My boyfriend is really paranoid, please help.

We have been together for 3 months. We're both 34. Up until the past two weeks, things have been really good and I feel like I'm falling in love with him. He says he feels the same. However...he uses a lot of cocaine and I'm beginning to realise this is quite a big, long term problem.

Lately he has been coming home after obviously using drugs, and started to say really weird things. He doesn't believe me when I say I haven't been out, asks why I have cleaned the house...obviously thinks it's cos someone else has been in. He said his friends have told him I'm texting men, when I don't even know his friends. When I don't answer the phone he thinks it's because I'm cheating. I've never done anything to make him think these things. And now he says he needs space because he's not got room in his head for me. But then he will ring me and say he misses me etc. He came round last night and was acting cold and strange again then he went off. Then texted to say he had nothing to say. Then a few hours later texts he misses me. And called to say he might come over...then didn't. And then he didn't answer my calls.

I know people will say to keep away from him. But it's just that all this is completely at odds with the guy I thought he Was, when he is in a normal frame of mind he is so loving, great to talk to, we get on so well.

But now he is making me feel like I have done something wrong when it's him who is causing the problems. When he is in a good mind he promises he will try to stop using drugs. But the next day things have gone bad again.

Do you think he is trying to control me with these mind games...i feel like I'm going crazy.

Thanks for any advice.

This is what dating an addict is.

It’s not going to get better, you’re better off walking away now before you get more invested.

Are you living together at 3 months?

He is an addict. This is the real him. Get out. He sounds like a big mess. Does he have a job?

Get out. You shouldn’t be dating someone who does drugs. Save yourself now before you get in too deep.

Not officially living together. He was living in the city but came over here to stay with his sister whilst he sorted a place out over here. He does work but at the moment its intermittent. Hes been spending a lot of time at my house.

But he now asks for space so I've let him have it. But I don't see how space will help things.

I just find it hard to believe that this cold uncaring paranoid person is who he really is. And don't understand why he is treating me this way for no reason.

I guess it's the drugs but it's all just making me feel so bad. I have depression and anxiety myself and all this is just sending my issues sky rocketing.

He is an addict and mentally unstable. Why are you with someone like this?

OP, you need to set much higher standards for yourself.

You say this is not the guy you know, but you've only been together for 3 months. The truth is that this is him. You're only really getting that now that you have seen the extent of his addiction and mental problems.

He isn't treating you like crap for no reason, per se. He's treating you badly because, well, he has a drug habit and isn't stable. You cannot expect a healthy and loving relationship from someone like this.

Get away from him. This isn't healthy for you and will only end in tears and pain for you.

Do you love this guy?

Are you in love enough to marry him?

Does he do anything extraordinary for you that makes him a great guy?

Do you think YOU can get and stay clean and sober with him in your life?

If you answered "no" to any of those questions you need to realize that you are hurting yourself by being in this relationship. What the hell are you getting out of it that is soooo worth staying?? You need to seek good, happy, healthy things for yourself so that you can be happy and healthy! When you settle for a guy like that you are selling yourself short and you know you deserve and can get way better than this guy. Life is too short, hun, please sorround yourself with only good, decent ppl and try hitting up some NA meetings too (no 11th step tho!). You need support and better friends to be around. He's not going to change and "get better" without a lot of help and bs you'll endure along the way, is he worth it??

Aw...nothing easy...

He's not a bad person. And you're lucky that you have seen some of who he really is. Most people are inherently kind and loving. It's built in. But, we learn ways to oppress those aspects of ourselves, because it doesn't feel safe. Trauma, stress, consistent lack of support. These things lead to emotional shut down...which often leads to coping mechanisms that seek to numb feeling (who wants to feel awful all the time, with no skills to move through it). Numbing bad feelings has the unfortunate side effect of numbing the good feelings too. Now we're stuck feeling numb, wanting to feel good. Drugs fill this void for some (even the ones that are deemed ''acceptable'' -- pharmaceuticals). Maybe it's a reprieve from feeling awful...a break from the ''normal'' feeling of awful...or maybe feeling nothing at all. It's sad, these are the people in our society that need the most support, and yet they're often the most marginalized of all. They're judged by everyone for their poor ''choices''. Rejected. Left to fend for themselves.

