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How can I know if he isn’t married or single??


Lilly26

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Hi everyone,

 

I am in a strange situation. If you follow the previous thread you will see that 3 months ago O met a man in his 40’s I’m in my 30’s. We hit it off from the get go and every time we saw each other it was even better. So we really both expats living in a foreign country we are not the same nationality. We are both educated professionals with awesome careers.

 

So here Usb the story, I had him over for the first time a few days ago and while we were sitting there chatting as usual all of a sudden he told me “I told u I have 2 boys”?! I was shocked and told him that’s wonderful but no u never told me. I followed that conversation with ok so do you have a wife? It was like I was choking asking it and he said no I was divorced since 2011. I then asked are u on good terms he said yes and I asked if she remarried he said no.

 

So we continued the night all cool next day we were even lovier chatting msging etc. when yesterday all of a sudden I started doing some fb stalking found the teenage boys and saw their mum. SHE is wearing a ring in the photos!!!! Has her status as married but not a single picture with him. He has also not liked or commented on many things she is a full on poster.

 

I haven’t seen him as we have been busy with work since the day he left and I haven’t been able to eat or sleep. It’s excrutiating. I need to see him, I don’t want to be accusing. I don’t wanna say I stalked fb. But most importantly thou he is the personification of my dream man manifested to life; I cannot be with a married man. I will take my heart, get hurt become even more cynical on how things can be with a man but I can not do this.

 

Pls tell me how I can start this conversation with him in a proper manner. I hope to see him in the next 2 days. I will keep u all posted. Pls pray for your enotealone friend that he said the truth about 2011. Thank u in advance!!!!

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Hi everyone,

 

I am in a strange situation. If you follow the previous thread you will see that 3 months ago O met a man in his 40’s I’m in my 30’s. We hit it off from the get go and every time we saw each other it was even better. So we really both expats living in a foreign country we are not the same nationality. We are both educated professionals with awesome careers.

...

 

Pls tell me how I can start this conversation with him in a proper manner. I hope to see him in the next 2 days. I will keep u all posted. Pls pray for your enotealone friend that he said the truth about 2011. Thank u in advance!!!!

 

It doesn't sound like he's married. I just wouldn't expect him to volunteer that information like that if he was lying. If it really bothers you then you could try asking his kids or his ex-wife whenever he skypes them. Ask his kids if the divorce was tough on them, ask his ex-wife if there's anything you can learn from her that would help in a relationship with him. If the kids sound confused or the wife wonders why you're interested in her husband you would be pretty darn sure.

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It doesn't sound like he's married. I just wouldn't expect him to volunteer that information like that if he was lying. If it really bothers you then you could try asking his kids or his ex-wife whenever he skypes them. Ask his kids if the divorce was tough on them, ask his ex-wife if there's anything you can learn from her that would help in a relationship with him. If the kids sound confused or the wife wonders why you're interested in her husband you would be pretty darn sure.

 

Thank you for your comments, IÂ’m not sure if IÂ’ll see the Skyping or even speaking when we are together there hasnÂ’t been any calls say in each of the 10 hours we have been together. Who knows why? I need to ask him if he shows up to meet me face to face. I hope u are right about him not being married but why hasnÂ’t her status changed in 7 years while she is constantly online and why wud a divorced person still wear the wedding band. P.s she is 4 years older than him and I am 10 years younger than him. She looks like a super kind sacrificing look of a women whereby IÂ’m more on the hip exotic side. Sorry I know looks donÂ’t mean anything but a part of me canÂ’t help but think maybe he got infatuated by me. P.s he is extremely good looking and fit aswell. Sorry for bringing up the looks again just trying to give u a picture of us.

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I would be worried too. A married guy isn't going to admit he's married when he's chatting up a girl (you). There are a couple of sites that will search for divorce reords. You might want to try a site like that. It's better to be safe than sorry, because if he's lying about this, he's lying about a lot of other things.

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I personally find it shocking he told you after 2+ months of knowing you that he has kids.

