Crush when having a relationship

I have a crush on a girl, which is one of my suboordinate. She's a very smart and dilligent employee, she's relatively new in the office yet she catches up a lot. She's beautiful indeed but its not her looks that got my attention but I was amazed by her performance. I sensed that she might be interested in me as well, she invited me to have a cup of coffee during the break, offered help with my tasks, etc, I am not really sure though, she might be just being an exemplary employee.

I have a perfectly good relationship with my girlfriend, and I am lucky to have her, I worked really hard to win her heart at first. The only thing that I am not satisfied with her is that she isn't very hardworking and dilligent. And she's doesn't want to pursue any career after marriage and prefer to care for family, which is ok for me even though I prefer a working lady however, particularly one which can help me in my future business.

I just don't know what to do, I feel ashamed. I totally love my girlfriend. I still do everything as usual with her, but I just cant take my minds of my crush. I can somehow make an influence to prohibit her progress in the company and eventually she might have to quit, just to make sure I don't see her again, but its unfair and shallow, I can't do that.

I totally have no idea what to do.

Also in order to test myself to see if Im ready for more serious relationship (engagement&marriage)I have to be able to resist these feelings. But on the other hand, this person might be a better potential partner?

I cant see myself cheating my girlfriend in anyway. But I think its possible for me to end the relationship before I pursue this person. Yet I can't hurt my girlfriend as well, I love her too much. She knows me too much.

I can't talk about this to anyone, I can't risk her knowing this, she will be devastated.

I really hate myself for this. Atleast I can appreciate the fact that I don't cheat.

I just want to hear any kinds of opinion.

I am really ashamed of myself, is it normal to experience this?

Do I still have the option to choose a different person at this point? (I have been very commited to my girlfriend, we talked about our expectations after marriage, even when should we be married)

Thankyou for anyone that are willing to give me some opinion or advice.

Its been a rough time for me.

It can happen.

It normally means there is something missing from your current relationship.

You stated that you would want a working wife. I am the exact same.

I let my wife know when we first met that I would not have a stay at home wife. I cannot see anyway for me to have a semblance of balance with me having a stay at home wife.

It seems like you don't want it and your gf does. The compromise to that situation is for her to get what she wants and you not get any concessions?

That is a big, big deal. Don't just overlook it.

I would just do a lot of soul searching and see.

But even so.

Do not date a subordinate at work. That is a very, very dumb thing to do. Even dating a coworker is dumb.

If you want to date someone else other than your girlfriend, then you need to break up with her first before experimenting. That’s only fair to both people.

It can happen.

 

It normally means there is something missing from your current relationship.

 

You stated that you would want a working wife. I am the exact same.

 

I let my wife know when we first met that I would not have a stay at home wife. I cannot see anyway for me to have a semblance of balance with me having a stay at home wife.

 

It seems like you don't want it and your gf does. The compromise to that situation is for her to get what she wants and you not get any concessions?

 

That is a big, big deal. Don't just overlook it.

 

I would just do a lot of soul searching and see.

 

But even so.

 

Do not date a subordinate at work. That is a very, very dumb thing to do. Even dating a coworker is dumb.

Exactly, if I am to date her, she would have to work in a different place, that is very easy to manage in my case. But this makes me realize, I may have discussed about the future with my girlfriend too much, and she already built a lot of expectation in the future of our relationship.

If you want to date someone else other than your girlfriend, then you need to break up with her first before experimenting. That’s only fair to both people.

Yes, I totally agree with that. I would not date someone else when having a girlfriend. But even breaking up with the reason of wanting to try to find a better partner feels wrong to me somehow...

Exactly, if I am to date her, she would have to work in a different place, that is very easy to manage in my case. But this makes me realize, I may have discussed about the future with my girlfriend too much, and she already built a lot of expectation in the future of our relationship.

Most any serious relationship discusses the future. That is a terrible reason to stay in the relationship.

Also, do you notice that when I brought up ending it your only concern was that you have planned a future?

Not anything about her that you can't be without or something you would miss.

Your concern is that you have built up the future too much. I think that is fairly telling.

If you do go out with this other girl give yourself time in between. Otherwise you are pretty much guaranteeing the failure of yoyr next relationship too.

You can't really control who you're attracted to. Don't feel bad about that.

You CAN control how you respond to it.

You need to keep this strictly professional with this woman. Don't do anything that could be misconstrued as a date, not even 1 on 1 "business lunches", avoid those. Also, keep all communication during work only, and avoid private messaging.

You should always be like that with a subordinate, and as a taken person, but especially in today's environment.