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Thread: What do you think this means?

  1. #1
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    What do you think this means?

    Hi friends,
    So...there's this woman who I absolutely fell for (hook, line, sinker and more) many years ago. It was so tumultuous. I told her of my feelings and she told me only friendship was possible. Then we became even closer friends and there seemed to always be signs and signals. Eventually we had a MASSIVE fight and stopped speaking for 2.5 years.

    Now we're friends again. It's been about 8 months or so. We don't text everyday or hang out every weekend. We're just friends and hang out every few weeks or so.

    Anyway, this Valentine's Day, I received an e-card from her. It was really beautiful. Very poetic card, and in her message that she wrote, she said she loves me dearly.

    I can't for the life of me tell whether it was just a sweet gesture or if it means more.

    What would you think if that happened to you?

    Thank you for any feedback. I'm soooo confused by this!

  2. #2
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    Well, I guess you've got to talk to her. Not texting. You take her out to coffee or a drink and then ask her what she meant by her message in your Valentine's Day. Ask if it was just in the spirit of V-Day or whether she was ready for more in a relationship. You will get your message either way. And then you will know if you're wasting your time or whether she's into you and is ready to try again.

  3. #3
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    That's a very sensible answer. Thank you, DanZee!

  4. #4
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    I would love if anyone can just read my post and give me their thoughts. I can't discuss this with any friends because they all know her and I would never want to hurt her. What do you think of someone you have had a crush on (and who knew this) sending you a V day card?

    I won't be approaching her to discuss. I would need her to tell me she is interested.

    Please share if you have any thoughts though as to the meaning of what she did as I feel I need opinions on this.

    Thank you :)

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  6. #5
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    Well, you have to go by her actions and not a ambiguous and informal E-card. Her actions are NOT of someone who is into you for more then friendship. She's not pursuing you, she's not advancing her time spent with you either. Her actions towards you are exactly what she originally said to you in that "more then friendship is not possible."

    I think the card may have just been a generic that she sent out to everyone she appreciates in her life but it doesn't mean she loves you past the platonic.

    Pay attention to her actions rather then words she says (or sends) is my advice.

    FWIW: It's very difficult to remain platonic friends with someone you want more with. Don't allow your crush on her to stagnate you from finding someone that wants it all with you.

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    Thanks for your thoughts. I agree with you - I should listen to her actions. I have actually noticed that she tries to hang out with me more these days, but I don't always say yes. I had thought to myself that she seemed to be more into me and wanting to be around me more, and then the V day incident happened!

    Some people don't have the courage to say what they feel. I feel for her bc I think she struggles super big in that area.

    But I can't change that for her.

    I also couldn't completely cut ties. Too much has happened and we've been through too much (read: there is some actual love, not romantic, there).

    Thank you again. It's been weighing on my mind and I've needed to hear someone's POV. You really have eased my mind. :)

  8. #7
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    I have to also say, it's incredibly shocking to me she would do this. I would NEVER EVER EVER send a card on V day to someone I knew had had strong feelings for me. Even if I thought it was gone for them. I just wouldn't do that. It could reawaken something. It could give them false hope. If I felt something, then that's different. But if I didn't feel romantically for someone, I would never choose that one day of the year to acknowledge the love I felt for them.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by RockSolid
    Thanks for your thoughts. I agree with you - I should listen to her actions. I have actually noticed that she tries to hang out with me more these days, but I don't always say yes. I had thought to myself that she seemed to be more into me and wanting to be around me more, and then the V day incident happened!
    Well, you know her better then us so everything we give you will just be speculation based on how much interest she does or doesn't actually show.

    Some people don't have the courage to say what they feel. I feel for her bc I think she struggles super big in that area.
    Then maybe you should outright ask her what her intent was behind such a card?
    But I can't change that for her.
    No, but you could help her out if you think she struggles with being vulnerable to someone and start the dialogue. If she still only wants friends then If I were you, I'd sever all contact with her so you can help yourself to get over your crush on her.
    I also couldn't completely cut ties. Too much has happened and we've been through too much (read: there is some actual love, not romantic, there).
    That's what people who are stuck in non-mutually romantic reciprocation keep telling themselves. You are wasting your good dating years with that mind-set. No one you actually get with who reciprocates your romantic feelings is going to take kindly to you still hanging out or talking to someone you have romantic feelings for.

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    I can't cut ties with her as she is in my life in many spheres so it's either seeing her and choosing not to speak or it's about learning to just accept her for who she is. It's not the conventional way - I know most advice is to sever all contact, but that would mean walking out of my life. We didn't speak for 3 years. I'd see her and not speak to her. I've tried everything. The only thing left feels to just accept and learn to actually love genuinely (not out of need but out of wanting to be a force of good in people's lives). The right person will, I think, appreciate how I've dealt with it. Out of necessity. Nothing else worked unfortunately.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by RockSolid
    I can't cut ties with her as she is in my life in many spheres so it's either seeing her and choosing not to speak or it's about learning to just accept her for who she is. It's not the conventional way - I know most advice is to sever all contact, but that would mean walking out of my life. We didn't speak for 3 years. I'd see her and not speak to her. I've tried everything. The only thing left feels to just accept and learn to actually love genuinely (not out of need but out of wanting to be a force of good in people's lives). The right person will, I think, appreciate how I've dealt with it. Out of necessity. Nothing else worked unfortunately.
    Have ever said you were not available when she asked to hang out. If you are always there she can relax. If you are a little mysterious, you migjt get her sttention on a different level


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