I like my friend's old fling..

So I have been friends with a girl for about 7 years off and on.. Mostly off but we always end up friends again somehow. Well a few years back we were hanging out and we met up with some of her friends, one of which was a guy named Tyler. I was immediately attracted to him and even more so after hanging out with him. I never said anything about liking him... About a week later she explains that they hook up off and on but that she liked him so I kept my feelings to myself. Mind you, they never dated and were just a fling. Well now its been a few years and since then thing with the two of them fell off and she dated his brother. So of course any chance she had with Tyler went out the window. But she still cares for him.. Now that tyler and I have been friends for a few years and know each other better we talk sometimes and we've both expressed that we liked each other all along but didnt know how to say anything. But they are still friends. Tyler and I have agreed that things would be different if we had said something back then. I like Tyler but Idk what to do. Is it wrong for me to go ahead with Tyler? Am I bad friend if I do?

wow! tough one!!!! I would talk to your friend first about it.

I think that since they just had a fling and since she's moved on you and Tyler can date. You might want to mention it to her first but I don't think he's off limits in this situation.

That is really weird -- have a fling with a guy and then end up dating his brother....ick, at least to me. will she go for their cousin next?

To me - its interesting to say "it was just a fling, they didn't date" - i would rather have a guy that went out with my friend on a few proper dates and they realized it wasn't a match vs someone who had slept with my friend, but that's just me. I think that if you value this friend, i would softball the question about you and Tyler to her. Afterall, she is dating his brother and still in the orbit. Does he express an interest in dating you? if that is so, you have nothing to lose by talking with him about your concerns and say you wonder if one of you should run it by the brother and the friend. If it were me, i would just try to meet new men that are not part of this group. Saying "if we had both said something back then things might be different" might be his way of saying you both missed the bus on it (now that she is dating the brother), and this is just weird now.

So, my opinion - try to meet new guys.

That is really weird -- have a fling with a guy and then end up dating his brother....ick, at least to me. will she go for their cousin next?

 

To me - its interesting to say "it was just a fling, they didn't date" - i would rather have a guy that went out with my friend on a few proper dates and they realized it wasn't a match vs someone who had slept with my friend, but that's just me. I think that if you value this friend, i would softball the question about you and Tyler to her. Afterall, she is dating his brother and still in the orbit. Does he express an interest in dating you? if that is so, you have nothing to lose by talking with him about your concerns and say you wonder if one of you should run it by the brother and the friend. If it were me, i would just try to meet new men that are not part of this group. Saying "if we had both said something back then things might be different" might be his way of saying you both missed the bus on it (now that she is dating the brother), and this is just weird now.

 

So, my opinion - try to meet new guys.

I thought her friend was no longer dating the brother?

And I agree that Tyler may be trying to make an excuse/let her down gently.

I thought her friend was no longer dating the brother?

 

And I agree that Tyler may be trying to make an excuse/let her down gently.

maybe i was confused when i read this:

ts been a few years and since then thing with the two of them fell off and she dated his brother.

I think that if they have been talking for a few years, he would have made a move by now if 1) he wanted to be with her 2) he wanted to be with her and didn't feel weird about it

Go ahead and try things out with him if you want to. This isn't high school, your friend can't seriously expect you to treat any guy she's ever had a fling with as "off limits". Granted, if it were her ex boyfriend of several years or an ex husband, that would be in poor taste...but an old fling? No. You're adults, she's moved on, he's moved on, and there's no reason why you guys shouldn't be free to be together. If you're friend has anything negative to say about it, then she's not a very good friend and she's childish.

Neither of us have made any moves because we both had a lot going on back then and are both just now getting to be normal. I know it may sound like a "it would've happened by now if he cared" thing but we do really like each other.

She and I were best friends at one point but I don't wanna not take a chance and miss out on someone that could be good for just because he was an old fling of hers... I'm torn.

Neither of us have made any moves because we both had a lot going on back then and are both just now getting to be normal. I know it may sound like a "it would've happened by now if he cared" thing but we do really like each other.

 

She and I were best friends at one point but I don't wanna not take a chance and miss out on someone that could be good for just because he was an old fling of hers... I'm torn.

If she chose to treat it as a fling that means casual. So I think it's ok.

Has he asked you out? Perhaps it's too close for comfort for him. can you handle her leftovers? Your friend has a new bf.

Is it wrong for me to go ahead with Tyler?

If she chose to treat it as a fling that means casual. So I think it's ok.

I guess i am old fashioned, where 'casual' means coffee and a movie and hands to yourself. I would have no problem dating someone my friend had a few casual dates with and decided they felt more like brother and sister (with her blessing) or it was years ago. To me once fluids are exchanged, its a line i wouldn't cross . But i am an old fogey.

maybe when you say casual, you really mean meaningless

I guess i am old fashioned, where 'casual' means coffee and a movie and hands to yourself. I would have no problem dating someone my friend had a few casual dates with and decided they felt more like brother and sister (with her blessing) or it was years ago. To me once fluids are exchanged, its a line i wouldn't cross . But i am an old fogey.

 

maybe when you say casual, you really mean meaningless

Yes, I mean that they were not serious -they had sex but were not in a serious relationship and since then she's also dated his brother. I'm old fashioned in the sense that I think if two people see serious potential with each other the fact that one of them dated/had a casual fling with a mutual friend shouldn't be an obstacle.