Why would someone go from 100 to zero for seemingly no reason?

I’ll try to keep this concise.

About a month ago a male friend asked me to accompany him car shopping. Fast forward to last weekend, the salesman from said shopping trip matched me on a dating app.

Upon realizing I had already met him, I broached the subject to which he replied knowing exactly who I was, and informed me that he wanted to slip me his number but didn’t know the dynamic between my friend an I, or be unprofessional. Additionally, he saw me having dinner with said friend at a nearby restaurant after the fact to which he also felt awkward approaching me.

We continued getting to know each other a bit and found we got along well, stayed up late chatting, and planned to meet up Sunday evening. Sunday morning came and he texted me please don’t hate me but would you mind rescheduling our date for Monday night as I am not feeling well. I said no problem and we chatted on and off throughout the day, and then for a few hours late at night where we both stayed up too late again. On Monday he texted me that he can’t stay up that late as he’s barely functioning on 4 hours of sleep. We didn’t talk all day, and around 6pm I asked if I would still be seeing him. His reply was ‘ugh, I’ve slept 9 hours combined the last 2 days and I’m still stuck at work’. I said okay, go home and sleep then. He didn’t reply.

Tuesday he didn’t message me, I messaged him saying I hope you feel better and got some rest. He said ‘thanks!!’ And that was it.

He was working so I didn’t say anything until later in the evening when I asked is everything ok? You seem like you might be changing your mind? He responded oh shoosh I just haven’t been feeling well. I said okay, just wanted to make sure I didn’t do something you weren’t a fan of.

Okay. He hasn’t replied nor said anything since then. Sunday night he was very flirtatious, saying what a cool story we have and how he thinks this could really work out etc. added each other on social media. I removed him from Facebook out of spite last night because I feel like I’m being ghosted.

Whew. Thanks for reading all of that.

So my question is, what would you do? Let it be and don’t contact him again? Reach out and tactfully ask what gives? Thank you!!

Sorry to hear about your encounter with this flake. Block and delete and never buy a car there. If the cars he sells are like his dating style, the engine would fall out as soon as you pulled off the lot. :nightmare:

the salesman from said shopping trip matched me on a dating app.

yeah just move on. he's obviously got issues. you can do better than him.

At this point in my life, having been through tons of dating experiences, I am thoroughly convinced that some guys simply want (and need) the validation of knowing a chick is into him and will go out with him, and once he receives that validation, she no longer serves a purpose.

I mean there is just no rhyme or reason to much of what we go through. Men too, from women!

In this case, try to not take it personally. As another poster said, he's got issues.

Not your problem and be happy that nothing further developed.

Because if it had, and he ghosted you later, it would have felt MUCH worse.

Well I don't think he went from a 100 to 0. More like 20 to zero. His interest seems minimal at best.

Now that you've taken him off of Facebook, don't embarrass yourself further, and just let this go.

 

I mean there is just no rhyme or reason to much of what we go through.

The reason is lack of interest. People are allowed to lose interest, or have minimal interest. If they are acting like they don't have a lot of interest, just move on. The underlying reason is lack of interest. No matter what is said, or what it looks like. It's lack of interest.

Believing men as a group require validation, will only feed your resentment. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting others to get sick.

It's just how dating works these days. You chat, you meet up, then poof! Rinse,repeat. You'll get use to it so much that you will start doing it most likely. Just try not to get hooked on the guys before you get to know them. Plan dates early on and, seriously, avoid facebook. I've almost turned that into a rule. Facebook ruins dating, getting to know each other etc. Texting is very fun but confuses you.Helps you build up the other person in your head. It helps you assume things that you wouldn't if you saw them in person. Plan dates first and then stay up all night texting.

The reason is lack of interest. People are allowed to lose interest, or have minimal interest. If they are acting like they don't have a lot of interest, just move on. The underlying reason is lack of interest. No matter what is said, or what it looks like. It's lack of interest.

