that used to make me happy and if anything makes me feel worse. The only thing that’s helping Is my medic school. I hvnt done any alcohol or drugs so I won’t go that way. I’ve been trying to fix myself but I just feel so inadequate. How much longer do I have to fight to just feel something decent. I get It maybe Im pathetic to think like this and the way I view my standing point isn’t the best. Im constantly wearing a mask and feel wrecked inside.

You ought to choose to do something to jumpstart a break to that depression. What about yourself do you not like? Looks, personality, interests, etc.? Maybe you could identify those things, and then work on one of them at a time? Alternatively, you could start small, say with cleaning the house or apartment in which you reside, doing laundry, or with learning how to do something: how to play chess, do the waltz, etc. Making progress is important.

Just checking on you, OP. How are you doing?

Im ok I still have my mood swings and overthinking I lost my best friend so Im dealing with that now. But Im ok... thanks for checking up.

Absolutely, you're welcome. Feel free to post on here or PM me whenever you need