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Thread: He hit me once

  1. #1

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    He hit me once

    Hi All,

    I have been with my partner for a couple of years now. We have a long distance relationship so we see each other a couple of times per week. He's always been a little angry and smashed objects in the sink when he's been drinking.

    I felt unhappy so I started chatting to another person (not sexually) but I had not met him. I felt a little alone to be honest and needed to know that I still was attractive to other men. I know it's silly.

    My partner looked into my phone and flipped. His kids were home at the time in bed. He hit me across the head a couple of times and then I fell on the floor. I had bruises all over my back and he called me every name under the sun. He had been drinking heavily that evening. I had been drinking also but was crying and asked him to stop. He kicked me out of his home and I had to drive home after drinking. I shouldn't have done this as I could have put other people at risk.

    After this happened and his children being witness after the noise and yelling, coming into his bedroom and seeing my crying, I didn't know what to do. I told my workplace the next day and they were very supportive. However, work never want to see him.

    I love this man so much and he is very remorseful, he's been trying very hard to win me back for a few months now and made a lot of effort.

    I'm just not sure I can do this??? I can't seem to move forward and forgive it. I'm sure it's on his mind too, whether I'd chat with someone again. I am in a rock and hard place in a way. I feel that if I let him go (he has many amazing qualities), I'll lose him. But on the other hand, I know I deserve better than being physically hit.

    I also have two children, aged 10 and 8 but they haven't seen any violence with us.

    Do men change from this? I just need some help here.

    Thanks for your help.

    S

  2. #2
    Silver Member Vanishing Girl's Avatar
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    Do men change from this? Some do, but until heís in therapy for a good length of time 6 mos min of therapy weekly heís not going to change for you. Walk away. Let him work on himself. Date others. Please donít settle. Anything aside from this says to him that you accept his violence. I speak from experience. Please donít for yourself and your kids.

  3. #3
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    You need to leave him. You will leave him one way or the other - either on your own, or because you are dead because he killed you.

    Also, do not solve your problems by talking to another man. Another man won't and shouldn't save you - unless its a man who comes because you call 911 and he is a police officer or EMT.
    I would file a police report and get a restraining order against him. Maybe change the locks at your place if he has a key and have a female friend stay with you for a couple days if you feel tempted to call him or another guy when you are by yourself.

    sorry, once someone hits their girlfriend or boyfriend, they need to be gone.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He's an angry alcoholic. Pls: DO NOT stay with this man and subject your children to his drunken outburst and abuse of you. Surely you don't want them to think that its a woman's place to take that kind of treatment from someone that is suppose to love her.

    Get out now before you feel trapped and unable and then get yourself into therapy to help you with any codependency issues you may suffer from. This shouldn't even be a question, you know you simply cannot continue on with him now that his drunkeness has led to him attacking you. If he doesn't like your behaviour or feels that you crossed romantic relationship boundaries then he should have just left you if he couldn't tolerate it.

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  6. #5
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    You already werenít getting your needs met in this relationship and now you know heís willing to cross the line to being physically violent, do you love the selfishness and and the violence (his true colours, and yes he is probably almost all good, but abuse poisons the whole good person and any chance of a meaningful connection)? Or a romanticised notion of him?

    Donít stay for the first impression now you have more accurate data

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My aunt is dead due to domestic abuse. This is no joke. LEAVE before you die. I mean it.

  8. #7
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    You need to familiarize yourself with the mean/sweet cycle. An abusive person will do something terrible, then immediate act sweet -- beg you back, send flowers, go overboard in kindness and just when you are lulled into thinking they have changed, they will do it all over again. He has done this more than once.

  9. #8

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    Hi Guys, thank you. You're all very supportive. I know what you're all saying. I guess the question is to others that maybe had a partner that had many amazing qualities, hit you once and then got help from that, was sorry, had therapy and it never happened again. I guess once it happens, there's never a guarantee it won't happen again. It must be in some people to just lash out?

  10. #9

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    abitbroken, yes well he hadn't hit his ex wife but he had smashed his fist into a cement pillar and had to have surgery. Thing is, when we've had some heated arguments the last few months, he's kept his composure and not got angry. He's been kind the whole time. That's why it's so confusing for me.

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He is an abuser, PERIOD. This NEVER gets better. Leave.

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