 

Believing men as a group require validation, will only feed your resentment. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting others to get sick.

No resentment from me Sportster, hell I even acknowledged men go through the same thing.

Just telling you how it is, at least from my perspective.

And yeah I totally get that people lose interest and yes that is certainly their prerogative. I've done it plenty of times myself, so would never fault or judge men for it.

What I was speaking about was what happened to the OP, and what has happened to me a few times.

A man flirts like crazy, you flirt back, he then asks you out, you accept, and then he ghosts before the date even took place!

Sure he may have lost interest, but I still think it's odd since the date never even happened. JMO.

I don't think needing validation is necessarily a bad or negative thing either and I've posted about it.

It "can" be negative but in many respects I think it's simply human nature.

And men don't have the market cornered on needing it either, women need it too.

If you don't, more power to ya.

 

Believing men as a group require validation, will only feed your resentment. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting others to get sick.

And to clarify, I didn't say "men as a group," I said "some guys." Big difference.

Some women do as well, I won't deny that I certainly have.

I am in a RL now and still need it from time to time.

Sounds like his next ego target came into the dealership.

At this point in my life, having been through tons of dating experiences, I am thoroughly convinced that some guys simply want (and need) the validation of knowing a chick is into him and will go out with him, and once he receives that validation, she no longer serves a purpose.

 

I mean there is just no rhyme or reason to much of what we go through. Men too, from women!

 

In this case, try to not take it personally. As another poster said, he's got issues.

 

Not your problem and be happy that nothing further developed.

 

Because if it had, and he ghosted you later, it would have felt MUCH worse.

This is a very valid point. I think that many times it's not even about having sex (which wasn't the case), but more about feeling validated. I've found many flakes in my dating experiences, and even on online dating men that would send me messages all day long everyday but they would never materialize a date.

Other times I think it could just be that the person was just not that into it, it's still attached to an ex or is multidating so simply moves on to other distractions.

Whatever it is he shouldn't have gone into all the work of texting and setting up dates only to cancel them and without plans or mention of future dates.

You did well in eliminating him from facebook. I'd just go NC and not lose more time with him. You'll find someone who's not a ghosty flake because you dodged a bullet on this one.

The reason is lack of interest. People are allowed to lose interest, or have minimal interest. If they are acting like they don't have a lot of interest, just move on. The underlying reason is lack of interest. No matter what is said, or what it looks like. It's lack of interest.

 

Believing men as a group require validation, will only feed your resentment. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting others to get sick.

I don't think men as a group need validation. I'd say that many women and men need validation (in fact, most of us need)... the difference is how people try to get that validation. Some people try to get it through the act of dating.

Now, I don't think it's a crime having low interest or no interest at all, he's in his right... I think it's better to ghost now with just one date under the belt than after many dates where the other person created a much bigger emotional attachment to the person. Many times people don't want to be rude and be honest and say "you're nice and all but I'm just not into it/ dating you is not a priority for me" and so think that ghosting is better (it's not, actually). But that's just how dating goes, specially in a world full of apps and sites that give people so many opportunities to date many people easily.

Maybe he was secretly a friend of your male friend, who put him up to this to see how you'd respond? May sound weird, but think about it. What if your male friend was interested in you, but didn't...ugh. I'm tired so I don't know if I can explain this properly, but I'm sure someone else (who knows what I'm TRYING to say) can when they read it. But maybe your male friend had this guy talk to you FOR him and then got the 411 later? Therefore the salesman may have never been genuinely interested in the first place but just doing this as a favor to his buddy? Again, may not be LIKELY, but it's possible. (Either that or this is my sleepy brain talking. But...) Crazier things have happened.

If not that, then maybe this guy found interest in another girl around that same time and is more focused on her? You did say you met on a dating app, so I'm sure you're not his only match. Likewise, he's not yours either. So why not try some of your other matches if this guy is BS'ng?