 

Yes me too, think to myself what’s the big telling someone you have unless, you are hiding something else too. But then why did he say, oh back in 2011, and I don’t mind having other children. How were these comments necessary?

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I personally find it shocking he told you after 2+ months of knowing you that he has kids.

 

I would be worried too. A married guy isn't going to admit he's married when he's chatting up a girl (you). There are a couple of sites that will search for divorce reords. You might want to try a site like that. It's better to be safe than sorry, because if he's lying about this, he's lying about a lot of other things.

 

This whatever divorced/not divorced happened in Europe, I have no access to such resources.

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I haven’t seen him as we have been busy with work since the day he left and I haven’t been able to eat or sleep. It’s excrutiating. I need to see him, I don’t want to be accusing. I don’t wanna say I stalked fb. But most importantly thou he is the personification of my dream man manifested to life; I cannot be with a married man. I will take my heart, get hurt become even more cynical on how things can be with a man but I can not do this.

 

I think you're making too much drama into a 3 months relationship. Have you two talked about being exclusive?

How much do you know him and how frequently do you go into dates with him?

 

Stalking his fb wasn't cool but I get how it would make you feel suspicious, but I don't see how you can approach the conversation without revealing that somehow you found her facebook and checked the ring on her hand. Is your theory that they're married and she's in their home country? Where are the boys?

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It doesn't sound like he's married. I just wouldn't expect him to volunteer that information like that if he was lying. If it really bothers you then you could try asking his kids or his ex-wife whenever he skypes them. Ask his kids if the divorce was tough on them, ask his ex-wife if there's anything you can learn from her that would help in a relationship with him. If the kids sound confused or the wife wonders why you're interested in her husband you would be pretty darn sure.

 

I think it's a bad idea meddling into their skyping or even talking to the kids so early into the relationship. And why would he skype with the kids and ex wife in her presence if they're only dating for 3 months?

 

I personally find it shocking he told you after 2+ months of knowing you that he has kids.

 

This seems very weird to me too and sketchy. He might getting advantage of the situation of the kids and the (ex?) wife being far away to get away with this with the OP. But I don't know.

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This whatever divorced/not divorced happened in Europe, I have no access to such resources.

 

So she's in a different country then the two of you are? He's probably still married to her but dating in his new country.

Not uncommon. Not right either, but do a background check. Surely you know his real name right?

The background check reveals prior marriages/divorces.

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So she's in a different country then the two of you are? He's probably still married to her but dating in his new country.

Not uncommon. Not right either, but do a background check. Surely you know his real name right?

The background check reveals prior marriages/divorces.

I think the USA is the only place that has such unrestricted privacy laws. Here in Canada, no marital records or criminal records or anything of the like are available for public access through the internet.

 

A private detective might be able to unearth some skeletons for you by actually following him if you're not willing to come out and tell him what you have discovered about the mother of his children. I think if you tell him that you'd like to meet him on his turf, (where the children and wife/ex wife live) if he balks at that then you will have your answer. What kind of stuff does he show on his facebook or other social media sites?

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If you're in the US, divorce records are public info. Easy enough to dig a little (just need to know the state) and you can pull it. As for other places, I'm not sure if it's quite that simple.

 

I've had the unfortunate experience of being lied to by a very convincing married man (stories made sense, yadda yadda), so I wouldn't just dismiss it outright if I was concerned. Maybe it's on the up and up, maybe it's not. I'd be wary at the very least.

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My hairdresser had a 1-year relationship with a guy who turned out to be married and had 2 kids. She even went to his apartment, many times. Turns out, he had set up a secret apartment, even fully furnished it.

 

I believe he even had a separate cell phone, so that he could silence his "real phone" and hide it from her.

 

Next time I see her, I'll have to remind her to tell me how she found out, as I believe it was something like she saw a photo in his wallet of one of his kids when he went to pay for dinner, or something like that.

 

She is now happily engaged to a truly single guy that she met on POF, so it all ended well. But a bizarre story indeed. So when I hear things like this, my antennae go up.

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