Why does someone love bomb?

Do you think it always comes from a place of manipulation?

I’ve posted on here before about my story and I’ve been told I was definitely love bombed with the love declarations a month in proceeding to discuss future talk with marriage and kids, gifts, trips, etc. He treated me great at first he would do small gestures like bring me lunch to work kinda thing. Long story short he loved the relationship fast only to get distant and made some snide comments the last two weeks. He broke up with me out with a ridiculous lie that he doesn’t want me to move cities for him like he did for his ex. He was crying and telling me how he loved me etc etc. He also asked me to eat right after he was done like who does that?

Anyways he posted a Snapchat of him with this random woman two weeks later then another couple weeks he’s in a relationship with her. He blocks me on Facebook and Instagram along with my closest friends. He already deleted our pictures and untagged himself in everything associated with me like two weeks after we broke up. after telling me he wanted me in his life lies he completely discarded me. He’s met this new woman’s family and already have pictures up just like what we did.

When I first met him before we even had our first date he told me he was cheated on by his ex. He never told me that was his ex wife he only said ex. I discovered on his ex wife’s Facebook because she still has engagement photos up. They recently started following eahother again too, a week before we broke up. I’m actually beginning to question if even this was true! He never displayed any hesitancy or trust issues with me at all. I feel like someone who was cheated on would show those things. Plus him lying about moving away who knows what else he lied about. They were married for about 4 years and divorced I’m guessing 4 months before meeting me.

I’m just confused as to what the purpose of love bombing is? Why would someone lie like this? And do you think it’s liekly he lied about his ex cheating on him?

I’ve been taking steps to get myself back on track. The anxiety has lessened that I used to get every morning. I’ve been spending time with friends and diving myself into work. Slowly but surely.

This is a classic pattern of a relationship with a narcissist:

Lovebombing

Future faking

Idealize

Devalue

Discard

Replace

Social media deletions. Trash-talking the ex. Finding a replacement very quickly and splashing them all over social media.

Go to http://www.thriveafterabuse.com, and watch the videos. It will enlighten you, and you will be able to see the signs for your next relationship.

You will then understand the answer to your question, "why" the lovebombing.

I honestly think many people who love bomb are not doing it to manipulate or from a place of maliciousness.

I have a friend who does it ever relationship.

He does it because he hasn't "learned to control his crazy" as I have told him.

He comes on so hard and fast and then he fizzles out. I know(best I can) that he isn't a narcicist. Have known this guy for 12 years.

He is just internally unbalanced with relationships and that shows in the relationship.

Whether a platonic or romantic relationship doesn't matter. He actually kind of love bombed me and my friends in a weird platonic way when he started hanging out with us.

But whether love bombing is coming from a good or bad place is irrelevant.

It is a unhealthy thing and normally isn't sustainable in a relationship.

Not even convinced it's intrinsically an abusive or intentionally manipulative tactic. And I do think the more general narrative and attitude on these boards gives far too much credit to and puts disproportionate blame on [typically] the guy for simply acting on what's a mutually unhealthy and desired dynamic. At the end of the day, the love bomb worked on you, and there's no saying the person was being genuine-- again, even if unhealthy-- themselves.

So asking why someone love bombs is, IMO, the wrong question to ask. You'll always have people out there looking to rush a romance, with or without malice. Ask yourself why it was in any way preferential to you for someone to come in and push things along at an unsustainably quick pace.

During his breakup speech he did mention things are going fast and I told him like we don’t need to move fast we can take this slow etc etc. I was trying to talk to him and see if we could make it work and he was having none of it. I think what gets me to is the lying. The last weekend we were together he blew me off and stopped texting me back and the next day he didn’t want to hangout then the following day is when he dumped me. Who lies about moving away? He was never really abusive towards me or anything minus his jerk comments towards the end and making me feel kind of unwanted. The way he completely erased me from his life was also weird to me.