Okay...end mini-rant.

Addiction is a wild ride. And unfortunately, it always comes first. You'd be hard-pressed to find an exception to this rule. Addiction always comes first. Let that sink in. Nothing about this guy will make sense to you if you don't understand that one thing. Addiction always comes first.

I'm with the others in that he's not a good fit for you. Probably not a good fit for anyone unless he can find some resources to work through his stuff. You can't help him if he's not interested in helping himself. And the more invested you get, the harder it will be to recognize that.

Hope you find some clarity.

I'm not an MD, but my guess is his paranoia is a result of his own drug abuse. Either way, drugs are a number one priority in his life, and sadly this is his own battle to fight.

I'm sorry, but I'd quit while I'm ahead of the game.

He is in a relationship with his drugs. Not only that, but a dangerous, illegal drug.

I sure hope you don't have any kids.

Think about what would happen if you are with him and he gets pulled over and has drugs on him. You will be arrested too (the cops won't take the time to ask whose drugs they are). You could end up spending time in jail and lose your job as a result. And God forbid you have kids, because you could lose them too.

Is a 3 month guy really worth everything you'll lose?

Hes just been round again. Says he doesn't trust me and I'm a liar. Yet he won't tell me his reasons for thinking this. He is acting absolutely horrible now it's like he's a different person. And he left but keeps ringing me with more of the same. I ended up shouting at him and hung up. I feel scared that he is so unreasonable.

He says he can't be around me cos I have a drug and alcohol problem. I take prescription meds and booze sometimes but this is because of how he is making me feel. It's like he is trying to put the blame for all this on me when he's made it all up in his own mind.

He says he can't be around me cos I have a drug and alcohol problem. I take prescription meds and booze sometimes but this is because of how he is making me feel. It's like he is trying to put the blame for all this on me when he's made it all up in his own mind.

He can't "make" you abuse alcohol and prescription drugs.

It sounds like two people who use substances to escape life.

This will never be healthy.

Please end this and block his number. Next time he knocks on your door ask him to leave.

And please get help with for substance abuse.

I know he can't make me. I've never said that he does, to him. But this madness makes me feel like I need to calm my mind. I'm a student too and I've got a lot of things in my life I need to keep right. I feel like I'm going crazy with it all.

OP, please be very careful. You are mixing substances that do not go together.

Add an addict into the mix and you have a ticking time-bomb on your hands.

It's completely useless to ask him why he keeps behaving this way. You're never going to get a logical answer. He will always blame you and behave irrationally. Expecting anything else from him is foolish, girl.

I know he can't make me. I've never said that he does, to him. But this madness makes me feel like I need to calm my mind. I'm a student too and I've got a lot of things in my life I need to keep right. I feel like I'm going crazy with it all.

Abusing substances is not the way to keep things in your life right.

A friend of mine died because he mixed prescription pills and alcohol. He didn't even make it to his 40th birthday.

He is an addict. You cannot get logic from an addict.

And if dealing with him causes you so much stress that you think the only way to deal with it is to abuse drugs, then you need to get away from him.

OMG my dear, I've been there, done that and that's why I could tell you needed to go to some NA/ AA meetings and leave him to take care of himself. Life is stressful as hell, it's unfair and it can get ugly, really really ugly but you need to be your own best friend. You need to remember who you are and take care of that inner child inside of you cuz you are losing control right now. I've been to 2 out of 3 places you go when you use drugs. I was madly in love with a guy who I dated for 4 yrs in my early twenties who used, also. We used together, life was a party, it was fun. Until the day the addiction got so bad that we both ended up in jail (if you knew me, you'd never guess my past was as nuts as it was) but anyhow, we vowed to get clean together. We started clean for 2 years, at least I did. I always heard that the percentage of the two of us staying together and staying clean were slim to nothing. Then I started having suspicions, I told him to "stop or else.." and now I suffer from the worst grievance after finding him on Christmas morning from an overdose. Drugs really do screw up lives, it's not just some bs you see in a pamphlet. You outta listen and take heed to everyone's advice.