My friends mentioned to me that they thought something was a little off like he was too nice and charming over the top they thought it was fake. I’m not sure if you relate to that with your friend?

Also him being married before idk if that has any effec to this?

Not even convinced it's intrinsically an abusive or intentionally manipulative tactic. And I do think the more general narrative and attitude on these boards gives far too much credit to and puts disproportionate blame on [typically] the guy for simply acting on what's a mutually unhealthy and desired dynamic. At the end of the day, the love bomb worked on you, and there's no saying the person was being genuine, even if unhealthy, themselves.

 

So asking why someone love bombs is, IMO, the wrong question to ask. You'll always have people out there looking to rush a romance, with or without malice. Ask yourself why it was in any way preferential to you for someone to come in and push things along at an unsustainably quick pace.

Yes I’ll agree it’s definitely unhealthy. I have learned from it. I guess I got so warped into it because I believed that man this guy is amazing he is perfect I feel like I found my soul mate kind of thing. I ignored what it takes to build a lasting relationship and with a foundation. Next relationship I want to actually take pretty slowly and use the dating as a discovery phase. I don’t understand him in hopping into another relationship right away. It’s like he went from his marriage with who knows what happened there to me to this woman all within a year.

 

Next relationship I want to actually take pretty slowly and use the dating as a discovery phase. I don’t understand him in hopping into another relationship right away. It’s like he went from his marriage with who knows what happened there to me to this woman all within a year.

That’s all well and good but how do you plan on handling things when another man comes along and love bombs you?

Because trust me, he will. Lots of men.

Will you have the presence of mind (and heart) to slow him down? Become turned off? Walk away?

I think this is what j.man was referring to (sorry j.man if it wasn't :). Like, why did all this BS attract you in the first place?

Which is what it was, pure BS.

I’ve been love bombed, many times.

I’ve mentioned this on other threads, but I’ve been known to actually excuse myself from wherever we’re at and leave, when a guy starts in with it. I don’t feel guilty about it either.

It’s just so phony and disingenuous to me, and such a major turn off generally.

As it should be for any woman. I mean seriously, a man just met you, you could be an alien from another planet for all he knows, and he’s telling you you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever met and he envisions a future with you?

And yeah I’ve had men say this to me on the first date!! And much more, it’s ridiculous.

Please, stay away from men who do this. They’re either living in fantasy land or BS’ing you.

If it’s the former, once reality hits, they’re off and running to their next conquest, which is precisely what this man did.

ETA^^ I’m not suggesting that two people can’t become very attracted on the first date and feel a connection.

I have, and the men have too. It’s very exciting!

Nevertheless, we still realize we just met and if we agree to continue dating, it takes a long time to envision a future with them.

Such extreme declarations typically professed by love bombers during the very early stages are something else altogether.

It’s NOT real.

I agree with j.man. This guy couldn't have succeeded at "love bombing" you without your consent.

It felt so good that you ignored common sense and hoped that you'd found "the one". When common sense would have told you that no way could anything healthy develop so quickly.

Lesson learned from next time.

But, I do recommend self-reflection instead of all this focus on "why, why, WHY???" about him.

While some people may love bomb to manipulate for fast sex and lots of it, others just dive in too fast for the same reasons you did. Some people rebound from a breakup by overcompensating with a new lover. There are lots of reasons, but it's on each of us to avoid allowing someone else's poor judgment to influence our own.

Head high, we all live and learn.

I pretty much loved bomb my now wife when we started dating.

It was because I hadn't ever had a girlfriend and I was very very happy about it.

I learned to chill the F out and not be so...much.

But that is exactly what I did. I love bombed her, we just eventually found a much healthier balance.

I definitely didn't do it to manipulate her. I just couldn't help myself.

I pretty much loved bomb my now wife when we started dating.

 

It was because I hadn't ever had a girlfriend and I was very very happy about it.

 

I learned to chill the F out and not be so...much.

 

But that is exactly what I did. I love bombed her, we just eventually found a much healthier balance.

 

I definitely didn't do it to manipulate her. I just couldn't help myself.

I think what gets me is the lying and the quickness of new relationships from divorce to me to new woman. I’ve been thinking and writing a lot lately as to why I fell for it and him when we really had no foundation and I think a part of it is he treated me in a way I’ve never been before I’ve never been given affection and “love” like that even by family. I think he may have realized he shouldn’t have said all of what he did I’m not sure but I didn’t live up to that fantasy he wanted.

Well the love bomb/monkey branching combo is rough.

When I did love bomb it was definately beca use she was the first girl I was with.

Well the love bomb/monkey branching combo is rough.

 

When I did love bomb it was definately beca use she was the first girl I was with.

True and you realized and learned from it. I guess if he was able to leave his marriage after 4 years that easy to me then I should have expected it would be easy for him to leave me after 5-6 months. I actually fell for him deeper as time went on and it’s hard cause I even have dreams about him still and it’s like picturing him doing it all again with someone else. Even though I shouldn’t miss him sometimes I can’t help but miss who he was before he became distant.

True and you realized and learned from it. I guess if he was able to leave his marriage after 4 years that easy to me then I should have expected it would be easy for him to leave me after 5-6 months. I actually fell for him deeper as time went on and it’s hard cause I even have dreams about him still and it’s like picturing him doing it all again with someone else. Even though I shouldn’t miss him sometimes I can’t help but miss who he was before he became distant.

It is hard when you miss something thst never existed

Women like to love bomb as well....

When I met my ex, she was love bombing me, sexting, selfies, you name it...

it was exciting... And of course I reciprocated and found it exciting...

She would idealize me... I was the best ever, at everything...haha...

But then after a year of her pursuing the crap out of me, she started pushing to move in together and gave me all the reasons under the Sun, why we should be living together etc...

Once she and her kids moved in with me.... Then she started to devalue me etc... Her kids devalued me, while she did nothing to correct the issue... Ultimately she was devaluing me... I started to open my eyes up and red flags were popping all around me... Too much to list...

This went on for 7-8 months... Finally I broke free... Asked her to move out... She was milking that exit plan... And finally one day I kicked her and her Army of madness out of my home...

She then did everything to torture me... Smear me... etc...

Like an idiot, I let her back into my life (not my home), just my life... Just to get hurt again and allow same cycles to resurface...

Once she completely used me up, within weeks she was on to the next victim...

Luckily I kept her at arms length...

Yes...She was the classic definition of a Scio/Narc....

Now I am with someone new... We don't love bomb each other, and we are taking things slow...

So there are women crazy out there also... I feel bad for the next bunch of dudes she will do this to...

"Love bombing" is a term that was originally coined to describe certain cult recruiting tactics. It taps into an individuals needs, particularly instant acceptance and the high/buzz from all the attention and new found friends.

"When you first go to a cult they will practice “love bombing”, where they arrange instant friends for you. It will seem wonderful, how could such a loving group be wrong! But you soon learn that if you ever disagree with them, or ever leave the cult then you will lose all your new “friends”. This unspoken threat influences your actions in the cult. Things that normally would have made you complain will pass by silently because you don’t want to be ostracized. Like in an unhealthy relationship love is turned on and off to control"

"Love bombing" is a term that was originally coined to describe certain cult recruiting tactics. It taps into an individuals needs, particularly instant acceptance and the high/buzz from all the attention and new found friends.

 

"When you first go to a cult they will practice “love bombing”, where they arrange instant friends for you. It will seem wonderful, how could such a loving group be wrong! But you soon learn that if you ever disagree with them, or ever leave the cult then you will lose all your new “friends”. This unspoken threat influences your actions in the cult. Things that normally would have made you complain will pass by silently because you don’t want to be ostracized. Like in an unhealthy relationship love is turned on and off to control"

Just want to point out that commitment phobes behave the same way. Love bomb and then quick exit. It could be for a number of reasons, actually. chi